Tag: marriage

The Beauty of the Body

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz5 Comments

When the road you are walking on shakes and the thunder vibrates your path, it’s hard to keep your faith from flustering. It’s hard not to question your walk, your direction. It’s hard not to let a dart of doubt strike you – – it’s hard not to have a faith puncture right in your side. It’s the reality of the hardships of this life. We are a human lifetime short of eternity. And, sometimes we feel it more than we want to.

I think about the girlfriends in my life. I think about my own life. I think about how we, in a healthy way, process difficulties. It’s about giving my time and timeline to God. Turning over my thoughts to Him. Hearing Him lead me to scriptures. It’s a process of letting go, giving God the reins and going where He leads. It’s a process of building up faith to the point of total commitment to God’s plans for your life. You are eventually washed in the belief that God is only good and His care for you goes on indefinitely. This is how, for the most part, the believer processes hardship, life’s difficulties.

I tell you about these things because they’re true. But it’s only half of the story. There is another piece to a walk of hardship. God’s hand also holds you through the body of Christ. Recently, God has shown me the beauty of the body. I want to share with you a few examples of the body of Christ working in the lives of me and the sisters I have the privilege of knowing.

Many of you felt the tremor of our former pastor’s resignation last Spring. The open wounds and sadness were sort of like a Florida summer weather report where the constant rain and heat feel indefinite. But then came the ladies retreat at end of summer. I had a moment of taking in the hundreds of ladies worshipping God with pure hearts. With the kind of Crazy Love that Frances Chan writes about. With the kind of abandon that you only find when you know you have been saved by a Savior. As the Lord was allowing me to take all of that in, my faith was built in the way of the faithfulness of the body of Christ. No matter what happens on the top, where man sometimes fails, the body of believers has the ability to remain intertwined and faithful to the Living God.

Have you ever hit a brick wall? It’s the place where your faith and your life circumstances intersect. You know that God is good and His word is right, but that doesn’t gel with the facts you are facing. I had a period where my marriage seemed to be at the end. We could not see eye to eye on nonnegotiable issues for both of us. The reality of that brought me to my breaking point. At my weakest moments, I laid out my rock-and-a-hard place personal trauma. My best friend C said we are going to fast and she did that with me. Other close friends prayed and called me and took action to circle around my hardship. God worked through all of the efforts of the body of Christ to knock down an immovable brick wall.

I also see the body of Christ faithful in the way of meeting needs. And, you know, my sisters, the need is great. I think of my friend S whose dad’s life on earth ended. I think of my friend Y whose husband just had another serious surgery. I think of the 11 year old girl in my son’s class who just lost her dad unexpectedly. I see the body send meal after meal. I see the body send cards and give cash gifts to help with expenses. I see the body jump at the opportunity to be there in times of need.

What I know is that no person is an island even with God at her side. He is our sustenance. Our breath. But He made us to also need each other. Sometimes it feels like a leap of faith to accept food or money or prayers or help from a sister. It’s not natural in our culture to turn your back on complete self sufficiency. But, in God’s richness, He gives deeply through His body. I pray, I really pray, that whether you are on the giving side or the receiving side that you genuinely take in the love of Christ offered to you through the body.

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When Your Next Step is a Blur

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz2 Comments

I don’t know any one who sets out to make the wrong decision.  In fact, most of the time, we take great measures to make the right decision.  But, what happens when the “great measures” taken still leave you blurry?

I have a back pack full of decisions waiting to me made.  They are the interconnected kind – – can’t make this one until I make that one . . . this one depends on the outcome of that one . . . It goes on like that in a chain of about a dozen decisions.

I am thankful for the direction when I know I’ve got it.  What I mean is that I typically wait for God to give me the go ahead – – on the big move.  Once I’ve got the go ahead, faith starts pumping through my blood.  Then the confidence makes it’s way to my mouth and brain.

So now that I have my direction – – I still have my whole back pack of interrelated decisions!  For me, that’s heavy.  It’s heavy for you too.  You’ve got your big life decisions like who to marry, what type of education, life long work.  You’ve got your personal decisions like worthwhile passions, friendships, faith.  You’ve got your daily decisions like what to eat, when to exercise or when to drop the schedule to take up another’s burden or just be a good listener.  It’s hard to deny that most of our decisions are interrelated with varying degrees of weight on our backs.  And, sometimes, the path of decision-making feels like a blur.

But blur in my book is a good thing.  The good kind of blur means – – I’ve got my direction, but I can’t see the whole way there.  The journey starts out as heavy and hard, but with God, it ends up light and adventurous.  This is the opportunity of faith.  Go ahead and embrace the blur.  I got the good feeling that end of a thing is better than the beginning.

FF NOv 11

The Power of Impossibility

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz1 Comment

By Sasha Katz

If you think about all of the times in your life that you were down, crushed, broken or hopeless, there is always a strain, grain or thread of impossibility.  Even when you force your hurt or beat up self to be practical, problem solving or option seeking, impossibility eventually strikes your potential plan and you are back to square one.  Like a deer in headlights, you stop when you come against impossibility.  There are circumstances in this life where change feels impossible.

We all have been there.  Impossibility comes in the form of lack of funds.  When I was heading back to law school for year two, my grandma wasn’t able to help me out anymore.  I had no ideas and no funds to cover the deficiency.  I was already working and my loans were maxed.  I had no more human capacity to make up the difference.  I sat with the financial aid counselor (who I had no idea was a believer) and she said that a man had left a trust fund to my school for scenarios like mine and she had the authority to give me what I needed for the year.  And, then she said – – Your Father knows what you need.  God blew out what I viewed as impossibility.

Impossibility comes in the form of relationships.  It was not that long ago that I determined that my husband and I would not see eye to eye on tithing to our church.  We had been fighting about it for more than a year.  My prayers seemed useless because our battle just heightened each time we went to war on the issue.  I think it was in the middle of one of our furious matches on the issue, that I was sitting at the dining room table, and a resolution occurred to me.  I probably yelled the resolution instead of suggested it the way the Holy Spirit had gently put it into my mind.  But, in any case, my husband yelled back, FINE (or whatever form his agreement came in).  Resolved.  Years of fighting pretty much resolved in one Holy Spirit moment.

Impossibility comes in the form of loss.  I didn’t know this pain until my dad died just before Christmas of 2009.  We spent some time talking about legacy at our couples bible study this week.  It brought me right back to my dad and my memories of losing him.  Right now, I see his clear blues eyes looking into my eyes of the same color, not just on the day he walked home to the Lord, but on every intimate occasion throughout my life.  There were moments during the first year after his arrival to heaven that stopping the radical tears and pain seemed to be an impossibility.  His blue eyes and the healing of the loss of them took the gentle hand of the Lord washing over me, the wise counsel of my mom and time.

I don’t know exactly what impossibility looks like for you.  I have impossibility even right now.  It stops us in our tracks and pushes back the mind and heart as you search for ways around and through impossibility.  I also don’t know what your break through looks like.  I don’t know what mine looks like either.  However, I have learned that it is beyond me to know how it is that the Lord plans to make possible what is humanly impossible.  And, really, it doesn’t matter how many times in a life that we face impossibility – – when it appears, it is real.

We certainly have the option to believe that He does impossible things rather than the hopeless alternative.  We have the option to let those close to us pray for us and minister to us.  We have the alternative to talk to the God of impossible things.  And, even if our prayer seems feeble, useless or powerless, if our prayers sound insufficient, small minded or limited, they are worthwhile and received by the God who planned from the beginning of time to take you to the other side of impossible.

lucado 2

 

Getting from “Me Vs. Him” to “Us”

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Bindu Adai-Mathew, October 2011 (Devotions)Leave a comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

If you had asked me years ago the primary ingredients for a successful relationship/marriage, I would have immediately replied love and chemistry.

Fastforward a few months after I got married, and my response would have been forgiveness, kindness, and compromise.

Yesterday Jmathis challenged us to analyze some of our relationships to see how we responded during times of tension and conflict. My biggest challenge during times of tension is to check my ego and selfishness in at the door. When I’m angry or hurt, it’s all about what he did wrong. What he said to offend me or how he acted so selfishly. It’s all about my needs and how they are unmet.

 Often the way I respond to times of conflict has nothing to do with “us.” Because when I think of us, it’s no longer just about me…it’s about how we both need to change or improve. It’s not about me being right…it’s about what both of us need to do to make this partnership successful and meaningful.

There is a reason why God described marriage as “two becoming one.” But isn’t it ironic that while we vow to uphold that tenant in marriage, it’s often the first one we break when we are hurt or upset?

Challenge yourself to look at your conflict in terms of the partnership that it really is rather than a scene out of a spaghetti Western. Rather than addressing your conflict with guns blazing like you’re at the Okay Corral, look at it terms of the way God intended marriage to be:

“The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:23-24

 

Welcome to the Jungle!

On By femmefuelIn Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)2 Comments

By AbbyA

Sex . . . when you are single, all you do is think about the possibility of it.  And, when you are married, all you do is think about when you will have the time, energy and desire to have it!  Ugh.  No wonder Paul said it is better to remain single.  1 Corinthians 7:8.  All of those daydreams of the married life where you were going to wear new lingerie all the time; snuggle in bed all night; have lots of sex, including more than once a day in various places throughout the house.  You were basically, in a very pure way, going to make up for all those years of faithfully treating your body as His temple. 

Well, welcome to the jungle, girls.  Excluding the first year of marriage . . . Okay, I will be generous and extend it to the birth of your first child . . . Excluding your married life without children, you are probably not wearing a whole lot of that sexy stash of lingerie.  Come on, your bootie takes up twice the space it used to and those darn sexy tops have no wire to hold up your breasts that were sucked  dry by your babies.  You are not snuggling all night (or at least I’m not) because your husband gets too hot after the twenty minutes of body touch.  And, more than once a day in various places through the house?  What?  How many nights do you actually get to sleep without any kids finding their way to your room?  Or, better yet, how often can you stay awake once your head hits the darn pillow?  Sex . . . we wanted it so badly while we waited but now that we have a marriage partner we can’t seem to get any, or to even want it at all.

I will admit that Bindu has far more intelligent answers and helpful insight on the whole matter.  So, I am just going to give it to you raw.  Marriage is tough.  And, if you are like me, I carry all of my emotions to the bedroom.  If I am beat up in my marriage relationship, I have no passion for sex.  In fact, at times like these, my Lord hears me praying (or venting really) to Him during sex.  I survive the sex.  And then, honestly, feel really defeated as a wife that I can’t get this area straight.  Really, can’t I just enjoy the physical pleasure regardless of how disappointed I am?  I am not sure that I know any man who needs any more than a glimpse of his wife’s body or even a sexy thought to get his passion fiery.  Just doesn’t work for me.  I need to feel loved, adored, cared for and protected.

So, ladies, here’s where I am at.  My thoughts are two-fold.  On the one hand, pray, pray and pray some more.  It has been the major life-changer in my sexual relationship with my husband.  By no means is it perfect, but God answers my prayers – – granting the desires of my heart; even if He first has to change my heart before blessing me with more passion and peace in my marital relationship.

On the other hand, acknowledge the role that Satan plays in seeking to destroy marriages.  What better way to axe away at a marriage than to take away or diminish the one thing that is exclusive to it?  Acknowledge the devil as a squirmy worm that Jesus has already crushed and pray, pray, pray.  God always shows up for His children who ask for His help.  Just ask; He will show up for you in this area as He shows up for me.

And, as a silly sidenote, don’t worry about the size of your butt or your once perky boobs, (with prayer) test the waters.  Whether it’s a white water rafting adventure God has in mind or a slow canoe ride on the pond, give it a shot.  God never delivers void.  Always victorious, pure, holy and sweet.  Trust Him with your life and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37: 3-6

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Sex and The City

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

Go to fullsize imageBy Bindu Adai-Mathew

We almost managed to do it…Almost. Sorry, ladies…some of you are about to get uncomfortable. But did anyone think what I was thinking? How can we go an entire  whole month on talking about boys without talking about the one subject that is synonymous with boys…SEX!

Well, actually that’s not entirely true…JMathis alluded to sex in Gotta Love Those Pesky Boundaries blog and AbbyA discussed it in My 10 Cents on Sex Addiction: No Shame or Guilt Included.

But if I am to believe what someone told me recently—that men think about sex 80% of the time—then we have to talk about sex. Again.

And not just men’s issues with sex. But ours.

So what do you think about sex?  If you’re like me, depending on whom is around when the topic comes up, I may internally blush, wring my hands for a few seconds, and then try to act non-chalant. But if I’m around a close girlfriend or two, I may perk up and delve into the topic most comfortably.

Growing up in a conservative, Indian family, I was raised to not even think about boys, much less sex. Couple that with being raised in a Southern Baptist church where dancing, drinking, and sex were all equally taboo and you have a recipe for a naïve prude. And in hindsight, I was naïve in many ways, and in some ways, I was probably also a prude.

Fast-forward through high school to a couple of years after college, and Sex and the City (SATC) was the show to watch. I, along with many women, enjoyed watching every aspect of the topic of boys and sex being dissected and discussed to the umpteenth degree. I thought of watching the show as a guilty pleasure, a fun escape, but as I watched, I also took it with a grain of salt…kind of like watching one of those stunt/daredevil shows with a strong “do not try this at home” disclaimer at the end.

As much fun as the show was to watch, I didn’t take it seriously. After all, no one really lived their lives like that…right?! At least not respectable girls, right?! And definitely not Christian girls, right?! (Okay, don’t choke! In case you couldn’t tell, I was being sarcastic—although many years ago, I was naïve enough to believe the first question I just posed.)

Fast-forward a few more years, and it’s the first season of The Bachelor. At the very end of the first series, it comes down to the final two women and the Bachelor. On each of his last two dates, he and his date are given a key to a private hotel suite, where they can continue to get to know each other.  As I watched this, I remember feeling shocked! I had to double-check that this was not HBO, but primetime local tv! And then as I watched as each woman accepted the offer to spend the night with the bachelor, I was truly aghast! How could either one accept, knowing that he would also be sharing a room later on with his other date? Or were they even more naïve than me to think they were the only one?

Fast-forward a few more years, and now you have shows like Jersey Shore that have taken that sexual freedom and lack of discretion up another few notches.

But whether I’m watching television or just observing the world around me, I can’t help but wonder (in true Carrie Bradshaw-style) was SATC, the Bachelor, and all these shows influencing American culture or was it just a reflection of it? And while everyone seems to think we are “evolving” in our thinking towards sex, aren’t we just really devolving into our baser animal instincts where we separate the emotional and spiritual aspects of sex from the actual physical coupling?

It isn’t much later that I get one of my answers when a co-worker confesses to me that  how much that show influenced her decisions regarding relationships and sex. It was a great show, she told me, but she just wishes she didn’t look at it as a guidebook on dating.

For all her sexual freedom, she didn’t feel so free…in fact, she admits, she ended up being enslaved to some of her relationships and felt trapped for many years.

So what should our attitude towards sex be?

For these answers, I go to the source himself. The creator of sex. God.

Are you cringing right now? People often cringe when the Bible is brought up in relation to sex. They often think of the Bible as being anti-sex. But the opposite is true. God and the Bible are very pro-sex.

Don’t believe me? In fact, there is a whole book in the Bible devoted to sex: Song of Songs! Go read it! It celebrates sex…within the context of marriage.

Ah yes. I said it. Sex belongs within the boundaries of marriage. Yes, call me old fashioned. Call me narrow-minded. Call me close-minded. But yes, I believe that’s where sex belongs. It’s also where the Bible says it belongs. And for good reason.

Disease. Unwanted pregnancy. Undue emotional baggage.

Sex comes with a price. The world will tell you that it’s fun, that it’s really no big deal, that there are no strings attached, and that everyone is doing it. But the Bible will tell you the opposite. The physical act is a spiritual bond you share with a person. And we all personally know someone who as a result of having casual sex, ended up with an STD, and/or an unwanted pregnancy.

Whatever your views on sex, I encourage you…don’t listen to the world…don’t even listen to me….open up your Bible and see what the Manufacturer’s Manual has to say about it. After all, YOU deserve the best…why settle for eating at Taco Bell every day when God would rather you experience a gourmet meal?

 Two Become One

“…The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body…Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said ‘the two will become one flesh’ …” [I Corinthians 6:13-16]

God Designed Sex for Marriage

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” [I Corinthians 7:3-5]

 “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” [I Corinthians 7:9]

“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?” [Proverbs 5:18-20]

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?For a man’s ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths. The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.” [Proverbs 5:15-23]

As always, God only wants what is best for us…He created our bodies, and he knows how they should work. Sex can be a momentary pleasure but the consequences can last a lifetime. Whatever your views on sex are, don’t let the world determine how you feel about sex. It’s YOUR body. You decide. I just encourage you to consult the being who created it.