Sex . . . when you are single, all you do is think about the possibility of it. And, when you are married, all you do is think about when you will have the time, energy and desire to have it! Ugh. No wonder Paul said it is better to remain single. 1 Corinthians 7:8. All of those daydreams of the married life where you were going to wear new lingerie all the time; snuggle in bed all night; have lots of sex, including more than once a day in various places throughout the house. You were basically, in a very pure way, going to make up for all those years of faithfully treating your body as His temple.
Well, welcome to the jungle, girls. Excluding the first year of marriage . . . Okay, I will be generous and extend it to the birth of your first child . . . Excluding your married life without children, you are probably not wearing a whole lot of that sexy stash of lingerie. Come on, your bootie takes up twice the space it used to and those darn sexy tops have no wire to hold up your breasts that were sucked dry by your babies. You are not snuggling all night (or at least I’m not) because your husband gets too hot after the twenty minutes of body touch. And, more than once a day in various places through the house? What? How many nights do you actually get to sleep without any kids finding their way to your room? Or, better yet, how often can you stay awake once your head hits the darn pillow? Sex . . . we wanted it so badly while we waited but now that we have a marriage partner we can’t seem to get any, or to even want it at all.
I will admit that Bindu has far more intelligent answers and helpful insight on the whole matter. So, I am just going to give it to you raw. Marriage is tough. And, if you are like me, I carry all of my emotions to the bedroom. If I am beat up in my marriage relationship, I have no passion for sex. In fact, at times like these, my Lord hears me praying (or venting really) to Him during sex. I survive the sex. And then, honestly, feel really defeated as a wife that I can’t get this area straight. Really, can’t I just enjoy the physical pleasure regardless of how disappointed I am? I am not sure that I know any man who needs any more than a glimpse of his wife’s body or even a sexy thought to get his passion fiery. Just doesn’t work for me. I need to feel loved, adored, cared for and protected.
So, ladies, here’s where I am at. My thoughts are two-fold. On the one hand, pray, pray and pray some more. It has been the major life-changer in my sexual relationship with my husband. By no means is it perfect, but God answers my prayers – – granting the desires of my heart; even if He first has to change my heart before blessing me with more passion and peace in my marital relationship.
On the other hand, acknowledge the role that Satan plays in seeking to destroy marriages. What better way to axe away at a marriage than to take away or diminish the one thing that is exclusive to it? Acknowledge the devil as a squirmy worm that Jesus has already crushed and pray, pray, pray. God always shows up for His children who ask for His help. Just ask; He will show up for you in this area as He shows up for me.
And, as a silly sidenote, don’t worry about the size of your butt or your once perky boobs, (with prayer) test the waters. Whether it’s a white water rafting adventure God has in mind or a slow canoe ride on the pond, give it a shot. God never delivers void. Always victorious, pure, holy and sweet. Trust Him with your life and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37: 3-6
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
2 thoughts on “Welcome to the Jungle!”
So, so true! Before marriage, we’re eagerly anticipating sex. After kids, we’re just eagerly anticipating sleep. But I loved what you said about how Satan will attack our marriages at the one thing that is exclusive to it.
I wrote earlier about how sex is a use it or lose it phenomenon. When we stop having sex because we’re too tired, we actually diminish our sex drives, causing a vicious circle. But when we can jump in anyway, even if our boobs are sagging and we’re just plain exhausted, we’ll often find our marriage is so much better!
Thanks for sharing!
Sheila–thanks so much for the feedback! Just read your article about “maintenance sex” and loved it. You’re so right–sex is about honoring the promises you made to each other. When that commitment is there to prioritize your sex life, the “earth shattering” part will follow. Thanks so much for checking out our site! Your site is filled with so much laughter and wisdom–can’t wait to check out your books!