Getting from “Me Vs. Him” to “Us”

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

If you had asked me years ago the primary ingredients for a successful relationship/marriage, I would have immediately replied love and chemistry.

Fastforward a few months after I got married, and my response would have been forgiveness, kindness, and compromise.

Yesterday Jmathis challenged us to analyze some of our relationships to see how we responded during times of tension and conflict. My biggest challenge during times of tension is to check my ego and selfishness in at the door. When I’m angry or hurt, it’s all about what he did wrong. What he said to offend me or how he acted so selfishly. It’s all about my needs and how they are unmet.

 Often the way I respond to times of conflict has nothing to do with “us.” Because when I think of us, it’s no longer just about me…it’s about how we both need to change or improve. It’s not about me being right…it’s about what both of us need to do to make this partnership successful and meaningful.

There is a reason why God described marriage as “two becoming one.” But isn’t it ironic that while we vow to uphold that tenant in marriage, it’s often the first one we break when we are hurt or upset?

Challenge yourself to look at your conflict in terms of the partnership that it really is rather than a scene out of a spaghetti Western. Rather than addressing your conflict with guns blazing like you’re at the Okay Corral, look at it terms of the way God intended marriage to be:

The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:23-24

 

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