Emily wasn’t born perfect – so one might think. She was born with Down Syndrome and many would jump to the conclusion that she would have very little hope for a life with any significance. Two years later came the diagnosis of leukemia. What little hope remaining turned to no hope whatsoever – or so one might think. This short story tells how the life of one little girl, with all its perceived imperfections, had great meaning. Her loving nature and courage touched the hearts of everyone she met. She also taught them how to value their own lives – even with their many “imperfections.” –From My Emily, by Matt Patterson.

Matt Patterson, the author of My Emily, is a writer who decided to finally share the story of his daughter with hopes to raise funds for those who are raising children with special needs and fighting cancer. My Emily is indeed a testament of a father’s love for his daughter. More importantly, it is a heartwarming memoir of how in just a short time here on this earth, a young daughter transformed the life of her father, and all those who came in contact with her.

In this month when FemmeFuel is contemplating the ideas of luck vs. faith, we interview Matt Patterson, who on the surface may seem “unlucky” when his daughter Emily is born with Down Syndrome, and later diagnosed with leukemia. However, as Matt shares, it was he who was blessed by God in the call to serve as Emily’s father.

In case you missed it, click here to read Part 1…

Click here to read Part 2…

Did any questions about suffering lead you to retreat from people, or reach out more towards others? 

Shortly after Emily’s passing, I think that both my wife and I withdrew from people. I personally had a very deep anger toward God.

Here’s where my “why” question came in to the picture. Why does a God allow a child – not just my child, but any child – to suffer through this type of illness and the treatments associated with it? Why does a God allow a child with special needs to suffer like this? Why does a merciful God allow a child to go through this illness and harsh treatments to allow her to go into remission and then, allow her to relapse, and again, start an even more intense regimen of chemotherapy? Those were my questions regarding suffering and shortly after Emily’s passing, I cut off all communication with God. I was mad. I was furious. I wasn’t going to give Him the time of day. The farther I pushed away from God, however, the more opportunities He gave to me to share Emily’s passing with those I came into contact with on a daily basis. I finally came to the conclusion that God gave me these sharing experiences with others as a way of healing. Are there days I still cry while sharing it? Of course. I have always wanted to help those families with children who have special needs or those battling pediatric cancer. I just didn’t know how to do so. Twenty years later, he gave me a vehicle to share her story and hopefully help others.

How would you advise other people on how to minister to or support a family going through what your family has gone through with Emily? What do you wish was done for your family during that time?

First, I have to say that the blessings that come from serving, comforting and supporting others are absolutely immeasurable. 

 It’s my thought and belief that each of us grieve differently. For example, I have always wanted to share Emily’s story, but was I ready to minister and comfort others, say 10 years ago? I would have to say no.  Now that I have a better understanding of the grieving process, I can truly say my passion to share her story and help others is at a level that’s difficult to quantify. It becomes very personal and emotional some days. There are still days when I need to lean on those closest to me for support and comfort. I have to say there was so much done for us during Emily’s illness and passing, I don’t look back and say, “Well, it would’ve been nice if they were there more for us.” We consider ourselves blessed for the support we did receive.

Stay tuned tomorrow for more of Matt Patterson‘s interview with FemmeFuel…

Order My Emily today on Amazon to help support families who are raising children with special needs and cancer. To learn more about Emily’s story, check out My Emily on Facebook.

Emily wasn’t born perfect – so one might think. She was born with Down Syndrome and many would jump to the conclusion that she would have very little hope for a life with any significance. Two years later came the diagnosis of leukemia. What little hope remaining turned to no hope whatsoever – or so one might think. This short story tells how the life of one little girl, with all its perceived imperfections, had great meaning. Her loving nature and courage touched the hearts of everyone she met. She also taught them how to value their own lives – even with their many “imperfections.” –From My Emily, by Matt Patterson.  

Matt Patterson, the author of My Emily, is a writer who decided to finally share the story of his daughter with hopes to raise funds for those who are raising children with special needs and fighting cancer. My Emily is indeed a testament of a father’s love for his daughter. More importantly, it is a heartwarming memoir of how in just a short time here on this earth, a young daughter transformed the life of her father, and all those who came in contact with her.

In this month when FemmeFuel is contemplating the ideas of luck vs. faith, we interview Matt Patterson, who on the surface may seem “unlucky” when his daughter Emily is born with Down Syndrome, and later diagnosed with leukemia. However, as Matt shares, it was he who was blessed by God in the call to serve as Emily’s father.

In case you missed it, click here to read Part 1…

Now that you have gone through this journey with Emily, do you find it harder or easier to discuss the big questions about God?

Today, I find it easier to discuss the big questions about God. I feel like my wife and I have traveled a path that has prepared us. I say it’s easier, but I think if you ask anyone who knows me or who has heard our story, they will tell you I can be quite emotional.

The “why” question is one, I believe, we all ask when we’re confronted with difficult times. Whether it be a serious illness, the loss of a loved one, or any other moment that seems to try our faith. We need to remember that it’s okay to ask God questions, but we also need to be mindful that God has never promised to answer them either. Knowing the “why” isn’t going to take the pain away. We have to learn to ask other questions other than “why”.

For us, it was initially the birth of Emily. We were in our early-to-mid 20s and we were so excited about the birth of our first child. The following morning we were given the news that Emily was born with Down Syndrome. It was like a punch in the stomach. Initially, I had no idea whatsoever what Down Syndrome was. I was truly clueless. Then, just two years later – a diagnosis of leukemia. If the first punch in the gut hurt, the second brought me to my knees. I’m of the belief that we’re very capable of finding God’s answers to our “why” questions. Now, His answers may not be the ones we want, but if we’re willing to listen closely, these answers will be of great comfort to us.

Based on your experience with Emily, do you believe in luck? Did you ever think that you got dealt a bad hand in life?

I’m not a real big believer in luck.  Do I believe in coincidence? Not really. I do not believe I got dealt a bad hand! Quite the opposite! Was it a painful time? Yes, absolutely! I feel the Lord blessed us with Emily – no doubt whatsoever. It was our destiny to be her parents. We are such better people for having gone through this. I consider myself “lucky” to be able to share her story and perhaps touch a heart or two. It has given me such an opportunity to serve. Whether it be at cancer or grief support groups, or to an individual in our congregation or just a person in passing or even on-line, I feel I’m so very blessed to be able to perhaps help in some small way.

Stay tuned tomorrow for more of Matt Patterson‘s interview with FemmeFuel…

Order My Emily today on Amazon to help support families who are raising children with special needs and cancer. To learn more about Emily’s story, check out My Emily on Facebook.

Emily wasn’t born perfect – so one might think. She was born with Down Syndrome and many would jump to the conclusion that she would have very little hope for a life with any significance. Two years later came the diagnosis of leukemia. What little hope remaining turned to no hope whatsoever – or so one might think. This short story tells how the life of one little girl, with all its perceived imperfections, had great meaning. Her loving nature and courage touched the hearts of everyone she met. She also taught them how to value their own lives – even with their many “imperfections.” –From My Emily, by Matt Patterson.

Matt Patterson, the author of My Emily, is a writer who decided to finally share the story of his daughter with hopes to raise funds for those who are raising children with special needs and fighting cancer. My Emily is indeed a testament of a father’s love for his daughter. More importantly, it is a heartwarming memoir of how in just a short time here on this earth, a young daughter transformed the life of her father, and all those who came in contact with her.

In this month when FemmeFuel is contemplating the ideas of luck vs. faith, we interview Matt Patterson, who on the surface may seem “unlucky” when his daughter Emily is born with Down Syndrome, and later diagnosed with leukemia. However, as Matt shares, it was he who was blessed by God in the call to serve as Emily’s father.

Describe any crises of faith you experienced when Emily was born with Down Syndrome. What do you think of talking about your faith like this?

I think the initial shock of hearing the words “Down Syndrome” was the initial crisis, if you want to call it that. I think hearing it the next day was quite the blind-sided hit. I made calls to anyone and everyone the morning Emily was born with so much enthusiasm and excitement. Then, when hearing the news the following morning, I had to make a second round of calls. Shortly thereafter, once the shock had worn off, we felt so very blessed to have Emily. She was so full of love. We felt blessed to have her.

The actual diagnosis of leukemia took on a form of panic that I had never experienced. The first words that gathered in my mind – well, at least once I found out what leukemia was – were cancer and death. I had never lost anyone close to me before. This would be the first time I would have my faith tested and ask, “why”?

I never felt like an atheist or agnostic during this whole experience. I have always been a person who believed in God. Although, to say my faith was being tried would be an absolute understatement. I have always been a prayerful person. The thing is, I was one who gave thanks quickly and expounded long and hard on the things I needed. In this situation, I was praying for God to make my daughter better. Rid her of this dreaded cancer. At times, I felt like I was bargaining or bartering with Him in my prayers. “If you heal Emily, I’ll do this or never do that again.” My faith seemed like a daily roller coaster, dependent on the news we received each day from the medical staff.

I did learn from our GriefShare group that God’s story explains to each of us why we suffer and die. We’re living smack dab in the middle of it and it is the key to our understanding. I love talking about my faith like this because it allows me to grow. I have so much to learn. Even though Emily passed away 20 years ago, I’m just learning about my faith and how to heal. I believe that in order to heal, I need to be an instrument to minister to others.

What are the clichés about God that you heard in terms of Emily’s life? Why are they inadequate? What would be better to say instead?

To be honest, I really can’t remember too many – although I can remember rolling my eyes. No matter what was said, of course, some do hold a level or element of truth, but it almost comes off like a greeting card and not a genuine statement of concern or belief.  I believe people who go through this rough period in their lives just want authentic sincerity and concern. Pray with us. Cry with us. Hug us. Be genuine. Be sincere. Words don’t have to be eloquent. Actions speak louder than words. Actions are not a cliché…

Stay tuned tomorrow for more of Matt Patterson‘s interview with FemmeFuel…

Order My Emily today on Amazon to help support families who are raising children with special needs and cancer. To learn more about Emily’s story, check out My Emily on Facebook.