So Much Can Change Within a Year

On January 31, 2011August 15, 2011 By femmefuelIn Best of JMathis, FemmeFeatures by JMathis, Transform YourselfLeave a comment

By JMathis

As each year passes, I come to the realization that so much can change within a year. Triumph can turn to despair. Prosperity can turn to lack. Passion can turn to disdain. Peace can turn to chaos. There is the relief of finally receiving a job offer after months of job searching, only to be laid-off four months later. Last one in, first one out. There is the joy of a new pregnancy, followed by the anguish of delivering a stillborn child. How, God? Why? There is the glimmer in your eye when you think you have finally met ‘the one’, just to find out later that he’s trashing you as clingy and desperate at the office happy hour. I thought real men didn’t kiss and tell.

I think back to one such manic year in my life, where I felt the agonizing pain of my first, real heartbreak. I remember being sucker-punched and blindsided by him, feeling that there was no fair warning of the impending hurricane that was about to upend my days and my nights. Crying so much, I felt my core was being ripped to shreds. I envisioned that even my molecular fabric was being crushed and destroyed, cell by cell. February, for me, was the cruelest month, and every Valentine’s heart I saw on display was just a painful reminder that my own heart had been shattered and left for dead. March was the month I gave up Kleenex, since pillows were way more effective in mopping up my tears. April brought with it a blustering rainstorm where I walked three miles in the freezing rain, wheezing and praying to get hit by a car or just succumb to hypothermia.

Then one day, it was October. It was a crisp, fall morning and I distinctly remember humming show tunes from The Sound of Music. (Yes, people, you heard it here first. I am a complete sissy for The Von Trapp Family. And musicals. And Glee.)

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens…

I remember sitting in front of my desk, lovingly stroking the keys of my computer. (I know I sound like a loon, but indulge me a bit further.) I searched for the letter ‘A’. Thank you, Lord, for my beautiful friend, Asha, whose smile warms my day.

Doe- a deer, a female deer
Ray- a drop of golden sun…

I searched for the letter ‘B’. Thank you, Lord, for bagels, especially cinnamon-raisin bagels smothered in cream cheese and strawberry jelly. I searched for the letter ‘C’. Thank you, Lord, for Christ who saved a wretch like me. And then, it went on and on, letter by letter, with my heart bursting at the seams with thankfulness over how much God loves me. Thank you, Lord, for zebras, because I can’t think of anything else that starts with ‘Z’.

I have confidence in confidence alone!
Besides which you see, I have confidence
In me!!!!!!!!!!!!

After going through the entire alphabet on my keyboard (and singing the entire Sound of Music soundtrack in my head), I realized I was a mess. Sane people just don’t gaze dreamily at letters on a keyboard. Yet, I was a good mess. Not the same mess I was months before, but the kind of warm, gushy, yummy, chocolatey mess you find in the middle of a hot, molten lava cake. The kind of mess that embarrassingly gets all over your fingers and your face, but whoa, is it heavenly. My broken heart was finally healing; not totally healed, but it was healing.

What had happened between February and October? What had changed from the beginning of the year to the end?

Resolve.

The Resolve to live and not die. The Resolve to breathe and brush my teeth every day. The Resolve to say, “Lord, fix me, because I can’t. I just can’t.”

So much can change within a year. This year, let your resolutions be resolute. Resolve to resolve. Resolve to push through fear. Resolve to push through insecurity. Resolve to push through doubts. Resolve to push through anger. Resolve to push through bitterness. Resolve to push through a bad year.

re·solve (ri zälv′, -zôlv′)

1. To make a firm decision about. (God, I put You first this year.)

2. To change or convert. (God, make me more like You.)

3. To find a solution to; solve. (God, I know You have the answers.)

4. To remove or dispel. (God, take away anything that is not of You.)

This year, resolve to resolve. Resolve to heal. Resolve to forgive. Resolve to let go. Resolve to love. Resolve to get messy and resolve to just trust…trust in God’s life-transformative promise to you:

Jeremiah 29:11-14. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.

So much can change within a year.

How Present Are You?

On January 28, 2011February 17, 2011 By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, Transform YourselfLeave a comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

We all have seasons in our lives. Some that we wish would last forever…and others that we are just dying for them to be over.

I remember being in elementary school, and I just couldn’t wait to be older. How cool was junior high going to be when I would have my own locker and be changing rooms for each class! But once I reached junior high, I couldn’t wait to be in high school, convinced that once I learned to drive, my life would drastically improve in the “cool” factor. In high school, I couldn’t wait to be in college, and in college, I just couldn’t wait to be in the “real world,” earning my own money and being on my own. But once I hit the “real world,” I just wanted to go back to college, finally realizing then how good I had had it all along.

You’d think I’d learn from that, but no, I still managed to “wish away” my entire twenties. Rather than taking advantage of the fact that I was single and free to travel, free to do anything I wanted, I, instead, sat around moping and co-lamenting with friends for hours on the phone, in person, over dinner, on how I was dying to be married, convinced that only then (yeah, go ahead, roll your eyes) would my life really begin…

Even now as a new mom, as much as I enjoy my little girl being a baby, I sometimes get too focused on her reaching her next milestone. When she was a newborn, I was so excited for the day she would smile back at me rather than give me one of her gas-induced smiles. I was initially so excited when she started rolling over, but then I quickly got over that one and found myself skipping over a couple of milestones, longing for the day when she would “understand” that I needed her to be still when I changed her diaper. I couldn’t wait for her to crawl, then walk, but then I couldn’t seem to help but long for the day when she would be old enough when I would no longer have to worry about where she was every second of the day for fear she was about to hurt herself in some way. I often forget to truly relish those moments and behaviors that still signify her as a baby. Because I know one day, I will look back and miss the little baby she once was.

It’s good to be excited about the future. God wants us to be excited about the future…but not to the extent that we truly don’t relish what we have at that moment…because one day, that might be the very thing we “wish” for later…

So how present are you in the present?

Take a moment right now for yourself. Close your eyes (after you finish reading the rest of this, of course). Take a deep breath in. Slowly. Now breathe out. Take another even slower, deep breath in. Breathe out slowly. One more time…

Reflect on what God has blessed you with today. Savor it. Enjoy it. Despite whatever struggles you have, God has given you many things for which to be grateful. So be present in this moment, for it like everything, will soon pass.

Lord, thank You for today. Thank You for what You have given me…today. Lord, help me appreciate everything You have blessed me with, for Lord, Your mercies are new every morning. Lord, help me slow down…help me be still and know that You…YOU are God.

Woman of the Month…Tina Yeager! (PART 4 of the FemmeFuel Interview)

On January 27, 2011July 1, 2011 By femmefuelIn FemmeInterviews by Sasha Katz, Transform YourselfLeave a comment

I met Tina Yeager through her leadership position in a local foster care organization. As I got to know her, I was impressed by her warm, professional manner and passion for serving the community. As it turns out, like most of FemmeFuel writers and followers, she does the balancing act—Business Owner, Committed Mom, Christian Leader and Writer. She is absolutely qualified to be our very interesting woman for January 2011. I hope you enjoy her candid thoughts on femininity, relationships and being a single mom. Feel free to post your comments and ask questions—she will be with us all week! – AbbyA

In case you missed it…click here to read Part 1 of Tina’s interview: What fuels the Godly woman?

Click here to read Part 2 of Tina’s interview: What is femininity?

Click here to read Part 3 of Tina’s interview: Words of wisdom for the single woman.

AbbyA: As a single working mom, describe how you balance your priorities.

Tina Yeager: Priorities…How does one begin? The laundry, homework, housework, social activities, the gym, time with the Lord, serving and yes, I have to work 40-60 hours per week to cover my expenses. It can be a challenge and I won’t say that it isn’t a great struggle some days. There are days I cry out to the Lord and say, “Lord, You said You wouldn’t give me more than I can handle, but I think You have me highly confused with somebody else! I feel so weak!!!” He quickly then reminds me that I can do all things with His strength.

I have been married my entire life and being a single mom was not in my life plan. The lesson I learned very quickly is that I had to make a real effort to keep the week’s activities as balanced and routine as possible for my children. When I first divorced, I busied myself with a ton of ministry and social activities and dragged my children around for most of it…I started to see them act out and hungry for my undivided attention. I have now set a rule in my house: Mommy gets one night a week for me. During the school week, we don’t plan a great deal. It is enough with homework, sports activities and maintaining the house. Friday nights are family night. My kids look forward to Friday nights and the fun we have. We don’t always do big things—sometimes it is just a bike ride and renting a $1.00 movie rental from the local rental box—but whatever we do, it is our time and they love it. Time goes by so fast and I don’t want them to only remember me working and cleaning.

The other thing that has given us great balance at home has been our nightly devotional. We lay in the bed, do our devotional (many times after tickle time and pillow fights) and we learn about Christ and how we can apply it to our lives. We are doing the Children’s Bible in a year. It has devotionals after each section. The children enjoy this time and have really grown spiritually from it. It has blessed our home tremendously.

The most important ministry I have is my children. My greatest desire is to be an example of a strong Godly woman, who uses God’s strength to get me through each day, has the wisdom to follow Him and the desire to help others grow in Him. What greater value can I give my children?

I also recognize that like each of you, I fail my children at times. I still lose my temper or get frustrated when they have pushed my buttons one too many times. I find that if I am consistent with consequences, they behave so much better and those times are less and less frequent. I also know the value of forgiveness: it frees us up to let go of resentment and anger. I have learned to ask my children to forgive me when I fail. We are focusing on growing in Love, Forgiveness, Gratitude and Kindness in our home. With Christ’s love and strength, I believe my children will have amazing Godly lives and will pass it down for generations.

Jeremiah 29:11-14: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart. ¹⁴ I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity.^[^b^]

I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

Tina Yeager has been an RN for 18 years and the CEO/owner of Ocean to Ocean Healthcare since 1995. She has been nominated for “Business Woman Of The Year” by the South Florida Business Journal. Tina is currently chair of the development council for 4Kids of South Florida, an organization committed to meeting the needs of foster care children. She is also active in a community outreach endeavor that benefits The Boys and Girls Club of Broward County. This endeavor is called “Dunn’s Run”. Tina sits as the chairperson for this annual community event where proceeds go directly to The Boys and Girls Club, and is also a corporate board member and chair of the volunteer committee.

Woman of the Month…Tina Yeager! (PART 3 of the FemmeFuel Interview)

On January 26, 2011July 1, 2011 By femmefuelIn FemmeInterviews by Sasha Katz, Transform YourselfLeave a comment

In case you missed it…click here to read Part 1 of Tina’s interview: What fuels the Godly woman?

Click here to read Part 2 of Tina’s interview: What is femininity?

AbbyA: What are your words of wisdom for the single woman who wants a relationship?

Tina Yeager: Wait on the Lord, serve, grow closer to Him and guard your heart.

Isaiah 30:18: Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore He will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!

So often, women act on feelings before they stop and wait on the Lord and listen. A wise man told me once: get up before everyone else does, sit in the dark and just listen…Don’t pray; just listen for the Lord’s voice. Once you hear it, you are free to pray and praise Him. The Lord has been so good to speak to me during those times. When we are serving and drawing close to Him, it makes it so much easier to be single. Paul talks about taking advantage of being single because when we are married, things change drastically. We all have the desire to be with “the one” and I believe God wants that for us, too. However, we need to wait and let the men hear the Lord’s voice and pursue us—not the other way around.

We need spiritual leaders as husbands, and if we take on the role of spiritual leader from the beginning, it very likely may not change in the future. I see, too, many women in our singles groups constantly pursuing the men because they simply don’t want to be alone. We have to remember we are not alone and our worth is not based on whether a man is interested in us or not. If you approach dating in that way, you realize that if a man isn’t interested in you, it is no reflection of your value—he is simply not the one the Lord has for you. Let the Holy Spirit lead!

Woman of the Month…Tina Yeager! (PART 2 of the FemmeFuel Interview)

On January 25, 2011July 1, 2011 By femmefuelIn FemmeInterviews by Sasha Katz, Transform YourselfLeave a comment

In case you missed it…click here to read Part 1 of Tina’s interview: What fuels the Godly woman?

AbbyA: Describe femininity.

Tina Yeager: Femininity is the ability to be strong, yet loving, kind, generous and gentle. Many women lose their femininity when they take on the role of men in business and don’t realize that they can be both loving/kind/gentle and strong/intelligent at the same time. I must say, we do a great job of competing with the men in the market place, however, it is so much sweeterwhen it is a feminine woman that also exudes strength and wisdom.

It excites me to see women who are successful and continue to be the loving, Godly women who Christ created them to be. Keeping our feminine side is what sets us apart from so many. What a testimony and example you are when you recognize that you don’t have to lose the feminine side of you to be a great pillar of strength!

AbbyA: What do you plan to accomplish in the New Year?

Tina Yeager: My goal for 2011 is completing my book: “Smart Women, Bad Choices.” The book is all about women living redemptive lives despite the struggles we may have gone through. It is a story of a woman that came from an abusive childhood, a rebellious youth and felt unlovable and unworthy. She made so many choices that reflected those feelings within her. So many years of heartache and pain were not in vain, as God had a plan and a purpose for her life. Christ redeems her life and fills it with true peace, joy and comfort. He uses all the hurt and pain for her to help others and glorify Him. The book teaches and encourages women to draw closer to Him and to let go. We are all works in progress.

Woman of the Month…Tina Yeager!

On January 24, 2011July 1, 2011 By femmefuelIn FemmeInterviews by Sasha Katz, Transform YourselfLeave a comment

I met Tina Yeager through her leadership position in a local foster care organization. As I got o know her, I was impressed by her warm, professional manner and passion for serving the community. As it turns out, like most of FemmeFuel writers and followers, she does the balancing act—Business Owner, Committed Mom, Christian Leader and Writer. She is absolutely qualified to be our very interesting woman for January 2011. I hope you enjoy her candid thoughts on femininity, relationships and being a single mom. Feel free to post your comments and ask questions—she will be with us all week! – AbbyA

AbbyA: What fuels the Godly woman?

Tina Yeager: The Godly woman is fueled by a desire to please the Lord. Instinctively, we dedicate our lives to nurturing those around us. As mothers, we spend endless hours on homework, laundry and taking care of the daily basics such as homework, meals, baths, prayer and even discipline. As women, I feel giving back to the less fortunate and raising children who understand and walk in true relationship with Jesus is what the Lord is calling us to do. Each day, as we grow closer to the Lord, we are able to make wiser and wiser decisions and avoid the self-gratifying and self-serving decisions which give us that instant gratification we so craved as non-Christian women.

I pray Psalm 51:10 frequently: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Even in my early days of serving the Lord, I struggled with allowing God to fuel my desires versus worldly desires guided by my own emotions. I have made so many mistakes in the past because I didn’t understand spiritual warfare and the need for putting on the full armor of God as described in Ephesians 6:10-18. Now what fuels me is knowing that I helped someone in need, seeing my friends come to Christ and even sharing my testimony with others so that they understand what redemption means and that Jesus loves us despite of ourselves. Although my struggles were many, with God’s Grace, Love and Strength, I am able to live in victory—knowing that the women I share with, gain hope and strength from learning this about me, fuels me to continue on my mission.

What is my mission? 1) To help women and children overcome abuse, neglect and hardship; 2) To teach them that, if we surrender our hurts and pasts to the Lord, choose to let go of them, forgive others and press forward, anything is possible with Jesus in us.

We simply have to truly surrender and not let Satan control our thoughts, emotions or decisions in any way. This comes not from just being a Christian, but from true relationship with God. Many women do not understand what true relationship means because we were never shown what healthy relationships looked like as children. True relationship means simply spending time with the Lord every day (sometimes minute-by-minute), talking, listening, reading His Word and allowing the Holy Spirit to guide us in all decisions.

When we make a decision, do we ask Jesus his opinion or do we simply make the decision and then pray that He will bless it? See the difference? I didn’t, for many years. I am fueled and fired up for Jesus and sharing Him with others. How about you? What fuels you?