Category: FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz

Get Out of the Closet

On By femmefuelIn April 2011 (April Showers...), Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeBytes by Sasha KatzLeave a comment

By AbbyA

My little boy was CAUGHT.  I found empty gold fish bags, smushed caramel popcorn and jelly bean bags all hidden in the corner of my closet.  I am furious.  Although he is just about perfect, he sneaks, hides and covers up FOOD.  What is this all about?  I ask myself.  FLESH.  His little boy flesh wants what he wants and he’s willing to break the rules to get it.  But, the clincher is that he figures that if he’s hiding himself and the remains in my closet, no one really knows what he has been up to.

Aren’t we just like little kids?  We are hiding in our closet with our sin and suffering. We think we are in the dark.  We think no one can see.   It looks like JMathis’ family ignoring the elephant-gone-mental at the family reunion.  It sounds like – “I’m fine.  How are you?”  It feels like Bindu’s shackled prisoner of shame.

I remember my twenty-something outward appearance.  Laid back, content, passing on peace 99.9% of the time.  I don’t think anyone, other than the Lord, knew what was happening or what I fighting for those years.  I set out to crucify premarital sex, fill up the hole that caused me to really want attention from men and figure out who I am in Christ without the desire to achieve or kill myself with perfectionism.   The past can be unkind; unraveling is painful.  Particularly if you trap yourself in a closet.

The truth of the matter is that God knows and God sees.  Despite the fact that you hide in a closet, you are busted by the Lord of Lords.  The worst part of the oddity of isolation is that we really think that God doesn’t feel our pain and shed tears.  I think His tears fall on us when He sees us clinging to the darkness.  He is standing there with you in the darkness.  He’s calling you, rooting for you, inviting you to come into the light.  He wants to wash us with the Word, prune us and make us whole.  Get out of the closet.  If you can’t do it alone, grab on to a trusted friend or counselor and let them help pull you out.

At the moment, my kids think that I have secret powers that allow me to know everthing about them and everything they do.  It is my hope that through my parenting, they’ll eventually see that it’s not me with the power, but it’s our Lord.  Mom can take her own advice now and then.  Jump out of the closet and into the arm’s of God.  Undoubtedly, a risk worth taking.

Where You Are Beautiful

On By femmefuelIn April 2011 (April Showers...), FemmeBytes by Sasha KatzLeave a comment

By AbbyA

After reading JMathis’ prayer yesterday, my imagination took me walking through a very serene, alive, white pure place.  In this place, I am aware that my sins are buried somewhere deep and covered.  The awareness of my covered sins magnifies the holiness of this pure white place.  I think this is where I am who I really am.  In this light, I am beautiful.

Bindu reminded us of Just As I Am.  On planet earth, just as I am (me) is in desperate need of His grace.  I fumble and fail and then get up again.  But the just as I am on the other side is already cleansed by the blood of Christ.  This is where I walk on snowy powder that isn’t cold.  This place is beautiful.

Sometimes it rains very hard.  We end up feeling cold, drenched and alone.  In those lonely places, take heart.  He has overcome the world.  John 16:33.  For those with faith, heaven is a guarantee.  Discover who you are in His perfection while you are still walking in earth’s mud.  Such a journey just might open the door to seeing who you are in Him.  And, that, my friend, is beautiful.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Recalling An Island Called Depression

On By femmefuelIn April 2011 (April Showers...), Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz2 Comments

By AbbyA

After a few years of disappointment, my prayers to God started with a heart that needed her daddy so badly, but quickly took a left turn to bitterness.  My needs were so great, my well so dry.  I started to turn my cheek to my God who seemed to be failing me.  As my once strong and deep connection to Him filled with static and sadness, I floated away from Him…only to find myself lonely and depressed.

If you are like me, at some very down times in your life, you have said to God…although I need you very much, I am not going to ask you for help or wisdom anymore because you are not going to do anything anyway.  That was the beginning of me chipping away at my own faith.  Creating an island for myself.  When you are on an island by yourself, already sad thoughts permeate the secret places where God once was the center.  It is sort of like pulling the plug on a powerful whirlpool that was generating the light in you.

Alone on an Island.  Floating in the dark.  The flicker of the light sort of makes you sadder.  You really want the light because it is familiar, warm and calling.  But what is takes to get up and head back (or forward) takes the last bit of energy that you really don’t know how to find within you.  The latter, most assuredly, is the trap of feeling depressed.  However do I get home when I am frozen here on my island?

Awhile back, driving to work, it came to me that I had been pretty argumentative and harsh towards God in my words and feelings.  It seemed to me that He had been silent for so long.  God said something like – – my child, in the way that I ask you not to answer another with argumentative, harsh words, I also refrained from answering you.  You were not aware enough to see my Hand at work and too lost to hear me.  In a flash, He showed me how patient He is.  In a quiet, omniscient way, He had been waiting for me to open the door for Him again.

I am a book-of-the-bible reader.  Devotions are for the in-between.  I like to read books of the bible and write notes.  That became hard for me, on my island, with so little inspiration.  For some months, it was even harder to read my old notes.   Professions of my gratefulness, unending faith in His prophetic promises and appreciation for the fullness of His word.  I hardly knew who that person was who wrote with such freshness and freedom in Him.  God has chosen the middle of the night and early morning to begin His changes in me.  Somewhere in the night, in a searching, sleepy way I asked Him about where again to start with His book.  Wherever would I start?  Malachi, Malachi and Malachi again.  Take a look at the excerpt from Malachi below.

“Your words have been harsh against Me,” Says the Lord, Yet you say, ‘What have we spoken against You?’  You have said, ‘It is useless to serve God; What profit is it that we have kept His ordinance, And that we have walked as mourners Before the Lord of Hosts?  So now we call the proud blessed, For those who do wickedness are raised up; They even tempt God and go free.’”

Then those who feared the Lord spoke to one another, And the Lord listened and heard them; So a book of remembrance was written before Him For those who fear the Lord And who meditate on His name.

“They shall be Mine,” says the Lord of hosts, “On the day that I make them My jewels.  And I will spare them As a man spares his own son who serves him.”  Then you shall again discern Between the righteous and the wicked, Between one who serves God and one who does not serve Him.  Malachi 3:13-18.

In the pressures, stress and disappointment of this life, we lose sight of following Him.  Where is He anyway?  We lose our freedom in Him and start to question our bondage to Him.  Bitterness.  Our words are harsh against Him.  Why isn’t He delivering me?  How far can I be stretched?  We begin to lose sight of His purpose.  We lose our way.  Alone on an Island.  But, He is there.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:18.  He is praying for you.  Luke 22:32.  You are His.  I contemplate that, at the very time we are speaking harshly against Him, He is reading His Book of Remembrance of His jewel – – you.  He is quietly reading, meditating, remembering you as you really are.  A time will return when you see that.  His power will help you open the door to Him again.  For He is the way, the truth and the life.  John 14:6.  He will not leave you; He will come to you.  John 14:18.

I don’t know what has brought you to leave for your island or how deep your wounds are.  If you are on your island, I only ask you to rely on what you know to be true.  Whether or not you can believe you have the strength, your heart will return to Him.  His heart has never left you.  And, one day He will read to you from His book – -not only about the day you came home, but every last praise you sang of Him.  He is that faithful to you.  For you, my fellow sister, are His precious jewel.

I Have Made You A Strong Tower

On By femmefuelIn April 2011 (April Showers...), FemmeBytes by Sasha KatzLeave a comment

By AbbyA

The name of the Lord is a strong tower.  Proverbs 18:10a. 

Girlfriends, I don’t know who you have the privilege to hold on to  – – whether it be when you wipe out on the dock in your cork platforms or whether you’re wiped out from your dad’s funeral.  Maybe it’s your husband or your mom or your best friend.  But . . . we have a Lord who is a strong tower.  And, somehow, when we rely on Him, He puts His power in us so we can stand like a strong tower.

I remember standing in church several years ago.  I was experiencing extreme gratitude and feeling quite strong.  God showed me one of the pillars holding up the sanctuary and spoke to me – – I have made you a strong tower.  I had perservered through a fair amount of sin and pain.  I reached a place of contentment with self and gratitude for the new creation He made of me.    Because of Him, I had become a strong tower.

Strong Tower.  Whether you need to lean on one or whether you need to be one, call on the Lord.  He takes empty, broken, sinful selves and builds towers tall and strong.   His foundation never cracks and never changes.  Selah.

You are His greatest work, His greatest love, His most special child.

On By femmefuelIn April 2011 (April Showers...), FemmeBytes by Sasha KatzLeave a comment

By AbbyA

“Kaleidoscopic shards” – – this sounds about right if we are defining life without God.  Broken pieces with sharp edges.  Sort of feels abandoned and unwelcoming.  Sort of feels like you can’t get it together and the opposite of hospitable.  Sounds like a woman’s worst nightmare really.

The best part about God is that He really doesn’t mind how sharp our edges are or how unlovable we may be sometimes.  I figure that God is so good and so wise that the more broken pieces He has to put together, the more joy He takes in His masterpiece.  And, yes, you are His masterpiece – – finished or not, you are His greatest work, His greatest love, His most special child.  You are “allowed” to believe that, you know.  (Whether you are a child or a parent (or both), you know that one can give all of his love to all of his children at the same time. )  Better yet, I think we have His permission to believe that.  When we finally receive how much He really loves us, you will wholeheartedly believe that He sees you without any flaw.  Colossians 1:22.  Receipt of His unending love is a significant puzzle piece in recovering from depression.   Think about that.  Take a look at the quote below.  Breathe it in, let it go.  God loves you so much.

Life, too, is like a kaleidoscope.  Our brokenness comprises life’s kaleidoscopic shards, but when we turn it in God’s direction, we see how He puts a whole new spin on our perspectives.  God’s wastes nothing.  He uses whatever touches our lives for divine purposes. . . .

In that spectacular perspective we who are believers take heart.  God ultimately uses our past, secures our today, and holds our destiny.  As chaotic as life is, as purposeless as some events see, and as brief as our days are, God’s plans are being fulfilled.  And anything over which He pronounces, “And it is good,” shall be exactly that. –Excerpt from Kaleidoscope, Patsy Clairmont

An Upside Down World

On By femmefuelIn April 2011 (April Showers...), FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz2 Comments

By AbbyA

In thinking about yesterday’s post – – burn out, grief, anger, bitterness, stress, shame – – I remember an excerpt from C.S. Lewis’ “An Upside Down World.”  He describes planet earth as

Valley of Tears, Cursed with Labour, Hemmed Round with Necessities, Tripped Up with Frustration, Doomed to Perpetual Plannings, Puzzlings and Anxieties.

It is no wonder that when the barrel becomes too full, we may be overcome by depression.  I have been there quite recently myself.  I felt like all was lost, cloudy, that everything was taken from me, loneliness, failure, systematic tears.  One afternoon, experiencing all of those emotions at once, I told myself to get up.  A dear friend had just told me that I was depressed and I needed to talk to someone about that.  That is what I did, my fellow sisters.

Don’t reach in when you are falling apart – – reach out.  This Upside Down World will beat up and turn you inside out.  Don’t do it alone.  If you think you are depressed, find a Christian counselor and start putting things back together.  It was about a month ago, my counselor said to me that I was smiling.  What a thought!

If you are looking for a trusted counselor, post a comment.  FemmeFuel will share with you many resources that just may make all the difference in your world.  I will be praying for you, sisters.  Love, AbbyA

BE GLAD

On By femmefuelIn April 2011 (April Showers...), FemmeBytes by Sasha KatzLeave a comment

By AbbyA

Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous; shout for joy, all you upright in heart.  Psalm 32.  Whatever is going on today, troubles, pressures, “turn of luck,” BE GLAD AND REJOICE for He is worthy to be praised.