When Life Feels “Meaningless”

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

According to major studies by organizations, such as the National Mental Health Institute, the World Health Organization, and the World Bank:

  • Approximately 18.8 million American adults, or about 9.5 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year, have a depressive disorder.
  • Nearly twice as many women (12.0 percent) as men (6.6 percent) are affected by a depressive disorder each year. These figures translate to 12.4 million women and 6.4 million men in the U.S.
  • Women between the ages of 25-44 are most often affected by depression with a major cause of depression in women being the inability to express or handle Anger.
  • Depression affects all people regardless of age, geographic location, demographic or social position.
  • Depressive disorders are appearing earlier in life with the average age of onset 50 years ago being 29 whereas recent statistics indicate it at just 14.5yrs in today’s society.
  • Depressive disorders often co-occur with anxiety disorders and substance abuse.
  • A recent study sponsored by the World Health Organization and the World Bank found unipolar major depression to be the leading cause of disability in the United States.

Few of us can claim to have never been depressed at one point in our lives. Whether it’s induced by stress, job loss, divorce, abuse, hormonal imbalance, many of us have felt the overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and meaninglessness that often accompanies depression. While the actual statistics on depression may vary from year to year, one of the stats above doesn’t seem to change: Depression affects all people regardless of age, geographic location, demographic or social position. 

That means depression can affect you whether you’re rich, poor, married, single, young, old, etc. With over 18 million people in the US alone suffering from a from of depression, depression discriminates against no one.

 In the Bible, we are told how Job was truly in despair after he lost his family, his fortune, and even his own health. He was understandably depressed…no one would blame him for being depressed. In fact, if he weren’t, we probably wouldn’t think he was human.

 But what about those times when we know we have so much to be grateful for but still can’t seem to shake those blues that seem to hover over our heads like a dark cloud, following our every move? What if we seem to “have it all” but still cannot help but feel like something is missing. Well, again, we are not alone. In the Bible, there is a person who had it all…riches, power, women (900 of them), and even wisdom…and at one point, we also know he had a close relationship with God…but in the book of Ecclesiastes, we see that even King Solomon with all of his earthly blessings also went through some form of depression.

2“Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless!”

3What do people get for all their hard work under the sun? 4Generations come and generations go, but the earth never changes. 5The sun rises and the sun sets, then hurries around to rise again. 6The wind blows south, and then turns north. Around and around it goes, blowing in circles. 7Rivers run into the sea, but the sea is never full. Then the water returns again to the rivers and flows out again to the sea. 8Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content.

9History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new. 10Sometimes people say, “Here is something new!” But actually it is old; nothing is ever truly new. 11We don’t remember what happened in the past, and in future generations, no one will remember what we are doing now.

12I, the Teacher, was king of Israel, and I lived in Jerusalem. 13I devoted myself to search for understanding and to explore by wisdom everything being done under heaven. I soon discovered that God has dealt a tragic existence to the human race. 14I observed everything going on under the sun, and really, it is all meaningless—like chasing the wind.

15What is wrong cannot be made right.

What is missing cannot be recovered.

16I said to myself, “Look, I am wiser than any of the kings who ruled in Jerusalem before me. I have greater wisdom and knowledge than any of them.” 17So I set out to learn everything from wisdom to madness and folly. But I learned firsthand that pursuing all this is like chasing the wind.

18The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.

Here is a man who had everything. He was King. He was wise. He was respected. He was favored by God. He experienced things that most of us could only dream about. Yet, he tells us that everything…not just money…not just love…but everything is meaningless…He reigned nearly 1000 years before Christ’s birth, which is about 3,000 from today…yet even then he felt that there was nothing new under the sun…that even when someone thought that something was new, it was actually nothing new. Here is a guy who was renowned for his wisdom who has come to the conclusion that nothing matters.

But to whom who nothing was spared, he felt just as lost, just as confused, just as unhappy and empty as those of us today who keep thinking “if only.”   If only we had more money…if only <fill in the blank> would change…

Throughout the book of Ecclesiastes, King Solomon points out the ironies and futility of life, and while that doesn’t change throughout the book, his observations lead him to some very important truths:

9What do people really get for all their hard work? 10I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. 11Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. 12So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. 13And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

 He concludes that chapter by saying,

18I also thought about the human condition—how God proves to people that they are like animals. 19For people and animals share the same fate—both breathea and both must die. So people have no real advantage over the animals. How meaningless! 20Both go to the same place—they came from dust and they return to dust. 21For who can prove that the human spirit goes up and the spirit of animals goes down into the earth? 22So I saw that there is nothing better for people than to be happy in their work. That is why we are here! No one will bring us back from death to enjoy life after we die.

He later concludes the book of Ecclesiastes in chapter 12 by saying:

8“Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless.”

9Keep this in mind: The Teacher was considered wise, and he taught the people everything he knew. He listened carefully to many proverbs, studying and classifying them. 10The Teacher sought to find just the right words to express truths clearly.a

11The words of the wise are like cattle prods—painful but helpful. Their collected sayings are like a nail-studded stick with which a shepherdb drives the sheep.

12But, my child,c let me give you some further advice: Be careful, for writing books is endless, and much study wears you out.

13That’s the whole story. Here now is my final conclusion: Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty. 14God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad.

In the end, it all comes back to God, doesn’t it? Human life can be futile…it can seem pointless and meaningless at times…but in the end, it is the life we are given. It is our fate…and the best we can do is to enjoy our hard work and enjoy this life…our life.

As a new mom, I think one of the gifts that children give us as adults is the ability to see life as new again. By the time most of us reach middle age, we feel embattled…exhausted…overwhelmed by life…life somehow seems to lose some of its meaning and wonder. But during those moments, try looking at life through a child’s eyes…their first Christmas…their first Easter…their first birthday…their first time at Disney World…their first day at school…

We celebrate all their firsts…but I wonder, is it really just for them? Perhaps we, too, can momentarily adopt their eyes of wonder and remember a time when life seemed new and exciting…and limitless…

Remember that first day of college? When you felt like anything and everything was possible? Remember your first place? It may have been small, but it was still yours…and you knew it was just the beginning…

Remember your first kiss? Your first love…

Remember your heart racing when your saw your husband for the first time? Or how excited and nervous you felt on your first date…or the first time you knew he was the One?

Remember the day you found out you were pregnant? Or the feeling that overwhelmed you when you first heard your unborn child’s heartbeat at your doctor’s office…the steady rhythmic beat bringing you to tears and wonder, reminding you that life is a gift.

Like the autumn winds after a scorching hot summer, may some of those memories of your “firsts” refresh your spirit…

For while this life may often feel meaningless, there is beauty all around to be enjoyed…to be re-experienced. For it is our fate…our days are numbered…enjoy your work. For remember, even God on the 7th day rested. He looked back on His work and said, “It is good.”

You are His greatest work, His greatest love, His most special child.

By AbbyA

“Kaleidoscopic shards” – – this sounds about right if we are defining life without God.  Broken pieces with sharp edges.  Sort of feels abandoned and unwelcoming.  Sort of feels like you can’t get it together and the opposite of hospitable.  Sounds like a woman’s worst nightmare really.

The best part about God is that He really doesn’t mind how sharp our edges are or how unlovable we may be sometimes.  I figure that God is so good and so wise that the more broken pieces He has to put together, the more joy He takes in His masterpiece.  And, yes, you are His masterpiece – – finished or not, you are His greatest work, His greatest love, His most special child.  You are “allowed” to believe that, you know.  (Whether you are a child or a parent (or both), you know that one can give all of his love to all of his children at the same time. )  Better yet, I think we have His permission to believe that.  When we finally receive how much He really loves us, you will wholeheartedly believe that He sees you without any flaw.  Colossians 1:22.  Receipt of His unending love is a significant puzzle piece in recovering from depression.   Think about that.  Take a look at the quote below.  Breathe it in, let it go.  God loves you so much.

Life, too, is like a kaleidoscope.  Our brokenness comprises life’s kaleidoscopic shards, but when we turn it in God’s direction, we see how He puts a whole new spin on our perspectives.  God’s wastes nothing.  He uses whatever touches our lives for divine purposes. . . .

In that spectacular perspective we who are believers take heart.  God ultimately uses our past, secures our today, and holds our destiny.  As chaotic as life is, as purposeless as some events see, and as brief as our days are, God’s plans are being fulfilled.  And anything over which He pronounces, “And it is good,” shall be exactly that. –Excerpt from Kaleidoscope, Patsy Clairmont

Thursday Fireworks

Happy Thursday! Two things to cheer you up on this wonderful day that the Lord has made:

1) Ephesians 2:10: For we are God’s MASTERPIECE. He has created us ANEW in Christ Jesus, so we can do the GOOD things he planned for us long ago.

2) The lyrics to Katy Perry’s Firework:

Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that there’s still a chance for you
Cause there’s a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gunna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own

You don’t have to feel like a waste of space
You’re original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

An Upside Down World

By AbbyA

In thinking about yesterday’s post – – burn out, grief, anger, bitterness, stress, shame – – I remember an excerpt from C.S. Lewis’ “An Upside Down World.”  He describes planet earth as

Valley of Tears, Cursed with Labour, Hemmed Round with Necessities, Tripped Up with Frustration, Doomed to Perpetual Plannings, Puzzlings and Anxieties.

It is no wonder that when the barrel becomes too full, we may be overcome by depression.  I have been there quite recently myself.  I felt like all was lost, cloudy, that everything was taken from me, loneliness, failure, systematic tears.  One afternoon, experiencing all of those emotions at once, I told myself to get up.  A dear friend had just told me that I was depressed and I needed to talk to someone about that.  That is what I did, my fellow sisters.

Don’t reach in when you are falling apart – – reach out.  This Upside Down World will beat up and turn you inside out.  Don’t do it alone.  If you think you are depressed, find a Christian counselor and start putting things back together.  It was about a month ago, my counselor said to me that I was smiling.  What a thought!

If you are looking for a trusted counselor, post a comment.  FemmeFuel will share with you many resources that just may make all the difference in your world.  I will be praying for you, sisters.  Love, AbbyA

Identifying Depression in Your Life

How often have you experienced any of the following in the past year?

Burnout Helplessness
Chronic unmet needs Negative thinking patterns
Unresolved grief Stress
Unresolved anger Chemical imbalances in the brain
Pent-up emotions Sleep deprivation
Bitterness Shame
Lack of forgiveness Spiritual dryness

If you’re like most women, these are issues you suppress and deal with everyday.

Did you know that over time, when unresolved, these feelings can lead to a chronic state of depression? 

Which one of these are you harboring in your life today? Isn’t it time to let go?

Read more about these triggers in an article by Ingrid Lawrenz, MSW, originally published in Just Between Us.

April Showers…Sex and the City Style

 

By JMathis

Who doesn’t have a bad night out with girlfriends occasionally? I have definitely had my share of weekends brimming with the promise of wild fun, laughter and dancing, only to find that the night ends up in: a) my car being towed, b) my friend puking all over me, and/or c) me sitting in the emergency room with a broken heel and a sprained ankle.

At the same time, did any of those events swear me off of going out again with the girls? No, of course not, because at the end of the night, they are experiences you’ll always share with your close friends, which soon become memories that everyone laughs off over drinks one day. 

And, that, is how it feels to watch Sex and the City 2, The Movie, even a year after its initial release and hours of channel surfing to fight off insomnia.

Yes, it’s a pretty crummy night out spent hanging with The Girls—Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte—watching them slum it in forced dialogue and an overly self-indulgent script. However, at the end of the night, they’re still your ladies, and that’s why you can never abandon them, no matter how tasteless and lackluster the movie. 

Yet despite all of its flaws, the movie managed to show something that rang very real and authentic to many of us in our 30s and 40s, including myself. Each of The Girls had ostensibly “made it” in their careers and love lives, and yet they still continued to face and cope with daily insecurities which led to ongoing feelings of depression and anxiety.

Carrie, now a bestselling New York Times author, felt lost in a new marriage that seemed to engulf her identity. Miranda, even after years of proving herself as a successful lawyer, was still being shut down by more senior, male partners in her law firm. Samantha, who despite being one of the sexiest women alive, was increasingly fearful of her body’s defiant attempts in battling the aging process. And Charlotte, who after years of infertility, finally had the family of her dreams, but the daily rigors of being a mom were forcing her into a quiet despair. 

What had happened to my SATC girls? Despite having all of the outward trappings of success, they were shells of their former selves, and were trudging through their daily lives feeling dejected and overwhelmed. I had always watched SATC as a form of sheer escapism, but to find that the SATC girls were experiencing what my friends and I were currently going through was just too real, even if all the backdrops to the movie were of Christian Dior and Abu Dhabi.

This month, FemmeFuel will be peeling back the layers of depression, especially the type that hits once your life is seemingly settled and complete. Many of us landed our dream husbands, jobs and children, are active socially, are involved in church and in touch spiritually, and take up causes on behalf of those less fortunate in the community. Yet, for so many of us, there continues to be a sadness that creeps in every so often, nudging us into seasons of insecurity and lack of self-worth.

FemmeFuel is calling these feelings and times of depression and discontentment our “April Showers”. Though it is a cliché, it is our aim to keep you focused on “May Flowers”, and God’s eternal promise of springtime and beauty in your life, despite these periods where you feel overwhelmed and engulfed by the pressures of the world.

The Lord sees your heart and hears your cries at night. He knows and sees the sadness and despair you feel, even if you have masked it well in front of your family and friends. Kick off those Manolo Blahniks and Jimmy Choos and curl under the covers with us as we explore these April Showers in the backdrop of God’s best for our lives. It won’t be easy tackling these feelings, but know that you’re not alone and that we’re in this together. After all, it may not be the best of nights, but you’ll still be with your girls, and for that reason alone, it will be a night for the memory books…

BE GLAD

By AbbyA

Be glad in the Lord and rejoice, you righteous; shout for joy, all you upright in heart.  Psalm 32.  Whatever is going on today, troubles, pressures, “turn of luck,” BE GLAD AND REJOICE for He is worthy to be praised.