Author: femmefuel

We're modern women just like you, loving Jesus, and sharing our stories in an honest, personal and meaningful way. FemmeFuel aims to inspire, empower and provide you with the fuel you need to live out your purpose in Christ.

Being Still

On By femmefuelIn April 2012, FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew1 Comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

 

Be still and know that I am God. Psalms 46:10a

For me, this is one of the simplest yet most profound scriptures in the Bible. In a world where we are inundated with so much “noise” in our lives—texting, Instant Messaging, FB msgs, FaceTime, emails, voicemails, tweets…it is hard to be still anymore. It is hard to still the noise in our heads, the chaotic thoughts, worries, fears in our mind and know that despite the chaos in our own lives, our God is there, as He has always been…The same God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob…He is all powerful, fully able to provide everything and anything we need.

I remember when 911 happened. In one morning, life as we Americans knew it changed so dramatically. In one instant, the cocoon of safety we had believed surrounded us evaporated like the morning fog. When the first tower was hit, we all thought it was some freak accident. But when the second tower was hit and then the Pentagon, we knew.  The news of that morning revealed one crushing blow after another, and we knew we were being attacked at the very core of our country. As we watched those World Trade towers crumble like dust to the ground, we momentarily had to remind ourselves that we were watching the news and not some science fiction movie.

But I also remember something else that people talked about over and over again in the coming weeks and months. Where is God? How could He have allowed this to happen? Why us, God?

Be still and know that I am God.

The peace we experience in our lives is not a result of a worry-free or peaceful life. Peace is initially fighting through our disappointment when things and life are not going our way and getting back to that point where we trust God again and give him the benefit of the doubt.  It’s asking how do we fit in His plan.

Be still and know that I am God.

The peace we experience during turbulent times comes from the knowledge that God, despite all appearances, is always in control, and although His ways are not our ways, it is in hindsight, His best for us.

Being still doesn’t mean being passive and waiting for your answer to arrive served on a silver platter. Being still means knowing you’ve done your part and then waiting on God to do the rest. But therein lies one of our fundamental challenges as believers…waiting on God’s timing.

Often as we wait, doubt creeps in…perhaps God has forgotten us…or maybe He is not going to do anything anyway…our thoughts and fears can often run away from us and lead us into disbelief.

Be still and know that I am God.

What personal “911s” have you endured in your own life? Not all of them have to be catastrophes or epic in scope. But all of us experience our own life questioning moments.

Perhaps like me, it’s a company layoff…or for some, it’s a marriage that is on the brink of divorce…or a sickness…

Wherever you are and whatever you are going through, take a moment today…even if only at the stop light on your commute to work…to know and experience God in the quietness of your soul.

Be still, my friend…Allow Him a moment to speak to you, if only to remind you of His love for you and that He has a plan for your life.

Our God was, is, and always will be the true, only, living God.

Revel in that knowledge. Remind yourself, if God is for you…who can stand against you?

Be still…

 

Speak Up

On By femmefuelIn Uncategorized1 Comment

By JMathis

My husband’s grandfather died this past Easter week. Needless to say, between his death and remembering my Saviour dying on the cross, I was ensconced in images of death. I was surprised at how caught off-guard I was in my reactions to these deaths. After all, the death of my husband’s grandfather was hardly unexpected (he was 86 and in the end stages of cancer). And, certainly, commemorating Jesus’s crucifixion didn’t come out of left field—Easter comes around every year, and as a Christian, I know His life ends not in death, but in resurrection. 

Still, I wasn’t prepared for how those images made their way to my 4 year old daughter. She peppered me with questions and commentary about death, dying and the dead—all of the sticky, messy nuances of death that I never really wanted to discuss with anyone, much less with her. 

Will I still be your daughter if you die?

Do only old people die, Mama? Are you old, Mama?

Will you still love me if you’re in Heaven?

If I stop eating my vegetables, I’ll stay little forever, right? And I never have to grow old and die—right, Mama?

Why did Jesus get punished for the bad things I did? Couldn’t they punish him with a time-out or a spanking? Why did they have to punish him by making Him die?

The gravity of these questions saddened me. Dredging up answers for these questions overwhelmed me. 

Don’t get me wrong—I readily accept that in this day and age, I have to talk to her about adult things like The Birds and the Bees, child molestation, body image issues and substance abuse. 

But, unlike those things, death seems so unknown. So unyielding. So permanent. 

More importantly, death means separation. In my daughter’s mind, separation one day from her mama. In my father-in-law’s mind, separation today from his daddy. In my Lord’s mind, separation on that Good Friday from His heavenly Father. Physical, emotional and spiritual separation.   

I think this is why it was recorded in the Bible that Jesus had wept.  Some people say He wept because Lazarus was dead. Others say He wept for the sadness experienced by others over Lazarus’s death. Scholars say He wept over the fact that death had become a daily part of human reality. There are even others who say He wept knowing that some people would never believe in the One, True, Living God and would never experience the fullness of life everlasting—that death for them truly did mean a permanent separation from God. Physical, emotional and spiritual separation.   

I think He wept because of the overwhelming sadness of it all. That sin had even entered this world, causing His little children to slip through the cracks, and fall into a wretched abyss without recognizing, knowing, experiencing and receiving the life-giving, life-sustaining nature and character of God. Physical, emotional and spiritual separation.    

I think He wept because this fallen world had forced Him to even talk about death, dying and the dead to His little children—all of the sticky, messy nuances of death that He never wanted to discuss with anyone when He conceived of all of creation. 

I, too, wept as my daughter demanded answers to these difficult questions last week.  I, too, wept because of the overwhelming sadness of it all. 

I didn’t weep for me. I didn’t weep for my loved ones who know Jesus. 

I wept because I was forced to even explain these sticky, messy nuances of death to my daughter. That these sticky, messy nuances meant that my daughter and I would have friends who will never recognize Christ. That we would have family who will never know His unconditional love and mercy. That we would have co-workers that will never experience freedom from pain, grief and bondage. That we would have neighbors who will never receive a way out from death. 

That there will be people out there who will permanently live in physical, emotional and spiritual separation from God if I don’t speak up about these sticky, messy nuances of death.

Christians, speak up. 

Speak up about death. 

Speak up about the dying.

Speak up about the dead.

Speak up, so that the dead may rise. So that death has no sting. So that death has no victory. So that no one—no, not even one, would experience physical, emotional and spiritual separation from God.

Speak up so that living water freely pours out from His hands and His feet, onto the whole of humanity. So that life and healing overtake the sinful strongholds of this dark, twisted and dying world.

Christians, speak up.

Finding Refuge During the Storm

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, March 2012Leave a comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

To me, there is almost nothing more satisfying than lounging on my living room couch with a blanket, hot cocoa, and a good book in the midst of a storm and torrential downpour outside. As I watch the rain thrash against my window pane and I listen to thunder boom outside, I sink deeper into my couch and sigh with blissful satisfaction and peace. I love the feeling of warm and comfort my blanket and hot cocoa give me. I love the support and security that my fluffy couch provides. And I love the safety and security I feel, knowing that I am in my home, protected from the raging storm outside.

That, my friend, is what it is like when we find our refuge in God. Like our home, he protects us in the midst of the storm. Like our blanket, He covers us, providing us with sustenance, with comfort, with peace. We can rest assured, knowing that despite whatever is going on outside, He is with us inside, protecting us, comforting us.

Before he became king, David had to find his refuge in God. He literally had to live and hide in caves as King Saul pursued him. Imagine his predicament from his viewpoint. As a teenager, Samuel showed up in him home, anointing him the next king of Israel…and years later, in his early 20s, where is he? Is he sitting on the throne, being fanned by palm leaves and fed grapes while also ruling a nation? No, he is running from cave to cave, living like an outlaw as he awaits God’s appointed time.  Imagine the despair, the frustration, the disappointment he had to battle through as he struggled during that time. You actually don’t have to imagine it…you can read about it in many of the psalms he wrote. You can hear the despair in his voice as he pleads with God to protect him from his enemies. He faced setback after setback, but the scriptures tell us, David encouraged himself in the Lord (1 Samuel 30: 6).

Sometimes the struggles we face are torrential downpours and we can find comfort and safety in our home, watching and knowing we are safe…but sometimes, those torrential downpours are like hurricane winds, threatening to blow our house down…or like a tornado that leaves nothing in its path unscathed. But again, that is when we have to dig in deep and find our comfort, peace, and security in our faith and God.

There is a childhood song I remember singing in Sunday School:

The Wise Man Built His House

The wise man built his house upon the rock
The wise man built his house upon the rock
The wise man built his house upon the rock
And the rain came tumbling down

Oh, the rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
And the wise man’s house stood firm.

The foolish man built his house upon the sand
The foolish man built his house upon the sand
The foolish man built his house upon the sand
And the rain came tumbling down

Oh, the rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
The rain came down
And the floods came up
And the foolish man’s house went “splat!” [clap hands once]

So, build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ
Build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ
Build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ
And the blessings will come down

Oh, the blessings come down
As your prayers go up
The blessings come down
As your prayers go up
The blessings come down
As your prayer go up
So build your house on the Lord Jesus Christ.

So what is your “house” built on? If it’s built on God, even hurricane winds and tornadoes cannot touch the security and protection that only God can provide. He will envelop you under his wing and protect you through the storm…until that appointed time, when you will soar like an eagle.

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Covenant: A Walk Unto Death

On By femmefuelIn Uncategorized1 Comment

By JMathis

Image

The whispers of the ages call to me in my restlessness and wakefulness. Come into covenant with your Father.

I am confounded by these promptings of conviction. I am uneasy with the Spirit’s line of questioning as to my commitment with my Savior.

Lord, am I not already in covenant with you?

What took place when I was 7 years old when I received you into my heart at a Billy Graham crusade? What transpired when I was 25 when I re-dedicated my life to serving You?

Come into covenant with your Father.

Lord, I am trying to be broken before you. I am trying to live on the straight and narrow. I am trying to please you. What more is it that you want from me?

“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters–yes, even his own life–he cannot be my disciple.” Luke 14:26.

Hate, Father? You want me to hate my family? Even my own child? Didn’t you tell me in the Ten Commandments to honor my father and mother? What about I Timothy 5:8 where You say that anyone who does not care for her family denies her faith? Aren’t I supposed to be cleaving to my husband despite the fact that he leaves the toilet seat up daily??

Ahh, but hate in the original Hebrew is not I Hate Eating Liver, or I Hate Nazism, or I Hate Hurricane Season.

Hate in the original Hebrew instead reflects a choice: do you put Him first before all others in your life? Do you prioritize Him above your spouse, your kids, your parents, your work, your enjoyment of this life? Do you love Him with all of your heart, might and soul, even to the point of turning your back on your friends, your loved ones, your things, your self? Especially when they interfere and stand in the way of your relationship with Christ?   

Come into covenant with your Father.

These are hard teachings, Lord. How does covenant fit into my Starbucks filter of Christianity? Double shot of espresso with a shot of Jesus on the side?

You can get my all once the workday is complete, once the kid is in bed, once my husband is asleep. You can have me to yourself on Sunday morning–except on Sunday morning when I’m thinking about how annoying this worship song is, or about what I want to eat for lunch that day, or about the piles of work and laundry that need to be finished up by Monday morning.

Come into covenant with your Father.

Sacrifice.

Repentance.

Atonement.

A daily walk unto death.

Death to myself. Death to my ambitions. Death to all that I hold sacred in this world.

Come into covenant with your Father.

While You Wait…

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, March 20123 Comments

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

Waiting. Waiting for a husband. Waiting on Florida to finally feel like home. Waiting on a good job.  Waiting on the economy to improve. Waiting for our business to pick up.

If I had to describe one of the more prominent themes of my life during my 20s and 30s, it would probably be waiting on God. I can’t remember a time since college when I wasn’t waiting for something in my life to change or improve.

Two weeks ago, my pastor preached on the life of Joseph and how he “failed” and suffered for not his own mistakes, but insteade due to the lies and deceit of first, his own family, and then later, due to the lies of his boss’s wife.  As he preached on Joseph, my pastor promised us a profound comment regarding Joseph’s life and how we should handle life when it treats us so unfairly. After all, who better than Joseph could understand how difficult and challenging it can be to wait on God. Brace yourself, you don’t want to miss this. My pastor said, “Faith is born in a moment but grows over a lifetime.”

Huh?

Yeah. I get it. I felt the same way. As I waited for my pastor’s words of insight, I immediately sat upright in my chair, pen ready to write these words of wisdom. But when he said it, “Faith is born in a moment but grows over a lifetime,” I looked at my pastor confused and honestly, a little disappointed. I was waiting for an epiphany. I was waiting for spiritual insight that I could use to encourage myself during my own time of waiting.

“Faith is born in a moment but grows over a lifetime.”   

But think about it…the moment, we give our life to Jesus, Faith immediately blooms in our hearts like a wildflower. It takes root. But it is the course of our life, that our Faith is tested, tried, and proven.

When we wait on God, we are putting our faith directly into action. After all, it takes faith to believe God will move. It takes faith to believe that things are going to change even though everything in our life may indicate the opposite. It takes faith to trust and wait on God.

And who, out of all our great Biblical forefathers, didn’t have to wait?

  • God promised Abraham a child much earlier, but it wasn’t until he was a 100 years old that Abraham saw his promise fulfilled.
  • Joseph was in his teens when God showed him that he would be a leader and that others would bow and respect him, but he didn’t see it come to reality until he was 30.
  • Scholars estimate that King David was in his preteens when Samuel anointed him King, but he, too, didn’t become king until he was 30.
  • Moses spent 40 years in exile in Midian before God brought him back to lead the people out of Egypt.

Faith is definitely one of the more challenging spiritual muscles to develop…but it is undoubtedly one of the most rewarding. Unfortunately, faith cannot be practiced in hindsight…neither is it 20/20. It 100% requires that same leap of faith that you took when you initially accepted Christ as your savior. It’s believing in God’s promises and what He’s personally revealed or promised to you. It’s rarely easy but the testimony you will have later will be priceless.

So what are you waiting on God for? Have you asked yourself, instead, maybe what He is waiting on you for?

Counseling Sessions with God

On By femmefuelIn Uncategorized1 Comment

By JMathis

God and I have been in counseling for the past six weeks.

After all of this therapy, I can say that the relationship’s fallout was not a two-way street, but rather a clear case of, “It’s not you; it’s me.”

You see, I have been experiencing real difficulty in praying to God. It was getting to the point of where I never wanted to spend quality time alone with Him anymore.

Strangely enough, on the surface, it seemed like I spoke with Him quite a great deal.

I would wake up in the morning, say a prayer of protection with my daughter before beginning our day. I would say a prayer of strength before heading into my morning meeting. I would say a prayer of thanks for when the meeting concluded on a high note. I would say a prayer of blessing over my lunch. I would remember to say a prayer of encouragement for a hurting friend, or a prayer of healing for a sick relative. I would then end the day with my husband, where we said a prayer of praise to God for the bounty and miracles that took place that day.

It all sounded so good on paper.  

Except that I had lost passion for Him.

I had lost the desire to speak with Him. I had lost the joy in knowing Him.

I had lost intimacy with Him.

We were in a functioning marriage, but one where I didn’t feel like getting to know Him anymore.

I was treating Him like a roommate, and not a confidante.

I became very good at Please Pass The Salt, Thanks for Picking Up My Dry Cleaning, Here’s a New Grocery List and Don’t Forget to Pay the Rent, but little else.

I had forgotten that He was my Creator (“You made this entire universe just for me?“). I had forgotten that He was my Deliverer (“You set me free from generations of family curses?“). I had forgotten that He was my Rescuer (“You rescued me from a lifetime of bad decisions and poor choices?“). I had forgotten that He was my Savior (“You saved me from the consequences of my sin and the punishment of eternity in Hell?“).  

Most of all, I had forgotten that He was my Father, Brother and Closest Friend.

I had forgotten that the Bible was one, long love story written specifically to me.

(“You love me HOW much?“)

On a whim, I decided to enroll in a six-week Bible study on how to pray to God. I even rolled my eyes a bit when I registered, because I, Of Course, Already Knew How to Pray to God. What more could I possibly learn? At least it would be an opportunity to make  some new friends.

Six weeks later, I am a blubbering mess.

Sobbing repentantly in the car. Red-eyed and snotty-nosed over how I had mistreated Him. Wide awake about thoughts of how I can become even closer to Him.   

I had taken Him for granted. I had been unfaithful. Yet there He remained in my adultery: constant, faithful, unchanging and simply just waiting. Just waiting for me to get a clue.

I had forgotten all about My True Love and now I have found Him. Again.

Thank You, Lord, for a Second Chance. A Third Chance. A Seven Hundred and Sixty-Fifth Chance. For chances that number far higher than the stars above.

What a difference six weeks can make.

Are you ready for another chance at love?

I know I am.

Remembering God

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, January 20121 Comment

by Bindu Adai-Mathew

Two weeks ago the very thing I had been dreading since last June finally happened. I saw my Instant Messenger icon flashing on my computer screen and saw it was our CIO messaging me, asking me to stop by his office. As I trudged to his office, I almost felt as if I were back in elementary school being called into the principal’s office. I listened as he went on about how after our company was bought by the new company, he was being pressured to create “synergies” in IT, which would require him eliminating close to 60 jobs, including mine.  As he droned on with his corporate-speak, I sat there numbly.

Here we go again. I had just gone through another layoff just a year ago. Ironically, when I arrived at my new company, I was almost relieved to find that all my co-workers had been working there the last 9 to 12 years. Finally, I had thought back then, a place where I could hang my hat up and stay at one place. And then six months into my new job, the announcement came that another company was buying ours, which would probably result in a massive layoff.

As shock gave way to worry, panic soon began to set it. I would not only have to find a new job, but I had to worry about insurance since I was the policy holder. What if I didn’t find a job quickly? What if no one wanted me? What if…

Those runaway thoughts morphed into a cloud of despair that hovered over my head for hours, and I found myself feeling overwhelmed, defeated, hopeless.

But finally, a ray of light…a thought…finally penetrated through the darkness. Hadn’t God provided before? Hadn’t this job alone and the experience I gained here already set me on a more secure career path? Why was I freaking out?

Again, my spirit prompted me to think of the children of Israel as they wandered through the desert. Despite everything God had done for them, every time they faced an obstacle, they panicked. God had parted the Red Sea, he had provided them with manna during the mornings, and fire to warm and guide them at night. Yet, they still doubted.

Our lives, too, can often feel like we, too, are wandering in our own desert. Lost, aimless, confused about where we are headed. But no matter how many obstacles we face or how often we face the same ones, we must remember to dig in our heels deep in our faith and wait expectantly and excitedly on our Lord. Because He WILL provide. In a few weeks, and maybe even by the next post, I cannot wait to give my praise report.

But as we wait, we must be diligent to do our part. We must find refuge in His Word, devouring it like our daily bread, so it can provide us with sustenance throughout the day. Sustenance when we get tired, discouraged, and hopeless.

Here is a passage of scripture that I’ve been meditating on for the past weekthat’s reminded me that He will always take care of His people and our part is to seek Him, trust Him, and find our refuge in Him:

Psalms 34

1 I will extol the LORD at all times;    his praise will always be on my lips. 2 I will glory in the LORD;    let the afflicted hear and rejoice. 3Glorify the LORD with me;    let us exalt his name together.

4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;    he delivered me from all my fears. 5 Those who look to him are radiant;    their faces are never covered with shame. 6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;    he saved him out of all his troubles. 7The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,    and he delivers them.

8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. 9 Fear the LORD, you his holy people,    for those who fear him lack nothing. 10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,    but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. 11 Come, my children, listen to me;    I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 12 Whoever of you loves life    and desires to see many good days, 13 keep your tongue from evil    and your lips from telling lies. 14Turn from evil and do good;    seek peace and pursue it.

15 The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous,    and his ears are attentive to their cry; 16but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil,    to blot out their name from the earth.

17 The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;    he delivers them from all their troubles. 18The LORD is close to the brokenhearted    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

19 The righteous person may have many troubles,    but the LORD delivers him from them all; 20he protects all his bones,    not one of them will be broken.

21 Evil will slay the wicked;    the foes of the righteous will be condemned. 22 The LORD will rescue his servants;    no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.