Tag: Love

JOURNEY THROUGH OCTOBER: CONQUERING FEAR

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~week two~day 2~

Parenthood is a very romantic thought when you’re young.  Being a mama or daddy, for most, sounds like a call to love.  You find the one you love.  You eventually bring little people into the world because of your love.  It all makes a lot of sense in light of love.

But as the weeks and months and years pass, you come to find that parenting is as much about bravery as it is about love.  No one tells you in advance about the fear you will put aside when you ride in the ambulance to get your peanut’s finger sewed back on.  No one gives you a shower card telling you to be brave and wise when the thermometer hits 103 or 104 during the night.  And, the lonely year your sweet offspring spent looking for friends to hang with on the playground – – you didn’t see that coming, but your love made you brave.

I must not (will not) leave out the bravery of childbirth.  Frankly, no one tells you about the reality of childbirth before you experience it.  I think it’s mainly because they know there are no words to describe the persistent traumatizing pain.  But I also think it’s because they don’t want to tattoo fear into your joyful anticipation.  Childbirth takes bravery.

Fear and retreat sound like good options sometimes.  But the love in you tells you that you can be brave so that your kids will also be brave.  You do things against your grain like letting them fall sometimes.  You don’t always swoop them up when their heart is hurt, but let them grow under your wings.  Parenting takes putting aside fear and putting on bravery.  It all makes a whole lot of sense in light of love.

JOURNEY THROUGH OCTOBER: CONQUERING FEAR

On By sashakatzIn Journey Through October: Conquering FearLeave a comment

~week two~day 1~

Love ˃ Fear

I look forward to the evening time, when rest is close at hand.   It’s not the rituals that we all have leading to bed.  It’s the actual pulling back of the sheet and blankets, crawling in, tugging up the covers.  Feeling the pillows curve around my neck and head.

I’m clean, I’m wearing the kind of pajamas I love to wear.  Clear drinking water is next to me.  The house is quiet and cool.  This is real rest.  And, if I’ve gone to bed early enough, it’s going to last for seven heavenly hours.

This is just about the point in time that I remember my sisters and daughters all over the world.  I know that there are millions laying on concrete or garbage.  Or on dirty mattresses stained with blood, sweat and tears.  Hungry and dirty.  Hopeless and afraid.  Sick, broken and wondering why the night has to be so long.

Their nights are full of fear.  Mine are not.

There are only two directions I can go with the knowledge of my peace in the night and my sisters’ fear in the night.  I can tuck away my knowledge, be grateful I am living in luxury, say a quick prayer and sleep my way through this life.  My other option is to take my knowledge, be grateful for my life and then give it away for others.

Fear stunts us and holds us back from the calling God places in our hearts.  The only thing that can overcome fear is love. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear.  1 John 4:18.  If there ever was a good reason to conquer fear, it is so that we can love more fully, more deeply.  So that we can love not only those close to us, but so that we can love those in our periphery who are in need.  

God, I pray that, tonight, as we each go to the place we call Rest.  We would do so not just because of comfort.  But out of the full knowledge that we have done all that we are able in our waking hours to impact the darkness and despair and hopelessness of those in our reach. I pray that as You work out the big plans in our life Lord, we take every opportunity to make every small effort to feed just one person.  Smile at passers by. Complement our co-workers.  Give grace for no reason at all.  I pray that all our efforts are in your name God.  So that we would go to our place of Rest knowing that we have spent the day laying down our life for the same people and causes that you Love.  Amen.

Journey Through October: Conquering Fear

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~week one~day three~

The Reason to Keep Breathing

There are reasons to read on though.  His kindness leads us to repentance.  Romans 2:4.  There is no greater love than He who lays down his life for His friends. John 15:13.  He didn’t take you this far to leave you.  Philippians 1:6.

There are also reasons to keep breathing when you are suffering.  None of us fully knows the kindness of God until our need supersedes our abilities.  Somehow when the impossible flows into our reality, we finally recognize that our human efforts can only take us so far.  We can’t change people.  We can’t alter circumstances with our influence or smarts.  We can’t carve out a way when there is no way.  We can’t work all things together for good on our own.

We can, however, choose to keep breathing.  As we breathe, He shows us that there is no distance He will not go to prove His love.  There is no width He won’t go to put our pieces back in order.  There is no depth He won’t go to show us how very much He loves us.  He is interceding for us; placing in us His strength, so that we can in fact breathe through our pain.

It is worth it to keep on breathing.  He did not take you this far to leave you.  He has plans to give you a hope and a future.

I remember looking into my dad’s eyes as He crossed over to heaven.  As I said goodbye with my eyes staring into his eyes, I distinctly remember knowing that His love was greater than the heartbreak of goodbye.  His wisdom was higher than my thoughts of keeping my dad here.  At that time, I did not know the true depth that would result from continuing to breathe.  I would not know for quite some time the value of breathing as we suffer.  But it is for the same reason I picked up again those two books on Fear.  He has a message for us at all times.  But especially when we suffer.

Journey Through October: Conquering Fear

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~week one~day two~

The Reason I Didn’t Read

I flinch at the thought of pain. It hurts. A season of pain usually means someone I love will be suffering. Maybe I will be stretched beyond my human capacity. There will be loss. I will have to dig deep into Him to locate answers, find direction. I will need to seek Him for air to breathe. For peace in the night.

I will have to apply the wisdom of the past to know He will deliver. I will have to Walk by Faith and Not Sight. I will have to believe that my greatest hopes for the circumstances will be worked out both in His perfection and creativity. I will have to take a step of faith to know His outcome is better than anything I may conjure up as good in my own heart or mind.

I will do all of these things while my heart is hurting. While I don’t understand. While I dream about better or different days. In between redoing the past and how I could have made things different. Had I been given the chance to replay. Surely things would have turned out better. Or, at least, less painful.

The past already taught me that once pain has come into my soul, it will take some time for the dirt to become fertile again. The barrenness will have to be carved out. Removing what is prohibiting or holding me back from growth. It takes a while for flowers to bloom again. Turning those pages felt like an invitation to relive all of it. All my pain. This is the reason why I didn’t read.

Warrior Friends

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz1 Comment

The rain surrounding the storm Erica poured down as I pulled in a great big hug from my friend Sharon.  We did summer with barely a peep between us.  But as the school year rolled in, it was too unfamiliar to let another week pass.  Without sitting and talking about me & her & kids & school & parenting & our mothers & love & God & change & fear & forgiveness and then finally, when are we meeting next?

We sat together in rain, shine and Florida humidity every other Thursday for the whole 5th grade school year.  Our sacred Thursday meetings are supposed to be as real as the human soul can be.  When we began, we bobbed through months of testing the waters of real.  Can I cry?  Can I call you between Thursday meetings?  Can I tell you the truth about my struggle?  Can I ask you hard questions?  Can you help me decide what to do?  Do I quit or persevere?  We will continue to sit together and share real words among two real women.  Doing real life.  In a real attempt to mirror Jesus.

What I am learning as a person: Take in the beauty of a good friend’s words.  Let them pounce into your heart.  Let them strain out the doubt from your soul when you are doing good.  Let them point out the path of righteousness when you staggering.  Let her words be like honey in warm tea whether you are sipping to get better or sipping to stay well.

Verse:  The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction.  Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.  Proverbs 16:23-24

Deep Thought:  I have intentionally halted at chapters of two different books unexpectedly covering fear and anxiety.  My dear friend Sharon concludes that God won’t let me side step what He wants me to hear.  My dear heart stirs and senses that God has something to say about fear and anxiety.  So, yes, I will read and grow and change.  And, while I don’t yet know exactly what He plans to say, I promise to read and grow and change.

Quote: … “Before I was formed in my mother’s womb” – – and here I paused to add, unable to resist, “whose ever womb that was – – God knew me.  He knitted together my innermost parts and fashioned all of my days before there was even one of them.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Even though I only just found out that I was adopted, God has always known, and he has always loved me.  And since that has never changed, therefore nothing has essentially changed. I may not be who I thought I was, but I still am who he says I am.  And I am more.  I am loved.  I am his.”  Undaunted by Christine Caine

Book(s)/Blog(s)/People that Shape Me: I hesitate to root for what I haven’t yet read, but I suspect that Wild in the Hollow:Chasing Desire and Finding the Broken Way Home by Amber C Haines will be exactly what it says it will be.

My Prayer to You: My prayer is that you have a few warrior girlfriends.  The kind that make time to know you.  Grow you and take full pleasure in seeing God work in your life.  I pray that you keep an open ear to Wisdom in whatever form she comes, in whatever pain or joy you are experiencing.  I pray that you are a warrior-friend to one or two or three others.  May you choose gracious words for her that heal like honeycomb and are sweet to her soul.  May you remember that, no matter what, you are who He says you are.  You are what He says you are.  And, that is Loved.  Amen.

Written By Sasha Katz

Unconsumed

On By sashakatzIn UncategorizedLeave a comment

My pursuits to be unconsumed by the daily grind require more transition than I expected.  Master of the calendar takes more than a book and a week.  Deciding on calendar design requires fighting a few longstanding opponents.  My opponents are the invisible kind, i.e. pressure, coming up short, being tired, pushing too hard, forgetting what I am made of.  What does your invisible opponent look like?

Even though I scheduled hard with a lot of heart.  Last week was somewhat of a bomb.   I simultaneously got hit with 1) the middle school snake schedule, 2) working till 9pm at least twice, 3) sleep escaping me and 4) missing two important meetings due to the failure of my calendars to sync.  My mom even asked me about the disconnect between my writing about time and my life last week. So, again, I consider time and the arrangement of it.

What I am learning as a person: I am learning that the silly little phrase Forgive Yourself can actually have meaning.

Verse:  But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Romans 5:8

Deep Thought:  My shortage of strength, time, wisdom and peace is filled in by His love, creativity, vision and sacrifice.  I don’t know how He fills in my angst, worry, exhaustion and missed marks.  But He keeps doing the refill straight into my heart.  I am reminded to let God be God and let me be me led by Him.  Maybe it takes a book, a week and Him giving me a few more shots at mastering time.

Quote: …as Christ followers living under the ever-flowing fountain of God’s love, our hearts should be so filled with His daily kindness, and love, that we should have the resilience not to be angered or provoked when the most minor irritations of life come our way . . . Simplify by Bill Hybels (Chapter 5)

Book(s)/Blog(s)/People that Shape Me: If you need to understand forgiveness, there is no better practical, but also deep application of it than in Chapter 5 of Bill Hybels book Simplify.

I also am learning a thing or two about brevity that is sweet and lingering in Shauna Niequist’s Savor, Living Abundantly Where You Are, As You Are.

My Prayer to You: I pray that we would resist being consumed by our daily grind.  Instead that we would seek the presence of God to lead us to the hours of our day.  I pray for us to be prepared to fight battles to remove the invisible opponents hacking our efforts and hindering our journey.  I pray for us to be prepared to forgive ourselves for coming up short.  I pray for us to believe that we can try and try again until we have mastered the skill of designing hours.  Beside God.  Who promises to never leave or forsake us.  Amen.

Written by Sasha Katz

epiphany

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz3 Comments

Epiphany is a moment of sudden revelation or insight.  Epiphanies, for the most part, can’t happen without a relationship or a foundation with Jesus.  He’s the one who works with us and in us and brings us to place where insight takes place.  Where revelation comes.  I am so grateful that He speaks. That He breathes life into us.  That His knowledge, understanding, wisdom and love is never-ending.  That He cares deeply, desires to know us and shares His very heart with us.  Epiphanies . . .

What I Learned as a Parent: Sometimes I just don’t know how to bring down a mountain, but He does.

What I Learned as a Partner: I can remember what love does.

Verse:   If you have run with the footmen, and they have wearied you, Then how can you contend with horses? And if in the land of peace, In which you trusted, they wearied you, Then how will you do in the floodplain of the Jordan? Jeremiah 12:5

Deep Thought: God has big plans for us to run with Him.  Into the battles He has already won.  I embrace the idea of fighting the good fight in floods where waters rise even though I sometimes gasp for air.  In earthquakes where I sometimes loose the ground I am used to walking on.  In lightning storms where I sometimes loose my sight.  For in these battles, we can learn that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ.

Quote: Horses are faster than people, but eagles are faster than horses.  Pastor Levi Lusko’s Message Running with Horses, Jeremiah 12:5

 Book(s)/Blog(s) that Shape Me: Lynn Donovan’s Blog and Site Spiritually Unequal Marriage

My Prayer to You: God, give us your epiphanies.  Lead us to mountains so we can witness your power.  Help us remember to love one another, especially those that are closest to us.  Give us the passion to run with you into battle.  Help us fight our tendency to be weary and lead us to find our strength in You.  Help us to count our losses as opportunities to gain in your Kingdom.  Help us to run hard with horses in battle, but call on the Eagle to bring us to victory.  In Your Holy Name, Amen.