Tag: Love

Still Good

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha KatzLeave a comment

Sometimes thoughts just come to me.  My thought this evening is that some of you need to hear that He is still good.  It’s the troubles, the stress, the worries of this world that weigh you down.  That burden your soul.  That dim the light you normally see rather brightly.

It’s the wondering of what is next.  Who is going to unexpectedly fail.  Or fall.  If someone you love is going to die.  If you are going to have the money you need.  If life is ever going to make sense.

It is just the opposite of seeing a sunset and being warmed by the pink light.  It is the opposite of seeing a young couple in love and smiling.  You feel the opposite of what you know is good.  The reality of the opposite of good slices through your spirit.

But.  The pink light still peeks through the silhouette of the dark forest.  Love makes it’s way through the years a couple shares with one another.  Despite the filter you are seeing the world through right now, good still is good.

And, if some or all of your world feels like NO right now.  And if some or all of your world is uncertain right now.  And if you feel like you are standing in some sort of dark forest right now.  Even now, He is still good.

FF Oct 17

Spring Cleansing

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, March 2013 Spring Cleaning, UncategorizedLeave a comment

By Bindu Adai Mathew

As I began to prepare to move out of our downtown condo that has been our home for the last 8 years, I realize that I’m not just cleaning out the clutter of the last 8 years of my life… I’m also cleaning out the clutter that I brought with me when I moved in 8 years ago as well. 

As I sit, literally sit, in my walk-in closet and reach for the stacks of notebooks and paper that have remained hidden in the corners of my closet, I begin to quickly feel overwhelmed, realizing that what should only take me a couple of minutes is actually going to take me hours. Part of my brain rebels and reminds me that since I hadn’t looked at them in that many years, then I should probably just grab it all and chunk it into the abyss of the oversized trashbag next to me. I should, but a still, small voice booms louder than my conscience. It is the voice that has ensnared and imprisoned me for years and labeled me as a “packrat.” I give in, as I always do, and start digging through the stacks.  An electricity bill from 2007. I hesitate for a moment… “But what if I need it?” I shake my head at myself, ashamed that the thought has even crossed my mind. Before it can repeat itself, I thrust the paper into the black abyss. Some receipts from a store purchase that I won’t even mention the year they’re from. I assure myself since I no longer plan to return those items, yes, these receipts can go into the trash as well. A journal from my single days when I was lamenting the woes of unrequited love. Yes, this one is a keeper and could be potential inspiration for my next novel! Not to mention it’s my journal, for goodness sake! I set it aside to my right, creating a new fresh pile of keepsakes. On and on, I go…I’m embarrassed to know that yes, while the contents of my trash bag grew so did the pile of keepsakes. While some things were easy to let go, others were painful, even if I knew I no longer needed them and probably wouldn’t have the time to look at them until I had to clean my closets yet again. I consider just throwing these keepsakes into a moving box to reckon with them later. After a heavy sigh and the feeling of dread, I look at my keepsake file and begin anew, making another pile of things I can’t part with. I slowly whittle away at the original keepsake file and soon it becomes something more manageable. While it has been painful, tedious, and long, I have to admit, I do feel more free…less burdened… 

In my quiet time later that night, God prods my heart. No…not my heart, too, Lord! Wasn’t my closet enough for today? I sigh, knowing that my spring cleaning isn’t complete. If I don’t purge my heart as well of the unnecessary clutter, I will carry that with me indefinitely as well. As I pray, I began sorting through some of it. The betrayal of a once good friend. The letdown of another. The critical words of an inlaw.  The stinging words of a sibling. The disappointment of a setback. Yes, there are countless things that I have hoarded and held onto in the dark recesses of my mind and heart. Things I should throw out, things I should let go of…but like the piles of paper in my closet, I have allowed myself to hold onto it, allowing it to fill unnecessary space in my life, clouding it, crowding it. I want to feel that freedom I felt earlier when I looked at my closet and saw the cleanliness and tidiness of it after my spring cleaning. Yes, it was time…more than time to spring clean my heart as well.

 

Forgive me, Lord, for being so unforgiving. Help me let go of the hurt, the pain, and the bitterness of some of those memories. Cleanse me, Lord, and renew my spirit. Lord, you’ve promised me joy for my ashes. You’ve promised me that you will use everything, even the bad, for my good. Lord, I choose to believe that. I choose You over my hurt and bitterness. Renew me, Lord.

 

 

 

The Real Meaning of Love

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, FemmeFuel by Bindu Adai-Mathew, Love, UncategorizedLeave a comment

By Bindu Adai Mathew

Love. The world defines love as an emotion…a feeling. From fairy tales to Hollywood love stories, we are taught from childhood through adulthood that love is this intense, electric emotion that consumes us and sends us to the stratosphere, robbing of us all sense and thought .

The Bible, however, defines love differently:  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.

We have all probably heard these verses multiple times in our life…and more often than not, they are read at weddings. However, it probably wasn’t until I was married myself that I truly understood what those verses meant.  The first time he squeezed the toothpaste from the middle instead of the end? (Sigh) The first time he left the toilet seat up?  (Head shake) The first time he stayed up late after I meticulously cleaned the kitchen and went to sleep,  only for me to wake up in the morning to find random dishes, glasses, frozen food and chips wrappings, crumbs, etc. strewn across the kitchen counter and living room table? (Steam coming out of my ears) During those early years, I found it very difficult to be loving at times. Loving=patience=forgiveness…neither of which I was good at. But thank God, even when I wasn’t acting very loving, my husband continued to love on me.

Love, I’ve come to realize over the years, is not just a feeling…it is an action. Forgive. Sacrifice. Protect. Trust. All actions that God has done for us: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16.

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13.

As always, Jesus is our example. He loved us so much that he sacrificed his life so we can a chance at eternity in heaven. He loved us so much that even in the midst of intense suffering and pain at our hands, He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” Luke 23:34.

Wow. Sacrifice. Forgiveness. Love.

Love

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz, LoveLeave a comment

Love is the greatest gift of all.  It is not a song; it is not the month of February.  It is not a box of chocolates – – although it can feel like a very good substitute sometimes.  It is the whispers of the Spirit.  It is the calming of the heart.  It is the promise of rest and joy.  It is the belief that everything will be okay.  And, not on account of your strength or commitment to good.  But, His.

Love, to me, is a God that never sleeps.  A God that never rests.  A God that is always there working my greater good.  A God that knows me.  A God that always delivers me, provides for me.  A God that is so big and so full and so deep that my greatest worry, my greatest burden, is already in His back pocket.

Love is a God that speaks in all seasons.  A God that spends a lifetime helping you to be who you really are.  A God that already knows every word you will speak to Him and already knows every word He will ever speak to you.  A God that holds your freedom in highest regard.  A God that walks you through every tear, every cry, every hard question you post in His direction.

Our God is a God of love.  And as I toil in my work and in my family and in my relationships.  He says to me “Live, my child, while I take care of the rest.”  And, when He says that, my understanding of His love winds deeper and clearer and stronger because I believe Him.

Knowing Him and Him knowing me are the greatest markers of love I will ever know.  And the longer I know Him, the more I know of love.  And the more I know of love, the more I believe I am free to live, and to the fullest.  Without any thought or concern for the outcome.  Because the end is His.  And He is perfect.  To love.

Fall in Love Today!

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Bindu Adai-Mathew, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

Go to fullsize imageBy Bindu Adai-Mathew

“For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak!” Matthew 26:41b

As I read JMathis’s post yesterday, this was the scripture that came to mind. When I read her post, I, too, begin to feel the strong stirrings of conviction. I’ll be the first to confess, that, I, too, have had many dreams of grandeur in terms of my writing ambitions. Yes, I do want to encourage women through my writing. Yes, I do want to inspire them to pursue their passions while also serving God. But secretly, I do confess that I’ve imagined doing all of this from my beautifully furnished home office…the one I spend my days in since resigning from my corporate day job. It has a beautiful view, this office…ocean view on one side…mountain view on the other…modern espresso colored desk and bookcase…a cozy velvet couch, perfect for sipping hot tea from porcelain teacups while trying to battle those pesky writer’s blocks! Oh, wait, I didn’t mention God anywhere, did I? Hmmm…well, it is for His glory anyway, riiiiight?

Yes, JMathis is right…sometimes our dreams take little detours that have nothing to do with our original goal of serving and honoring God.  I want to want what God wants for my life…really, I do! But somewhere in there, very quickly, materialism and hedonism quickly creep in and push God out of the way until there is no room for Him.  Sometimes, to be quite honest, both my spirit and my body are weak. So then what?

Pray. Pray for that desire to want God. Pray for that desire to want to please Him.

Lest we forget, it is the first commandment. All of us know the Thou shall not steal…Thou shall not kill…But how many of us know what Jesus described as the first and greatest commandment?

“Jesus replied. ‘And you shall love the Lord, your God, with all of your Heart, Soul, and Mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.’”  Matthew 22:37-38

And ironically, it is often the first one we forget.  Of course, most of us would say, yes, we love God…but can we say we loooooooooooove God? That we are in love with God? Jesus didn’t say just love God with your heart. He said to love him with your heart, soul, and mind. Basically we are told to love Him with every fiber of every aspect of our physical, spiritual, and emotional selves.

Why? Because He said so? Maybe… He is God…He makes the rules…But I think of it this way…remember the early stages of being in love with your significant other…Remember how you thought of them always? How you considered their feelings, sometimes before your own? What you wouldn’t do for them because you were in love with them?

Those of you with kids can think about them…yes, unconditional love at its human finest! What wouldn’t anyone of us do for our children? Sure, they’re helpless and unable to do for themselves, especially when they’re babies. But that’s not what goes through our minds when we look at them or when they cry. Love. Love gets us up in the middle of the night when they’re sick. Love keeps us up at night when they missed curfew. Love keeps us loving them even when they don’t act loving towards us.

Love is a powerful motivator. Imagine what YOU would do for God…not because you had to…not because you were told to…but because you wanted to…because you loved with God with all of your Heart. Soul. And Mind.

Jesus knew the power of love. After all, it was love that motivated Him to come to earth. It was love that caused Him to give up His life so we, too, could have Life. Not just life…but Eternal Life.

So my challenge for you today…tomorrow…and always is to love God. With every fiber of your being. Heart. Mind. Soul.

And let’s see what YOU will do for love…

God-Sized Holes

On By femmefuelIn Best of Bindu Adai-Mathew, FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, June 2011 (Men and Boys)2 Comments

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

For this past Mother’s day, I got flowers…ahem, actually, let me clarify…I got texted a picture of some flowers, accompanied with the words “Happy Mother’s Day” from my husband. I was in Houston with my daughter and we were visiting my family, specifically my own mother, for Mother’s Day weekend. When I got the text, I chuckled and called to thank my husband for his thoughtfulness. The next day when I arrived back in Florida,  I fell quickly back into my routine, and it wasn’t until the end of the week that it hit me that that my husband never gave me my Mother’s Day card or gift!

So one evening, I playfully approached him, hands clasped behind me as I trotted to him like he was Santa Clause dispensing Christmas gifts. “Hey honey, did you forget something?” I asked, coyly smiling.

He was completely engrossed in his computer but finally glanced up from the screen. I batted my eyelashes, flashing him all of my pearly whites.

“I forgot something?” he asked, smiling at my playfulness. But then he glanced back down at the computer and absently asked, “What did I forget?”

“You know…for Mother’s Day…”

He glanced back at me with a blank expression. Ahhh…nicely played, I thought to myself. His innocent act is very convincing. Internally, I was rubbing my hands gleefully together as I imagined all my possible gifts…perhaps it’s a cute outfit, a mani-pedi gift certificate, or ooooh, maybe it’s a nice massage!

But rather than rushing to the closet to pull out my nicely wrapped gift, he continued to sit on the couch, staring at me with a truly perplexed stare. “But I sent you flowers…”

“Huh? You did? I didn’t get any flowers.”  Had they been delivered to the wrong address? Maybe they arrived at my parents’ home after I left…no, my mom would have told me.

“Remember…the text…I texted you flowers!” he stated matter-of-factly.

Now it was my turn to give him the blank stare. “Seriously?” I asked, hoping he’s kidding.

Apparently, he was not.

He shrugged his shoulders and smiled half-heartedly like it was no big deal that he neglected the mother of his only child on Mother’s Day. He focused his attention back on the computer screen. As I stared incredulously at him, I momentarily imagined using those cyber flowers he texted me to beat some sensitivity into him.

I can’t help it. I know it sounds petty to whine about not getting a gift…but to be honest, I was really looking forward to some small (or not-so-small token) of recognition for my daily sacrifices as a mother. Unlike my birthday, where just by virtue of being born, I am remembered and honored, I feel like I’ve EARNED my Mother’s Day recognition.

Yep, that’s right for all you moms with teenagers…you heard me. In the 20 months that I’ve had a child, I feel very deserving of my mother’s day card and gift. In my defense, my 20 month old toddler finally started something early—her “terrible 2’s!”  So yes, in recognition of still not sleeping through the night, in recognition of the tantrums, all the personal sacrifices we moms have to make, I felt quite deserving of this Hallmark and FTD Florist-sponsored holiday.

I really wasn’t expecting anything big, but I wanted to feel special. I wanted to feel valued. Even a card would have been nice. Okay, maybe not just a card…but a card with a giftcard in it would have been nice. Or cash. I would have taken cash.

An avalanche of feelings threatened to overwhelm me as I stood there, mouth open, in dumbfounded stupor, knowing my husband could so casually and so off-handedly brush off this once-a-year day like it were one of those pseudo-holidays like National Polka Dot Appreciation Day.

I began to feel undervalued…unappreciated…and unloved.

Not wanting to start a fight over something so seemingly petty, I forcibly reminded myself of what  a wonderful husband I do have.

After all, when he proposed, he whisked me off to Catalina Island and proposed to me water-side. For a significant 30-something birthday, he surprised me with a surprise birthday dinner with 20 close friends, followed by a trip to Naples with ocean-view rooms and room service.

Yes, I reminded myself through gritted teeth, I have a very good husband. He helps me with our daughter…he even occasionally helps me clean the kitchen or load the dishwasher…and he doesn’t complain that I only end up cooking twice or less a week. I have a good husband.

My anger dissipates, but others feelings remain. The God-sized hole in my heart opens again as as I battle feelings of insignificance.

All because of a Mother’s Day gift (or more accurately, a lack thereof).

But it’s not the gift. It’s the God-sized hole that no matter how many wonderful things my husband does, he’ll never be able to fill. That hole is a like a black hole, always sucking everything in like an industrial vacuum, like negative energy… but never quite satisfied.

As I stew in self-pity, I begin to recognize the quiet, empty place. I’ve been here before. In my youth. During my 20s. Even after marriage.

But it is this quiet, empty space where God speaks to me, reminding me…

I am reminded of a friend who lost her dad when she was only 12. Losing him at such a young age had left her with her own God-sized hole in her heart. She blames her poor choices in men, her desperate need for love on her attempt to fill that void that her father left.

How ironic, I thought. All I could think of was how having my dad around was the cause of my problems…his bi-polar like personality, coupled with his short temper, left childhood scars that I’m still trying to overcome and compensate for as an adult.

My friend blames her father’s absence on her God-size hole while I blame my dad’s own personal issues as creating mine.

And then there’s the other friend. She had a good father. She didn’t lose him at a young age. In fact, he is still healthy, and they remain close. But the kind of unconditional love he showered on her made her long for that same type of adoration and devotion in her marriage.

Even AbbyA described the hole in her heart left by the dad whom she adored but was often very busy :  I spent a lot of time over the last year and a half longing for and wanting to be some of those individuals. I felt like they somehow “got more” or were on the “inside.” And, I was on the outside.

God showed me that despite our background, our experiences, we are all created with God-size holes in our hearts. We try to fill it with other things. Some people chose materialism…some chose drugs…and many of us chose the opposite sex. We pin all our hopes, our dreams, our expectations on our significant other’s ability to fill that hole.

But that’s the thing about God-sized holes…only God can fill them.

My prayer for each of you is Ephesians 3:19: May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Basic Instincts

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Bindu Adai-Mathew, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

In her Chasing Cars blog yesterday, JMathis described how we as women often spend much of our lives chasing things, approval, and especially love. And sometimes the more it passes us by, the more we seem to yearn it. Why is that?

While men are characteristically the “hunters,” I think women are no less programmed with that predatory, hunting instinct. Don’t believe me? Think about the last time you were at a major Macy’s Shoe Sale…or the last time you were at the mall during holiday season…or the last time you were at a wedding with plenty of other twenty-something women and few available single men. Think about the term “Cougars.”

And why is it Mr. Unavailable is so much more appealing to us than Mr. Nice Guy? Is it because Mr. Unavailable is running away from us and therefore, bringing out our base human instinct to pursue?

Perhaps in the end, as much as we think we women have evolved as a society, we are still no better than the “Me Tarzan, You Jane” biology that men use to excuse their sometimes archaic, caveman behavior.

 Or maybe it’s even more complicated than that.

Do you recall the first time you fell in love? Do you remember how your heart soared, how your feet felt light, how your hands felt clammy, and how your stomach felt like it was about to regurgitate your last meal? Wasn’t it the most amazing feeling?

I remember the first time I fell “in love” like that…I remember the unexpected surge of energy, the heart palpitations, my inability to sleep as my thoughts obsessively centered around that one person…it was like I was on drugs or something…

And while most of us have felt that addictive, euphoric overload at one point in our lives, haven’t we all known people who seem to be in love with being in love?  They can’t help it, they tell us…they just love LOVE! Think of JLo…and Kim Kardashian.

And according to psychiatrist Judith Orloff, who wrote two books on the subject, being “in love” can create the same chemical reactions in our body that drugs can cause: “As a psychiatrist, I’ve seen how intense sexual attraction is notorious for obliterating common sense and intuition in the most sensible people. Why? Lust is an altered state of consciousness programmed by the primal urge to procreate. The brain in this phase may be much like a brain on drugs. MRI scans illustrate that the area that “lights up” (becomes active) when an addict gets a fix of cocaine is the same area that “lights up” when a person is experiencing the intense lust of physical attraction.”

Wow…the first time I read that, I felt like I finally got a true glimpse into the appeal of cocaine and other drugs…if I could bottle up the feelings I felt around Mr. Perfect and create a pill to replicate the euphoria, the excitement I felt when I was around him, I could make millions!

While lust can eventually lead to love, there are dangers in allowing our hormones to rule our heads as Dr. Orloff goes on to warn us, “In the early stage of a relationship, when the sex hormones are raging, lust is fueled by idealization and projection — you see what you hope someone will be or need them to be — rather than seeing the real person, flaws and all.”

In the words of Joey from the show, “Blossom”: WHOA!

Finally, for the first time, when I think about the crush I had on Mr. Perfect so many years ago, I began to see why I felt I was so addicted to him…because in a way, I truly was. I was addicted to the feelings he evoked in me. And I realize much of my early feelings were based on not who he truly was, but what I imagined him to be in my own imagination…like the novelist I now aspire to be, I created a fictional character in my head.

So to build on JMathis’s analogy, I wasn’t just chasing a car…I was chasing a fictional car! Ah, even better!

So the next time you think you’re “following your heart” and in hot pursuit of the unattainable, your “I just can’t help it” feelings might truly be valid…you now know that you do have science and biology backing your claims. But just also keep in mind, while you may excuse your decisions and behavior as “you’re just following your heart,” it may not be your heart that is truly guiding you…

 The human heart is the most deceitful of all things. Jeremiah 17:9a