Category: Journey Through October: Conquering Fear

JOURNEY THROUGH OCTOBER: CONQUERING FEAR

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz, Journey Through October: Conquering FearLeave a comment

~week two~day 2~

Parenthood is a very romantic thought when you’re young.  Being a mama or daddy, for most, sounds like a call to love.  You find the one you love.  You eventually bring little people into the world because of your love.  It all makes a lot of sense in light of love.

But as the weeks and months and years pass, you come to find that parenting is as much about bravery as it is about love.  No one tells you in advance about the fear you will put aside when you ride in the ambulance to get your peanut’s finger sewed back on.  No one gives you a shower card telling you to be brave and wise when the thermometer hits 103 or 104 during the night.  And, the lonely year your sweet offspring spent looking for friends to hang with on the playground – – you didn’t see that coming, but your love made you brave.

I must not (will not) leave out the bravery of childbirth.  Frankly, no one tells you about the reality of childbirth before you experience it.  I think it’s mainly because they know there are no words to describe the persistent traumatizing pain.  But I also think it’s because they don’t want to tattoo fear into your joyful anticipation.  Childbirth takes bravery.

Fear and retreat sound like good options sometimes.  But the love in you tells you that you can be brave so that your kids will also be brave.  You do things against your grain like letting them fall sometimes.  You don’t always swoop them up when their heart is hurt, but let them grow under your wings.  Parenting takes putting aside fear and putting on bravery.  It all makes a whole lot of sense in light of love.

Journey Through October: Conquering Fear

On By sashakatzIn Journey Through October: Conquering FearLeave a comment

~week one~day three~

The Reason to Keep Breathing

There are reasons to read on though.  His kindness leads us to repentance.  Romans 2:4.  There is no greater love than He who lays down his life for His friends. John 15:13.  He didn’t take you this far to leave you.  Philippians 1:6.

There are also reasons to keep breathing when you are suffering.  None of us fully knows the kindness of God until our need supersedes our abilities.  Somehow when the impossible flows into our reality, we finally recognize that our human efforts can only take us so far.  We can’t change people.  We can’t alter circumstances with our influence or smarts.  We can’t carve out a way when there is no way.  We can’t work all things together for good on our own.

We can, however, choose to keep breathing.  As we breathe, He shows us that there is no distance He will not go to prove His love.  There is no width He won’t go to put our pieces back in order.  There is no depth He won’t go to show us how very much He loves us.  He is interceding for us; placing in us His strength, so that we can in fact breathe through our pain.

It is worth it to keep on breathing.  He did not take you this far to leave you.  He has plans to give you a hope and a future.

I remember looking into my dad’s eyes as He crossed over to heaven.  As I said goodbye with my eyes staring into his eyes, I distinctly remember knowing that His love was greater than the heartbreak of goodbye.  His wisdom was higher than my thoughts of keeping my dad here.  At that time, I did not know the true depth that would result from continuing to breathe.  I would not know for quite some time the value of breathing as we suffer.  But it is for the same reason I picked up again those two books on Fear.  He has a message for us at all times.  But especially when we suffer.

Journey Through October: Conquering Fear

On By sashakatzIn Journey Through October: Conquering FearLeave a comment

~week one~day two~

The Reason I Didn’t Read

I flinch at the thought of pain. It hurts. A season of pain usually means someone I love will be suffering. Maybe I will be stretched beyond my human capacity. There will be loss. I will have to dig deep into Him to locate answers, find direction. I will need to seek Him for air to breathe. For peace in the night.

I will have to apply the wisdom of the past to know He will deliver. I will have to Walk by Faith and Not Sight. I will have to believe that my greatest hopes for the circumstances will be worked out both in His perfection and creativity. I will have to take a step of faith to know His outcome is better than anything I may conjure up as good in my own heart or mind.

I will do all of these things while my heart is hurting. While I don’t understand. While I dream about better or different days. In between redoing the past and how I could have made things different. Had I been given the chance to replay. Surely things would have turned out better. Or, at least, less painful.

The past already taught me that once pain has come into my soul, it will take some time for the dirt to become fertile again. The barrenness will have to be carved out. Removing what is prohibiting or holding me back from growth. It takes a while for flowers to bloom again. Turning those pages felt like an invitation to relive all of it. All my pain. This is the reason why I didn’t read.

Journey Through October: Conquering Fear

On By sashakatzIn Journey Through October: Conquering FearLeave a comment

Join me as I journey through October facing fear. I will share with you many short posts recalling my own battles. Sharing bravery. Remembering scripture. Treasuring wisdom.

Dreams are reached through facing fear and persevering through pain.  Pain is by no means desirable. But with God. The very, very dark and desperate becomes bright, full of hope and inevitably beautiful.

~week one~day one~

It was not clear to me when I slammed the first book shut. I had just turned the page and landed on chapter 6 – – From Anxious to Peace: Conquering Fear. Forget Chapter 6, I said to myself. I don’t want to know what I am lacking in the way of peace. I don’t want to open up this topic so God can conveniently use it to refine me, prune me. Nope. Been there, done that. A few hundred times.

I cleverly excused myself to the other book I was reading. The second book needed reading for my Monday bible study anyway. I am a smart girl and I have my priorities straight. I don’t like pain. I will keep the first book shut For A Long Time.

The first book remained closed on my shelf. I continued to read the second book. Some time passed. I reached Part 3 of the second book. The title is God Knows My Fears. Slam. After all, I was a few chapters ahead of my bible study’s reading anyway. No need to get any further ahead.  For now.

It was not yet clear to me why I was slamming books shut on Conquering Fear.  But clarity was on its way.  Truth was reaching for me.  Wisdom was calling.  My answers were on the very next page . . .