Tag: Father

I Call Him Dad

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz1 Comment

I woke up this morning and my heart cried out Dad.  I don’t always wake up that way.  Sometimes, I yell on the inside, God Where Are You?  I feel like I am looking around the room in the dark until I calm my heart and find Him.  Other times, I march to the bathroom with no lights on saying I can do nothing without You.  That usually takes place when my exhaustion is at a high.  I don’t know where to go except to Him.  I can be frantic, I can be enthusiastically dependent, but I like it the best when I wake up calling him Dad.

No matter the direction our soul takes us, there is no other place to go except to Him.  He puts in us our unique identity, giving us the opportunity to be who He made us to be.  When we are in tune with Him, we do what we do because we believe.  I write because I think it is my “hands and feet” in the body.  I breathe because He has given me that privilege.  I am a mom because He showed me that it is one of the ways I can deny myself, pick up the cross and follow Him.  I am what I am because He asked me to be.  And, what I am not — the things that are the real works in progress — I seek Him for.

So, why do I believe?  Why do you believe?  I think the answer is His heart and His actions.  He reaches into to the depths of your soul and tells you that you are good.  He says you are Mine.  You have no need to be alone.  You are with Me.  There is no fear in Me.  I will walk with you.  I will hear you.  I will know you.  I will come close.  I will reign in you.  And, I will not charge a fee for my great and unending love.  You just believe.  And, little by little, you come to know Him as your dad.

Each of us knows a little about the figure of dad.  Some of you will say that your bloodline makes you a daughter.  Some of you were adopted and that has made you a child.  Some of you would say that pain is synonymous with dad.  Some of you would say that your dad is your hero.  Or your protector.  For some, your dad still causes you grief.  Some of you rejoice over the great gift you have received in knowing and having a father.

I love that some of us get a glimpse of God in the eyes of our fathers.  I love that dads can fix things.  Give advice.  Walk through the fire with you.  Whether it’s job changes or marriage.  I love that my dad saw me while I was pregnant and complemented me on the good work going on in my body.  I love pics of dads with their grandbabies or toddlers on their shoulders.  I like the idea that dads walk down the aisle with us.  I like the way God made dads.  And, I like that the ruler and maker of the universe is my dad.  And yours too.

FF Oct 3

The Power of Impossibility

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz1 Comment

By Sasha Katz

If you think about all of the times in your life that you were down, crushed, broken or hopeless, there is always a strain, grain or thread of impossibility.  Even when you force your hurt or beat up self to be practical, problem solving or option seeking, impossibility eventually strikes your potential plan and you are back to square one.  Like a deer in headlights, you stop when you come against impossibility.  There are circumstances in this life where change feels impossible.

We all have been there.  Impossibility comes in the form of lack of funds.  When I was heading back to law school for year two, my grandma wasn’t able to help me out anymore.  I had no ideas and no funds to cover the deficiency.  I was already working and my loans were maxed.  I had no more human capacity to make up the difference.  I sat with the financial aid counselor (who I had no idea was a believer) and she said that a man had left a trust fund to my school for scenarios like mine and she had the authority to give me what I needed for the year.  And, then she said – – Your Father knows what you need.  God blew out what I viewed as impossibility.

Impossibility comes in the form of relationships.  It was not that long ago that I determined that my husband and I would not see eye to eye on tithing to our church.  We had been fighting about it for more than a year.  My prayers seemed useless because our battle just heightened each time we went to war on the issue.  I think it was in the middle of one of our furious matches on the issue, that I was sitting at the dining room table, and a resolution occurred to me.  I probably yelled the resolution instead of suggested it the way the Holy Spirit had gently put it into my mind.  But, in any case, my husband yelled back, FINE (or whatever form his agreement came in).  Resolved.  Years of fighting pretty much resolved in one Holy Spirit moment.

Impossibility comes in the form of loss.  I didn’t know this pain until my dad died just before Christmas of 2009.  We spent some time talking about legacy at our couples bible study this week.  It brought me right back to my dad and my memories of losing him.  Right now, I see his clear blues eyes looking into my eyes of the same color, not just on the day he walked home to the Lord, but on every intimate occasion throughout my life.  There were moments during the first year after his arrival to heaven that stopping the radical tears and pain seemed to be an impossibility.  His blue eyes and the healing of the loss of them took the gentle hand of the Lord washing over me, the wise counsel of my mom and time.

I don’t know exactly what impossibility looks like for you.  I have impossibility even right now.  It stops us in our tracks and pushes back the mind and heart as you search for ways around and through impossibility.  I also don’t know what your break through looks like.  I don’t know what mine looks like either.  However, I have learned that it is beyond me to know how it is that the Lord plans to make possible what is humanly impossible.  And, really, it doesn’t matter how many times in a life that we face impossibility – – when it appears, it is real.

We certainly have the option to believe that He does impossible things rather than the hopeless alternative.  We have the option to let those close to us pray for us and minister to us.  We have the alternative to talk to the God of impossible things.  And, even if our prayer seems feeble, useless or powerless, if our prayers sound insufficient, small minded or limited, they are worthwhile and received by the God who planned from the beginning of time to take you to the other side of impossible.

lucado 2

 

Birth, Death & Father’s Day

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha KatzLeave a comment

I remember years ago asking my dad what his favorite verse was. He was approaching his birthday and I wanted to do something crafty for him. The craft really doesn’t matter at all because it didn’t come out that good. I think I tried to embroider the verse on a pillow with a beads. But, I remember what his favorite verse was at that time in his life. He will never leave you or forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6

At the time of his birthday (I think it was 54 or 56), I had not even taken in the idea that my dad would only have a few birthdays left. He was already sick with cancer at that time, but idea of him getting sick enough to die and God allowing that did become part of my mind’s possibilities. I have been thinking about my dad a lot the last month. Probably because I was his father’s day gift many moons ago. My birth, his death and Father’s Day loom around in my mind in the month of June.

This month, I have been telling my kids some of my thoughts and remembrances so their memories have my dad in them. I think about what life would be like if he was still here. I text my brother who senses his loss almost daily even years later. But not for one minute, not for one second do I question God’s calling on my dad’s life or God’s choice to end his earthly time line at 59 years old. This is the faith that my dad’s walk to heaven has brought me to.

In my dad’s time of weakness where God was allowing him to feel pain. Allowing him to know the brevity of life. Allowing him to realize life was going to end differently than his expectations. Eventually allowing him to wrap up his affairs, say goodbye. Allowing him to prepare to see God face to face. All of that time, my dad said that God showed him that He will never leave me or forsake me. My dad walked home to the Lord like the warrior He was in his life time and like the humble man God taught him to be in his life time. It is in our utmost weakness that God sews in His great love, great strength and His true to the end promise that He will never leave you or forsake you.

Never Leave You

Thank you to Jennifer Dukes Lee for sharing her Ten Life-Changing Truths to Believe Today.

Part 5 of Interview with Matt Patterson, Author of My Emily

On By femmefuelIn FemmeInterviews by JMathis, March 2011 (Luck v. Faith)1 Comment

Emily wasn’t born perfect – so one might think. She was born with Down Syndrome and many would jump to the conclusion that she would have very little hope for a life with any significance. Two years later came the diagnosis of leukemia. What little hope remaining turned to no hope whatsoever – or so one might think. This short story tells how the life of one little girl, with all its perceived imperfections, had great meaning. Her loving nature and courage touched the hearts of everyone she met. She also taught them how to value their own lives – even with their many “imperfections.” –From My Emily, by Matt Patterson.  

Matt Patterson, the author of My Emily, is a writer who decided to finally share the story of his daughter with hopes to raise funds for those who are raising children with special needs and fighting cancer. My Emily is indeed a testament of a father’s love for his daughter. More importantly, it is a heartwarming memoir of how in just a short time here on this earth, a young daughter transformed the life of her father, and all those who came in contact with her.

In this month when FemmeFuel is contemplating the ideas of luck vs. faith, we interview Matt Patterson, who on the surface may seem “unlucky” when his daughter Emily is born with Down Syndrome, and later diagnosed with leukemia. However, as Matt shares, it was he who was blessed by God in the call to serve as Emily’s father.

In case you missed it, click here to read Part 1…

Click here to read Part 2…

Click here to read Part 3…

Click here to read Part 4…

Do you find Jesus most connected to our lives when you consider Him (a) with us in our suffering or (b) as the one who rescues us from our suffering?

I might be taking the easy way out – but I’m going to say both. Allow me to explain.

When Emily was born and we heard the word, “leukemia,” we were devastated. He was with us. We sought Him out in prayer long before we heard this diagnosis, so we knew He was with us.

Once Emily passed, I was mad at God. I was ticked. I wanted nothing to do with Him.

To allow His angel to suffer as such, well, I didn’t have much use for a God that permitted that. He rescued me by having me tell others of her passing. A heart that was full of anger and venom was cleansed by His mercy. By having me speak with others over and over again, it made me realize the comfort that He provides. At a time when I could have completely forsaken him, He rescued me.

Do you have a more sincere, true faith after being on this journey with Emily? How is it different from the faith you had prior to your experiences with Emily?

 Yes, I most certainly do! I can now say, “But I trust in you, O Lord; ‘You are my God.’ My times are in your hands.”(Psalm 31:14-15) I could have never said that even three years ago.

At the time of Emily’s birth, diagnosis and passing,  we were members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (also known as Mormon or LDS).  I do have to admit at times I felt Emily’s conditions were the Lord’s way of punishing me for not being the perfect member of that religion.

It wasn’t until three years ago we attended a church and the message spoke heavily of legalism. It was the second time we visited a Christian church and when I heard the statement, “You have to ask yourself this question. Am I practicing a religion or do I have a relationship with God?”

After living my whole life entrenched in a religion that based my level of salvation on my deeds and accomplishments, and to hear this question. It was life-changing. As soon as my wife and I heard it – we looked at each other simultaneously. When we left that night, I asked my wife if she would support me leaving the LDS chuch. She gave me a wonderful, one word answer – “Absolutely.”

So today, to know what mercy and grace are – (words we never heard before) – well, it’s a long way from the burden of guilt and depression associated with legalism.

Order My Emily today on Amazon to help support families who are raising children with special needs and cancer. To learn more about Emily’s story, check out My Emily on Facebook.

Part 4 of Interview with Matt Patterson, Author of My Emily

On By femmefuelIn FemmeInterviews by JMathis, March 2011 (Luck v. Faith)1 Comment

Emily wasn’t born perfect – so one might think. She was born with Down Syndrome and many would jump to the conclusion that she would have very little hope for a life with any significance. Two years later came the diagnosis of leukemia. What little hope remaining turned to no hope whatsoever – or so one might think. This short story tells how the life of one little girl, with all its perceived imperfections, had great meaning. Her loving nature and courage touched the hearts of everyone she met. She also taught them how to value their own lives – even with their many “imperfections.” –From My Emily, by Matt Patterson.  

Matt Patterson, the author of My Emily, is a writer who decided to finally share the story of his daughter with hopes to raise funds for those who are raising children with special needs and fighting cancer. My Emily is indeed a testament of a father’s love for his daughter. More importantly, it is a heartwarming memoir of how in just a short time here on this earth, a young daughter transformed the life of her father, and all those who came in contact with her.

In this month when FemmeFuel is contemplating the ideas of luck vs. faith, we interview Matt Patterson, who on the surface may seem “unlucky” when his daughter Emily is born with Down Syndrome, and later diagnosed with leukemia. However, as Matt shares, it was he who was blessed by God in the call to serve as Emily’s father.

In case you missed it, click here to read Part 1…

Click here to read Part 2…

Click here to read Part 3…

What scriptures, poems, songs or books helped you along your journey with Emily? 

I’m one who loves to find words – whether they’re from scripture, songs, books – to gain a greater sense of comfort or understanding of a personal situation.

Among scriptures, I find – Philippians 4:6-7: Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Also, 1 Peter 5:7 – Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 – Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

And in regard to serving others, Romans 8:28 strikes me: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

There are also lyrics I share in the book of a lullaby titled, “Goodnight Emily” that bring me back to the nights I would rock Emily to sleep. It was our time together each and every night.

Goodnight Emily, sleep tight Emily,
Jesus keep your dreams.
The God above is a God of love
so, little girl sleep in peace.

Currently, there are numerous Christian Contemporary songs and groups that bring me closer to God, inspiring me in moments of stress or times where I just need to take a breather. I can only say that the work of these artists have brought such a calmness in my life when I’ve needed it the most. I really love finding lyrics that touch me with regard to what I have endured in the past or what I’m currently experiencing.

In the past, I was previously a U2 and Bruce Springsteen fanatic. Now, I only listen to artists and groups such as The Robbie Seay Band, Sanctus Real, Matthew West, Casting Crowns, and the Michael Gungor Band. I’m a better person by making this subtle change in my life. 

Stay tuned tomorrow for more of Matt Patterson‘s interview with FemmeFuel…

Order My Emily today on Amazon to help support families who are raising children with special needs and cancer. To learn more about Emily’s story, check out My Emily on Facebook.

Part 3 of Interview with Matt Patterson, Author of My Emily

On By femmefuelIn FemmeInterviews by JMathis, March 2011 (Luck v. Faith)Leave a comment

Emily wasn’t born perfect – so one might think. She was born with Down Syndrome and many would jump to the conclusion that she would have very little hope for a life with any significance. Two years later came the diagnosis of leukemia. What little hope remaining turned to no hope whatsoever – or so one might think. This short story tells how the life of one little girl, with all its perceived imperfections, had great meaning. Her loving nature and courage touched the hearts of everyone she met. She also taught them how to value their own lives – even with their many “imperfections.” –From My Emily, by Matt Patterson.

Matt Patterson, the author of My Emily, is a writer who decided to finally share the story of his daughter with hopes to raise funds for those who are raising children with special needs and fighting cancer. My Emily is indeed a testament of a father’s love for his daughter. More importantly, it is a heartwarming memoir of how in just a short time here on this earth, a young daughter transformed the life of her father, and all those who came in contact with her.

In this month when FemmeFuel is contemplating the ideas of luck vs. faith, we interview Matt Patterson, who on the surface may seem “unlucky” when his daughter Emily is born with Down Syndrome, and later diagnosed with leukemia. However, as Matt shares, it was he who was blessed by God in the call to serve as Emily’s father.

In case you missed it, click here to read Part 1…

Click here to read Part 2…

Did any questions about suffering lead you to retreat from people, or reach out more towards others? 

Shortly after Emily’s passing, I think that both my wife and I withdrew from people. I personally had a very deep anger toward God.

Here’s where my “why” question came in to the picture. Why does a God allow a child – not just my child, but any child – to suffer through this type of illness and the treatments associated with it? Why does a God allow a child with special needs to suffer like this? Why does a merciful God allow a child to go through this illness and harsh treatments to allow her to go into remission and then, allow her to relapse, and again, start an even more intense regimen of chemotherapy? Those were my questions regarding suffering and shortly after Emily’s passing, I cut off all communication with God. I was mad. I was furious. I wasn’t going to give Him the time of day. The farther I pushed away from God, however, the more opportunities He gave to me to share Emily’s passing with those I came into contact with on a daily basis. I finally came to the conclusion that God gave me these sharing experiences with others as a way of healing. Are there days I still cry while sharing it? Of course. I have always wanted to help those families with children who have special needs or those battling pediatric cancer. I just didn’t know how to do so. Twenty years later, he gave me a vehicle to share her story and hopefully help others.

How would you advise other people on how to minister to or support a family going through what your family has gone through with Emily? What do you wish was done for your family during that time?

First, I have to say that the blessings that come from serving, comforting and supporting others are absolutely immeasurable. 

 It’s my thought and belief that each of us grieve differently. For example, I have always wanted to share Emily’s story, but was I ready to minister and comfort others, say 10 years ago? I would have to say no.  Now that I have a better understanding of the grieving process, I can truly say my passion to share her story and help others is at a level that’s difficult to quantify. It becomes very personal and emotional some days. There are still days when I need to lean on those closest to me for support and comfort. I have to say there was so much done for us during Emily’s illness and passing, I don’t look back and say, “Well, it would’ve been nice if they were there more for us.” We consider ourselves blessed for the support we did receive.

Stay tuned tomorrow for more of Matt Patterson‘s interview with FemmeFuel…

Order My Emily today on Amazon to help support families who are raising children with special needs and cancer. To learn more about Emily’s story, check out My Emily on Facebook.

Part 2 of Interview with Matt Patterson, Author of My Emily

On By femmefuelIn FemmeInterviews by JMathis, March 2011 (Luck v. Faith)Leave a comment

Emily wasn’t born perfect – so one might think. She was born with Down Syndrome and many would jump to the conclusion that she would have very little hope for a life with any significance. Two years later came the diagnosis of leukemia. What little hope remaining turned to no hope whatsoever – or so one might think. This short story tells how the life of one little girl, with all its perceived imperfections, had great meaning. Her loving nature and courage touched the hearts of everyone she met. She also taught them how to value their own lives – even with their many “imperfections.” –From My Emily, by Matt Patterson.  

Matt Patterson, the author of My Emily, is a writer who decided to finally share the story of his daughter with hopes to raise funds for those who are raising children with special needs and fighting cancer. My Emily is indeed a testament of a father’s love for his daughter. More importantly, it is a heartwarming memoir of how in just a short time here on this earth, a young daughter transformed the life of her father, and all those who came in contact with her.

In this month when FemmeFuel is contemplating the ideas of luck vs. faith, we interview Matt Patterson, who on the surface may seem “unlucky” when his daughter Emily is born with Down Syndrome, and later diagnosed with leukemia. However, as Matt shares, it was he who was blessed by God in the call to serve as Emily’s father.

In case you missed it, click here to read Part 1…

Now that you have gone through this journey with Emily, do you find it harder or easier to discuss the big questions about God?

Today, I find it easier to discuss the big questions about God. I feel like my wife and I have traveled a path that has prepared us. I say it’s easier, but I think if you ask anyone who knows me or who has heard our story, they will tell you I can be quite emotional.

The “why” question is one, I believe, we all ask when we’re confronted with difficult times. Whether it be a serious illness, the loss of a loved one, or any other moment that seems to try our faith. We need to remember that it’s okay to ask God questions, but we also need to be mindful that God has never promised to answer them either. Knowing the “why” isn’t going to take the pain away. We have to learn to ask other questions other than “why”.

For us, it was initially the birth of Emily. We were in our early-to-mid 20s and we were so excited about the birth of our first child. The following morning we were given the news that Emily was born with Down Syndrome. It was like a punch in the stomach. Initially, I had no idea whatsoever what Down Syndrome was. I was truly clueless. Then, just two years later – a diagnosis of leukemia. If the first punch in the gut hurt, the second brought me to my knees. I’m of the belief that we’re very capable of finding God’s answers to our “why” questions. Now, His answers may not be the ones we want, but if we’re willing to listen closely, these answers will be of great comfort to us.

Based on your experience with Emily, do you believe in luck? Did you ever think that you got dealt a bad hand in life?

I’m not a real big believer in luck.  Do I believe in coincidence? Not really. I do not believe I got dealt a bad hand! Quite the opposite! Was it a painful time? Yes, absolutely! I feel the Lord blessed us with Emily – no doubt whatsoever. It was our destiny to be her parents. We are such better people for having gone through this. I consider myself “lucky” to be able to share her story and perhaps touch a heart or two. It has given me such an opportunity to serve. Whether it be at cancer or grief support groups, or to an individual in our congregation or just a person in passing or even on-line, I feel I’m so very blessed to be able to perhaps help in some small way.

Stay tuned tomorrow for more of Matt Patterson‘s interview with FemmeFuel…

Order My Emily today on Amazon to help support families who are raising children with special needs and cancer. To learn more about Emily’s story, check out My Emily on Facebook.