Category: FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz

Be Out of Your Ordinary: The 31 Day Mind-Body-Spirit Challenge

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By AbbyA

As the heat of summer kicks in – – kids out of school – – the regular routine is on hold for a few more months.  Less traffic, more weekend plans, road trips.  We have a chance to be somewhat out of our ordinary.  We took a road trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains.  Although I worked a fair amount of it, I stayed up late without worrying about lack of sleep for tomorrow.  I saw the bloom of beautiful pink rhododendrons on the top of Roan Mountain.  I watched our kids roar with laughter on the white water raft.  I had a chance to be challenged spiritually . . . walked a little further down the path that God has prepared for me.  Celebrated my birthday.  But even there in the midst of surroundings that look like God’s perfect peace, we can be distracted.  Did I really need to skip my morning bible study to try to finish my work  before the kids woke up?  Did I really need to bypass a country drive with my husband because it was time to make dinner preparations?  Did the laundry in the cabin basement really matter?  (Okay, that did.)

The heart of what I am getting at is God’s greatest commandment to Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  Matthew 22:37.  God fully equipped us to serve Him with the gift of intellect, hands and feet and a spirit.  While we know that the Trinity always is in perfect peace, keeping our mind, body and spirit connected is not easy.   The tough part is that if we are not connected in body-mind-spirit, we trip up in our judgment.  Hence, skipping a drive with husband to cook dinner or skipping a bible study for no good reason.  It comes out in other ways too.  How about feeling exhausted and, instead of taking a jog or a nap, you go through way too many Ghirardelli squares to calm your nerves.  And, what about those nerves?  Have you given your mind attainable, challenging goals?  Or are you cycling through out-of-whack emotions where you can’t focus?

Connecting your mind-body-spirit is not about self-help or self-improvement.  It’s about honoring God’s greatest commandment to love Him with all three.  The Trinity gives us the best example of this.  Each of its person serves a purpose and stays in perfect unity with the other.  If we can seek to keep the mind, body and spirit connected, we’ll be able to genuinely live out God’s greatest commandment.

This month, give yourself a chance to be out of your ordinary with us.  We are going to take a week to look at and consider, first, our body.  We have so much to cover as women – – our body image, fitness goals, our body’s health.  During week two, we’ll delve into our mind.  What are your intellectual, professional, financial and career goals?  Are you setting out to make the best of your mind and keeping it healthy too?  Finally, the spirit.  Where are you at in your walk with God?  If you asked Him, would He tell you that you are just where He wants you or is it time to make some adjustments?  Yes, there is week four.  But, we are going to let God lead.  No doubt, you the readers and the Holy Spirit will tell where to end on this all-encompassing 31 day journey.    Be Out of Your Ordinary.  You never know where God will take you.

Welcome to the Jungle!

On By femmefuelIn Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)2 Comments

By AbbyA

Sex . . . when you are single, all you do is think about the possibility of it.  And, when you are married, all you do is think about when you will have the time, energy and desire to have it!  Ugh.  No wonder Paul said it is better to remain single.  1 Corinthians 7:8.  All of those daydreams of the married life where you were going to wear new lingerie all the time; snuggle in bed all night; have lots of sex, including more than once a day in various places throughout the house.  You were basically, in a very pure way, going to make up for all those years of faithfully treating your body as His temple. 

Well, welcome to the jungle, girls.  Excluding the first year of marriage . . . Okay, I will be generous and extend it to the birth of your first child . . . Excluding your married life without children, you are probably not wearing a whole lot of that sexy stash of lingerie.  Come on, your bootie takes up twice the space it used to and those darn sexy tops have no wire to hold up your breasts that were sucked  dry by your babies.  You are not snuggling all night (or at least I’m not) because your husband gets too hot after the twenty minutes of body touch.  And, more than once a day in various places through the house?  What?  How many nights do you actually get to sleep without any kids finding their way to your room?  Or, better yet, how often can you stay awake once your head hits the darn pillow?  Sex . . . we wanted it so badly while we waited but now that we have a marriage partner we can’t seem to get any, or to even want it at all.

I will admit that Bindu has far more intelligent answers and helpful insight on the whole matter.  So, I am just going to give it to you raw.  Marriage is tough.  And, if you are like me, I carry all of my emotions to the bedroom.  If I am beat up in my marriage relationship, I have no passion for sex.  In fact, at times like these, my Lord hears me praying (or venting really) to Him during sex.  I survive the sex.  And then, honestly, feel really defeated as a wife that I can’t get this area straight.  Really, can’t I just enjoy the physical pleasure regardless of how disappointed I am?  I am not sure that I know any man who needs any more than a glimpse of his wife’s body or even a sexy thought to get his passion fiery.  Just doesn’t work for me.  I need to feel loved, adored, cared for and protected.

So, ladies, here’s where I am at.  My thoughts are two-fold.  On the one hand, pray, pray and pray some more.  It has been the major life-changer in my sexual relationship with my husband.  By no means is it perfect, but God answers my prayers – – granting the desires of my heart; even if He first has to change my heart before blessing me with more passion and peace in my marital relationship.

On the other hand, acknowledge the role that Satan plays in seeking to destroy marriages.  What better way to axe away at a marriage than to take away or diminish the one thing that is exclusive to it?  Acknowledge the devil as a squirmy worm that Jesus has already crushed and pray, pray, pray.  God always shows up for His children who ask for His help.  Just ask; He will show up for you in this area as He shows up for me.

And, as a silly sidenote, don’t worry about the size of your butt or your once perky boobs, (with prayer) test the waters.  Whether it’s a white water rafting adventure God has in mind or a slow canoe ride on the pond, give it a shot.  God never delivers void.  Always victorious, pure, holy and sweet.  Trust Him with your life and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37: 3-6

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Be Refreshed

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

By AbbyA – Writing from the Blue Ridge Mountains

Bindu has reminded me of the most beautiful verse – Ephesians 3:19: May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. 

May each of you experience true salvation.  The kind that you are absolutely sure of.  The kind that allows you to fail horribly over and over again and never stop believing that you are saved by grace.  The kind that leads you to sail victoriously in His name.  The kind that leads you to love your neighbor and share His love to the unworthy, sinful and broken with a humble heart.  May each of you seek to know Him in detail with all of the depth of which you are capable.  May you know in your heart of hearts that He is unsearchable and unfathomable, but worthy to follow to the end of your time.  May you receive the fullness He has for you on earth.  But also look forward to your perfected self after you have fulfilled your Godly purposes here on earth.  Be refreshed by His gift of salvation.

The River Between Us

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

JMathis’ piece on the softness of men is so refreshing. For those of us who have been through a lot in our marriages, with our father figures or even with God, we forget how much the same we are with our fellow brothers. Whether they are husbands, brothers, dads, sons, boyfriends, the river we feel between us is not so large or vast. Bindu was so right when she talked about the hunter within us  – – whether we are fishing for shoes or fishing for men. The cross over is as large as the river between us.

I’m here in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Yesterday, I celebrated my second Father’s Day without my dad, and today, my 36th birthday. Since I got married nine years ago, had my babies and started a business, there has been a part of me that lacked confidence. It played out like feeling other moms knew more or had more experience than me. Or, that who I am wasn’t accomplished enough. I have all of this fruit around me, but didn’t feel I had the authority to acknowledge these good things were flowing out of the good in me.

There has been a certain amount of healing in the last few days. I have recognized how much my dad loved me. Without dredging the details, my dad was highly esteemed and very important in the lives of thousands of people over the years. Many of those people got to be around and spent a lot of time with my dad. Hundreds of these people came to his funeral, hundreds more wrote in his online guest book. I love how much he was loved. I spent a lot of time over the last year and a half longing for and wanting to be some of those individuals. I felt like they somehow “got more” or were on the “inside.” And, I was on the outside. Just the sort of thing that contributes to the killing of confidence. Because the “she” inside of me was just a little girl when he became so far away.

Call it my mother’s intuition or her extraordinary relationship with the Lord, “she” asked me, just the other day, to pray about receiving the great love my dad had for me. God showed me that, to my dad, I am more valuable than the air he breathed. It changed my heart. It has brought me leaps and bounds in the way of feeling justified. Comfortable with who I am, not as the smarty twenty-something. But as the mother, wife and friend that I am.

I will wrap it up by saying that there is sometimes a river between us. Male and female in the roles of father-daughter, husband-wife, mother-son. But there also is the cross over. That would be our Lord Jesus Christ who always makes a way to remove the space in between. My prayer for each and any one of you is that wherever you find the empty space or wherever you see the questions marks in your life, that you would seek Him to find the healing you need to be the full person God made you to be. I am quite sure that the river was meant to freely flow between us. Only He can make life this beautiful.

Serve the Lord Who Fills the Hole

On By femmefuelIn Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

Lady in Waiting and In the Waiting . . . For me, I was a young woman, late-teens/early-twenties who had an eraser-on-the-top-of-a-pencil sized hole in my heart. That means that the hole was small, but really needed to be filled. I had a daddy a few states away and a fairly sucky step dad at home . . . I was accustomed to the little hole in my heart. Of course, I didn’t have enough objectivity to see my hole; Satan used it as a playing field and, thankfully, my Lord protected me until I was spiritually ready to receive His healing.

So, late-teens/early-twenties girl ran her life. Working hard, studying hard. I had deep girl-friendships. Had a pretty great boyfriend (who turned out to be my husband). But I had this little hole in my heart. What was the harm of the hole? It transfigured itself into my life as attention. Yes, the hole really liked to be flattered by guys. There are all types of girls running around with a hole in their hearts. Mine didn’t lead me to sleep around or to drugs. Mine didn’t make me jaded or anti-male race. Mine just wanted attention.

What was the harm of the hole? Get it? That’s what Satan made me believe about the attention. What’s the harm of setting out to get attention? Since I hadn’t been really informed of my hole, I just kept on desiring and getting attention. And didn’t really get the harm at all.

I’m not one for reliving the sin. So, I will pass on the unnecessary details and give you one example of the harm of the hole. Trotting around Coconut Grove with best friend. Seeing someone that caught my eye. Setting out to catch his eye. Liking that I caught his eye. Carrying on for a few hours. After all the lead-on, abruptly leaving with a smile. I am way over hiding the truth, so I will add that there are way worse illustrations than abruptly leaving with a smile. The fact of the matter is that at the end of the day, I wasn’t interested in sex at all. It is no fun asking his roommate to drive you home because you really aren’t up for living up to his expectation after all that . . . attention.  Maybe I wanted to see if the guy would try for a kiss. I am not even sure that I wanted a relationship or a friend. I just wanted to be sure that I had the attention of whomever I wanted attention from whenever I wanted it. Man, what a self-serving hole I was serving.

What was the harm of the hole? Killing my boyfriend who really wanted all of my attention. Hurting my best friend who was more deserving of my attention. Hiding from my mom who knew that I was hiding from the hole. Naively hurting my soul by my endeavors to fill it up.

Where does all this fit? Well, it is the month of males. It is the month of admissions, looking back, going forward. So, what did ever happen to that hole in my heart? God showed me it. It took me some time to unravel the consequences of a lifetime of seeking and getting attention. It took me a few years to hear what God was saying to me about why I did what I did. It took sacrifice, crying out to God, a lot of fasting, trusting the one who is trustworthy. Shedding all those years of lack of attention that led to all the years of looking for attention.

I have learned that none of us has perfect lives. We have failures, imperfections, built-in nonsense that we were born with or born into. If you didn’t already notice, this is not heaven. I don’t mean to belittle your pain or mine. But, the fact that this it is not heaven, is the point. This is where we stumble and fall, bruise, bleed and fully embarrass ourselves and our creator on a regular basis. This is also the place where we get to choose. We can choose to blindly serve the hole or intentionally serve the God who can fill the hole. The journey is from empty to full. The adventure is the faith to believe that there is a face to our faith, and then, getting to see His face. I hate the hole, but I love the God who has a plan to fill it.

Is it the Battle of All Men?

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

JMathis wrote yesterday – It is very easy for us to laugh and roll our eyes in disbelief at the Tigers, Schwarzeneggers and Weiners of this world. It’s even easier for us to judge and wag our collective, holier-than-thou fingers at the Bishop Longs, Jim Bakkers, Ted Haggards and Catholic priests of the Christian world.  Who are these guys?  We’ve got a mega athlete, a high profile actor turned governor, a politician and a handful of Christian leaders.  They are all men with access to wealth, locally or nationally famous and hold the power card to influence their followers.  I am thinking Spiderman – With great power, comes great responsibility.  But, I am also thinking Jesus – From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.  Luke 12:48

What’s going on here?  From the same guys we are supposed to root for on the golf course, vote for on the ballot and gain wisdom from . . . From the same guys our kids see plastered on tv ads, behind podiums and under the cross . . . From the same guys, we see their moral compass spin out of whack.  We see their moral boundaries blur.  When did their own, presumably firm, decision-making process start to fall apart?

It certainly didn’t start the day Arnold slept with the maid.  It certainly didn’t start the day Tiger found himself juggling his wife and multiple lovers.  And it certainly didn’t start the day Weiner tweeted his package.  And, the spilled milk didn’t stop the day they all bawled through their public apologies on national television.  With so many casualties along the path of these men, it is probably hard for even them to count backwards to the day they allowed the pendulum to begin its swing off-center.   When exactly did they stop believing they were subject to the laws of morality?  Or that they could escape the natural law of actions and consequences?  Was it a built-in, individual weakness that came to the surface under too much stress and too much attention?  Or is it the battle of all men?

Yes, I think it is the battle of all men.  I think it is the desire of most men to gain wealth, notoriety and influence.  No matter the portion of the serving of any of the three, responsibility is required.  While I don’t think men function in the way of seeking balance as we ladies do.  I do think they tick in the way of decision.  I think one of the keys to prayer for our men suggested by JMathis is covering with prayer the decisions of the men in our lives.  It is the initial, small decisions that lead to eventual, large moral blunders.  Let’s pray together that men in our lives would be empowered to make Godly decisions.  That their decision-making would not be swayed by wealth or notoriety.  Let’s pray that they would harness their influence for good.  And let’s pray that, if ever a decision falls off course, that they would have the wisdom to . . . ask for the old paths, where the good way is, And walk in it.  Then you will find rest for your souls.  Jeremiah 6:16.

My 10 Cents on Sex Addiction: No Shame or Guilt Included

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)3 Comments

By AbbyA

She logged onto her fiance’s computer to check her email.  Instead, on the screen, was a recently downloaded movie.    She watched a few minutes of the sexually violent film that her fiance kept in his online library.  It was not the only one.  One film after another, she was sickened by the hardcore sexual violence.

Right now, I can feel my blood moving through my body as I recall her telling me about what she found.  I remember how she fell into her bed for days.  The sleep and dark and her mom seemed to be her only condolences.  She eventually reached out to a social worker who talked her through her near suicidal emotions.  After a couple of days, she started to talk again.  She had dinner with him.  I think it was his birthday.  She looked beautiful and had the plan to win over the pornography with their love and all she had to offer him.  Dinner didn’t go well.  He just didn’t see the big deal.  After all, his own mother shared that she and his dad enjoyed “soft” porn in their marriage.  She suggested that it could be helpful in a relationship.  A few weeks later, after a few more dinners and a couple of counseling sessions, she decided to marry him – – premised, in part, on a promise that he would not indulge in online pornography anymore.

She was pregnant for the second time now.  She didn’t know where he was much of the time.  He claimed he was depressed over his father’s death and stressed out at work.  He left in the morning, but not for work.  He spent his days downtown.  And, while she never knew for sure, her intuition told her he was watching porn films at theaters, going to strip clubs or spending time with escorts.  Right now, I can feel my blood moving through my body as I recall myself telling her that it wasn’t true.  That she was extremely pregnant, very emotional and that, the man I knew as her husband, would keep his word.

Now the mother of two, busy about her kids, her husband’s career, family/friends, she passes his computer at home.  She sees a few printed pictures of women’s faces.  She sees that these are his choices on a site for men with means.  She guesses his user name and password.  She logs on that site and sees he has been searching for and meeting with high-class hookers.  Right now, my blood curdles and my body cringes at his false promises and his sexual addiction. 

Right now, my heart breaks daily for her.  She is a single mother of two.  Trying to adjust.  Trying to recover.  Trying to find a safe place to exchange her emptiness for fullness.  Trying to believe that her children will not be harmed by the harm the three of them have undergone.  Trying to pick up the pieces of what went wrong.  Trying to make sense of what makes no sense.  Trying to see a hopeful future.

Right now, our world is spending

  • 20 billion on adult videos
  • 11 billion on escort services
  • 7.5 billion on magazines
  • 11 billion on phone sex, sex clubs and novelties
  • 2.5 billion on cable and pay per views
  • 4 billion on internet and cd-rom

“How shall I pardon you for this? Your children have forsaken Me and sworn by those that are not gods.  When I had fed them to the full, Then they committed adultery and assembled themselves by troops in the harlots’ houses.  They were like well-fed lusty stallions; Everyone neighed after his neighbor’s wife.  Shall I not punish them for these things?” says the Lord.  “And shall I not avenge Myself on such a nation as this?” Jeremiah 5:7-9.

Right now, I wonder how much goodness we withhold from ourselves.  Our sin turns away the good things that God has for us.  Jeremiah 5:25.  I think about this month’s subject matter – – Boys, Fathers, Husbands, Boyfriends and Everything in Between , you have so much responsibility to love the women in your lives.  Your sisters, daughters, wives, girlfriends and everything in between are more valuable than your need to fill the hole within.  Ephesians 5 is not unattainable.

I think about pornography and the sex industry.  I am not going to let any of us off the hook on this one.  Toying with pornography to please your spouse is not exempt from God’s standard.  The consequences of leaving your adolescent or teenager alone in his or her room with internet access falls on your head.  Feeling so alone that you entertain phone sex, chat rooms and meetings with strangers is not acceptable.  God gives us the power of free-will.  We can honor God with our bodies or we can serve the other gods in our lives.  1 Corinthians 6:19-20.

Right now, I think about FemmeFuel’s readership.  I think about how it is impossible that there is not at least one that is suffering from her significant other’s sexual addition, her teenager’s or even her own.  Right now, get out of the darkness, perhaps your sadness.  Don’t make excuses or water down what is revealed when the light shines down on your secret places, that of your significant other or your child.  Get into the light and shed the shame and addiction.

No temptation has overtaken you except that is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.  1 Corinthians 13.

FemmeFuel writers are here to share your burdens and walk victorious with you.  No shame or guilt included.

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