Category: FemmeBytes by JMathis

With Conviction Comes Revelation

On By femmefuelIn August 2011 (Cultivating Friendships), FemmeBytes by JMathis1 Comment

By JMathis

The Holy Spirit has brought the Writer Femmes to our knees this month, as every notion we previously held about friendship has been dissected, tested, crushed and revolutionized.

We innocuously chose the subject matter of Cultivating Friendships as a nice, plain vanilla, non-threatening segue for the MeetUp we will be holding in a few weeks. “Wouldn’t it be great to discuss friendships as we meet and make new friends this month?”

How naïve we were to think that it was us navigating the helm of this subject matter? How arrogant was it of us to believe that we had some authority or command of knowledge about this topic?

Little did we know that this month’s theme would render ourselves speechless, lacking the very words that we thought we wielded with such ease and skill. Being left wordless over such a seemingly benign topic such as friendship is embarrassing for writers, even amateur ones like us, with day jobs so far removed from our shared love of the written word.

Yet, God had completely different plans for this month and for these writers.

Conviction.

Yes, this month has been a period of unhinged soul-searching for us. We have questioned God and cried over lost and toxic friendships; we have repented with remorse over destroyed and damaged friendships; and, we continue to celebrate the friendships that dare to challenge and defy us to move beyond our comfort zones—even if such friendships only existed for a short season in time.

Amidst the flooding of these bittersweet memories of our friends, many of which are painful and raw with emotion, comes conviction. Conviction to become a better friend. Conviction to become a friend like Jesus. With this conviction, comes revelation. Revelation on how to become a better friend. Revelation on how to become a friend like Jesus.

Revelation.

Yesterday, we were writers, writing often for our own vanity and self-promotion, relying very much on our own insight and inspiration.

Today, we are still the same writers, with many of the same flaws, baggage and insecurities we held in the past. However, today we write with a bit more revelation and a slight glimpse into our purpose for writing: to show God’s relentless, unending and passionate love and friendship towards His children.

With this revelation, we are no longer just writers aiming our pens towards some particular demographic or subset of women. Today, we realize that we are writers who have also been called to be prayer warriors and intercessors on behalf of our readers.

Today we unveil our Prayer Requests page, where you can leave a prayer request and know resolutely that there are three of your friends who are on their hands and knees agreeing for you to hear God, feel God and know God in your daily walk.

While we may never meet in person, and while we may never know your real name, know that God has given you friends here at FemmeFuel who have your spiritual back, so to speak. Whatever you are facing, know that we are your friends who will call the Lord into remembrance over your plight, your need or your struggle.

Show us the areas of your life where you are in need of prayer and healing. Let us be that person in your life who stands with you in love and friendship.

You don’t have to go on this faith journey alone when you have friends.

Teach us how to be a better friend to you.

Teach us how to be a friend like Christ.

Teach us about you.

Changing the Definition of FRIEND

On By femmefuelIn August 2011 (Cultivating Friendships), FemmeBytes by JMathis2 Comments

By JMathis

Say it out loud:

Friend.

Friend.

Friend.

When you hear the word being expressed from your lips, images from the past begin to flood your mind. Yearbook pictures, sleepovers, late night telephone conversations, football games, happy hours, getaway weekends and girls’ nights out.

For many of us, negative memories may also come rushing in as you hear that word: outbursts, fights, the cold shoulder, a broken heart.

Once in awhile, as you embark upon a new school year, start a new job, play for a new softball team or enter into a new bible study group, the word friend ushers in thoughts of hope and new beginnings—the possibility of friendships to come, and rich relationships to be gained. While you haven’t met these individuals yet, your mind starts to race and imagine what your future friends might be wearing, the types of places where you will be hanging out together, the different foods you’ll be sharing—you can almost hear the sounds of your collective laughter.

Say it out loud:

Friend.

Friend.

Friend.

What is often missed in the articulation and hearing of this word is the vision of the friend in need. Rarely when we hear the word friend do we imagine ourselves in the company of the homeless, the mentally ill, the imprisoned, the abused, or the elderly.

Often when we think of individuals who are down and out, they are still the other—tragic people in need of assistance and charity. You immediately assume that they need you more than you need them. You think to yourself that if anyone needs a Savior, it is most certainly them.

What you never do is imagine or think of them as your friends. They are merely subjects and objects of your benevolence project at church or your community philanthropy group.

Does that make us bad people?

After all, we go to church every week, we donate money every month to charity, and we even organize the occasional workday with Habitat for Humanity. We put all of our energies into being good people, because certainly, that is the type of friend that God wants, right? A good person, right?

Oftentimes, we pray to God earnestly and search the scriptures about how we can become a closer friend to Him. Before going to bed, we turn off the TV, lie under the covers, and start having a conversation with this deity with whom we claim to have a personal relationship. You close your eyes smugly, and think, Ahh, I just had a conversation with God. He truly is my friend. This is what it is like to be a good person.

Never does it cross your mind that to be a friend to your Creator, you must be a friend to His creation.

Jesus is already here on earth, embodied in the tattered clothes of the homeless man you briskly walk by on the way to work every day. In the eighteen year old mom who serves you coffee every morning, who works to feed two little mouths back at home. In the elderly man bagging groceries for you because his social security check can’t make ends meet.

If you want to be a friend to Jesus, you must be a friend to them. The other. The people you pass over each day.

A future friend is not just someone you stumble upon at a dinner party, or get seated next to at a wedding.

A future friend is someone who you see everyday at the grocery store, who is choked by the worries of this world. A future friend is someone at a shelter, who no one else will befriend.

A future friend is not necessarily someone who is dressed to the nines, with a martini glass in her hand.

Say it out loud:

Friend.

Friend.

Friend.

Are you ready to be a friend to people who are truly in need of a friend?

Are you read to pray to the Lord to reveal a new friend to you?

Are you ready to change your definition of friend?

Matthew 25:31-46

New International Version (NIV)

   37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

   40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

   41 “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43 I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’

   44 “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’

   45 “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’

   46 “Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.”

To The Friend Who Slipped Away

On By femmefuelIn August 2011 (Cultivating Friendships), FemmeBytes by JMathisLeave a comment

By JMathis

I am remorseful that I have allowed so many friends to slip through my fingers over the years.

I have taken friendships for granted, just because I arrogantly assumed that the other person would always be there, waiting at the curbside where I left her.

Never did I ponder how painful it must have been for my friend when I didn’t return her calls, return her texts, return her emails, return her hand-written letters.

I am sorry, sweet friend, for being so thoughtless. I was naïve and cruel, and ignored your attempts to reach out to me.

I was willing to discard you for something else, someone different, some other form of new: new friends, new places, new ideas.

I have been a situational friend, and I ask for your forgiveness.

I was wrong.

It is only now, in quiet conviction, that I understand that I was designed to live relationally with you.

Perhaps too much time has passed. Perhaps it is too late for us.

Please do know, though, that I finally see you, hear you and understand you.

It is in this seeing, hearing and understanding that I realize a significant life lesson: I was designed for friendship.

Friendship with my Creator. Friendship with you.

Today, I acknowledge you as part of my design—as part of my inner fabric.

Thank you for being part of me.

My story was incomplete without you.

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work.

If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, New International Version

No Longer a “Missing Person”

On By femmefuelIn Best of JMathis, FemmeBytes by JMathis, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By JMathis

I have a client who is a very successful architectural engineer. When she was just a baby, she and her twin sister were brutally raped by their father, to the point where their reproductive systems were savagely torn and mutilated beyond recognition.

True story.

Satan tried to steal parts of her body, hoping to gain access to the rest of her—her mind, her spirit. He had hoped that by breaking her body, he would eradicate all hopes that she would ever have of bearing children. With that, he would then have the opportunity to destroy her well-being and crush her spirit.

God had other plans for her missing parts.

God lovingly scooped her up, nurtured her and placed her into His cocoon, where she stayed until her healing was complete. He kept her within His embrace until her missing parts were restored.

Today, she has a loving husband who adores her beyond comprehension, two beautiful, adopted children who are bright, precocious and passionate about the Lord, along with a profitable business where she is highly respected by her clients and peers.

God has plans for your missing parts, too.

Just because you have missing parts, does not mean that you should place your identity as one among the “missing”:

I was molested.

I am an alcoholic.

I am anorexic.

I am infertile.

I am fat.

I am unemployed.

I am a failure.  

Isn’t it time to move out of the land of the “missing” and find your identity in the life-sustaining promises of Jesus? How long are you willing to be a missing person?

Revelation 21:5. “…Behold, I make all things new…”

2 Corinthians 5: 17. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

If you have read these scriptures, or if you have ever heard the song Amazing Grace, you know that you have been found, my friend, and made new.

You’re not missing parts; you’re not a missing person.

Christ died so that you would be found.

You have been found.

So, rejoice.

You are missing no more.

“…He hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; He hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.” Luke 4:18

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind but now I see.

Over Before it Began?

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By JMathis

I learned over the weekend that another set of my friends is getting divorced. My third set of friends this year, and we’re only into July.

Well, this year is turning into quite a doozy, isn’t it?

The very weird and perplexing part about this particular relationship is that Brian feels completely blindsided by Dara’s actions. In Brian’s mind, Dara suddenly, without any warning whatsoever, made the big announcement that from this day forward, we’re over.

I talked to Dara about it, and in a way, Brian is not that far from the truth. Dara doesn’t want to try counseling and she doesn’t want to work it out. She just claims that the relationship is beyond repair and not worth fixing.

She’s just so final and resolute about it all, and honestly, I’m not really sure what to make of Dara’s stoic inflexibility about her decision.

She keeps giving me these very Hollywood answers: the relationship has run its course; we’re both moving in two different directions; we just grew apart, J.

From what I understand, we’re not dealing with issues of abuse, infidelity, neglect or constant fighting.

We’re just dealing with over.

Brian, on the other hand, feels like he was never even given a chance to make things right, and that Dara should have opened up much earlier, as to what she had been feeling over the years.

She never revealed to him that their relationship was in trouble. She never gave him a clue as to what was being bottled up inside of her for so long.

From what I can observe from my conversations with Dara, she evidently had all sorts of expectations for Brian—some sort of mental checklist of everything he should have been—and when these expectations didn’t come to fruition, she just decided to just walk away.

I know Brian and Dara are probably an extreme example, but sometimes, I do think God feels blindsided by us in the same way that Brian feels.

We have all of these expectations for God (give me, give me, give me), and yet, like Bindu said, we don’t even bother to really trust Him, get to know Him, or love Him with ALL of our strength.

We don’t spend time with Him everyday, we don’t seek Him out for His presence, and we don’t pick His brain about the little decisions or the big ones.

We expect Him to drive our mind-body-spirit connection, but yet we refuse to give Him the keys.

Instead, we just want, want, want. When we don’t receive, we don’t understand. When we don’t understand, we get frustrated. With frustration, comes blame, and a lifetime of resentful feelings that somehow God just didn’t come through for us.

And then, one day, we declare that it’s over with God. No heads-up, no warning, no explanation. Not even a Dear God letter.

We just walk away. Like Dara.

No one in a relationship needs to be treated with such a lack of respect. Especially God.

Before walking away, or before you start pointing the finger at God asking Him about all of the Why’s and the Why Nots of your life, ask yourself if you ever even made the effort to make your relationship with God truly work.

Did you ever really give it a fair shot? Did you ever really talk to Him beyond a few minutes each day? Did you ever spend time to read the book He wrote just for you? Did you ever love, cherish and trust Him with every fiber of your being? Even when your world is falling apart?

Or, do you just childishly declare that it’s over?

Over before it even had a chance to begin?

Jesus Girl v. The ‘Rest of Me’ Girl

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By JMathis

I want to smell, see, touch, taste and hear the Holy Spirit in the everyday. I want to experience Christ authentically, richly and truly, and move beyond any and all of my childhood notions of “canned spirituality”.

I no longer want to compartmentalize my life into Jesus Girl v. The ‘Rest of Me’ Girl.

Instead, I want the dreams in my heart to be intertwined and inseparable from God’s vision and blueprint for my life.

As I smell cafecitos and fresh pastelitos waft through the hearth of my local Cuban bakery, I want that aroma to remind me that the scent of my life needs to change. That the aura and demeanor I project everyday is no longer something that is bitter, jaded and frustrated, but instead, a fragrance that is soothing, holy and pleasing to the Lord.

As I see how far the sand runs along to the left and right of me at the beach, and how the ocean knows no boundary or end, I want the expanse of the shoreline to reveal the endlessness and vastness of God’s love for me. I want to see how there is no limit to His mercy and forgiveness, despite my daily, minute-by-minute screw-ups and pettiness.

As I touch my daughter’s cheek as she sleeps, I want to imagine God touching my cheek as I sleep, as He prays blessings and speaks words of purpose and healing over my life. I want to take delight in my Father in the same way He delights in me—as His child worthy of love, redemption and forgiveness.

As I taste fresh, juicy strawberries, blueberries and raspberries, exploding on my tongue with the flavors and boldness of summer, I want to be thankful that God has created so much in nature to help heal and restore the damage I have done to my physical body over the years. I want to be the walking, tangible embodiment of the sweet-tasting fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

As I hear the hustle and bustle of the city, I want to listen for the stillness of the Holy Spirit, guiding me through the storms and insanity of my day. When the client is yelling, the car horns are angrily honking, and the baby’s cries are deafening, I just want to seek solitude in the voice of the Spirit, as He leads me back to a place of safety and peace.

I want my senses to be awakened with mad, passionate love for my Savior. I am ready to stop seeing Him as a faceless Sunday morning deity that has no relevance in my day-to-day.

I know there is probably a long, grueling road ahead of me in making this decision, with mountains of personal doubt, setbacks, failures and “I Told You So’s,” but I’m ready to say goodbye to The ‘Rest of Me’ Girl.

Are you?

24 Hacks for Getting Out of Your Funk (with apologies to Michael Hyatt and Bon Jovi)

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By JMathis

I have always wanted a life coach, but never really wanted to fork over the dough to invest in one. I think God may have heard my prayer, because somehow I stumbled upon Michael Hyatt’s blog, and immediately I found the mentor I have always yearned for in my life.

(Yes, it is a wee bit pathetic that my “mentoring lessons” are imparted to me through blog posts he writes to hundreds of thousands of people each day. But, he really is quite the motivator, so cut me some slack, people. I need to start somewhere.)

One particular blog post of his dealt with getting out of your “funk”. Yeah, you know…THE FUNK.

The Funk is that seemingly intractable rut we get into from time to time in our lives—ruts at work, ruts in our marriages, ruts in our spiritual lives—ruts that cause us to lose our motivation, focus and drive, so that it feels like we’re expending all this energy, but not making any headway whatsoever. A lot like jogging in place.

Here are Michael’s “24 Hacks for Getting out of Your Funk” and with my apologies to Michael, there is bonus commentary from yours truly: moi.

  1. Write a list of 10 things you are thankful for. Be specific.

I am thankful for: rainy days, SPANX, hot chocolate, my fellow Writer Femmes who inspire me daily, cookbooks, the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ, chick flicks, my crazy dog, the beach and Bon Jovi. Yes, Bon Jovi.

  1. Put on some upbeat, happy music. I like Keith Urban.

Hmmm…how can you keep frowning when you hear some of this??

“Shot through the heart,
And you’re to blame
Darling, you give love
 A ba-a-a-a-a-a-d name!!!“

  1. Go for a walk—or a run.

Or, how about dancing to some Bon Jovi? With an air guitar and feathered bangs?? Okay, have I overdone the Bon Jovi bit? “Bueller?……. Bueller?…….Bueller?”

  1. Plan a vacation or, better yet, go on one!

This Saturday, think STAY-cation: Mimosas for breakfast, bike rides to nowhere, a dip in the pool, a two-hour nap, a luxurious bubble bath…and, drumroll, please…

  1. Schedule an appointment with a counselor.

Does Dr. Phil count?

  1. Talk to a good friend who knows how to listen.

Preferably over an ice cream sundae.

  1. Have a good cry. It’s okay. It will cleanse your emotional system.

Note to self: buy the good Kleenex. With Aloe. Must.not.get.snot.everywhere.   

  1. Take control of that little voice in your head. “Change channels.”

Why is my channel always stuck on Nick, Jr.?

  1. Turn off the TV and the radio.

Hello? I’m already there! Didn’t anyone read my blog post on Monday?

  1. Read the Psalms.

My favorite Psalm? Psalms 139. It makes me weep when I think about how much God truly loves me. P.S. Don’t forget the Kleenex from #7.

  1. Do volunteer work with a local charity.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1: 27

  1. Organize your desk and/or your office.

Magic Words: TRASH CAN

  1. Take one “baby step action” for each of your top three projects.

Done. Writing this blog post counts for all three. Your turn.

  1. Take the afternoon off and take a nap.

YAWN…

Now, rinse and repeat.

  1. Get a massage or sit in a hot jacuzzi or tub.

Did I mention how much I LOVE this list?

  1. Change positions. If you are sitting, stand. If you are standing, sit.

Or, if you’re a couch potato, think about making a potato, not being one. Fully loaded with all of the requisite, indulgent toppings, please.

  1. Pray. Pour out your heart to God.

Don’t forget the Kleenex from #7.

  1. Smile. Your emotions will usually follow your body’s lead.

I really like this one. Just make sure there isn’t food between your teeth.

  1. Do that one thing you fear the most.

Admit out loud that I love Bon Jovi??

  1. Write a love note to your spouse and mail it.

Does a Poke on Facebook count? How about a Love Tweet? Just kidding, honey!! Does anyone have a stamp??

  1. Excuse yourself from negative conversations.

“OMG Becky, look at her butt. It is SO big…”

  1. Resist the temptation to complain—about anything!

Geez, Michael Hyatt, how long IS this list?? How many more witty things can I possibly come up with to write?  

  1. Forget the past. Ignore the future. Be fully present NOW.

Love, laugh and let go in the arms of the great I AM. He IS your NOW.

  1. Stop worrying about things you have no control over.

Have I said too much about Bon Jovi in this post? What if everyone thinks I’m obsessed? I’m really not THAT big of a fan. Or, am I?? JON, I LOVE YOU!!!