Author: femmefuel

We're modern women just like you, loving Jesus, and sharing our stories in an honest, personal and meaningful way. FemmeFuel aims to inspire, empower and provide you with the fuel you need to live out your purpose in Christ.

You Are What You Believe

On By femmefuelIn Best of Bindu Adai-Mathew, FemmeBytes by Bindu Adai-Mathew, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

It was 1994 or 1995, and I was glued to the television screen as I watched Tracey Gold share her struggle with anorexia. At the time, I, too, had been struggling with an eating disorder. Like most people who are going through an emotional/psychological struggle, you often feel alone and feel like you’re the only one going through it. But as I watched Tracey, I was surprised that she, a Hollywood celebrity, could share my feelings of inferiority and feeling “just not good enough.” Now that I’m older, it seems silly as many of us have come to think of many Hollywood stars as the most narcissistic and insecure people.  But at the time, her thoughts, feelings resonated with me…that is, until she said, (and I’m paraphrasing) that you really never completely heal from an eating disorder…how it’s always with you…and how, like many addictions, it’s something you’ll battle for the rest of your life.

As soon as she said those words, something deep in me rejected her words immediately. I recalled the happy-go-lucky teenager I had been just a few years ago who was naturally thin, who never had to watch what she ate, who never really thought about food except when she was hungry. But somehow my insecurities and my narcissistic attempt at perfection eventually led me down a path, where, like JMathis, I began counting every calorie and focused all my thoughts on food, exercise, and watching the scale. This wasn’t me! This couldn’t be God’s plan for my life! As I heard Tracey share her thoughts about eating disorders being a permanent struggle, something inside me arose, and I said audibly and forcibly declared, ‘No! I refuse to believe that God can’t completely heal me to the point where I will no longer struggle with this.” I knew in my heart of hearts that God, if He wanted to, could return me to that person whose thoughts didn’t continually and obsessively focus on food and calories.  He had made the lame to walk and brought the dead back to life. He could heal me as well. I knew it, and I believed it.

It didn’t happen overnight…but praise God, He did eventually restore me to wholeness once again. He not only healed me, but he restored me to the point where food and counting calories were no longer an issue. At least no more than it was before I had started down that path. I knew later that moment where I knew and believed God could and would heal me was crucial in my healing.

AbbyA calls it self-talk. But what are you telling yourself about whatever body issues you are struggling with?  Do you believe healing and restoration are possible?

If not, I want to remind you that no matter how many years you’ve struggled, God can bring you back to wholeness.

Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.” Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed from that moment. Matthew 9:20-22

Stop Talking to Yourself Like That!

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By AbbyA

Bindu: Skinny. Fat. Average Jane. Supermodel Janelle. We all have issue with our bodies.

AbbyA: I remember being big for my age as early as 6 or 7. I am not sure if I actually was, but I sure felt big compared to all of the other little girls my age.

JMathis: I have been a yo-yo dieter since elementary school.

Bindu: And is it me, but why is okay to wear bikinis out in public when it’s not okay to wear our bras and underwear out in public? Aren’t they one and the same? Or am I the only prude who thinks so?!

AbbyA: I actually wanted to wear a bikini (at age 6 or 7). I remember picking one out and my granny lovingly, discreetly putting it back.

JMathis: Between my college years and until about age thirty, I was a pretty “successful” anorexic. Most of my twenties were spent tricking my body into staying thin—on the surface, at least, it looked like I had everything under control.

AbbyA: I just know that the college girl who loved her mom’s cooking (me) was rudely awakened by the extreme thinness all around my university campus. But because of my own mother’s wonderful balance and view of food, I lost weight in that environment but never deprived myself to the point of an eating disorder. I think I just like food more than being skinny.

Bindu: For those of us who are no longer in our twenties and especially those of us who have had kids, that means not eating. Ever again.

AbbyA’s Friend: Ok, self-disgust to me is having no time to take care of the way I look and knowing that I need to lose 20 pounds but can’t stop stuffing my face with food.

Lysa TerKeurst: . . . I was constantly bouncing between feeling deprived and guilty. All. The. Time. I was either feeling deprived because I was trying to watch what I ate or feeling guilty because I’d slipped back into the ‘eat whatever I want’ phase. Deprived. Guilty. Deprived. Guilty. I couldn’t stop this incessant bouncing until . . .

AbbyA: Sort of strange, but I really don’t think about it that often until I look around me, and momentarily, compare myself to other moms. What is that?

JMathis: By my thirties, however, and particularly after having a baby, my body just stopped cooperating with these parlor games. No matter what shortcuts I used to lose weight, my body rebelled even more, and stubbornly held onto every calorie ingested.

AbbyA’s 5 Year Old Daughter: Mom, why does your butt go over the side of the toilet?

AbbyA’s Mom: Why overeat? It’s just food. We can wake up again and eat tomorrow.

Lysa TerKeurst: Now my goals have nothing to do with a number on the scale. My goal now is peace. Peace. And I can assure you, no treat in this world tastes as good as this peace feels. From Nothing Tastes As Good As Peace Feels, by Lysa TerKeurst, http://lysaterkeurst.com/

JMathis: Make peace with yourself today. Make peace with your body today. Make peace with your Creator today.

Bindu: And even if your body is less than ideal, resolve to find your peace with it. Several years ago, I came to the conclusion that it was futile to fight my body. I was never going to be a supermodel so why was I bothering to hate and fight it so? I might as well accept the way God made me and do my best to take care of it.

AbbyA/Final Thoughts: Fellow sisters, I don’t think there is another area where we do more self-talk. Yes, talking to ourselves. We do a good job at kicking ourselves in the face and not such a good job of building ourselves up when it comes to our bodies. The bottom line is that we are His hands and His feet. Our body is His temple. We are physically made in His image. Better yet, we belong to Him. This area of body image and food is so vast that it is hard to wrap it up in one thought. But, I think the answer is, that wherever you are, get wrapped up in Him. There is no better way to bury an idol – – whether the idol is your body or the food you put into it – – than to seek refuge in the one true living God. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of [your enemies], for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Deuteronomy 31:8.

Restoring Eden One Bite at a Time

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by JMathis, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By JMathis

My mom is one of those old-time ethnic mothers who is obsessed with keeping you uncomfortably fed and full. My guess is that since she grew up poor, food was scarce and something to be hoarded, particularly when there were eight children to feed.

She harasses you until you are stuffed, and forces you to eat everything that is put on your plate. At the same time, she also expects that you should just be able to magically metabolize all of this food, and remain svelte and lean while eating (like) a horse.

Of course, this duality just never worked for me, and I have been a yo-yo dieter since elementary school. I remember my mom sending me mixed messages by restricting my intake as early as 5 years old and putting me on the cabbage soup diet when I was just 7 years old. However, whenever the slightest bit of progress was made, she was back to the idea that I needed to inhale everything she put on my plate. After all, she was a terrific cook, and she beamed with pride whenever her family ate every morsel that she presented in front of them.

As a result of this eating schizophrenia, I have been battling the pudge my entire life, which opened the door to a host of eating disorders. Between my college years and until about age thirty, I was a pretty “successful” anorexic. Most of my twenties were spent tricking my body into staying thin—on the surface, at least, it looked like I had everything under control.

By my thirties, however, and particularly after having a baby, my body just stopped cooperating with these parlor games. No matter what shortcuts I used to lose weight, my body rebelled even more, and stubbornly held onto every calorie ingested. My cool, calm exterior began to unravel, as all of my food frustrations started bubbling to the surface. I couldn’t understand why the methods I was so good at for years, were suddenly failing miserably.

This internal war escalated until last year when I finally made peace with myself. I prayerfully came to the realization that I had been living a selfish and self-centered life. My youth had been wasted fastidiously counting calories, while I ignored my Creator and the purposes for which He created me. How could I put the Lord first when the bulk of my day was spent stressing about every little bite I put into my mouth? How could I properly focus on those around me in need when I was too obsessed with my own appearance?

Perhaps you are allowing your body image to be defined by voices at home, in your social circle or by the media. In whichever case, it is time for those voices to give way to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

As we all know, listening for the voice of the Lord is a daily process, and by no means a quick-fix. I can attest to the fact that your eating choices may not change overnight, and it may be difficult to attain balance after years of body-abuse, self-loathing and emotional eating.

Regardless, it is about yielding to His Voice, and being patient with His transformation of your body and your mind. It is about His thoughts dominating your thoughts, and His ways overcoming your ways. It is about learning and re-learning how to lead the lifestyle of the Holy Spirit and not of the world.

Contrary to what Jersey Shore says, it is not about GTL: Gym, Tan, Laundry. It’s about seeking the Kingdom of God first, and letting His Voice speak to you throughout your day, so that you are victorious over your struggles and your temptations.

Make peace with yourself today. Make peace with your body today. Make peace with your Creator today.

As part of our 31 Day Mind-Body-Spirit Challenge, put away the shortcuts, put away your impatience, put away your emotional baggage.

Trust that He is restoring Eden into your life…one bite at a time.

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

Swimsuit Season, Anyone?

On By femmefuelIn Best of Bindu Adai-Mathew, FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

Go to fullsize imageBy Bindu Adai-Mathew

I have two words to make you completely cringe and cause the hair on the back of your neck to recoil in disgust: swimsuit season.

 Yes, those two words are powerful. As children, it evokes images of summertime spent gallivanting in cool water to ward off the scorching summer heat.

 As adults, it evokes endless hours of our stomachs twisting in knots and hands wrenching with worry as we try to figure out how to “undo” months of our bad winter behavior in a matter of weeks so we can be bathing suit ready.

 For those of you in your twenties, getting into that cute swimsuit might require cutting down on a few snacks and reducing your intake of junk food. (Sorry, I’ll try not to hate you!)

For those of us who are no longer in our twenties and especially those of us who have had kids, that means not eating. Ever again. Oh, wait! I take that back. We’re allowed celery and lettuce. Apparently, those are negative calories because the amount of calories it takes our body to digest those types of foods is greater than the number of calories that are in them. Somehow that gives us hope that we can actually start tapping into the gigantic fat reserves that have made their permanent home around our thighs and hips.

Got body issues?

Skinny. Fat. Average Jane. Supermodel Janelle. We all have issue with our bodies. You can put a group of 10 women in a room together, and their body issues will be greater than the number that are just in the room. Put them all in bathing suits in a room and their body issues will be exponentially greater.

Take me, for example. In a business suit, I feel powerful. Capable. Put me in a bathing suit, and I feel vulnerable. Exposed. The entire time I’ll be fidgeting with my swimsuit, tugging and pulling to make sure I’m completely covered and worrying about what someone else will think about my less than perfect body. And is it me, but why is okay to wear bikinis out in public when it’s not okay to wear our bras and underwear out in public? Aren’t they one and the same? Or am I the only prude who thinks so?!

For many of us, our bodies are our sore spots. But as experts tell us, our attitude towards bodies are often indicative of emotional and mental issues and scars.

 But I want to remind you that our attitude towards our bodies can also be a spiritual thermometer.

 How so? Well, even as early as Genesis, we can see a spiritual connection between God and our bodies. When God made Adam and Eve, the Bible says He made them after his own image. But Chapter 2 adds “25The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”

But by chapter 3 of Genesis, they have sinned by eating the fruit from the forbidden tree:

7Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Isn’t it in interesting that they weren’t ashamed of their bodies before they sinned but only after?

As far as we can tell, nothing had changed in Eve’s body. Eve didn’t eat one too many mangoes. Neither did she have a kid, gain a bunch of weight, and then suddenly become embarrassed about the extra cellulite. The scripture is clear—her shame had a direct correlation with her sin.

What shame are you camouflaging under your skinny jeans or swimsuit wrap?  And I’m not talking just about your sin…I’m talking about what others may have done to you…because even if you are the innocent victim of someone else’s sin, the shame of sin can still transfer on to you…it can linger on your skin, eating away like a parasite at your self-esteem.

Whether we realize it or not, our bodies have a direct spiritual connection to God. Even the Bible is clear on the matter that our bodies are more than just flesh: 

19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6

Today I want you to take a personal inventory of your own attitudes about your body. Maybe, like many of us, you have been indulging in one too many potato chips…if that is the case, resolve to treat your body more healthily this year.  Occasionally substitute that craving for potato chips or chocolate with some fresh fruit…like apples…or some sweet, juicy mangoes (Sorry, it’s mango season here in South Florida! )

It will not be easy, but be determined to take better care of your body this year. After all, if you have visitors coming to visit your home, wouldn’t you do some spring cleaning, tidy up the clutter, and spruce up the place?  Well, remember, according to 1 Corinithians 6: 19-20,  you do have a permanent guest of honor residing in your home.  Now that verse makes swimsuit season seem trivial in comparison, doesn’t it?

And even if your body is less than ideal, resolve to find your peace with it. Several years ago, I came to the conclusion that it was futile to fight my body. I was never going to be a supermodel so why was I bothering to hate and fight it so? I might as well accept the way God made me and do my best to take care of it.

Or maybe your negative attitude towards your body is the result of something horrible that happened to you a long time ago, and you’ve decided your body is pretty much worthless and not worthy of being treated well.

Again I encourage you to pour out your hurt to God. Isaiah 61:3 promises you who are grieving that God will trade you a  “crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Whatever you have been through or whatever has been done to you, you are not worthless. That is what Satan will have you feel and believe. But it is a lie. God can and WILL trade you your hurt and shame for beauty. He can heal you, and you can once again be a shining example of what He always intended when He created us.  After all, it isn’t just your body…it’s HIS.

My prayer for you beginning with today, July 4th, is that we inspire you this month to live and celebrate your life in spiritual freedom! Freedom from self-condemnation, self-hatred towards your body. We hope to connect those dots between the body-mind-spirit  that can encourage you to live your life to its fullest. Remember your true relationship with your body and with God is a reflection of your attitude and your heart…not the reflection of your dresser mirror.

Be Out of Your Ordinary: The 31 Day Mind-Body-Spirit Challenge

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By AbbyA

As the heat of summer kicks in – – kids out of school – – the regular routine is on hold for a few more months.  Less traffic, more weekend plans, road trips.  We have a chance to be somewhat out of our ordinary.  We took a road trip to the Blue Ridge Mountains.  Although I worked a fair amount of it, I stayed up late without worrying about lack of sleep for tomorrow.  I saw the bloom of beautiful pink rhododendrons on the top of Roan Mountain.  I watched our kids roar with laughter on the white water raft.  I had a chance to be challenged spiritually . . . walked a little further down the path that God has prepared for me.  Celebrated my birthday.  But even there in the midst of surroundings that look like God’s perfect peace, we can be distracted.  Did I really need to skip my morning bible study to try to finish my work  before the kids woke up?  Did I really need to bypass a country drive with my husband because it was time to make dinner preparations?  Did the laundry in the cabin basement really matter?  (Okay, that did.)

The heart of what I am getting at is God’s greatest commandment to Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.  Matthew 22:37.  God fully equipped us to serve Him with the gift of intellect, hands and feet and a spirit.  While we know that the Trinity always is in perfect peace, keeping our mind, body and spirit connected is not easy.   The tough part is that if we are not connected in body-mind-spirit, we trip up in our judgment.  Hence, skipping a drive with husband to cook dinner or skipping a bible study for no good reason.  It comes out in other ways too.  How about feeling exhausted and, instead of taking a jog or a nap, you go through way too many Ghirardelli squares to calm your nerves.  And, what about those nerves?  Have you given your mind attainable, challenging goals?  Or are you cycling through out-of-whack emotions where you can’t focus?

Connecting your mind-body-spirit is not about self-help or self-improvement.  It’s about honoring God’s greatest commandment to love Him with all three.  The Trinity gives us the best example of this.  Each of its person serves a purpose and stays in perfect unity with the other.  If we can seek to keep the mind, body and spirit connected, we’ll be able to genuinely live out God’s greatest commandment.

This month, give yourself a chance to be out of your ordinary with us.  We are going to take a week to look at and consider, first, our body.  We have so much to cover as women – – our body image, fitness goals, our body’s health.  During week two, we’ll delve into our mind.  What are your intellectual, professional, financial and career goals?  Are you setting out to make the best of your mind and keeping it healthy too?  Finally, the spirit.  Where are you at in your walk with God?  If you asked Him, would He tell you that you are just where He wants you or is it time to make some adjustments?  Yes, there is week four.  But, we are going to let God lead.  No doubt, you the readers and the Holy Spirit will tell where to end on this all-encompassing 31 day journey.    Be Out of Your Ordinary.  You never know where God will take you.

Top 10 Reasons on Why You Should “Get Busy” with Your Spouse!

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Bindu Adai-MathewLeave a comment

Go to fullsize imageBy Bindu Adai-Mathew

I think as we read AbbyA’s and JMathis’ posts, we women all had to nod our heads in agreement. We’ve all been there, in one form or another. After all, which woman who is knee-deep in baby poo, with a ton of dishes in the sink, and a growing pile of laundry is actually in the mood for anything besides some help from their spouse and some shut-eye?!

Like all things in marriage, differences are inevitable. Excuses are understandable, and they’re often legitimate…but be careful, or that two-week dry-spell can quickly mushroom into three weeks…four weeks…

As we close out this month’s topic on boys and as a lead-in to our weekend countdown (and even more to put a smile on your face as we do), I have comprised a list of Top 10 reasons a’la David Letterman style to encourage you on why you should start gettin’ busy with your spouse…

10.  Because it’s one of God’s commandments.

9. Because studies have shown that it’s known to improve your overall health and add years to your life. (Of course, if you get busy with someone other than your wife, it’s been known to reduce your life span a’la vengeful wife!)

8. Because it’s cheaper than a night out on the town!

7. Because it would make your husband happy….very, very happy. (And all the men said…AMEN!)

6. Because it’s the most fun you can have in 10 minutes or less!

5.  Because you gotta eventually get some use out of all that lingerie you got at your bridal shower!

4. Because let’s face it…you could use the exercise!

3. Because for men, it has less side-effects than a sleeping pill, and for women, it’s an easy way to get your hubby to konk out so you can control the remote!

2. Did I mention it would make your husband happy? Really, really, happy!

And the # 1 reason you should do the horizontal tango with your spouse is because…drum roll, please…

1.  What else you gonna do? Desperate Housewives is in re-runs…

That’s all folks! So get out and get busy! (And that only goes for you married folks! You single folks can…um…watch those reruns again! 😉

Bringing Sexy Back: The Mind-Body-Spirit Connection

On By femmefuelIn Best of JMathis, FemmeFeatures by JMathis, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

By JMathis

I must admit. Post-kids, sex is so confusing and frustrating.

I never thought it was possible, but that day has finally arrived, ladies and gentlemen.

After my daughter was born, our biggest problem was frequency. We just never seemed to find time for it especially since our bed is like a cable network that only displays one show on a back-to-back loop: Three’s Company.

Stanley Roper: Not in my building!

Jack Tripper: I swear, it will be completely platonic.

Stanley Roper: What’s that mean?

Helen Roper: Like you and me, Stanley.

Then, some time ago, we got scared straight after reading a scholarly article *ahem* from Cosmo that said we were veering steadily on the path towards a (cue menacing music: Dum Dum Duuuuum!!!)…Sexless Marriage.

Out of fear that Cosmo readers would come chasing us down with pitchforks, we fervently started scheduling “play dates”. On an actual calendar. No, seriously. If it wasn’t marked on the calendar, it just wasn’t going to happen.

Ahh, crisis averted.

So, we got smug for a little while. Sexless Marriage is now a Sexfull Marriage. Mission Accomplished!

But, then, once again, it got complicated. Like AbbyA, “I carry all of my emotions to the bedroom.  If I am beat up in my marriage relationship, I have no passion for sex.”

My husband and I may have increased the frequency of sex, but the mind-body-spirit connection was just not there anymore.

Take last month, for example. For our date night, (Phase 1) we went to this trendy eatery tucked away in the Design District, followed by (Phase 2) a really thought-provoking indie film at this funky art house theatre. In the last 45 minutes of the movie where the anticipation is steadily building to the grande finale, we get TWO phone calls from the babysitter (aka mother-in-law). My husband runs out of the movie in terror thinking the worst—abduction, bathtub drowning, choking on a chicken bone.

No, none of that.

Apparently, our daughter was “inconsolable” because she missed her stuffed animals back at home.

Umm, yeah, so? Does this warrant a phone call in the middle of date night? Right when the movie is reaching its cinematic climax?

As if this weren’t enough to destroy date night, we then get a SECOND phone call 30 minutes later. My husband runs out again to take the call. I end up watching the last few minutes…ALONE.

“Just calling to let you know that she’s sleeping like a baby. Just wanted to give you an update in case you two were worried!”

For the record, we were not worried. Truth be told, we could care less.

[Insert feelings of extreme annoyance on my part.]

Umm, really? Really, really? Can this “sense of relief” not wait until the end of date night? Or, at the very least, until the end of the movie?

Needless to say, I am seething on the car ride home. Date night is officially a bust for me because I simply can’t get over the fact that we were interrupted TWICE over something so seemingly nonsensical and trivial. To add insult to injury, years of deep-seated mother-in-law issues suddenly start bubbling to the surface.

When we get home, my husband is nonplussed about all of this and is ready for Phase 3 of date night—all guns blazing—as if nothing ever happened. I shoot him a look of a million daggers, but guiltily realize that we must move forward with Phase 3, lest we get universally tsked tsked by Cosmo readers everywhere—after all, it’s on the calendar. Gotta stick to the calendar at all costs! All hail the calendar!

And, what am I thinking about the whole time during Phase 3? About how hot and sexy things are under the sheets?

No.

Just a constant, angry loop of: “Two phone calls? Two phone calls?? Really??? REALLY??? TWO PHONE CALLS????”

Yes, I am that petty, and so much more.

Forgive me, Lord.

What’s the point of all of this calendared sex if there is no mind-body-spirit connection?

Sex is an act that is blessed by the Spirit of God, confirmed in the mind, and re-affirmed by the body.

When one of these elements is out of whack, the whole act loses its luster.

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?” 1 Corinthians 3:16

If you are languishing in some area of your sex-life, pray for a renewal of your mind-body-spirit connection. Turn off the worries and annoyances of the day, flood your heart with God’s love towards your spouse, and give into some good old-fashioned rollicking fun.

Pray for your physical relationship to experience a spiritual and emotional renaissance. Pray to God to bring the sexy back.

I know I will.

After all, from what I hear, it’s supposedly the best sex a girl can ever get.