Tag: Gratitude

Before the New Year Begins: Gratitude

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz4 Comments

Patches make up a quilt and people make up a life.  The love you have inside and from above needs a place to run free.   Potential love is just that.  The beauty of love is in the giving and receiving.  The beauty of the quilt is in the many patches.

So much beauty and goodness took place in 2016.  My marriage made progress.  I wrote 2/3 of a book.  I learned a lot about myself and made peace with my “weaknesses.”  One of my kids broke free from anger and food addiction.   Good friends became even closer friends.  I even hiked a mountain for a good cause.

All of this came to a crashing halt in November.  While tucked in the top bunk in a cabin at my daughter’s spiritual retreat, I started to feel shooting pain in a few of my teeth.  My first thought was, Darn, I should have gotten those two cavities filled.  The pain progressed to incapacitating over the next few days.  The kind of pain where you don’t move, don’t eat and barely sleep.  It turned out to be a malfunctioning nerve on the left side of my face.

My life slowed down of course.  I had days home from work.  I made it a point to sleep eight hours.  I covered up in warm clothes and blankets and asked God to come meet me in deep places.  He did and I began to feel closeness and togetherness and covering in a cheek to cheek way.  The pain eventually subsided and I am much better.

More came crashing down in early December.  I reached to turn off the alarm clock and noticed my body was shaking – – whether it was on the inside or the outside, I could not tell.  I self assessed as I walked to the laundry room in the dark.  On my second pass, I asked my husband to take the kids to school and barely made the walk back to bed.

I didn’t move or think for the next five hours.  The long term push of my everyday life finally put me out.  Three hours into my trance of exhaustion, I received this text (in part) from my friend Debbie and found the strength to cry.

But you beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life.  Jude 1:20-21

About a year ago, my best friend Nathalie suffered from burn out.  After reading a few articles on the signs of burn out, I sent a text to Nat asking her about her experience.  Despite our six hour time difference, she stopped everything and called me.  I hadn’t cried out loud like that in a long, long time.  Like the good sister and mother she is, she let me cry until quiet fell.  And, then, like the good sister and mother she is, she got down to business.

She did the leading while I wrote a list.  The list comprised of five things I would give up or delegate for my well-being.  She challenged me to focus on the essentials for a few months.  Eating, drinking, sleeping and exercise.  If something doesn’t actually need to be done, don’t do it.  She pointed out that the fantasy super woman is actually a made up wonder.  The fantasy is not attainable even when you have the best of intentions.

I started by saying that quilts are made of patches and lives are made of people.  In November and December, my life was held together by the patches that were passed to me.  Here are my patches of gratitude.

You are the most exceptional individual I know on the face of this earth.  Stop all this crazy #$%* you are doing, NOW.  –Nathalie

Your body and mind can’t keep up with your heart.  Realize that the small things are mighty in His eyes. – Christina

I have been thinking about you and praying for you.  I know you are going through so much right now.  I am hoping you are feeling a little better and I know you are holding onto Jesus.  Is there anything I can do for you? A meal?   Coffee somewhere?  Let me know.   –Lynn

Praying and hoping that things are better for you.  For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9 – Susie

Stay strong.  -Jenny

The notifications on my phone have been off for exactly one month.  My friend Suzanne has covered for me at work almost as many times as I can count on my fingers.  Isaiah has given me a gift that continues to lead me to wholeness.

There will be no limits to the wholeness He brings.  Isaiah 9

There has been another sister who let me into her deep.  She let me into her own wounds so that I could bleed myself.  She heard me, stayed with me and let me know it is okay to be in the grey.

The patches kept coming . . .

The hearts of the old testament Israel looked like my sad, scattered desktop.  Truth be told, we all have hearts so easily distracted and forgetful . . . We need constant reminders of who God is and who we are.  –She Reads Truth, Advent Bible Study, 2016

After making purification for sins, He sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on High.  The sacrifice was done.  It was – and still is – finished.  Meanwhile, we just can’t seem to sit still.  We think there is more to do.  –She Reads Truth, Advent Bible Study, 2016

The last two months have hurt as badly as the time in which I grieved for the loss of my dad.  As Christmas approached, an unexpected gift came.  Seven years to the month after my dad’s passing, my aunt delivered my dad’s bible to me after a long trip from north to south.  I sat with my kids in bed looking at my dad’s handwriting and highlights, putting back in pages that slid out as we turned them.  The unexpected gift reminded me that He does not forget and He is never late to deliver.  His peace worked in me to bring wholeness before and His peace is working in me to bring wholeness now.

The beauty of the quilt is in the many patches.

When you don’t know where to begin and you’re at the end of yourself, you get to be where all of God begins.  What you always need most is need.  -Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way

The love you have inside and from above needs a place to run free.   Potential love is just that.  The beauty of love is in the giving and receiving.  This is the foundation of my end of the year Gratitude.

As always, there are a few patches that are too personal to tell.  The first patch is for my mother who I say a thousand thank yous – -although she would never ask for a single one.  The second patch is for you who said you are sorry for the last two months.  I remain confident of this: We will see the goodness of God in the land of the living. Psalm 27:13

The beauty of love is in the giving and receiving.  I was gifted silent prayers of brothers and sisters.  There were times over the last two months that I had no strength to lift my head.  But it was lifted anyway.  I account this to the prayers of my friends and family.  This the foundation of my end of the year Gratitude.

Prayer is essential in ongoing warfare.  Pray hard and long.  Pray for your brothers and sisters.  Keep your eyes open.  Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.  Ephesians 6:13-18

Patches make up a quilt and people make up a life.  It is the people that make up my life.  I learn good lessons from their gifts of love.  It is okay to be in the grey.  It’s not okay to run my body into the ground.  It’s good to ask for help.  It’s even better to give and receive in your need.  His peace worked in me to bring wholeness before and His peace is working in me to bring wholeness now.  There is no limit to the wholeness He will bring.

Sometimes- some things have to break all apart so better things can be built.  I nod. Never be afraid of broken things.  It’s the beginning of better things.  The best yields always start as broken fields.  -Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way

Peace: Walking Through November

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha KatzLeave a comment

As I continue to read through Mark, I see the simplicity of how Jesus spoke of common, everyday life to shed light on deep truths.  For the moment, I’m stuck on the meaning of bread.  Bread has a very comforting way of fulfilling hunger and the hungry soul.  Jesus had compassion for the multitudes he spoke to.  After meeting their spiritual needs, He fed them bread.

Jesus fed 5000 and then awhile later, another 4000, with the loaves of bread on hand.  I imagine it was a sight to see — God’s plenty rising up in the baskets whenever the bread supply became low. I think about those holding the baskets and serving the bread.  I imagine they felt peace as the problem of hungry was solved.  They probably experienced gratitude for the shift from less to more than enough.  I am certain that I would have flooded with overwhelming joy to be able to give to others.  Peace.  Gratitude.  Joy.  It’s not at all a surprise that we experience peace and joy from carrying the baskets He asks us to.  Whether we have big or little faith, it is all wrapped up in our willingness to carry the basket.

Later, as Jesus and the disciples headed into the boat, Jesus gives them a truth about bread.  He says, Beware of the leaven of bread and the leaven of Herod.  Despite the miracle of feeding many with little, the disciples figure Jesus is making reference to the fact that they forgot to buy bread for their journey in the boat.  As an old friend of mine would say, Really?  Could the disciples really have thought Jesus was concerned about their lack of food or that they forgot to buy it?  Was it really that big of stretch for them to catch the spiritual meaning?

I’m stuck on bread because I think Jesus is saying something very powerful here.  Why do you reason because you have no bread?  Do you not yet perceive or understand?  Having eyes, do you not see?  And having ears, do you not hear?  And do you not remember?  Matthew 16.

I think about challenges in my life.  Struggles.  Times when I don’t understand.  Seasons of less.  Lack.  Pain.  Hurt.  Trembling.  The truth is I’m still here (with enough bread).  He’s always delivered the hurt to healing.  Trembling to peace.  Less to more.  But yet, every time I experience less and not more.  Pain and not ease.  Whenever I go from big picture living to lack of understanding, I crumble on the inside.  I figure there’s no more bread.

So, like the disciples, I sit in the boat with God.  Whose resources are beyond my comprehension.  And, I worry about no bread.  I ponder all of the mistakes I’ve made to contribute or cause the lack of bread.  I get numb to the miracles I’ve seen.  I get dumb to the metaphor of bread.

But, Jesus has compassion for me.  He knows all too well my physical and spiritual needs.  He knows that when He quiets my soul that I can understand.  Jesus wasn’t bothered by the disciples mistakes or what they felt they lacked.  He’s not necessarily trying to teach me about the leavening in bread.  He’s working towards a deeper meaning.  He’s pulling me away from things like the doctrine of hypocrites and false religion.   He’s pulling me towards truths to fill my hungry soul.

Unpublished

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz1 Comment

By Sasha Katz

I ran across an anonymous quote – – We all have chapters we would rather keep unpublished.  I love this quote.  The more I think about this quote, the more I love this quote.  In fact, I was listening to the Wally Show  this morning and the contest was to judge who had the best mind blowing quote.  I am going to go with this one.

My assumption is that, most of you reading this, are ladies.  We girls have so many moments that we would be happy to claim unpublished.  The view my mom and husband got when I was pushing my first baby out. Must stay unpublished!  How about the time my ex-step grandma proceeded to pull out everything she could find between the cushions on my couch, including coins, stale chips, popcorn, popped balloon pieces and other moldy junk. She piled all the stuff she found in front of her on the coffee table – during a family party. How about on my 20th birthday when everyone was going around the table telling their very best story of me . . . and my nine year old brother told about the time I walked down the hall and “let it rip!” Really. Should have been unpublished.

Don’t judge my life to be easy or simple by these goofy better off unpublished bits. The real stuff that we don’t want published is the stuff wrapped about pain and shame. The stuff we do retakes of in our mind 100 times over. But the retake in your mind doesn’t take away the real thing that went down in your her-story.

I have to tell you there are not many people out there who have retraced their steps as many times as I have. I hate to think that there are many of you out there who have asked God to forgive them for the same thing over and over again for a full decade. I hope to think that it’s mostly me. But, at the ripe old age of 39, I have let it all go. God has let me remember each and every wretched, sinful thing I have ever done. Everything that I am ashamed of. That blasphemed His name. That soiled His spirit in my temple. That was hypocritical, selfish and self-serving. That deeply hurt others. Everything that made a mess of the real me He knows me to be.

In His grace, there was a purpose to all of my laundry lists. I had a cross over point some time ago. I realized that, if I would let Him, He was intending to wash my mind, spirit and soul of the part of the girl that had gone all wrong. Instead of folding my laundry and putting it back in my closet for me to wear again and again, He was separating it as far as the east is from the west. For as often as I could bring a sin to mind, He was there to send it off to the bottom of the sea. I don’t know how He does these mysterious, miraculous works in us, but He does.

I once read an author who pondered the hours Jesus spent hanging on the cross. The author proposed that the time He hung represented the time it took to forgive in advance each and every sin committed by humanity. In addition to the physical pain, imagine what it was like for Jesus to bear all of our sins. You and I know a little about that because sometimes we bear our sins on our own. We know how bad that hurts. I don’t think we can imagine what bearing all of earth’s sins feels like – – coupled with the physical pain. It sobers you. It tugs at the part of you that has the capacity to feel gratitude; it tugs at the part of you that has the capacity to be merciful to others. It tugs at everything about you that you wish went unpublished. Because you know He had to suffer to make you clean and new. To make the unpublished you, Published.

unpublished

This post was inspired by Connie Inman’s pin of the quote herein. Thanks Connie!

Something in the Air

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Bindu Adai-Mathew, November 2011 (Thankfulness)Leave a comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

Perhaps it’s the cool winds after the three months of blistering, sweltering heat. Or the beauty and richness of gold, maroon, and marigold colored leaves.

Or perhaps it’s the memories of yesteryear…of a new school year…of homecoming dances…football games…band practice…

 Or maybe it’s the beginning of holiday season…a season of festivities…of dressing up for Halloween…of pumpkins…pumpkin spiced lattes…and pumpkin pie.

Or maybe it’s Thanksgiving itself…buttery corn on the cob…sweet, candied potato casserole, succulent juicy turkey, and yes, more pumpkin pie.

Or maybe it’s the prelude to Christmas…the smell of fresh pine needles in the house…candles laced in sweet cinnamon and vanilla scents…colorful trees decorated in memories of Christmas past.

 There is something undoubtedly magical about this time of year, isn’t it?

 Growing up, it was the spring that I always longed for…or summer…but now as an adult, it’s the Fall…the months of October through December that somehow bring a smile to my lips and a warmth to my heart. There is a festivity and an excitement in the air…of things to come and of memories past.

 Tomorrow as you sit around the table with your family, I hope that you, too, feel the beauty and wonder of this season.

 This season is our modern day harvest. A time where we can sit around and enjoy the fruits of our labor and the bountiful blessings of our merciful, generous God. So tomorrow…Eat. Drink. Enjoy. Give thanks.

 For God is the one who provides seed for the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will provide and increase your resources and then produce a great harvest of generosity in you. 2 Corinthians 9:10

Thank you, Lord, for your blessings are indeed great!

Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving!

Thanking God for Our Problems

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, November 2011 (Thankfulness)Leave a comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

Thankfulness. This Thanksgiving we will each gather around our family dining room table and give thanks for God’s blessing. We will thank Him for our family. We will thank Him for our health. We will thank Him for blessings. We will thank Him for our problems.

Say whaaat? Nope, that was not a typo. Thank him for our problems? Aren’t we supposed to detest our problems and issues? Typically that is our reaction, isn’t it?  It definitely is mine. As soon as I face an issue, I shift to the “woe is me” mentality. The victim. The persecuted.

Often I get discouraged with life because after one problem seems to be over or overcome, another problem seems to take its place. When will I get a break, Lord? Is there something wrong with me? Is life ever going to get easier?

But what if we saw our problems as not just the enemy, the very thing we rally against?  But what if we see our problems in life as the means by which we develop a closer walk with God?

Like Paul with his thorn in his flesh, we, too, have thorns in our flesh. Thorns that keep us humble. Thorns that keep us on our knees. Thorns that keep us continually in the throne room, in His presence.

Often when we see our problems in a different light…in a positive light…they often lose their power over us.  We are no longer as overwhelmed, exhausted, defeated by our problems…or their continual presence in our lives.

Instead, we have to see them as necessary. Like muscle is built with the resistance of weight, so is our faith built with the presence of our problems. Each life issue we face exercises different muscles. Sometimes it’s our patience that gets built. Sometimes it’s our forgiveness. Often times it’s our trust muscles.

Challenge: Think of a problem you are struggling with today. How is it helping you exercise your spiritual muscles? How can you view your struggle differently so that you no longer see it solely in a negative light? What “good” can you see coming out of this problem?  How has it strengthened your character and your resolve?

Remember that God promises not to test us beyond what we can endure. And He promises us that everything in our lives can be used for our good…even our problems.

 

I Have Made You A Strong Tower

On By femmefuelIn April 2011 (April Showers...), FemmeBytes by Sasha KatzLeave a comment

By AbbyA

The name of the Lord is a strong tower.  Proverbs 18:10a. 

Girlfriends, I don’t know who you have the privilege to hold on to  – – whether it be when you wipe out on the dock in your cork platforms or whether you’re wiped out from your dad’s funeral.  Maybe it’s your husband or your mom or your best friend.  But . . . we have a Lord who is a strong tower.  And, somehow, when we rely on Him, He puts His power in us so we can stand like a strong tower.

I remember standing in church several years ago.  I was experiencing extreme gratitude and feeling quite strong.  God showed me one of the pillars holding up the sanctuary and spoke to me – – I have made you a strong tower.  I had perservered through a fair amount of sin and pain.  I reached a place of contentment with self and gratitude for the new creation He made of me.    Because of Him, I had become a strong tower.

Strong Tower.  Whether you need to lean on one or whether you need to be one, call on the Lord.  He takes empty, broken, sinful selves and builds towers tall and strong.   His foundation never cracks and never changes.  Selah.