Acquaintance with Grief

There is so much grief running through our souls these days. Although it is sometimes individual and personal to our lives and circumstances, grief is also collective. In her book, Daring Greatly, Brene Brown finds in her research that “the past decade has been traumatic for so many people that it’s made changes in our culture.” To name a few, she reminds us of 9/11, multiple wars, recession, unemployment, catastrophic natural disasters, increase in random violence and school shootings. Brown explains that “we’ve survived and are surviving events that have torn at our sense of safety with such force that we’ve experienced them as trauma even if we weren’t directly involved.” When I read and thought about her research and conclusions, I felt it. It’s a fine-lined, but burdensome grief, that comes and goes, but shapes and impacts our person, impacts our soul.

Like personal pain or grief, you usually don’t see collective grief coming. You pick it up on the morning news, it gets passed to you over phone conversations. And then it stays with you as you think about trauma in relation to your own life. The pain catches you as you consciously drop off your kids to school, where we all have learned that there could be a shooting. The heavy catches you when you watch a family come out of an underground shelter to see that their home was shredded by a tornado. I worry about steady income. I worry about violence. Collective grief becomes pretty personal.

I came across Isaiah 53 this week where the prophet is describing Jesus to us. “A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” Isaiah 53:3. I have thought so much about all the good Jesus did in His life. Healing and saving and making new. But you can only heal someone who is broken. You can only save someone who is lost and make new what is worn out. I think about the great need of people that Jesus encountered. I think about all the stories, trauma and pain He took in through His encounters. And, since He is God and at that time, man too, it is hard for me to imagine how His soul knew the real truth of a person’s pain and hurting (multiplied by humanity) . . . and He went on without breaking.

The bible says that “He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.” Isaiah 53:4. I can’t tell you that I am speechless, but my heart is silent at the thought of what He carried. “And by His stripes we are healed.” Isaiah 53:5. He has to take our grief for us to be healed. I don’t know exactly how you give pain away to Him. I don’t know why the act of giving grief away is awkward for the human heart. But I see that He suffered to heal us. I see that He has already completed something that feels like a stretch for us. If my heart can’t see, my mind is able to reason that it only makes sense to let go of the grief to the One who has already bore it.

Keeping it Clean

There is a certain beauty in the creative arts. Something has been created and presented for the eye to see. But it doesn’t stop there. The eye takes into the heart and the heart takes into the soul. What we see has power to move us, change us. That is the power that the author holds when something is created and shared.

The particulars of how we take in what we see is matter of personality and probably age or maturity as well. Some will tell you that after seeing The Book Thief or The Pianist or reading The Lost Wife, or the many other holocaust books and films, thoughts and images of the Holocaust stay with them for days. There is a certain kind of pain and suffering that runs through your mind as a thread or strand right through your daily life. For me, the same thing happens in a negative way if I see images like graphic violence or hardcore sex. It just stays with me until it finally becomes untangled with my positive, healthy thoughts. There is the whole matter of music that splits open when your kids move from Disney movie soundtracks to top 40, pop and rock. One of my kids hears every word of every song and either memorizes them or asks me what they mean (in detail). The other claims he listens to beat only (as part of his argument to listen to ___________________). I’ve got the same problem or choices when I flip through the TV and run into story lines like Modern Family and Love and Hip Hop in Atlanta. I know how my mind takes in art and media and I really want to keep it clean.

Whether in film, dance, music, art, what we see impacts us. Knowing this and accepting that each of us is going to process the impact differently, I have yet another dilemma with the creative arts. Rather than looking at the art or media alone, I have been thinking a lot about the author or creator. The perfect example is one of my favorite films Midnight in Paris. I love the time travel and the themes of love and, finally, personal choice (that seems right to me). Any way, in a conversation with my husband, he reminds me that the author is now divorced and married to his adopted daughter. I don’t know all the details, but this points south on my moral compass. My husband asks, do you not like the movie now? Should you not like the movie now? My answer is, I don’t know.

This conversation stems from my recent decision (husband was on board) to switch one of our daughter’s dance classes as a result of the singer of the song chosen for her recital number. So, let me say, I did not know the song when I made the decision. I only knew the pop singer. And, I knew the pop singer of the other dance numbers in that section of the recital (but no songs as that time). It was about the author, not the product. I could not have been more confident about my decision. It was about the author, not the product.

I am still working on the translation of our of recent family experience. I am still working on the questions that I need to ask before taking in arts and media. I am working from the fact that we’re impacted by what choose to see and hear. I now have added the layer of the artist’s life as well as their creation or product. The artist’s life matters, just like my every day and your every day matters. Please, please, please, I am not talking about legalism and perfection. I am talking about keeping it clean. I want to keep it clean on the author side and the product side. I want to keep it clean on both sides.

I know that there is so much more to say on keeping it clean in the arts and media. We’re all landing on different points on the pendulum as parents and as individuals. But I think the difference between our judgment calls is valid and is good for growth and conversation. I beg to differ sometimes, but I am glad that you do too. I pray that keeping it clean is something we all can agree is good for us and that our personal choices as believers open conversation, and not judgment, among the family of Christ.

Psalm 24:1-6
The earth is the Lord’s, and all its fullness,
The world and those who dwell therein.

2 For He has founded it upon the seas,
And established it upon the waters.

3 Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord?
Or who may stand in His holy place?

4 He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
Who has not lifted up his soul to an idol,
Nor sworn deceitfully.

5 He shall receive blessing from the Lord,
And righteousness from the God of his salvation.

6 This is Jacob, the generation of those who seek Him,
Who seek Your face. Selah

Unsure

Unsure is not uncertain. Have you ever felt that? I am certain about many things. These are the truths that we live by. I am certain about the love story that God has written to me, to humanity. I am certain that my primary privileges in this life are to disciple my kids and love and serve my husband. I am certain that God has given me hands and a mind to work. I am certain that God has given me all the talents and gifts I need to do these things, and, in addition, to be a good friend, to be a good writer and to, genuinely, be an active blessing to my community. I am certain about these things.

But, unsure, that is a different dimension for me. Walking to your certainties feels unsure. Thinking through what that walk looks like has to happen all of the time. There are a few times a year that the process seems natural. No one can deny that January calls for a recap or relook at where you are going and how. If you have kids, you probably do the same as summer approaches and as the new school year approaches, and a few times in between. In my marriage, I often fall into the trap of recapping only when we are in a valley. As an individual, I think I beat myself up with the recap almost everyday (but that bad habit is being worked on). The crux of this is that the day to day journey that leads you to accomplish what you are certain of is a process.

It would be nice to think or believe that the process of the walk is definite or unquestionable, but it is not. It’s the depth of faith in the certainty that moves you along the walk. I also think that the time and care placed into the decision making along walk is crucial. Sometimes there are clear yeses and sometimes clear nos. Sometimes we are in the grey until the answer is apparent. Sometimes timing matters more than others. It is our choice to place our highest measure of dependence on certain or uncertain truths.

What do we place our highest measure of dependence on? There are factors, and as much as we’d all like to say God is my sole factor, sometimes it is a progression to get to solely God. I think about man, the human factor. Everyone, well intentioned or not, has their opinion. I think about our fears and how they drive us. I think about our internal battles of what we personally want verse what God has planned for us. It is a silent place when we can hear the direction of God unfettered by the human factors. It is a silent place of total peace and the insurgence of joy when we can hear the direction of God.

I am certain of the things I know to be true. I walk unsure sometimes. I don’t like to be unsure, but humanity promises that unsure will be the case sometimes. Unsure is shattered when the voice of God settles the walk with His purpose and plan for, ultimately, His outcome. I hope to be practical enough to dig into the regular practice of wisely planning my steps. I hope to be dependent enough to hear the mighty voice of God take away my unsure and plant in me direction. I hope to have the faith to remain always certain of the things I know to be true. Unsure is not uncertain.

Proverbs 16:9

A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. (AMP)

We make our own plans, but the Lord decides where we will go. (CEV)

People can plan what they want to do, but it is the Lord who guides their steps. (ERV)

We should make plans—counting on God to direct us. (TLB)

We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it. (MSG)

People do their best making plans for their lives, but the Eternal guides each step. (Voice)

God Wins

I have a sister who knows in her heart that a mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. She knows that the Love in her comes from her God. The kind of God that Isaiah describes as the One who sits above the circle of the earth, the One who calls out the stars by name at night, the One who does not need counsel, but is Counsel. The One who is never weary or tired. The One whose ways are unsearchable. The One who gives power to the weak and gently leads those with young.

My sister headed to her brother’s wedding with a new born baby, a six year old, her husband, dad and her very sick mom. Although she would not miss her brother’s ceremony for the world, she was really, mostly there, to stand for Christ and His great love. She stepped into a place where there were present many other gods. Ancient gods who like to think they will not be rustled in the generational strongholds they claim as their own. My sister brought with her the power of the Spirit which does not disappoint. She spoke the Word of God – – which is Love – – in her designated platform. The one true God made it into the hearts of the other worshipers. And they were astounded by this kind of Love.

I didn’t know much of my sister’s wedding story until later. I only received a text in reply to my asking how the wedding went. My sister said, it was tough, but God wins. Sometimes words stick with you. God wins sticks with me. I think about how to live with the knowledge that God wins. That means that I can humble myself and wash feet. That means I can reach out to strangers that pass through my life everyday. I can pray for and love on those who are bound and those who are suffering. I can have faith that my marriage will last. I can go out of a limb every day because my God wins. The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man to do me? Hebrews 13:6.

It’s love that compels us to walk out on a limb. We have confidence to do all that God calls us to do because He wins. God, I pray that we remember that our God sits above the circle of the earth. He calls out the stars by name at night. He is wise Counsel. His ways are unsearchable and He never tires or grows weary. He gives power to the weak and gently leads those with young.

Romans 8:5-8: Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8 Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.

Consider reading Isaiah 40 to be reminded of his greatness.

Consider reading James MacDonald’s Devotional Absolute Authority on May 12, 2014.

Also inspired by Lynn Offerdahl’s bible study on Hebrews 13 on May 14 at the Calvary Chapel Sports Ministry

Without Self-Sufficiency

I have a friend who has been my friend for a very long time. She knows me well and likes to call me little sis. I don’t really like that very much, but I take it as a term of endearment . . . and, she is, well, closer to 40 than I am, so technically speaking, she could be my big sister. Continuing with technicalities, my friend is intellectual, ambitious, causal in her thinking, legal in her arguments and without grey in many ways. She would probably call herself self-sufficient. She is a single mom, working very hard, raising two and doing her best to live well; travel well; stay mentally well; stay well connected. Read well; fight for what’s best for her kids well; be the best she can be well. She would probably call herself self-sufficient.

I think about the differences between she and I and, I venture to say that, I am also capable. Put me on a desert island and I will survive. I’ll find food, shade and water and eventually plan to make my way home. Capable is a somewhat like self-sufficiency. But what it does not do is give you a flag to waive or a mantra to chant that you must do all things on your own. Self sufficiency is sort of like shutting a door. To your soul.

My friend in many ways has become so capable and so self sufficient that she has turned off the light switch to the very thing she desires most. Love. Her emotional walls consist of proficiency, skills, gifts and talents. Her defenses cause her to run to what looks like love and run from what actually is love. Self-sufficiency has become her idol. She worships what might feel like love instead of what promises to be love.

I love this friend with a love that never sleeps, skips a beat or ceases to be nearby. I love this friend with blinders because she needs this kind of acceptance. I love this friend with kind words because it is her love language. I love this friend and pray that she sees in the lovers of God in her life that God did not make her to be self-sufficient. He made her with a God shaped hole in her heart that only His love can fill. I pray that she sees in the lovers of God in her life that God did not create for her to do life on her own. I pray that, in her dreams, she will see the supernatural power of God at work in her; that He is sitting beside her every step of the way; waiting for the moment that she would turn her head to see His great love for her. Desiring for the moment that she would turn her head to see His great love for her.

Psalm 75:1: We praise you, God, we praise you, for your Name is near; people tell of your wonderful deeds.

Romans 8:5-8: Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. 7 The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. 8 Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.

Consider reading James MacDonald Devotional on May 5, 2014 about self-sufficiency.

Father Time Laughs

There is no beginning or end, but there is a journey. For now, my journey is to rake out of my life the busy. As I have mulled over busy, priorities come to mind. We all know how the totem pole stands – – God, spouse, kids and work. (It probably makes more sense to replace “work” with “everything else” but I am not quite there yet.) The totem pole of righteousness stands next to the old, mythical man called Father Time. I imagine the old man laughing as he stands next to the totem pole of righteousness. He is not vindictive, but knows rather well that in the pool of time, we human beings really don’t stand a chance in our own wisdom.

There are 24 hours in a day. My grandpa was known for saying, “8 hours of sleep, 8 hours of work and 8 hours of fun.” Although he was one of the most fun grandpas known to the planet, he finished that phrase with, “Where are my 8 hours of fun?” That’s a good question. We have to take some time out for the commute. What about breathing and clearing your mind? What about running late, getting mad, gossiping and wasting time? What about self interest and web shopping? What about time for tears, disappointment and stopping to be a friend? What about late night talks with your kids, being silly, chalk board love notes? – – all taking place past bed time.

There are 24 hours in a day. The word accountability comes to mind. It has come up too often lately to ignore. First, my friend’s husband pressed in (twice) how important it was for me as I tread through tough stuff in my marriage. I saw the lack of it from a distance in our pastor’s recent fall. The word has been a buzz in my ear and heart among co-workers, teachers of the Word and among friends. I have been thinking it over with the Lord to see what He has for me in this area. The Lord put someone on my heart to ask if we can serve one another in this way. I will let you know how that goes.

Practically speaking, how do you rake out the busy in your life? I received good counsel for answering this question this past week. Take the totem pole of righteousness, look Father Time in the eye (ie, there are 24 hours in a day) and map your schedule. Take that schedule and give it to 1) your spouse, 2) a good friend and 3) your kids to judge. Your calendar will probably get skinny as different people rake through your schedule. Everyone likes to be skinny (right?), but no one really likes the process of it. I hesitate even now thinking about someone else making me get skinny. It sounds really hard since it is far more comfortable to be your own master. But, isn’t that why we all need accountability? Aren’t we all pretty right in our own eyes?

You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons too; you cannot have a part in both the Lord’s table and the table of demons. Are we trying to arouse the Lord’s jealousy? Are we stronger than He? 1 Corinthians 10:21

Consider reading The Time Keeper by Mitch Albom
Practical tips from Pastor Reuben Ramsaram teachings of April 21-25, 2014

Busy

It’s not easy being busy.  Always needing one more minute which really translates to 45 minutes.  With my kids, that means they wait while I rush and then I rush them because I waited till the very last moment to do whatever it is we were scheduled  to do.  With work, that means I move from one project to the next in a frenzy to get it all done.  Often spending my hours with the nagging feeling that I have not done so much of what I need to. With God, that means I’m always off to somewhere taking Him with me.  Rather than He taking me with Him. It’s not easy being busy.

My mind has become so busy that it sometimes takes hours on Saturday morning to come down from the week.  I somewhat mindlessly pin and read NY Times articles until my mind is calm. There are weeknights when I know my mind has not settled down until I read the Word and go to bed.  My mind doesn’t stop until it turns off for sleep and then starts again with the sunrise. My mind and I are spending a lot of time together.  Trouble is that, other than me and my mind,  there are three other people in my house, a loving God that I serve and a whole world out there for adventure.

In light of the tough events our church recently has hardshipped through, our pastor asked us to search our hearts for any secrets, hidden sin.  As I sought Him for His wisdom, He showed me that He didn’t ask me to be busy.  He has given me many blessings and gifts and talents, but He did not plan for me to be busy in the way that I am. It has been just over a week since the Lord showed this to me. It has been on my mind, but I have been rather unsure about how to be unbusy. How to have a state of mind that is not racing time and tasks.

I am thinking about a volume dial where you can turn the noise down. It feels good on the inside of me to think about turning down the busy in my life. I have the sense that turning down the speed in my mind will lend itself to turning down the busy in my life. It makes sense to make the change in my mind and spirit. The internal flow will influence the outward choices I make in my life.

Our bible study was recently asked to write a list of personal priorities on a lavender sheet of paper. I haven’t completed it yet. But I have been carrying that lavender sheet of paper since Monday. Sort of like I have been carrying the thought of unbusy for several days. The truth is that regular reflection is part of the believers life. I am going to reflect on unbusy. What will you reflect upon?

What It Means To Me To Be Unbusy
1. Be ready to spend time with my kids, not busy
2. Have time to sit down to dinner a few nights a week, just to talk and laugh
3. Stop working every breathing moment I have and take time to be unbusy
4. Let God know that my heart is soft and moldable and doesn’t have to be busy
5. Take all the unbusy and go on an adventure with God