Category: FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz

Planning 2015: Mother to My Son

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz, Parenting3 Comments

I am continuing to share with you my revelations for 2015.  Today, I share with you the mother I would like to be to my son.  Please journey with me.  Your comments and perspective are more than welcome here.

Mother

My sweet eleven year old boy has been doggie paddling through some rough waters. I think he has been hit in the face with some of that water.  He swims on, but I see that his self-esteem has taken some hits.  For a boy that mainly seeks to please, rarely voices any complaints and often lives in his own thoughts, it’s easy to keep on trucking without taking any pit stops.  As his mama, I am committed this year to taking a lot of pit stops for refreshments, rest and meaningful exchange along our life’s route.

My plans for him include a weekly date with me.  I am inspired to reach out to him and take interest in his life.  He loves lacrosse – – I am sports-challenged, but I plan to have him teach me the game.  He expressed an interest in starting a coin collection – – we can do that together.  I also am inspired to teach him how to be the man I want for me, his future wife and his daughters one day.  I’m learning that it takes a mom to instill in her son a deep understanding of women.  I’m encouraged to give him insights into a woman’s world so that he can navigate his way through it with honor and goodness.

I’m also remembering and learning again the timeless qualities of honorable manhood.  Honor, courage, commitment, sacrifice, love, compassion, forgiveness, wisdom and grace.  These are qualities I encourage in my kids, both male and female.  But I am breathing in the singularity of what these qualities mean for a boy in a boy’s world, or a man in a man’s world.  The angle is different.  I want to be the edge or angle that allows the light to shine in on his growing manhood.

The revelation, the different thing, the building block is that building character is bound to build long term self esteem in the boy.  I don’t really want to just tell him how wonderful he is anymore.  I don’t just want to talk to him about what is good and right and holy.  I want him to believe who he is and live who God made him to be.  As my boy grows into a man, I see that he has to know who he is on the inside; and that belief has to be something he comes to know independently.

If you are interested in reading a few of the articles I read on raising an honorable man, check out the following:   It’s A Boy!, How Moms Can Lead Their Sons into Good, Honorable Manhood and Protecting the Self Esteem of Boys.

 

Planning 2015: A Beautiful Life

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz4 Comments

The resolution hoopla is about to begin.  My first resolution email came today (but I actually loved it, feel free to check it out Real Change Starts with You by Dr. Nicholas Jenner).  The chatter comes from every direction.  Weight.  Toxic Relationships.  Bad Habits of all sorts.  I think it’s the balanced life that most of us seek.  The truth is that some of us make resolutions and don’t keep them.  Some of us refuse to make them because we know we never keep them.  My mom tends to think they’re stupid because you should be seeking positive change year round.  A lot of resolutions will be made and some will be kept.  Just like in the years past.

I’ve taken my mom’s lead on resolutions. I don’t normally have them just once a year.  Sometimes I have the smaller ones daily or weekly, but I try to reassess everything every three to six months.  I looked back on my general list from last year.  I planned to be flexible, intentional and supportive.  It’s hard to let yourself be the judge of that, but I think I sought after those characteristics and reached success in some areas of my life.  I had a few financial goals.  I don’t feel comfortable saying that I passed, but I don’t think I completely failed either. I had a charitable goal in regard to giving and becoming a voice for a handful of organizations.  As the year comes to a close, I think I did that.  Not perfectly, room for improvement and change this year, but I can half smile about that part of my list.

Ministry and parenting were on my list this year.  I committed to my ministry plans and I think I accomplished them.  Although in the larger scheme of things, I am not a parenting fail (as my son would say), but I am seeking the most improvement in this area.  Really praying for the Lord to keep my kids small voices in balance with my work life’s loud voice.  (I have a lot more to say on this later.)  And, the truth is, wife to my husband was not even on my list!  (Shame on me, I think?)

Today, I have had the pleasure of being home alone for the last several hours with my thoughts and plans for 2015.  Somewhere between The Eisenhower Matrix, a weekly graph from The 7 Habits of a Highly Effective Person and my desire to serve God with the time He has given me, I am half way to being where I want to be in 2015.  Meaning the first few months of the year.

One of the neat practices I recently adopted when planning my time is to keep my roles in tact.  The order of them changes with the different callings of each week.  But I keep them at the forefront of my planning.  Business partner, Writer/Reader, Wife, Mother, Churchgoer.  It’s fairly easy to see if I am neglecting the Lord’s calling on my life if one of these areas is hogging all of the time.  Given the thoughtful woman that I know you are, I am sharing with you what I have come up with in one area of my life – WIFE.  In the days to come, before we hit January 1, I plan to share with you all of my revelations and resolutions.  I hope that you do the same as we walk together this beautiful life that God has given us.

Wife

I have been trying to figure out how to date my husband since September.  It sounds simple, but for me, it hasn’t been.  Do we take the morning off of work to spend some time together?  Do we plan on the weekend and pay a babysitter?  Do I offer another couple to watch their kids once a month if they watch mine?  Do we pack them up for the weekend at the grandparents?  I was obviously frozen by the options for the last three months.  And, then, what do we do?  I was lucky enough to chat with another backstage mom at my daughter’s Nutcracker show to get some great ideas.  I concluded that we haven’t been having nearly as much fun as we could be.  So . . . in January, we are going on a touristy river boat ride we have been talking about since we got married. (This is the Jungle Queen that honked its horn as it passed my wedding ceremony on the river shore.)  In February, we are going to the SoBe Food and Wine Festival (that we also have been talking about for years).  Both were holiday gifts to him, my beloved.  And in March, I think we’ll take a cooking lesson at Sur La Table.  There you have it . . . working on being a more fun wife.

What is Your God Plus?

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz1 Comment

The past few weeks, God has been giving me a chance to really see where my security rests.  He is causing me to ask myself, Do I trust in Him or do I trust in the things He has given to me?  That’s a hard question when what you expect is not exactly what you see.  Do I trust in the fact that He gives me the ability to work?  Financial security?  Or do I trust that the Giver provides exactly what I need?  In His timing.  These are the things I ask myself as I move through a season of change.  As I move through what feels uncomfortable to me.  From the past, I know that God is always faithful to me.  What I don’t know is what that looks like from season to season.

Looking back in time, I see that my God shaped hole has to do with being afraid.  And, the biggest part of my afraid is going somewhere alone.  I have no idea where I would be going that God would not go with me.  But, when I am stretched, when I feel limited, when I feel weak, my fear is that this is the point in which God is going to send me off for a run on my own.  The fear is in part abandonment.  The fear is in part a question of His love.  That God shaped hole, that He filled so long ago.  I admit that God is using this short season to fill in the tiny leaking crevices.  In that God shaped hole.

When I look deep inside my soul, I see that I trust God.  But, I also have the fear that He just might make me go alone.  Although that is alternative to every Word our God speaks, I fear alone when life puts me in a pressure cooker.  If I really think about it.  If I believe it’s God who is allowing the pressure cooking.  If I believe He is the Master of All.  If I believe He is the bottom line for how much pressure He will allow.  If He’s the one flipping the on button, picking the temperature and choosing the time.  If He’s the one who is locking the top and putting us in there together.  He’s the one who is with me.  If I believe He is the Master of All.  If I believe He is who He says He is, I can’t be alone.  In the pressure cooker. Or ever.

Inside the locked top, He is the one who knows what causes me to grow.  He is the one who is letting the heat burn off my self security.  He is the one who tells me that He is my Helper.  He is the one who calls me to give sacrificially to Him under all circumstances.  The primary reason I don’t want to be inside the pressure cooker is my fear that I will find myself alone.  With no power or tools or faith to make it through the short season.  And that my whole life and all of my efforts will burn up in the cooker.

And, now the smile is rising up in me.  Now, I catch the wisdom of the Lord.  Yes, all that He really wants is for me to live like my whole life and all of my efforts are burned up in the pressure cooker.  He wants me to live my life welcoming the crashing waves as they pull out the sand from the shore.  He wants me to live my life welcoming the pulling out of my self security.  He wants me to live in anticipation of what He places within me after He pulls out something from the flesh in me.

I pray that you would ask yourself today where your security rests.  I pray that you would examine what you think sustains you in this life.  I pray that you don’t look surfacely and conclude you don’t have any secret requirements.  We all have a tendency to love God with all our hearts, minds and souls and then add something to that . . .  that looks and feels more secure than God alone.

What is your God plus?  Look into the eyes of God and ask Him to take it.  He is who He says He is.  His intimacy, power, love and goodness stand higher, deeper and stronger than whatever you are limiting Him by.  Sister, whatever you have decided to give up today, please do share so that we can all be strengthened by the deep wisdom and power of our God.

FF Dec 7

The Beauty of the Body

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz5 Comments

When the road you are walking on shakes and the thunder vibrates your path, it’s hard to keep your faith from flustering. It’s hard not to question your walk, your direction. It’s hard not to let a dart of doubt strike you – – it’s hard not to have a faith puncture right in your side. It’s the reality of the hardships of this life. We are a human lifetime short of eternity. And, sometimes we feel it more than we want to.

I think about the girlfriends in my life. I think about my own life. I think about how we, in a healthy way, process difficulties. It’s about giving my time and timeline to God. Turning over my thoughts to Him. Hearing Him lead me to scriptures. It’s a process of letting go, giving God the reins and going where He leads. It’s a process of building up faith to the point of total commitment to God’s plans for your life. You are eventually washed in the belief that God is only good and His care for you goes on indefinitely. This is how, for the most part, the believer processes hardship, life’s difficulties.

I tell you about these things because they’re true. But it’s only half of the story. There is another piece to a walk of hardship. God’s hand also holds you through the body of Christ. Recently, God has shown me the beauty of the body. I want to share with you a few examples of the body of Christ working in the lives of me and the sisters I have the privilege of knowing.

Many of you felt the tremor of our former pastor’s resignation last Spring. The open wounds and sadness were sort of like a Florida summer weather report where the constant rain and heat feel indefinite. But then came the ladies retreat at end of summer. I had a moment of taking in the hundreds of ladies worshipping God with pure hearts. With the kind of Crazy Love that Frances Chan writes about. With the kind of abandon that you only find when you know you have been saved by a Savior. As the Lord was allowing me to take all of that in, my faith was built in the way of the faithfulness of the body of Christ. No matter what happens on the top, where man sometimes fails, the body of believers has the ability to remain intertwined and faithful to the Living God.

Have you ever hit a brick wall? It’s the place where your faith and your life circumstances intersect. You know that God is good and His word is right, but that doesn’t gel with the facts you are facing. I had a period where my marriage seemed to be at the end. We could not see eye to eye on nonnegotiable issues for both of us. The reality of that brought me to my breaking point. At my weakest moments, I laid out my rock-and-a-hard place personal trauma. My best friend C said we are going to fast and she did that with me. Other close friends prayed and called me and took action to circle around my hardship. God worked through all of the efforts of the body of Christ to knock down an immovable brick wall.

I also see the body of Christ faithful in the way of meeting needs. And, you know, my sisters, the need is great. I think of my friend S whose dad’s life on earth ended. I think of my friend Y whose husband just had another serious surgery. I think of the 11 year old girl in my son’s class who just lost her dad unexpectedly. I see the body send meal after meal. I see the body send cards and give cash gifts to help with expenses. I see the body jump at the opportunity to be there in times of need.

What I know is that no person is an island even with God at her side. He is our sustenance. Our breath. But He made us to also need each other. Sometimes it feels like a leap of faith to accept food or money or prayers or help from a sister. It’s not natural in our culture to turn your back on complete self sufficiency. But, in God’s richness, He gives deeply through His body. I pray, I really pray, that whether you are on the giving side or the receiving side that you genuinely take in the love of Christ offered to you through the body.

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When Your Next Step is a Blur

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz2 Comments

I don’t know any one who sets out to make the wrong decision.  In fact, most of the time, we take great measures to make the right decision.  But, what happens when the “great measures” taken still leave you blurry?

I have a back pack full of decisions waiting to me made.  They are the interconnected kind – – can’t make this one until I make that one . . . this one depends on the outcome of that one . . . It goes on like that in a chain of about a dozen decisions.

I am thankful for the direction when I know I’ve got it.  What I mean is that I typically wait for God to give me the go ahead – – on the big move.  Once I’ve got the go ahead, faith starts pumping through my blood.  Then the confidence makes it’s way to my mouth and brain.

So now that I have my direction – – I still have my whole back pack of interrelated decisions!  For me, that’s heavy.  It’s heavy for you too.  You’ve got your big life decisions like who to marry, what type of education, life long work.  You’ve got your personal decisions like worthwhile passions, friendships, faith.  You’ve got your daily decisions like what to eat, when to exercise or when to drop the schedule to take up another’s burden or just be a good listener.  It’s hard to deny that most of our decisions are interrelated with varying degrees of weight on our backs.  And, sometimes, the path of decision-making feels like a blur.

But blur in my book is a good thing.  The good kind of blur means – – I’ve got my direction, but I can’t see the whole way there.  The journey starts out as heavy and hard, but with God, it ends up light and adventurous.  This is the opportunity of faith.  Go ahead and embrace the blur.  I got the good feeling that end of a thing is better than the beginning.

FF NOv 11

New Thing

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz2 Comments

This is a piggy back to two blogs back in April of this year – – Busy and Father Time Laughs.  Last April, God showed me that He didn’t ask me to be busy.  I felt challenged to work on my state of mind that was constantly racing time and tasks.  This truth was a personal revelation to me.  It also was a relief for the time clock, or rather time bomb, ticking in my mind.

I really have enjoyed the last six months.  The initial changes I set up for myself and the process of moving in a new direction felt like they made sense.  In an odd way, email was one of the practical ways I began changing.  On the one hand, I spent about an hour a day working on my inbox.  This was absolutely necessary as I needed to rule out the majority of the possibility that I missed a task, reply or important invitation.  So much of my work depends on timeliness and good practice.  The potential unknown (at work) is a source of stress or worry for me . . . streaming into my personal life.  Now that my email is current, deleting, filing and assigning tasks daily has made a great difference in my life.

On the other hand, I also used email to keep me in the head space I was seeking.  I chose a few devotionals or calls to prayer that are emailed to me daily.  I committed to reading them within a short time after they came in.  That means that two or three times a day, I am thinking about spiritual things and others.  When I read, I don’t browse or speed read.  I read slowly, take in the spiritual thought and answer any study questions or calls to action right then.  As I allow the process, my mind is slowing down.  I am able to give more in the way of quality and substance to the tasks that are part of my entire day – –  I think because of this practice.

As the mind slows down.  Something happens.  It has been sort of an evolution for me.  When you slow down, more is able to come into your mind.  For me, it has been more in the way of God’s calling.  I think He has more deeply carved out in me a care and concern for His causes and for His calling globally.

Six months ago, I didn’t have room in my mind or time in my life to step any deeper into some things.  Now I can see that there is a wide open door to walk through.  That doesn’t happen without God.  I thank Him that He is endless, patient, kind and King.  I thank Him that when we let Him in to try something new, He does just that.

FF Oct 20A

 

 

Still Good

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha KatzLeave a comment

Sometimes thoughts just come to me.  My thought this evening is that some of you need to hear that He is still good.  It’s the troubles, the stress, the worries of this world that weigh you down.  That burden your soul.  That dim the light you normally see rather brightly.

It’s the wondering of what is next.  Who is going to unexpectedly fail.  Or fall.  If someone you love is going to die.  If you are going to have the money you need.  If life is ever going to make sense.

It is just the opposite of seeing a sunset and being warmed by the pink light.  It is the opposite of seeing a young couple in love and smiling.  You feel the opposite of what you know is good.  The reality of the opposite of good slices through your spirit.

But.  The pink light still peeks through the silhouette of the dark forest.  Love makes it’s way through the years a couple shares with one another.  Despite the filter you are seeing the world through right now, good still is good.

And, if some or all of your world feels like NO right now.  And if some or all of your world is uncertain right now.  And if you feel like you are standing in some sort of dark forest right now.  Even now, He is still good.

FF Oct 17