The past few weeks, God has been giving me a chance to really see where my security rests. He is causing me to ask myself, Do I trust in Him or do I trust in the things He has given to me? That’s a hard question when what you expect is not exactly what you see. Do I trust in the fact that He gives me the ability to work? Financial security? Or do I trust that the Giver provides exactly what I need? In His timing. These are the things I ask myself as I move through a season of change. As I move through what feels uncomfortable to me. From the past, I know that God is always faithful to me. What I don’t know is what that looks like from season to season.
Looking back in time, I see that my God shaped hole has to do with being afraid. And, the biggest part of my afraid is going somewhere alone. I have no idea where I would be going that God would not go with me. But, when I am stretched, when I feel limited, when I feel weak, my fear is that this is the point in which God is going to send me off for a run on my own. The fear is in part abandonment. The fear is in part a question of His love. That God shaped hole, that He filled so long ago. I admit that God is using this short season to fill in the tiny leaking crevices. In that God shaped hole.
When I look deep inside my soul, I see that I trust God. But, I also have the fear that He just might make me go alone. Although that is alternative to every Word our God speaks, I fear alone when life puts me in a pressure cooker. If I really think about it. If I believe it’s God who is allowing the pressure cooking. If I believe He is the Master of All. If I believe He is the bottom line for how much pressure He will allow. If He’s the one flipping the on button, picking the temperature and choosing the time. If He’s the one who is locking the top and putting us in there together. He’s the one who is with me. If I believe He is the Master of All. If I believe He is who He says He is, I can’t be alone. In the pressure cooker. Or ever.
Inside the locked top, He is the one who knows what causes me to grow. He is the one who is letting the heat burn off my self security. He is the one who tells me that He is my Helper. He is the one who calls me to give sacrificially to Him under all circumstances. The primary reason I don’t want to be inside the pressure cooker is my fear that I will find myself alone. With no power or tools or faith to make it through the short season. And that my whole life and all of my efforts will burn up in the cooker.
And, now the smile is rising up in me. Now, I catch the wisdom of the Lord. Yes, all that He really wants is for me to live like my whole life and all of my efforts are burned up in the pressure cooker. He wants me to live my life welcoming the crashing waves as they pull out the sand from the shore. He wants me to live my life welcoming the pulling out of my self security. He wants me to live in anticipation of what He places within me after He pulls out something from the flesh in me.
I pray that you would ask yourself today where your security rests. I pray that you would examine what you think sustains you in this life. I pray that you don’t look surfacely and conclude you don’t have any secret requirements. We all have a tendency to love God with all our hearts, minds and souls and then add something to that . . . that looks and feels more secure than God alone.
What is your God plus? Look into the eyes of God and ask Him to take it. He is who He says He is. His intimacy, power, love and goodness stand higher, deeper and stronger than whatever you are limiting Him by. Sister, whatever you have decided to give up today, please do share so that we can all be strengthened by the deep wisdom and power of our God.