Category: FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz

Do You Have a Friend?

On By femmefuelIn August 2011 (Cultivating Friendships), FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz2 Comments
Best Friend Moms and Best Friend Daughters
Best Friend Moms and Best Friend Daughters

By AbbyA

Do you have a friend? One that checks up on you because she has a hunch you’re not yourself today? How about a friend that thinks of you when she is soul-searching? Maybe you have a friend that treats your family to a weekend at the beach when you don’t have a dime for a summer vacation. What about the old friend who sees your kids for the first time and accounts their good looks to you? What about the friend who knows whether there is anything hiding behind your smile? What about the friend who doesn’t call much but always remembers your birthday?

Friends.  Two are better than one.  Because they have a good reward for their labor.  For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls.  For he has no one to help him up.  Ecclesiastes 4:9.  As younger women, it is more of the thrill that keeps us close.  We take on the night together with red wine in hand.  We throw up our grad caps together.  We shop for bridesmaid dresses, lipstick and make wedding plans over lunch.  We laugh over pregnant bellies and chipper about when we conceived.

Friends.  Something happens just about the time real life starts taking its course.  There are so many events that make life real.  Most of us are lucky enough to avoid them until several years into the twenties.  Things like infertility happen.  Things like adultery and death.  Things like loneliness or depression.  Things like sickness or searching.  Things like . . .

At these times, when we go through these things, there is a face staring back at you while you . . . Tell your story.  Shed your tears.  You are leaning on a friend.  She danced with you at eighteen when you were both covered in fairy glitter.  But now she is leaving her husband.  You are leaning on a friend.  You think you lost touch, but she is the first one to send you flowers when your dad passes away.  You are leaning on a friend.  You thought her marriage was impeccable, but she is humble enough to tell you about how she learned of her husband’s infidelity.  You are leaning on a friend.

Friends stick closer than a brother.  Proverbs 18:24.  My kids tell on each other – – sometimes for everything.  When my boy whispers something under his breath, my daughter parrot squawks it out for all to hear.  Friends seal it shut.  My best friend has taken my worst, most regrettable mistakes and shoved them under the thick carpet of her vowed secrecy.  When my brother was stabbed, my old high school friend had her husband come home from work to take care of my baby boy so I could go to the hospital.  Even if we fight like girls, grab by the pony tail, ring it like a church bell . . . we grab those same shoulders, smack a kiss on a teary cheek and promise to stay for the long, marathon run of this sometimes shocking, scary, but never-alone life.  Yes, friends stick closer than a brother.

The sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.  Proverbs 27:9.  Who are your friends?  Are they reliable? Tried and True?  Do they hold your butt accountable when you seem to have lost your way?  Do they mirror the wisdom offered to you by God’s word?  Do they sharpen you with equal amounts of conviction and grace?

A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17a.  Are you safe with your friend like you are safe in the presence of your Father?  Where do you go to find this kind of friend?  Friends.  This is where FemmeFuel is going to journey with you during the month of August.  Cultivating Friendships.  How to be a Friend.  How to have a Friend.  What does God’s Word say about Friends?  Ever been burned by a Friend?  Do you have any friends?  Do you need a Friend?

Life would be rather dry without Friends. Our gardens might be tidy, but certainly, nothing would be in bloom.  Imagine having a dried out rose in your keepsake drawer, but having no sweet memory attached to it. Imagine cleaning up after a dinner party without recalling the good laughs from earlier. Imagine truth without the buffer of love. Or repentance without grace.  Friends mean this much.  They are like the warm cover over you while you rest.  It is no wonder that the greatest commandment is to love one another and that the greatest love is to lay down your life for your friend. John 15:12-13. It is a great honor to have and to be a Friend.

Missing Parts

On By femmefuelIn Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz, Mind Body Spirit Connection2 Comments

By AbbyA

We pass through life with some missing parts.  Our life stories shed some light on what was missed along the way.  One of His greatest wonders is His care for missing parts.  He digs right inside our hearts and minds to the questions we ask only to ourselves.  He reaches into the hopes you secretly have.  To the dreams you don’t dare to share.  He reaches in, in such a way, that you and He acknowledge silently that there is a missing part.

But it doesn’t end there.  God is a God of delivering missing parts.  He sees them in you – – chips at your heart, dents in your smile, limps, broken arms and, well, missing parts.  And, instead of delivering the missing parts in UPS boxes to your home, He goes through far more trouble.  He spreads out His omniscience to the far ends of the earth.  He calls on His hands and His feet – – through cousins and colleagues, friend and foe, pastors and parents.  He hints at His delivery in many languages to be sure you understand.    He puts in motion innumerable “coincidences” to ensure that you are confident that the true recipient is you.  He takes His time so your heart is ready for receipt.  There is no end to what He will do to show His love to you.

When the missing part is delivered, you first have few words.  Your heart and mind can’t quite comprehend how someone as small as yourself, with so many missing parts, in a world of so many needy people, has been delivered – – in such a personal way.  While you receive with joy your missing parts, there is a present and lasting wonder at the care God took in delivering His love to you.  It is the overwhelming thought that the invisible God  – – who is holding the galaxies in His Hands  – – has set out to deeply communicate His love for you.

Your God spends past, present and future revealing Himself to you.  Like a huge domino display, the momentum of each of domino falls in His orchestrated direction.  Until the last domino falls into your lap.   All in the name of making His love personal to you.  In the name of proving that His love will not only deliver and but deliver missing parts.

What Would I Do For Love?

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By AbbyA

What would I do for love?  My answer to that is Deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow Him.  Matthew 16:24.  We learn what the Word means when it comes to life in our hearts.  I once was a downtown, boutique firm girl with aspirations of influence and notoriety.  I also was a newlywed.  Actually, I was a pregnant newlywed.  Married in May, pregnant in November.  Blue?  Is it blue?  What do you think, honey?  Is it blue?  Yes, I sat on the toilet in disbelief.  Disbelief turned into excitement.

But then, after a few days, I remembered my aspirations of influence and notoriety.  I became very sad and cried for days.  My poor husband didn’t know what to do to console me.  My mom sort of tsked me about the obvious consequences of not using birth control.  My dad, who had told me the month prior that I should wait five years to have kids, said he was very excited and took back his prior recommendation.

So, what happened in my heart to cause a 180 degree turn around?  I came across one of my favorite verses to date – – Matthew 16:24 – – Deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow Him.  This verse changed my sorrow to true happiness.  This life change wasn’t about me and my selfish aspirations.  While I could have chosen to be more responsible, wherever we are in our life’s timeline, it’s about following Him.  And, following the path He has set before us.

Yes, I know, God has to work around, with and through our free will choices and obvious humanness.  He has to revise His blueprint and connect the dots for us as we trash and trample the good and perfect plan He has for us.  Yes, stuff like materialism and achievement are strong magnets for the flesh – – even when we are in the midst of ministry.  But, if we are in constant check with the Holy Spirit, our little curves toward self-ambition, hedonism and the like can be straightened out long before actually turning our back on Him.

As JMathis, Bindu and I set out to serve God and our readers through this blog, it would be silly not to acknowledge our humanness . . . affinity towards sin and wipe-outs.  But, it also would be silly not to acknowledge that most of us have a dream set inside of us.  And, most of the time, it is not our day job.  May I remind us that it is God who created us and set that dream in our hearts.  And, isn’t it just the lie of Satan (that wretched, puny snake) to convince us that the dream in our hearts is somehow against His will for our lives?  As if life isn’t hard enough . . .

As we inch towards the end of our week on keeping the spirit connected . . . seek God for the dream in your heart.  We can’t possibly attain it in our own strength, but we also can’t achieve it without using all of the strength God has given us.  Ah, the balance . . . If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing.  John 15:5.

Have You Taken God’s Job Lately?

On By femmefuelIn Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By AbbyA

Flashback to 1999.  I am a twenty-two year old first year law student.  If you know anything about becoming a noteworthy law student, you will be a member of a “law review.”  Yes, you can be smart enough to be invited to be a member or you can go through the painstaking task of writing an exceptional article that just might be good enough to get you “written” into the law review.  The latter is me.  Yes, the latter is me, because “good enough” and “perfect” are my middle names.

Flashback to 1988ish, 1993ish, or 1997ish.  It all looks about the same.  Living under the burden of achievement and perfectionism.  One can be fairly successful at achievement and perfectionism until failure hits you smack dab in the face.  And, then it’s time to look into the mirror.

Failure.  My hard work, dedication and brains failed me brutally that first semester of law school.  I didn’t shine, I wasn’t smart.  I was defeated, broken and tired.  My parents raised us to believe that we could do anything, be anything.  That we were equal to others no matter wealth, race, gender, education or religion.  At that time, I saw no equality; I judged myself of lesser value than my classmates.  And, without His permission, in the depths of these crashing waters, I determined that I must have failed Him as well.  I wasn’t sure where I would stand now that I was less than perfect.

In the late fall of 1998, I looked at myself in the mirror of my mom’s bathroom.  I had about 18 inches of notes, case law and articles in my arms – – ready to be reviewed for my write-on to the public interest law review.  I am not sure exactly how it happened.  The Spirit said something to me without words.  He gave me His permission.  My mom had a pretty big wicker garbage can right below me.  I dropped every last paper into the garbage can in one, single shot.  I walked out on perfectionism.  And, the law review too.

Law school was my defining moment.  Not academically, but spiritually.  God put me under circumstances that I could not bear; under pressure that I could not rise out of without Him.  This thread of perfectionism had grown longer and stronger in me over the years.  And while planning, organizing, working hard and achieving are all good qualities; they are minor and inconsequential in comparison to the good work God does in you.  For one, your greatest achievement is God saving you.  Once that rang clear in me, once I breathed in that my very, greatest work was something He did, I then started the journey in getting lost in Him.  Of sinking into His arms.  Of seeing His intervention in my life to make all things happen according to His plan.

A few months ago, I grabbed a book on sale called “The Relief of Imperfection,” by Joan C. Webb.  In some ways, it has taken me back to the garbage can in my mom’s bathroom.  I have the thrilling feeling of that moment tucked away in my spiritual memory.  And the years following, even until now, I have great love for my Savior who has shown up so faithfully for my good.  I recognize, to this day, that He can do all these things without my help.  I don’t need to be Him, I only need to be me.

This is from my heart.  If you are like me, you have a tendency to take God’s standard of excellence, and ring yourself out dry with perfectionism.  God can’t do much with you when you are a dried out rag.  It is your relationship with God that matters.  God “has no unrealistic expectations of you and me.  He just expects us to be the person He designed us to be.”  Joan C. Webb, The Relief of Imperfection.

I will leave you with my “forget” list.  I hope that you will add your own “forgets” to it and get on with your highly anticipated, highly imperfect life of you running the good race with Him as your partner.

Here is my forget list:

  • Forget the appearance of your imperfect marriage, family or kids.  That also means to accept where God has you.  Don’t drool over another’s life or isolate yourself because you think you are different.  You are part of God’s family.  That is enough.
  • Forget where you live and what that says about you.  That also means forget about your beat up car or your Mercedes-Benz – – whichever it is for you.  You have a home (and a ride) in heaven.  That is more than enough.
  • Forget who you want to be.  “. . . As God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk.” 1 Corinthians 7:2.  “For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality.”  Deuteronomy 10:17.  There are no favorites; yet you are His favorite.  That is better than good and far exceeds enough.

What really is “good”?

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By AbbyA

JMathis and Bindu are talking about all the noise in our lives.  More often than not, it is “good” noise that we are flooding ourselves with.  Do you know what JMathis was watching before she wrote Monday’s blog on worshipping television?  She was watching the very intense, survival interview of Jaycee Dugard.  Good story.  On Tuesday, Bindu talked, in part, about using technology to wind down, get her mind off life.  This is “good” noise, right?  In our fast paced lives, what really is “good” is a hard question.

My little boy asked me, “Mom, why do we have to go to church today?”  I said, “because God blesses us all week long and we have just one day for just a few hours that He asks us to come to His house to worship Him.”   He is a very easy-going, laid back child, so he didn’t say much back, but I could tell he was not really convinced.  I got somewhat fired up and said, “QK, if you want God to keep blessing your mind so you can keep getting good grades and, if you want God to continue giving you favor in your endeavors, you have got to give Him this day.”  QK was convinced; we have the kind of relationship where he trusts me on such things.  He changed his attitude and off we went.

Since we have been home from vacation (two weeks), I have “forgotten” my phone 2-3 times on the way out for the day.  Although I truly forgot the thing, when I remembered, I felt the Holy Spirit tugging on me.  “AbbyA, you left it at home because I planned it that way.  Lay off the emails, texts and internet so I can plant more important things in you.  Even if that means silence.”  I changed my impatient attitude and off I went.

My downfall isn’t tv, but it is my severe tendency to be on several missions all at the same time.  I am so severe in this multi-tasking mindset that I don’t hear anything around me at all.  It all comes to a halt, however, when I push so hard that I find myself physically dizzy.  So, I ask myself, instead of my boy, “Do I want God to keep blessing me, giving me favor in my endeavors, giving me health and a sound mind?”  What really is good for me in my Savior’s eyes? 

As our Body-Mind-Spirit Challenge continues, ask God what really is good for you.  It may be that He has a night of relaxing tv in store for you.  It may be that you are so reliant on your night-time tv routine that you don’t even hear your Lord saying hello, checking in on your day, telling you He loves you.  Maybe you are not a tv addict, but you are so busy with multi-tasking that you are physically dizzy from it all.  If you can get un-plugged, it may be that He has perfect silence planned for you.  And, in that silence, while you may not hear His voice, you may just feel His presence.  I don’t know exactly what He has in store  for you, but I do know that, if you are willing to turn off even the “good” noise, it will be better than you imagined and more than you hoped for.  No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.  1 Corinthians 2:9.  Go with that, it will be worth it.

Hold Me Now

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By AbbyA

The Body . . . it causes us so much trouble.  Think about it – – it is literally made of flesh.  Oh, the troubles that arise from the flesh.  It wakes up stinky – – morning breath, bed head.  It’s lazy – – flesh would rather sit on the couch than work out.  It grows old – – it wrinkles up, stops hearing and seeing.  It’s not just that – – it begs for more food when it is full.  It craves things like alcohol and Xanax.   It convinces us we need to fulfill it with cigarettes, bad men and just about any variation of recklessness.

The flesh.  Without control from the Spirit, it’s like a two year old without time-out.  It rants and it raves for the things that harm it and cause it pain.  I remember overcoming my own flesh – – fighting through my twenties, wrestling with the birth of my spiritual woman.  She was within me but required strengthening to overcome the selfish flesh of my youth.  Such a change requires fasting, long talks with God, many tears and consistent worship of the one true, living God who believes in you.

As we close this week’s exploration of the body, take a good, deep look at yourself.  Does your body hold its rightful place as a conduit for Christ?  Or is it an out of control two year old?  Are you being kind to your body by exercising and feeding it well?  Are you giving it the rest it needs to support your better half?  (Of course, I am referring to the Spirit.)  Is your body responsive to your spirit?

In my journey of growing up spiritually through my twenties, I spent hours with Jennifer Knapp’s first album.  My favorite song from that album was and is Hold Me Now.  Some of my most life changing moments entailed me, my little black Toyota and Jennifer Knapp.  Think about where you are at with your body.  Strong or weak, broken or poor, You are His.   He will hold you and mend you until you are perfect in Him.  After all, He spilled his own body’s blood to make you new.

Hold Me Now, By Jennifer Knapp

From the glass alabaster she poured out the depth of her soul
O foot of Christ would you wait if her harlotries known?
Falls a tear to darken the dirt
Of humblest offerings to forgive the hurt
She is strong enough to stand in your love
I can hear her say….

I’m weak
I’m poor
I’m broken, Lord
But I’m your’s
Hold me now, hold me now

Let he without sin cast the first stone if he will
To say that my bride isn’t worth half the blood that I’ve spilled
Point your finger and laugh if you choose
To say my beloved is borrowed and used
She is strong enough to stand in My love
I can hear her say….

I’m weak
I’m poor
I’m broken, Lord
But I’m your’s
Hold me now, hold me now

Stop Talking to Yourself Like That!

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By AbbyA

Bindu: Skinny. Fat. Average Jane. Supermodel Janelle. We all have issue with our bodies.

AbbyA: I remember being big for my age as early as 6 or 7. I am not sure if I actually was, but I sure felt big compared to all of the other little girls my age.

JMathis: I have been a yo-yo dieter since elementary school.

Bindu: And is it me, but why is okay to wear bikinis out in public when it’s not okay to wear our bras and underwear out in public? Aren’t they one and the same? Or am I the only prude who thinks so?!

AbbyA: I actually wanted to wear a bikini (at age 6 or 7). I remember picking one out and my granny lovingly, discreetly putting it back.

JMathis: Between my college years and until about age thirty, I was a pretty “successful” anorexic. Most of my twenties were spent tricking my body into staying thin—on the surface, at least, it looked like I had everything under control.

AbbyA: I just know that the college girl who loved her mom’s cooking (me) was rudely awakened by the extreme thinness all around my university campus. But because of my own mother’s wonderful balance and view of food, I lost weight in that environment but never deprived myself to the point of an eating disorder. I think I just like food more than being skinny.

Bindu: For those of us who are no longer in our twenties and especially those of us who have had kids, that means not eating. Ever again.

AbbyA’s Friend: Ok, self-disgust to me is having no time to take care of the way I look and knowing that I need to lose 20 pounds but can’t stop stuffing my face with food.

Lysa TerKeurst: . . . I was constantly bouncing between feeling deprived and guilty. All. The. Time. I was either feeling deprived because I was trying to watch what I ate or feeling guilty because I’d slipped back into the ‘eat whatever I want’ phase. Deprived. Guilty. Deprived. Guilty. I couldn’t stop this incessant bouncing until . . .

AbbyA: Sort of strange, but I really don’t think about it that often until I look around me, and momentarily, compare myself to other moms. What is that?

JMathis: By my thirties, however, and particularly after having a baby, my body just stopped cooperating with these parlor games. No matter what shortcuts I used to lose weight, my body rebelled even more, and stubbornly held onto every calorie ingested.

AbbyA’s 5 Year Old Daughter: Mom, why does your butt go over the side of the toilet?

AbbyA’s Mom: Why overeat? It’s just food. We can wake up again and eat tomorrow.

Lysa TerKeurst: Now my goals have nothing to do with a number on the scale. My goal now is peace. Peace. And I can assure you, no treat in this world tastes as good as this peace feels. From Nothing Tastes As Good As Peace Feels, by Lysa TerKeurst, http://lysaterkeurst.com/

JMathis: Make peace with yourself today. Make peace with your body today. Make peace with your Creator today.

Bindu: And even if your body is less than ideal, resolve to find your peace with it. Several years ago, I came to the conclusion that it was futile to fight my body. I was never going to be a supermodel so why was I bothering to hate and fight it so? I might as well accept the way God made me and do my best to take care of it.

AbbyA/Final Thoughts: Fellow sisters, I don’t think there is another area where we do more self-talk. Yes, talking to ourselves. We do a good job at kicking ourselves in the face and not such a good job of building ourselves up when it comes to our bodies. The bottom line is that we are His hands and His feet. Our body is His temple. We are physically made in His image. Better yet, we belong to Him. This area of body image and food is so vast that it is hard to wrap it up in one thought. But, I think the answer is, that wherever you are, get wrapped up in Him. There is no better way to bury an idol – – whether the idol is your body or the food you put into it – – than to seek refuge in the one true living God. Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of [your enemies], for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Deuteronomy 31:8.