Category: FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz

Be Refreshed

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

By AbbyA – Writing from the Blue Ridge Mountains

Bindu has reminded me of the most beautiful verse – Ephesians 3:19: May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. 

May each of you experience true salvation.  The kind that you are absolutely sure of.  The kind that allows you to fail horribly over and over again and never stop believing that you are saved by grace.  The kind that leads you to sail victoriously in His name.  The kind that leads you to love your neighbor and share His love to the unworthy, sinful and broken with a humble heart.  May each of you seek to know Him in detail with all of the depth of which you are capable.  May you know in your heart of hearts that He is unsearchable and unfathomable, but worthy to follow to the end of your time.  May you receive the fullness He has for you on earth.  But also look forward to your perfected self after you have fulfilled your Godly purposes here on earth.  Be refreshed by His gift of salvation.

The River Between Us

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

JMathis’ piece on the softness of men is so refreshing. For those of us who have been through a lot in our marriages, with our father figures or even with God, we forget how much the same we are with our fellow brothers. Whether they are husbands, brothers, dads, sons, boyfriends, the river we feel between us is not so large or vast. Bindu was so right when she talked about the hunter within us  – – whether we are fishing for shoes or fishing for men. The cross over is as large as the river between us.

I’m here in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Yesterday, I celebrated my second Father’s Day without my dad, and today, my 36th birthday. Since I got married nine years ago, had my babies and started a business, there has been a part of me that lacked confidence. It played out like feeling other moms knew more or had more experience than me. Or, that who I am wasn’t accomplished enough. I have all of this fruit around me, but didn’t feel I had the authority to acknowledge these good things were flowing out of the good in me.

There has been a certain amount of healing in the last few days. I have recognized how much my dad loved me. Without dredging the details, my dad was highly esteemed and very important in the lives of thousands of people over the years. Many of those people got to be around and spent a lot of time with my dad. Hundreds of these people came to his funeral, hundreds more wrote in his online guest book. I love how much he was loved. I spent a lot of time over the last year and a half longing for and wanting to be some of those individuals. I felt like they somehow “got more” or were on the “inside.” And, I was on the outside. Just the sort of thing that contributes to the killing of confidence. Because the “she” inside of me was just a little girl when he became so far away.

Call it my mother’s intuition or her extraordinary relationship with the Lord, “she” asked me, just the other day, to pray about receiving the great love my dad had for me. God showed me that, to my dad, I am more valuable than the air he breathed. It changed my heart. It has brought me leaps and bounds in the way of feeling justified. Comfortable with who I am, not as the smarty twenty-something. But as the mother, wife and friend that I am.

I will wrap it up by saying that there is sometimes a river between us. Male and female in the roles of father-daughter, husband-wife, mother-son. But there also is the cross over. That would be our Lord Jesus Christ who always makes a way to remove the space in between. My prayer for each and any one of you is that wherever you find the empty space or wherever you see the questions marks in your life, that you would seek Him to find the healing you need to be the full person God made you to be. I am quite sure that the river was meant to freely flow between us. Only He can make life this beautiful.

Serve the Lord Who Fills the Hole

On By femmefuelIn Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

Lady in Waiting and In the Waiting . . . For me, I was a young woman, late-teens/early-twenties who had an eraser-on-the-top-of-a-pencil sized hole in my heart. That means that the hole was small, but really needed to be filled. I had a daddy a few states away and a fairly sucky step dad at home . . . I was accustomed to the little hole in my heart. Of course, I didn’t have enough objectivity to see my hole; Satan used it as a playing field and, thankfully, my Lord protected me until I was spiritually ready to receive His healing.

So, late-teens/early-twenties girl ran her life. Working hard, studying hard. I had deep girl-friendships. Had a pretty great boyfriend (who turned out to be my husband). But I had this little hole in my heart. What was the harm of the hole? It transfigured itself into my life as attention. Yes, the hole really liked to be flattered by guys. There are all types of girls running around with a hole in their hearts. Mine didn’t lead me to sleep around or to drugs. Mine didn’t make me jaded or anti-male race. Mine just wanted attention.

What was the harm of the hole? Get it? That’s what Satan made me believe about the attention. What’s the harm of setting out to get attention? Since I hadn’t been really informed of my hole, I just kept on desiring and getting attention. And didn’t really get the harm at all.

I’m not one for reliving the sin. So, I will pass on the unnecessary details and give you one example of the harm of the hole. Trotting around Coconut Grove with best friend. Seeing someone that caught my eye. Setting out to catch his eye. Liking that I caught his eye. Carrying on for a few hours. After all the lead-on, abruptly leaving with a smile. I am way over hiding the truth, so I will add that there are way worse illustrations than abruptly leaving with a smile. The fact of the matter is that at the end of the day, I wasn’t interested in sex at all. It is no fun asking his roommate to drive you home because you really aren’t up for living up to his expectation after all that . . . attention.  Maybe I wanted to see if the guy would try for a kiss. I am not even sure that I wanted a relationship or a friend. I just wanted to be sure that I had the attention of whomever I wanted attention from whenever I wanted it. Man, what a self-serving hole I was serving.

What was the harm of the hole? Killing my boyfriend who really wanted all of my attention. Hurting my best friend who was more deserving of my attention. Hiding from my mom who knew that I was hiding from the hole. Naively hurting my soul by my endeavors to fill it up.

Where does all this fit? Well, it is the month of males. It is the month of admissions, looking back, going forward. So, what did ever happen to that hole in my heart? God showed me it. It took me some time to unravel the consequences of a lifetime of seeking and getting attention. It took me a few years to hear what God was saying to me about why I did what I did. It took sacrifice, crying out to God, a lot of fasting, trusting the one who is trustworthy. Shedding all those years of lack of attention that led to all the years of looking for attention.

I have learned that none of us has perfect lives. We have failures, imperfections, built-in nonsense that we were born with or born into. If you didn’t already notice, this is not heaven. I don’t mean to belittle your pain or mine. But, the fact that this it is not heaven, is the point. This is where we stumble and fall, bruise, bleed and fully embarrass ourselves and our creator on a regular basis. This is also the place where we get to choose. We can choose to blindly serve the hole or intentionally serve the God who can fill the hole. The journey is from empty to full. The adventure is the faith to believe that there is a face to our faith, and then, getting to see His face. I hate the hole, but I love the God who has a plan to fill it.

Men and Boys – We Only Ask That You Act Your Age!

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

After JMathis’ intro to this month’s all encompassing mystery of guys , my mouth is so full, I can barely get anything out!  So, let’s see . . . there is the boy of my life, QK, who melts my heart, amazes me with his seven year old spiritual understanding and stands by me like the little knight in shining armour that he is.  There are my two brothers.  My mom’s new husband.  My husband.  My dad already in heaven.  My pastor.  All the guys at the office (who say the darndest things – – like it’s so cold, my nipples are freezing).  My step grandpa who has been there for thirty years.  My “real” grandpa who walked back into our lives after thirty years.  My ex-step dad who keeps trying to walk back in.

At this stage in the game, Tanya is probably married to her father figure and Stacy is probably already divorced from the bad guy.  And with a straight face, I am going to blame it all on Eve.  JMathis hit it on the mark when she said: Whether you realize it or not, any boy in your life has to contend with the consequences of how well you have reconciled yourself to both your earthly father, as well as your Heavenly Father.

Having been through a lot in the way of father figures over the years, I have learned in my own heart the miraculous healing power of seeing pain and loss in the light of my Heavenly Father.   The day He showed me I was valuable even though giving my best didn’t satisfy my father-in-law.  The day He showed me how important my dad’s imperfections were to my understanding of His grace.  The day He showed me, as a mother to my son, I can overcome just about anything with His instruction and true, pure love.

Yes, we will have fun this month grappling with the men in our lives.  Some of them act like men, others like boys.  Some are little sons acting just their age.  Some are already gone but have left power thumbprints on our lives.  But most of all, at the center of it all, we have our heavenly Father leading the way, showing the light, and somehow, growing us all up to be like Christ.

Be Last: The Power in Letting the World Pass You By

On By femmefuelIn Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

Not long after I got my first job, I was driving home on the expressway.  This is the expressway where the speed limit is 75 mph, but if you drive 75, you will get blown off the road.  I spent a lot of time commuting – –  two to three hours a day – – in my little black Corolla.  I had a cool pop off radio that my dad bought me so I would have a CD player in the car.  I listened to Tony Evans and Bob Barns.  I bonded with DJs and even learned to recognize stranger’s cars by their bumper stickers.  I didn’t have a cell phone yet.  So I keep listening to CDs and radio shows to escape from adult reality on my long commute.

These were the single days.  I was in a relationship but on my own most of the time working and commuting.  I lived with my grandma and grandpa to be somewhat close to work and drove home to my mom’s on the weekends.  It was a surreal time.  I was spending a huge amount of time reading the word, evangelising at gas stations and just about anywhere that little car would take me.   Fasting, Wednesday church, Sunday church . . . It was a really special time for me and God.

At the same time, my friends were also working at their new jobs.  Everyone is getting a taste of the fast lane through the lives of partners and clients at their law firms.  It is not long before many of us were signing leases at upcoming condos on Brickell and South Beach.  Lunch at Capital Grille.  (Dinner is still too expensive.)  Moving on from used cars to new cars.  Big engagement rings, fancy wedding plans.  The first review, presumably, with the first raise.

I was in a vacuum at the time – – a good vacuum.  In a way, boxed into where I was at, but in a good way.  At the same time, I looked around me at times.  Not wholly sure what was next or fully sure of where I was going.  But God was filling me and I just kept trucking along in the Corolla.  So, let me bring you back to the expressway on which I was constantly commuting.  Remember, if you are driving less than 85/90, you are getting blown off the road.  I hear God nudging me to slow down – – way down – – 45/50 down.  I do this and what I see are cars all around me flashing by.  It is a really beautiful hour – the sun is down, but it is not dark yet.  I have a slow motion moment where I feel like I can see the cars going by really well almost like I am intended to have the view from last place in a race.  While all of this is happening, God says to me – – Sometimes Christians feel like life is passing them by, but I am just giving them perspective.  I love that evening.  I love those words.  I get last place.  I love that God has a purpose and a plan for those who don’t mind being in last place.

Bindu gets it too.  She said yesterday,  So I get it. I know how it feels when you feel like everyone is passing you by…when you have to deal with the sympathetic, curious looks from not-so-tactful relatives who also have the ability to ask downright obnoxious questions. When you, too, are left with wondering where God is and if He cares, and sometimes in those desperate moments, whether He even really exists.

He does exist and He has this overwhelmingly fruitful, joyful, peaceful life for those who love Him.  In His economy, last is first.  Don’t lose sight of the power of life passing you by.  It is your God, your Lord who has your life in the palm of his hands.  He is playing out His great and mighty plan for your life on His time line.  Be last.  The fruit, joy and peace are spoken into you at the very same time the world is passing you by.  Breathe.  Take in what He has for you.  You will find yourself rejoicing for the good work He has done in you.  You will see that whatever has passed you by holds far less worth than power set in you.  Be last.

What a Great God We Serve!

On By femmefuelIn Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

Colors.  It is the Blue that brings me to my knees.  When I see the expanse of the great sky He has made above our heads.  It’s the Purple that you can still see in the blackness of night that draws me to the mystery of Him.  It’s the Red of His rising son that symbolizes the power of His mercies anew every morning.

Orange, Green and Yellow are the colors of His creation.  His flowers and foliage all around us.  I forget that my Lord created each flower and plant with His creative thoughts.  They are His details, His delight.  The representation of His thoughts and conducting of His hands.  I forget that that He had me and you in mind as He created nature around us.

We forget that our flesh is prone to burn red with anger.  Green with envy.  Despite life and breath, we are prone to the blues.  He promises to be a lamp unto our feet, and we run from the pale yellow light that leads the way.  Psalm 119:105.  We bruise ourselves in purple.  It is no wonder He flooded us on account of our independence.  It is a wonder, however, that He promised with a rainbow never to wipe us out again.  He made this covenant because of us, for us, between us and Him.  Even though everything we think or imagine is bent towards evil, He loves us and chooses to sustain us anyway.  Genesis 8:21.  What a great God we serve.

Colors.  We can burn with anger or rise up in the morning anew because of His mercy.  We can bruise ourselves in purple or sit at His throne.  We can suffer in blue or be free as a bird in His sky.  Colors.  He made them for His glory and for his beloved children.   Shut your eyes and see those colors in your mind.  Rest in His promise of rainbows, of peace and of light.  Rest in the knowledge that He loves you, knows you inside and out and He chooses to sustain you anyway.  What a great God we serve.

Princess, Get Out of the Box!

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

Just to recap, JMathis quoted her husband yesterday.  “Every girl is a princess, whether she realizes it or not, and she deserves to be treated as such.”  The follow up to this comment is FEMINIST UPHEAVAL – – not by The National Organization for Women or your local women’s studies program – – by JMathis  herself.

We have all of these categorical boxes that we are in or want to be in.  Feminist.  Christian.  Post-Modern.  Politically Correct.  Professional.  Stay at Home Mom.  In a Relationship.  Married.  Whatever it is for you.  We are some of these things.  We strive to be some of these things.  What is it about the box?  What is it that fuels our desire for others to see us in a particular light?

Take JMathis.  The feminist within is cringing at the princess treatment.  Is she cringing because she really doesn’t want the royal treatment or is she cringing in fear of losing her kick-butt persona on the street?    Take me.  I really am good at what I do professionally – – God made that happen, not me.  BUT, put me around a group of stay at home supermoms and I automatically feel like a pathetic loser who is robbing her kids of quality time.  Or, take me again.  I have this really great partner who happens to not believe in God.  Put me around a bunch of equally-yoked couples and I feel like my relationship with God is being judged.  Is it harder to be who you are or harder to not be who everyone wants or expects you to be?

Let me tell you more.  I was in some serious bondage about the current state of my life.  Christian +Mom + Full Time Working + Recovering from the Real Estate Market Crash + Husband who thinks Christians are Hypocrites.  Staring at God with a blank face.  I felt left behind by my professional girlfriends who stopped working when baby #2 came along.  I felt left behind by my girlfriends who had the appearance of happy marriage and multiple kids.  I felt left behind by colleagues who could work without constraints such as heading out to pick the kids at 3pm or giving excuses for the noise in the background.  I really didn’t fit in anywhere.  Or so I thought.

Over a few month period, I met some really amazing younger women.  I met a coffee shop barista who was taking a semester off from college to work on her relationship with God and find direction.  I met a full time “house mom” for a bunch of pregnant teenagers in a group home.  She was deciding whether to stick with the group home or head out to Thailand to study to be a midwife.  I met a college softball player who was thinking about leaving for China to learn to teach English abroad.  Not one of these ladies made a big difference to me until I had met them all.  I was talking to my mom one morning as I aimlessly tried to find my son’s away football game field.  And, somehow, God, in a tender way, blew out my box.  He intended for me to see in these girls His passion and calling on their lives in out of the box directions.  He intended for me to see the value of a life that went in His direction.  This is the day that I stopped caring about what I looked like from the outside.

God is so out of the box.  His plans for each of us are so far and wide.  He intended for me to work and be a mom and stand for all of the other Christian mamas who are too afraid to admit their husband’s unsaved or their marriage is not perfect.  That is my box and there is no other box that my life would fit in.  We can’t live in glass walls.  Square pegs don’t fit in round holes.  We can’t thrive if we are starving for air in a life that wasn’t meant for us anyway.

So, JMathis, I love the feminist in you.  I love the feminist in you because you know that your political view doesn’t supersede God’s very specific and amazing plan for your life.  And, don’t get me wrong, pray for my unsaved husband!  At the beginning and end of every day, seek Him, know who you are in Him and live that out every second of every day until you see His very face.  For whoever loses his life for Him will surely find it.  Matthew 16:25.