Category: FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz

The Truth About the Lion Who Sometimes Makes you Limp

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, September 2011 (Authenticity)1 Comment

“. . . Oh, I am the unluckiest person in the whole world!”

Once more he felt the warm breath of the Thing on his hand and face.  “There it said, “that is not the breath of a ghost.  Tell me your sorrows.”

Shasta was a little reassured by the breath: so he told how he had never known his real father or mother and had been brought up sternly by the fisherman.  And then he told the story of his escape and how they were chased by lions and forced to swim for their lives; and all of their dangers in Tashbaan and about his night among the tombs and how the beasts howled at him out of the desert.  And he told about the heat and thirst of their desert journey and how they were almost at their goal when another lion chased them and wounded Aravis.  And also, how very long it was since he had had anything to eat.

“I do not call you unfortunate,” said the Large Voice.

“Don’t you think it was bad luck to meet so many lions?” said Shasta.

“There was only one lion,” said the Voice.

“What on earth do you mean?  I’ve just told you there was at least two the first night, and — ”

“There was only one: but he was swift of foot.”

“How do you know?”

“I was the lion.” And as Shasta gaped with open mouth and said nothing, the Voice continued.  “I was the lion who forced you to join with Aravis.  I was the cat who comforted you among the houses of the dead.  I was the lion who drove the jackals from you while you slept.  I was the lion who gave the Horses the new strength of fear for the last mile so that you should reach King Lune in time.  And I was the lion you do not remember who pushed the boat in which you lay, a child near death, so that it came to shore where a man sat, wakeful at midnight, to receive you.”

“Then it was you who wounded Aravis?”

“It was I.”

“But what for?”

“Child,” said the Voice, I am telling you your story, not hers.  I tell no one any story but his own.”

“Who are you?” asked Shasta.

“Myself,” said the voice, very deep and low so that the earth shook: and again, “Myself” , loud and clear and gay: and then the third time “Myself”, whispered so softly you could hardly hear it, and yet it seemed to come from all round you as if leaves rustled with it.

Excerpt from The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis.

The Real Deal

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, September 2011 (Authenticity)1 Comment

By AbbyA

The Real Deal is . . . My child, stay home from church today, rest and spend the time with Me.  My child, give $_____ to the home for pregnant teenagers even though you already have tithed this week.  My child, go ahead and be open about the pain and eventual victory you have had in your marriage.

My Deal is . . . Lord, okay, but you know that I am going to look like an uncommitted Christian if I miss church today.  Lord, um, did you check my account balance before you said that?  Lord, how much do I share about my rocky road and how far do I go?

His Deal is  . . . His Word.  He will never leave you or forsake you.  Deuteronomy 31:6.  He cares more about you than the birds in the sky that He provides for everyday.  Luke 12:24.  You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.  Philippians 4:13.

Shed legalism and grow a thick coat of wisdom and love.  Live sacrificially and gain treasures in heaven.  Be transparent and gain souls for the kingdom.  His Deal is the Real Deal.

Beautiful

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, September 2011 (Authenticity)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

I want to tell you something about beautiful.  In the same way that first is last or obedience is freedom.  Beauty in God’s eye is not as we see it.  I am not talking about six packs or hair down your back.  I am not that shallow.  I am not talking about sunsets and mountain tops.  We know this beauty is His creation.  I am talking about the kind of beauty that radiates from an authentic, pure connection to the Holy Spirit.  It is one thing to radiate because you have been granted a fair lot in life.  It is quite another to radiate such pure authenticity in the face of less. And to the natural eye, less is not very beautiful.  But to the spiritual eye of the heart, it is the meaning of life.

I have for you two stories of authenticity.  Two men who have been granted less in the world’s eyes.  Pastor Joel was burned all over very much like my Uncle Paul as a toddler.  While speaking to Joel, you might wonder if he ever really saw himself as different at all.  While seeing him, you wonder to yourself how he could have survived such flesh altering burns.  If you met him at church or otherwise, your kids would ask you what happened to him.  And, like me, you would tell your kids that everyone is different, that we are all God’s children and it is the inside that matters to God.  Since he is greeting kids and families anyway, you would probably bring your kids over to say hi so that they can learn to approach rather than look on or stare from a distance.  This time, however, there was a lovely, young woman holding a little squirt in her arms – – right next to Pastor Joel.  Knowing little about his personal life, my own square mind took its time placing the family as belonging to each other.  Joel introduced my Leila to his little round faced baby and his wife.  My mind took a moment to wrap its corners around the face of that little angel.  I walked away with thoughts of authenticity.  I walked away with thoughts of what a joy it must be for Joel to see the likes of his own face.  Without making too many presumptions, it is my thought that Joel is about as authentic as one can be.  If Joel’s not so aesthetically attractive face doesn’t speak beauty to you, then seeing his perfect child is the reminder to us as to what true authenticity is.  Like a perfect child is the way in which God sees Joel.  How do I see him?

You see, gentlemen like Pastor Joel and my Uncle Paul don’t get the pleasure of relying on beauty in the world’s eyes.  Whoever they are, they are.  No mask to paint or inject or lift.  No face to hide behind.

This past Sunday, I began to walk into the sanctuary around the middle of the first song.  I started to walk quite fast – – even though, being alone, in need of just one seat, is rather easy to come by.  The gent in front of me walked a bit slower.  As far as I could tell, he had a disability causing him to walk slightly slower than average.  I decided to walk behind him.  No need to walk so quickly past him.  Without yet the knowledge, we were planned to share a service together.

We worshipped just a seat apart.  We lifted our hands tall with gratefulness for the God we serve.  He caught my right eye a handful of times as he so purely and authentically worshipped the Lord.  We turned to each other and smiled a few times.  It was his smile that tore the veil of my heart.  We both sat there with communion in hand.  His smile was resonating so deeply in me.  My hands holding His body and His blood.  The gentleman’s beauty touched me so profoundly that I paused.  With my communion in hand, I went to the deep place where you know you are so unworthy of His grace, so far from His ways, His economy.  So far from what He considers beautiful.  And my heart just poured out in a desire to see what He sees.  To find beautiful what He finds beautiful.  After communion, I reached over and told him that his smile was beautiful.  He said that he could feel my spirit beside him.  He lifted his hands and said to me that He is beautiful.  Tears kept welling up in my eyes.  He just kept smiling.  It was one church service, in a row together.  But I found an eternal friend.  Two friends, bound to be neighbors in heaven.  In fact, that is what I prayed to God as I left my row to get my kids – Lord, can we be neighbors in heaven?

There are things about the Lord that I love.  First is last.  Obedience is freedom.  Losing your life is saving it.  And, beautiful is a pure, authentic connection to God.  Far be it from me if I ever pretend to know anything about anything.  But I will know for every minute of every day that Pastor Joel and my gentlemen friend are the faces of beautiful.

Pop the Can of Authenticity

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, September 2011 (Authenticity)1 Comment

By AbbyA

I am thinking about a few women that have blown the top off the can that holds all of the authenticity.  Recently, I saw my friend Jen at the book store with her family.  We left off in June where she was walking the high, narrow trapeze line of learning that she had cancer.  When we left off in June, she was loved on and prayed for by our work-out group.  The in-between was radiation and a long, hot Florida summer.

When I saw Jen in the store, I asked her how she was and how her summer was.  I really didn’t know if she would give me a straight answer.  It was her choice, after all; it isn’t always the right time or the best time to spit it out and lay it down.  She told me briefly about the radiation and then said God is good.  She went on to introduce me to her sweet-faced kids and her husband and then we all headed on our way.  But, mostly I heard her say God is good.

As Bindu and JMathis would say – Really, really?!  Yes, that’s what Jen said: God is good.

Then there is SusieD.  I left off with her in June.  Although the details were not clear to me until mid-summer, she shared in an email there were melanoma cells found in a few places on her body.  She spent the summer under the knife having it all removed and then waiting patiently for open sores to heal up.  I saw SusieD for the first time about a month ago.  She smiled and said that the finding of cancer was perfect timing.  Any later and her story would not have been the same.

As Bindu and JMathis would say – Really, really?!  Yes, that’s what SusieD said, the finding of cancer was perfect timing.

Yes, then there is Millie.  Just a few weeks earlier, she found some lumps and had them removed.  She was later diagnosed with cancer.  Now Millie is well-known to be a spiritual giant – – if there is such a thing.  But, if anything gives you a license to fall apart for a while, I propose that something is cancer.

Let me tell you about how Millie handles cancer.  We all sit on the floor around her as she tells us there has been so much good that has come out of this diagnosis.  She tells us that she is overwhelmed by the outpouring of her friends, her family and her husband.  She tells us that the phone does not stop ringing, the food does not stop coming and her mailbox is full of love letters.  She tells us that she was unexpectedly approved for health insurance and that God planned for that, too.  Really, Millie, really?  She tells us that she is praying for healing but accepts whatever road God has prepared for her.  Really, Millie, really?

Yes, girls, really.  The top of the can that holds authenticity has been blown off by these women.  Let it flow out to touch each one of us.  Let it break the pressure of our own cans.  Let your own authenticity out so that you can walk a genuine journey holding the hand of your God and holding the hand of your friend.

I think about Christ on the cross and how He let it all out in public – blood, sweat, tears and brokenness before His Father and for all of time to see or read about.  I think about His mom watching it all go down.  I think about John and others who were also watching their beloved friend and brother suffer for their freedom.  I think about you and I and our own suffering seasons in our life.  While the pain is often deep, the wounds are, in part, for your brother’s freedom.  But, your brother will never taste freedom unless you let your authenticity flow.  Freely and openly, among friends.  Pop the can – – it won’t be edible if you wait too long to share it.  I love you, Jen and SusieD and Millie.

The Real You

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, September 2011 (Authenticity)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

Authenticity is all about living in uncertainty.  JMathis  Think about it.  The very moment you decide to wear the inside on the outside.  Such as, speak a word of encouragement to someone you don’t know that well by using your own embarrassing past to make the point.  Such as, revealing you also sometimes feel isolated, alone and different.  Such as, admitting that you rely more on chocolate than God.  Such as . . .  Think about what you are hiding because it reveals too much about the real you.  That is the such as that I am talking about.

The very moment you open your mouth to share the such as.  At the very moment, you decide to go-out-on-limb, The Map pauses the fire in your gut and flashes for you a nice, clean path from A to Z.  That is, from the school pick up line, directly to your car.  That is, pass her quickly on the way to office kitchen because you are too afraid to mention to her that you too had a recent miscarriage.  That is, run like hell from the chance to wear your heart on your sleeve . . . even if to serve a greater purpose.

In the pause between running like hell and being you, The Map gives you mileage comparisons between the go-out-on-limb option and status quo.  You get construction warnings informing you of the upcoming detours if you recalculate off The Map.  You get news of the potential loss of satellite if you tread too far into the unknown.  In the pause, you only have a moment to turn off the GPS and be in the moment.  You only have a moment because once that moment passes, you have lost your ability to be authentic in that place, to that person, to yourself and to God.

JMathis, Bindu and I have seen and touched the face of authentic.  We’ve seen between this trinity of friends that – – all at the same time – – one can be unemployed, job-searching, staying up all night with a sick child, depressed, moving away, triumphant with healing of a marriage, missing her dog, finding a job, finding herself.  All at the same time.  Yes, this is the such as that I am talking about.  Yes, this is the moment I am talking about.  All at the same time.  Three girls seeing that life is made to be authentic whether we embrace living in the moment, or not.

You only have a moment to be authentic before the opportunity passes.  You only have a moment to trash The Map no matter how practical, how appealing, how promising or how smooth the grass feels when you walk the path of The Map.  If you will cross over from time lines to relationships, from handshakes to sharing handkerchiefs and from nicety to authenticity.  Something may happen.  And it looks like the body of Christ.

It looks like revealing just enough of the real you.  So that she can be just enough of the real her.  So that both of you can live out your authenticity in Him.  Nothing could be simpler.  Nothing can be more promising.  Or more uncertain.  Or more powerful.  Than being the real you.

Relief

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, September 2011 (Authenticity)1 Comment

By AbbyA

JMathis asked you to Reveal.  Bindu showed you that . . . Authenticity doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a continual process of God refining us. But like any refinement, it’s painful. It involves revealing truths about ourselves that even we’re blind to.

I’d like to share with you an excerpt from a wonderful book called The Relief of Imperfection by Joan C. Webb.  In reading this excerpt, unexpected tears ran down my face.  Tears to my Father as I acknowledged that it’s my desire to provide total support at all times in every situation.  Tears to my Father acknowledging that I sometimes fail.  Tears that I have been forgiven by others, by Him and that God too gives me the opportunity to forgive myself.

I hope you enjoy the excerpt below.  I hope that, if there is something that you have not forgiven yourself for, that you would acknowledge your failure or mistake and accept His forgiveness in place of the guilt.  He is my treasure and wherever He leads me, I will go.

And now, Lord, thank you for giving me so many people, so many opportunities to love.  But please forgive me when I fail them; help them to forgive me, and me to forgive myself.  You made me human, and there is only so much of me to go around.  Marjorie Holmes, Lord, Let Me Love.

Although we long to provide and receive total support at all times in every situation, there is blessing in accepting that it isn’t possible – or wise.  For if we met all of our family’s needs and desires and they met ours, we might be tempted to leave God out of our lives.  And that would be the genuine tragedy.  Joan C. Webb

Today

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, September 2011 (Authenticity)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

Thanks, JMathis.  Today is the day.  Today is the right time.  Alone.  With Him.  Today, I learned something about me from Him.  Something that freed me up in a new way.

Back track to Christie A.’s couch.  Okay, back track to my whole world changing before my eyes.  Okay, okay, back track to the me where I spent almost every breathing moment with my little buddy QK.  Okay, back, back track even further to the day I dreamt about myself.  That dream was about a picture of a home and a place and a family.  It looked like a Victorian cottage in a place like Delray Beach or Coconut Grove.  With billowing cotton drapes.  Three or Four Kids.  Daily outings to the library, grandma’s and children’s theatre.  And Me.  It wasn’t really a materialistic dream.  Just a dream about values and what was perfect to me.

Now you can fast forward to Christie A.’s couch.  Splatter of tears.  Broken heart for what was supposed to be.  I asked her a question.  I think it sort of sounded like . . . Is there something wrong with me?  Did God make me this way?  I really can’t remember the specifics.  Christie A. splattered back something about lack of confidence.  (This was probably the day Christie A. started torturing me with Joyce Meyers).  The splatter back including the word confidence stayed with me for a really long time.  Confidence?  Did I lack that?  Feels sort of insulting.  But, God, confidence?  Is Christie A right?

My dream was very true early on – – at least for the most important parts.  I spent the first three years of my little buddy QK’s life going on outings to the library, grandma’s and children’s theatre.  I then had a simply amazing pregnancy with my baby girl.  Brought that little sucker into the world with one push.  And then . . .

The real estate market crash of ’06.  Going back to work.  Putting my darlins into pre-school.  Very little money . . . which at the heart of the loss was the least of my problems.  It was my dream – – to be with my babies for as long as long could be.  Asking God not to take it away.  In the way that you ask for things almost as essential as life and death.  And then watching the dream swirl down the sink drain.

I think I have brought us to Christie A’s couch.  Asking a question about myself.  To her, to me, to God.  Being me felt painful, burdensome on my heart.  I really mean that.  I am not talking about my pain or the change.   Because that is just what it was. Pain and change.  I am talking about my seriousness of thought, in my somber, self-reflective way.  Being me felt painful and burdensome.

God planned that.  And planned for that.  It is my heart’s heavy burden to live out my values under uncooperative circumstances.  To love my family with a passion for God, with creativity.  While bearing heavy financial responsibility, while working very hard.  While passing on the knowledge, to my babies, that I would give up or trade anything for their well-being.  While bearing heavy financial responsibility, while working very hard.  Passing on the understanding that their God has given up His life for them and would trade anything for them anytime.

My burden.  I could not have known how far I would go to live for Him if He did not make that option – – living for Him – – the harder, more difficult choice.  Being me sometimes feels heavy.  Again, not in the way of circumstances, in the way of His design.

In the quietness of a moment with Him.  Remembering my question.  Is there something wrong with me?  Did God make me this way?  He said, Yes, I made you this way.  I made you in such a way that even your good fruit would feel heavy to you.  Not in the way of back-breaking.  Not in the way of harm.  Heavy in the way of bearing good burden.

Is there something wrong with me?  Did God make me this way?  Yes, JMathis.  He did.  Yes, Christie A.  – – confidence was in store for me through doing what, to me, was the rotten, unsolicited Plan B.

In the complex way of God, that juxtaposes heavy and light, first and last, life and death.  He cracks away at my ultimate freedom.  He whispers in quiet moments when I am alone with Him.  He whispers words that make no sense outside of the freedom He has constructed for anyone who desires to follow after Him.

Thanks, JMathis.  Today is the day.  Today is the right time.  Alone.  With Him.  Today, I learned something about me from Him.  Something that freed me up in a new way.

By the way, Happy Birthday, QK.  The sweetest gift God has ever made to a mother such as me.  Love, Mommy