Category: FemmeFuel by JMathis

Another Sex Scandal-Part II

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by JMathis, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

By JMathis

There was a time in medical schools everywhere, that instructors would scare future medical students by telling them the following: “Look to the student to your left. Look to the student to your right. Of the three of you, one of you will drop out before the year is over.”

I am told that in seminaries and Bible colleges nowadays, they employ a similar scare tactic, except it sounds something more like this: “Look to the student to your left. Look to the student to your right. Of the three of you, one of you will be affected by a sex scandal that will destroy your ministry.”

When my seminary student friend told me this, I was rocked to the core and suddenly felt like my eyes had been opened.

Sex scandals are not just a case of guys (and girls) behaving badly. They are a systematic tool by Satan to rip the foundations of families, churches and even political institutions.

Think about it. No one goes into seminary with the intention to cheat on his spouse and to bring his life-saving ministry to a screeching halt. No one goes into a marriage thinking that she will betray the one person who has sworn to remain committed through sickness and health, for richer or for poorer. No young victim of child molestation goes into life thinking that he will one day be a child rapist. 

But it happens. Everyday. Day after day. Satan uses sex—something so beautiful, sacred and divine—to kill, steal and destroy. Kill marriages, steal the minds of functioning members of society, and to destroy ministries that have the capability of bringing billions to Christ.

Women: pray for your future and current husbands. They are on the spiritual frontlines of your family, and Satan will do everything in his power to ensure that your family is destined for hell. He starts with the enticement of an innocent Facebook or Twitter flirtation, and in no matter of time, his plan is accomplished: a dissipation of trust, crushed dreams, fractured relationships, and more importantly—a family that has turned their backs on God due to pain, despair, humiliation and a host of unanswered “Why me’s? 

Churches: pray for your pastors and spiritual mentors. They are on the spiritual frontlines of cities, counties, states and now, with the far-reaching power of the Internet, even global web audiences. Satan will do everything in his power to ensure that the tens, hundreds, thousands and millions touched by these ministries are destined for hell. How many Catholic men are disillusioned and angered by God and the church due to a priest who succumbed to Satan’s plan? How many churches shut their doors because of a pastor’s infidelity? How many international healing and deliverance ministries are disbanded due to allegations of sexual abuse?

It is very easy for us to laugh and roll our eyes in disbelief at the Tigers, Schwarzeneggers and Weiners of this world. It’s even easier for us to judge and wag our collective, holier-than-thou fingers at the Bishop Longs, Jim Bakkers, Ted Haggards and Catholic priests of the Christian world.

However, when was the last time you really prayed for these fallen men? Prayed for the healing and restoration of their marriages, their children, and their ministries? When have we really wept in spiritual sorrow over the countless numbers of lives Satan has ruined by these sex scandals?

Ladies, this is not just a case of men behaving badly. Our men are systematically being targeted by Satan in his broader plan to overthrow the Kingdom of God.

And, by no means am I writing these words to defend or excuse the actions of perpetrators, predators, pedophiles, pimps and perverts.

Instead, I am writing these words to plead for a call to prayer and fasting to eradicate one of Satan’s most effective weapons against Christians: the sex scandal. Whether it takes the form of suburban infidelity, or the fall of a mega-church pastor, the result is the same: shattered lives and a multitude of hearts turned away from God the Father.

Pray for your men.

Fast for your men.

Get on your hands and knees for your men.

Look to the person to your left. Look to the person to your right. “Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat.” Luke 22:31

Boys, Fathers, Husbands, Boyfriends and Everything in Between

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, June 2011 (Men and Boys)2 Comments

By JMathis

So much of our girlhood and identity as women is defined by one thing:

Boys.

Last fall, I caught my three year old daughter KISSING (mouth, tongue, saliva) a three year old boy from her class. I just about had a heart attack and thought, “Am I supposed to be talking to her about boys now?”

I tell my husband and he gives me this Daddy’s-Little-Girl is Doing What? look. I shoot him right back down with my evil gaze. “You talk to her about boys! You’re the DAD! She needs to hear it from a guy!! What do I know about what HE’s thinking? All of these shenanigans are clearly from YOUR side of the family!” Honestly, I think he was about to faint from a combination of sheer rage and the sad realization that he will not be the only guy in her life one day.

Fathers.

You either have a crappy father, middle-of-the-road father, or a World’s Greatest Dad, but in all cases, you have only one Heavenly Father. Whether you realize it or not, any boy in your life has to contend with the consequences of how well you have reconciled yourself to both your earthly father, as well as your Heavenly Father.

I have a friend, Tanya, whose dad was pretty much a non-existent louse while she was growing up. Who does she exclusively date? Yup, guys 2 times her age. Daddy issues, anyone?

Then there’s Stacy–the good girl who grew up with the SUPER-strict dad, but the only guy that makes her heart race is The Bad Boy. You come over to her place (again) to console her with a Costco-size box of Kleenex and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, while rolling your eyes thinking, “Umm, hello? Is she ever going to learn??”

Boyfriends, Husbands and the Guy Who’s Just a “Friend”.

One day, one of these little boys becomes a man—a man who swears his life to you, and promises to be with you until the end of days. You take his words at face value, get on the horse and carriage ride in Central Park, and take the plunge…all the while praying feverishly that his daddy taught him right and that your heart won’t get trampled on one day.   

Or, maybe you’re single and you’re dealing with the one guy who always seems to be over at your place. You’re either not sure where the “relationship” is going, or frankly, you don’t want it to go anywhere, but you’re too scared of being alone…maybe you’re just too chicken to tell him to leave?

Yeah, we know a few of those, too.

In this month of June, FemmeFuel tackles boys, fathers, husbands, boyfriends and everything in between. For better or for worse, it’s our version of Cosmo’s Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Guys Issue: why they make us quiver, why they infuriate us, why they mistreat us, why there are not enough of them around, why they’re just not that into you, and why God wants them in our lives.

Men.

Can’t live with them, can’t live without them, so might as well [                        ]…

You fill in the blank. After all, in terms of the mystery of guys, your guess is as good as ours.

Sin’s Dishonor

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by JMathis, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By JMathis

On this Memorial Day, my thoughts keep turning to that elite team of American military Special Operations Forces that took down Osama Bin Laden. My mind just cannot fathom the type of man who would be a part of a team like this. “Bravery”, “skill”, and “loyalty” are terms that are often thrown around when referring to these US Navy Seals. My sense is, however, that these words are wholly inadequate in describing heroes of this magnitude. Furthermore, words of gratitude from our lips are also wholly insufficient in describing our debt to them.

King David had a similar team of men who fought for him. The Bible calls them “The Thirty”. More skilled in the art of war than anyone in their day, they sacrificed their lives in fierce devotion to David. These special op guys killed giants, confronted assassins, and overthrew kingdoms in protecting and serving David. They laid down the safety and comfort of their own lives, so that the purposes of God, through King David, would be fulfilled.

David owed all of his successes to these men. David owed them his life.

So, how does he repay them?

He sleeps with the wife of one of these special op guys, and then orders that this faithful warrior be killed to cover up his own sin of adultery.

Instead of honoring Uriah on a day like Memorial Day, David dishonored him by acting upon his own selfish lust and taking Bathsheba for himself.

Can you imagine? Is this how you express gratitude to someone who took down the Bin Ladens of your day for you?

Sin has consequences.

It dishonors yourself. It dishonors those who sacrifice on your behalf. It dishonors your God.

It puts selfish desires ahead of a heart of thanksgiving.

In the busyness of being mothers, volunteers, girlfriends, wives, friends, daughters and professionals, we forget to fall onto our knees and repent of the sin that robs us of our honor.

If David logically thought things through, do you think he would want to honor the man who daily sacrificed his life for him with such dishonor? The dishonor of adultery, deceit and murder? Of course not.

But, he did, nonetheless.

Sin has consequences.

On this Memorial Day, take time to remember, memorialize and pay respects to the fallen soldiers who died fighting for your freedoms, who died taking out the Bin Ladens of this world, so that you could live in peace and safety.

On this Memorial Day, take time to also honor your God. The same God who daily fights the Bin Ladens of your personal life, so that you can lead a life of fullness, wholeness, healing and purpose.

John 10:10 says that: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

How are you repaying the God who is battling daily to fight Satan, the thief, the “Bin Laden” who has come to steal from you, to kill you and destroy you?

Through lies, neglect, contention, strife and manipulation? Or, through humility, thankfulness and purity of heart?

Sin has consequences.

Ask for forgiveness and replace your selfish desires with a heart of thanksgiving.

Turn the dishonor of sin into a life of fullness, wholeness, healing and purpose.

Take time to honor the Lord today.

Hearing God’s Voice in the Rain

On By femmefuelIn Best of JMathis, FemmeBytes by JMathis, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By JMathis

The whole world feels differently when it rains outside. We hurriedly rush indoors to stay dry and warm, and we often bemoan the fact that it’s so dark and dreary outside.

At the same time, when it rains outside, it’s the only time that I allow myself to really.slow.down on the inside: the inside of my house, the inside of my mind. When it thunders and roars outside, I cancel plans with friends and opt instead for prolonged cuddle sessions with my family, catch up on Academy Award nominated films from six years ago, or make indulgent comfort food from a cookbook that has been collecting dust on my shelf for years.

These storms are the only times in my life that I give myself permission to Eat. Pray. Love. No regrets, no worries, no stress and no counting calories. I fling the front door of my house wide open, stand in the overhang of my porch where I am safe and dry, and just watch in surrender as the rain pours down onto my driveway.

It is in these times that I hear the Lord.

AbbyA hears Him in her car, but I hear Him when it rains.

I hear words of safety, peace, healing, forgiveness and love.

How is it that I hardly ever hear Him at any other time? I don’t hear Him in my commute, I don’t hear Him when the phones are ringing off the hook in my office, and I don’t hear Him at the end of the day, as I attempt to clean up a house that manages to destroy itself daily with toys, laundry, and sticky, gooey fingerprints that pervade every nook and cranny of my domestic existence.

Yet I hear Him when it rains.

Perhaps that is the only time I actually create a space for Him where He can be heard.

After all, He is always speaking. Unfortunately, the pulsating rave beats of my daily life drown out the tender whispers of His presence.

Find your safe, comforting, creative and forgiving space, ladies, wherever it may be: cars, thunderstorms or while getting a massage. Find a space where time is not of the essence, and where keeping up with the Joneses is not a priority.

Go to the quiet and hear the voice of the Lord, even when it is raining fear, pain and worry outside. Hear Him speak healing over your infertility, your impending bankruptcy, your depression, your unemployment, your failing grades, your inability to find your soulmate, your low self-esteem, and the unforgiveness sitting in the deep recesses of your heart—unforgiveness towards yourself, your family, or your cheating spouse.

He is always speaking. Just create a space for Him where He can be heard.

Psalms 46:10: “Be still, and know that I am God…”

2 Corinthians 3:17: “…where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.”

The Pinwheel of God’s Creation

On By femmefuelIn Best of JMathis, FemmeBytes by JMathis, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By JMathis

The beauty of a pinwheel swirling fervently in a summer wind is self-evident. The individual spokes of color spin together to create fury and majesty, in the backdrop of a young child’s squeals of delight.

Looking back, I wish I had reflected more on the holistic passion and energy of the pinwheel that constitutes the entirety of my life. Instead, my youth and naïveté have led me to dwell too long on any one given color that represents only a singular sliver and season of my days here on earth.

In high school, the green and gold of my high school colors made me feel secure in its familiarity, yet continually lost as I searched for my place in this world. Did I want to be popular? What about being an intellectual? How about a beatnik or a goth?

In college, the blue and orange of my large state school made me feel comforted by its hearty embrace, yet stifled by its uniformity. Is there anything else I have in common with these people other than a deep love for college football?

In law school, the maroon and gold of my small, Jesuit law school enabled me to nestle into the cocoon of an intellectually vibrant community, but with the paranoia that I was a big loser if I did not seek after the big bucks. Maybe the best way to advocate for the homeless is to make a lot of money, so that I can give them a hefty tax-deductible donation at the end of the year?

Now, it is the brown of the poop, the chocolate milk, the spilled coffee and the muddy sneakers that fill the expanse of my days—days simultaneously roiled in both laughter and motherly madness. How am I going to explain to the client that I spilled finger-paint all over his one and only set of original documents I took home to review?

 Life is moving far too quickly for any of us to grasp, ladies. You spend too long on any one spoke of color and you get stuck in a tunnel-vision of greys and blacks, failing to see the all-encompassing glory and magnificence of the spinning pinwheel which represents God’s overarching design and destiny for your life.

 Your life is a pinwheel of color and light, made to glorify your Creator. Spin it with all of your might (Luke 10:27), and step back to gaze at His strength and beauty which faithfully carries you from color to color, winter to spring, despair to delight, aimlessness to divine purpose.

2 Corinthians 3:18. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

Rainbows That Follow Torrential Rain

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By JMathis

I cannot stress enough how incredible it feels to be your child’s hero. In my daughter’s eyes, I am above reproach, always right, and a never-ending fount of wisdom and brilliant ideas. To her, I am the embodiment of Philippians 4:8.

That’s why I am not looking forward to the day when she discovers my true colors:   

Red (anger)…when am I going to show her that I am a complete phony when it comes to expressing anger, and that my weapon of choice is a flask of passive aggression?

Orange (pride)…when does she get to see that my pride and arrogance stubbornly get in the way of making sound, rational decisions?  

Yellow (deceit)…when does she step into the web of lies I have constructed for myself, as I self-righteously preach in hypocrisy: “Be your authentic self!”  

Green (jealousy)…when will she realize that my aspirations in life are often motivated by jealousy and envy, rather than inspiration and strength drawn from above?

Blue (sadness)…when does she discover that I still torture myself with sadness and remorse over missed opportunities that I just didn’t have the guts to seize?

Violet/Purple (judgment)…when does she become aware that judging a book by its cover comes oh-so-easily for me, despite my mantra of “peace, love and happiness”?

It seems unavoidable that one day my daughter will learn about my Not So Virtuous past (and my not-so-virtuous present), and how I constantly sabotage my potential by living life in the Rear View Mirror of what-ifs and regret.

Despite all of my personal failings, however, it is my hope and prayer that I teach her about rainbows. Rainbows that follow torrential rain.

Specifically, how the rainbow of Christ’s forgiveness erases the self-destructive memories that threaten to destroy my relationships and my self-worth–dispelling the hurricanes and tornadoes of anger, pride, deceit, jealousy, sadness and judgment. How the tumult of colors representing the storms of my life blend together and disappear in the white light of His redemption.

Yes, that’s what I’m going to do tonight.

Teach her about rainbows.

Divorce and the Happily Ever After

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By JMathis

There was a time in my 20’s, where I spent almost every weekend going to a wedding. We would get decked out and dance the night away, being sleekly dressed accessories in the myth that every bride and groom’s “happily ever after” had finally arrived, as Bindu would say. The bride and groom were Mr. and Mrs. Prince Charming, and we guests were complicit in re-telling the story of this fairy tale for generations to come.

Now, in my 30’s, I am becoming a co-conspirator in the unraveling of fairy tales. I spend hours on the phone consoling my friends, and then analyzing the “he saids, she saids” with my husband (as he inevitably hears the guy’s side, while I am now only privy to the girl’s narrative. “Ladies and gentlemen, the lines in battle have been drawn! Boys on one side, girls on the other”). After all, this isn’t some college breakup, but a full-scale war where the casualties are often children.

The children. Innocence lost in one fell swoop. They, too, were complicit in the fairy tale. Seeing and hearing the nightly fights, but never believing that the ‘D’ word would actually sever their household.

Last night,  I heard the news again about another couple. I feel almost too sick to write this post in a week where we have kept it lighthearted on our blog.

But, yet, here we are once again, and the “once upon a times” are taking on the dark quality found in the sinister fairy tales of the the Brothers Grimm…decapitated heads, wolves in sheep’s clothing, children falling to their demise. 

I need strength, Lord. I can’t hear story after story without wondering if this is the fate of all parents, even Christian ones.

What words do I say to a couple facing this, Lord? What words do I say to myself and to other parents who are watching this horror movie where our friends are playing the lead roles?

I turn to Romans 8. I tear up to find a chockful of verses that give me hope. Hope for them, hope for their children, hope for me, hope for all of my married friends.

 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose.

 31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:

   “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[j]

 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Thank You, Lord, for hope. Thank You, Lord, that we do know how the story ends, and that is with You, triumphant, saving us from darkness, despair and the harmful effects of the ‘D’ word. Thank You, Lord, for allowing us to surrender our fairy tales at your feet, in exchange for restoring the “happily ever after” in our lives. A true “happily ever after”, where we are showered with Your grace, majesty and the hope of eternal life.

Most of all, thank You, Lord, for Your LOVE, that saves, heals, covers, purifies and makes all things new–even our “once a upon a times”…