Category: FemmeBytes by JMathis

Rainbows That Follow Torrential Rain

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By JMathis

I cannot stress enough how incredible it feels to be your child’s hero. In my daughter’s eyes, I am above reproach, always right, and a never-ending fount of wisdom and brilliant ideas. To her, I am the embodiment of Philippians 4:8.

That’s why I am not looking forward to the day when she discovers my true colors:   

Red (anger)…when am I going to show her that I am a complete phony when it comes to expressing anger, and that my weapon of choice is a flask of passive aggression?

Orange (pride)…when does she get to see that my pride and arrogance stubbornly get in the way of making sound, rational decisions?  

Yellow (deceit)…when does she step into the web of lies I have constructed for myself, as I self-righteously preach in hypocrisy: “Be your authentic self!”  

Green (jealousy)…when will she realize that my aspirations in life are often motivated by jealousy and envy, rather than inspiration and strength drawn from above?

Blue (sadness)…when does she discover that I still torture myself with sadness and remorse over missed opportunities that I just didn’t have the guts to seize?

Violet/Purple (judgment)…when does she become aware that judging a book by its cover comes oh-so-easily for me, despite my mantra of “peace, love and happiness”?

It seems unavoidable that one day my daughter will learn about my Not So Virtuous past (and my not-so-virtuous present), and how I constantly sabotage my potential by living life in the Rear View Mirror of what-ifs and regret.

Despite all of my personal failings, however, it is my hope and prayer that I teach her about rainbows. Rainbows that follow torrential rain.

Specifically, how the rainbow of Christ’s forgiveness erases the self-destructive memories that threaten to destroy my relationships and my self-worth–dispelling the hurricanes and tornadoes of anger, pride, deceit, jealousy, sadness and judgment. How the tumult of colors representing the storms of my life blend together and disappear in the white light of His redemption.

Yes, that’s what I’m going to do tonight.

Teach her about rainbows.

Divorce and the Happily Ever After

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By JMathis

There was a time in my 20’s, where I spent almost every weekend going to a wedding. We would get decked out and dance the night away, being sleekly dressed accessories in the myth that every bride and groom’s “happily ever after” had finally arrived, as Bindu would say. The bride and groom were Mr. and Mrs. Prince Charming, and we guests were complicit in re-telling the story of this fairy tale for generations to come.

Now, in my 30’s, I am becoming a co-conspirator in the unraveling of fairy tales. I spend hours on the phone consoling my friends, and then analyzing the “he saids, she saids” with my husband (as he inevitably hears the guy’s side, while I am now only privy to the girl’s narrative. “Ladies and gentlemen, the lines in battle have been drawn! Boys on one side, girls on the other”). After all, this isn’t some college breakup, but a full-scale war where the casualties are often children.

The children. Innocence lost in one fell swoop. They, too, were complicit in the fairy tale. Seeing and hearing the nightly fights, but never believing that the ‘D’ word would actually sever their household.

Last night,  I heard the news again about another couple. I feel almost too sick to write this post in a week where we have kept it lighthearted on our blog.

But, yet, here we are once again, and the “once upon a times” are taking on the dark quality found in the sinister fairy tales of the the Brothers Grimm…decapitated heads, wolves in sheep’s clothing, children falling to their demise. 

I need strength, Lord. I can’t hear story after story without wondering if this is the fate of all parents, even Christian ones.

What words do I say to a couple facing this, Lord? What words do I say to myself and to other parents who are watching this horror movie where our friends are playing the lead roles?

I turn to Romans 8. I tear up to find a chockful of verses that give me hope. Hope for them, hope for their children, hope for me, hope for all of my married friends.

 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose.

 31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:

   “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[j]

 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Thank You, Lord, for hope. Thank You, Lord, that we do know how the story ends, and that is with You, triumphant, saving us from darkness, despair and the harmful effects of the ‘D’ word. Thank You, Lord, for allowing us to surrender our fairy tales at your feet, in exchange for restoring the “happily ever after” in our lives. A true “happily ever after”, where we are showered with Your grace, majesty and the hope of eternal life.

Most of all, thank You, Lord, for Your LOVE, that saves, heals, covers, purifies and makes all things new–even our “once a upon a times”…

Take a Tablespoon of Mommy Guilt…and VOILA!

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By JMathis

Being a mom is inherently a lifetime of worry, guilt and walking on eggshells.

You have the world telling you that if your kid is not in gymnastics, ballet, soccer and swimming lessons (all at once), she’s doomed to be a couch potato…for life.

That if she eats a cookie everyday, she’s headed towards adult obesity.

That if she watches more than exactly 1.3 hours of television each day, she will end up being a violent member of society.

That if you don’t read to her at night, she’ll never do well on her SATs.

That if she isn’t being stimulated enough in daycare, you ruin her chances of getting into a good college.

As a mom, you hear fragments of these conversations in your head on a minute-by-minute basis, as you drive your kids to school, juggle a career, make them dinner, put them to bed.

So, you start developing your own rules. Rules that you think will churn out the perfect kid.

My rule was simple for my daughter: I’m not raising a princess.

This way, she’s guaranteed to go to Harvard on a golf scholarship, and become the scientist who cures Alzheimer’s.

As AbbyA would probably say, I was so determined to think “out of the box”, that by defining and limiting God, I just ended up being trapped in an even smaller box of my own making.

Fortunately for me, God had other plans.

He gave my daughter a daddy who daily gives her permission to be a soft princess who loves pink and the sweeter things in life. Who teaches her that you don’t have to scrape and claw your way in this world, and that you deserve to be treated by a man with utmost gentleness and kindness.

God gave her that balance so that her neurotic mother wouldn’t dictate to her the perils of being a girlie girl in the 21st century. So that I wouldn’t be allowed to dump a lifetime of my hangups, insecurities and psychobabble on her.

Fortunately for me, God had other plans.

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. Isaiah 55:8

Welcome to Key West

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, May 2011 (Motherhood)2 Comments

By JMathis

One of my favorite all-time memories is spending New Year’s weekend in Key West. As a good Christian girl, I know I’m not supposed to admit to loving all that hedonism and mayhem, but man, was that a fun weekend. Picture the love-child between Mardi Gras and watching the ball drop in Times Square. Yep, that’s New Year’s Eve in Key West…except the crystal ball is a big ‘ol conch shell the size of Cuba (or, a big red stiletto heel down the street), and all the freezing people in ski jackets are actually drag queens. You throw inhibitions out the window, and bam, you get knocked up.

Oh, whoops. I guess that was just me.

What happens in Key West, stays in Key West, I guess.

Um, except it didn’t. Nine months later, there was a BABY in my house—a real, live baby! And, guess what? That baby stayed over three months later for New Year’s Eve. And, the New Year’s Eve after that. And, the New Year’s Eve after that. And, the New Year’s Eve after that.

You get my drift, don’t you? I will never, ever, ever have a New Year’s Eve like I did in Key West that weekend. In fact, until this kid is 16, I think I can pretty much kiss New Year’s Eves goodbye. That’s the one night even babysitters go out, for crying out loud!

A Proverbs 31 wife would probably say, “Who cares, you ninny? Who needs to waste away (or get wasted) on New Year’s Eve? It just gives me more time to select wool and flax, make clothing and bedspreads for my children, prepare meals for the week, feed the poor and sell hand-made scarves to merchants for a profit…all in one night!” Yay, Proverbs 31 wife. You go, girl.

Me, on the other hand, I still mourn for all of the New Year’s Eves I will never know, will never meet and will never experience.

I know. Childish, right?

But, guess what? That’s okay. It’s okay to grieve a little, ladies, for parenthood truly is the first time one becomes an adult. Next to accepting Christ, it’s the single biggest adjustment you will make in your life. For many years, you followed one path as ‘footloose and fancy free’ as you could be, and with one screech of the record, like Bindu said, you become a mom. Your life is changed in one fell swoop.

When Paul said in I Corinthians 13:11 to put away childish things, he didn’t promise it would be easy. In fact, in Philippians 2:12, he told us to continue to work at our salvation with fear and trembling. In the same way you don’t become a model Christian overnight, you’re not going to become a model parent overnight. In the same way you might not love everything about being a Christian, you may not love everything about being a parent.

We always hear that the second we follow Christ, poof, we instantly become new creatures. While the Bible tells us that we indeed do, it often takes a lifetime for us to realize this fact. It’s the same thing with motherhood. Poof. One day, you instantly become a parent. For better or for worse, it often takes a lifetime for us to realize this fact.

Doesn’t make you any less of a Christian, or any less of a mom.

And, that’s okay.

After all, we are not perfect. We’re redeemed.

How Many Kisses Do YOU Want Tonight?

On By femmefuelIn April 2011 (April Showers...), FemmeBytes by JMathisLeave a comment

By JMathis

Every night, our nighttime ritual is the same. My daughter and I snuggle and pray; I wind her down by telling her stories of when I was a little girl, when daddy was a little boy, when she lived in my tummy, what our doggy in heaven might be doing at this very moment with Jesus (playing catch, Mama? eating popsicles? chasing lizards together?). 

She is tucked in and then we read the same story each night: “How Many Kisses Do You Want Tonight?”, by Varsha Bajaj. Every page introduces a different kind of baby animal being put to bed by either a mommy or a daddy animal, which leads to the mommy/daddy animal asking the baby animal, “How many kisses do YOU want tonight?” As each page turns, the number of kisses rise…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and last of all, 10!

You think this is the end, but wait…we then are introduced to a human child who boldly asks for, “100!” As if this wasn’t enough to end the book, there is just one more child, who jubilantly and confidently asks for it all: “1,000,000!!”

While it is never stated or pictured, it is certainly implied on every page, that not only is each child entitled to the number of kisses of her heart’s desire, but that she actually gets the number of kisses that she asks for from her mommy or daddy.

So, today I pose this question to you who are tired, overworked, frazzled, stressed, beat-down, furious with your little boy who sneaks cookies into bed, down-trodden and choked by the worries and sorrows of life:

“How many kisses do YOU want tonight?”

Abba Father is ready to tuck you in and receive you into His sweet and peaceful rest.  

Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

Psalm 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

Good night and sweet dreams.

A Plan of Attack

On By femmefuelIn April 2011 (April Showers...), FemmeBytes by JMathisLeave a comment

By JMathis

Philippians 1:19-21 (NIV): Yes, and I will continue to rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help given by the Spirit of Jesus Christ, what has happened to me will turn out for my deliverance. I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

I just love this set of verses. It swells up my heart with so much hope, and I send this to everyone I know who is struggling with difficulties such as a loss of a job, a loss of a loved one, a loss of innocence. In just a few lines, it provides you a detailed plan of attack, along with the expected results, for when life strikes you down and you experience those “April Showers”.

Why does Paul, the author, rejoice? Because he’s onto something…he knows two things: 1) people are praying for him, AND 2) that the Holy Spirit is helping him. Because of these two things, he knows without a shadow of a doubt that the very crisis/problem/disaster that was meant for his DESTRUCTION will now turn into his DELIVERANCE.

He also endeavors to do one more thing in exercising his faith–he EXPECTS that this hostile situation he is facing won’t cause him to be ashamed or embarrassed.

As Bindu mentioned yesterday, you can’t expect people to pray for you unless you are honest and truthful with them about your struggles. You have to trust the Lord that He will give you victory over any potential shame or embrarrasment that comes from revealing these struggles to others.

Allowing friends, family and your church leaders to pray and agree with you BUILDS up your faith and gives you courage so that you know, that you know, that you really, really know, that the Holy Spirit is on your side to help you through this turmoil. Without this knowledge, you can never expect that things will change for you. WITH this deep-seated knowledge, however, not only can you expect the situation to change, but it will change for your good, with NO need to ever be ashamed.

LOVE this set of verses with me today. LIVE this set of verses with me today. EXPECT big things for your life today.

Pass Over Me

On By femmefuelIn April 2011 (April Showers...), FemmeBytes by JMathisLeave a comment

By JMathis

Lord, this Passover, I ask you to “pass over” my insecurities and my doubts. Pass over my fear of man, my fear of failing, and my fear that I am just not worthy of the precious blood that you shed for me at Calvary. Help me to accept that the great I AM loves me Just As I Am.

Jesus, my Passover Lamb, “pass over” my hurt, shame and self-loathing, and take my cross, for it is Just.Too.Heavy.For.Me.To.Bear. Pass over my lack of confidence, even though I know that I am the daughter of the Most High who loves me Just As I Am. 

My Saviour, “pass over” my tendency to create an island unto my own, forsaking the love of family, friends and community. Pass over my need to compare myself to others; instead, let my gaze rest only on You, King of the Universe, who loves me Just As I Am.  

“When I see the blood, I will pass over you.”—Exodus 12:13.

Thank You, Father, that the blood of Your Son, Jesus, is greater than the love of a guy, Prozac and a pair of skinny jeans. Thank You, Jesus, that Your blood washes me whiter than pure, freshly laid snow. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for daily reminding me that the blood of Jesus makes me alive, new and set FREE.

Thank You, God, that Your blood embodies my redemption, my salvation and my ransom, and that You love me Just As I Am.

Thank You for passing over me with Your love.