Category: FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew

Louder Than Words

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, September 2011 (Authenticity)1 Comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

So a few months ago, I started a new job where one of my co-workers is a very vocal atheist who also enjoys joking around and teasing everyone. Within the first two weeks, he began teasing me and another co-worker mercilessly about our Christian faith. Although I knew he wasn’t trying to hurt either one of our feelings and just making jokes at our expense, I knew he was also expressing his frustration towards a religion filled with followers who, in his eyes, sometimes could be the exact opposite of what the Bible teaches.

At first I was at a loss on how to respond, so I just smiled and shook my head when he teased me. I knew it would be pointless to argue with him, at least in the beginning, until I knew him a little better. Since he brought up the topic due to his teasing, I began asking him why he would even jokingly say some of the things he brought up to me, so I could better understand his perspective and why he was so adamantly against the Christian faith. I soon learned his “beef” was really with all “organized religion.”  He just happened to target my co-worker and me because he knew we’d be more forgiving about it, and if we weren’t, then, dangit, that just proved his point about our Christian hypocrisy!

Rather than arguing with him, I knew all I could share was why I had initially been able to take that leap of faith and why I continued to believe. I acknowledged some of his primary questions like “how can we really know if God exists,” but I also gave examples of how I see God in my daily life and how I believe He helps me overcome difficulties. As I shared my experiences, he didn’t argue but listened. He even nodded his head a few times. While I may have not persuaded him to my own perspective, he respected me more after our discussion because he realized I wasn’t just blindly following the Christian faith. I, too, had grappled with many of the same questions/issues he had, but I eventually came to a different conclusion than he did. While he didn’t agree with me, he slowly quit teasing me about my faith.

A few weeks later, he admitted to me that he did greatly respect the other co-worker whom he had also teased. They had worked over ten years together, and during that time, he had always known him to be an outstanding person. He was always the first to lend a helping hand to someone in need, always considerate, forgiving.

While neither one of us could argue with our co-worker’s atheistic beliefs, I also realized that no amount of words could speak louder to him than the actions of my co-worker and me. He was watching us, observing us, and that spoke volumes to him more than anything we could verbally articulate.

Authenticity. It’s often what you do and not just what you say.

Authenticity Begins Within You

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, September 2011 (Authenticity)Leave a comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

What do you want to be when you grow up?

For many of us, it’s a question we were asked quite often when growing up.  For some of us, it’s a question that we often ask ourselves still.

When you were growing up, what did you envision for your life? Was it being a doctor? A lawyer? A movie star? A writer?

When you look at your life, was it what you had always hoped it would be? Or is it even better? Worse?

It was 2004, and I was newly married and had just moved to Florida. I was working in a job that I wasn’t thoroughly enjoying, and I couldn’t help but feel I had taken a serious detour in my career path. How had I gotten here?  Like many parents, especially Indian parents, my parents had just wanted me to be a doctor, but back in college, I deeply felt I had a different path that God wanted me to follow. So I pursued my English degree and my writing aspirations…Well, sorta. I admit I didn’t write…well, back then I was in my 20s! I didn’t have time to sit in front of the computer all day as I tried to wait for inspiration to flow out of me!  I had friends to hang out with, and, of course, my Mr. Right wasn’t going to magically bump into me while I sat sequestered in my room writing. I needed to be “out there” living and doing my thing. And dreamer that I was, I also had a practical side and still worked a “day job,” too, to pay the bills and save for retirement.

But flashforward back to 2004…I’m married, living in Florida…but I still wasn’t writing. It was around that time that my husband, too, began prodding me. Didn’t you tell me you wanted to be a writer? How come I never see you writing? Ouch.

A few weeks later, one of my friends sent me an excerpt from a book that a co-worker of hers was working on. She asked me to critique and edit it because her co-worker was seeking some feedback, and my friend wasn’t a reader or writer so she thought of me instead. When I read it, my thought was that it seemed more like an essay rather than an excerpt from a novel. So I took out my editor’s pen, added some dialogue, added some description, some metaphors, etc. And badda bing, badda bang, I handed back what I considered a very well written page to inspire her as she continued her novel. My friend’s co-worker immediately responded by asking me if I had published anything because she loved what I had written. Sheepishly, I had to admit that besides a few paragraphs here and there over the years, I hadn’t written anything. Oh, wait, a short story or two…but no, nothing to resemble a novel and certainly nothing that was published. Yet.

I later read over what I had written, and I couldn’t help but feel this surge of joy and excitement over that one page. I loved the way the words flowed together. I loved the scene I described. And most of all, I had just loved the whole creative process. Why wasn’t I writing, I asked myself. And then I knew it was time. It was time to start that novel I had always talked about.

So I did. I started it. Life got busy, and so I had to stop. But I soon got started again, stopped, started, stopped, started, stopped. Started. Stopped.

Sigh.

Why couldn’t I just write already? In hindsight, I realized I had much to learn about the creative process. Sometimes, to be honest, it’s just not that creative. Sometimes, you just gotta write even when you don’t feel like it. You gotta write when you don’t have time.Yes, discipline. Something I had never applied to my writing.

But I have to admit, there’s nothing like a significant birthday and the feeling that you’re getting old to kick you into high gear. I had one of those and a year and a half later, my novel was finally complete.

After many years of dreaming about it, talking about it, I had finally done it! I had written a novel!  But when I did, no streamers magically fell from the ceiling. No Publisher’s Clearing house “Congratulations” check magically appeared at my front door or in my mailbox. Besides a “I knew you could do it” from one of my best friends, nothing changed…Now what? I had finished my novel, but that didn’t mean I could quit my day job.

Little did I know I had just done the easy part. The much, much, much harder part is to get it published. And if I listen and believe the statistics, I probably will never get my first novel published. In fact, “they” say that it’ll probably take my second or third novel before I get something published. I have to write another one? Now? You mean I’m not going to be a Nicholas Sparks or a Stephenie Meyer and set the publishing world ablaze with my very first novel? The idea of writing another novel was very appealing but not when I have to squeeze in the time between work and taking care of my baby. Oh yeah, a month after finally giving birth to my novel, I also gave birth to a real baby, too! How was I ever going to write another book between working full-time and then coming home to a hubby and baby? I looked with dread at my black laptop workbag, realizing that yes, I wouldn’t be quitting my day job for a long, long time.

Sigh.

But I have to admit, even now, when I go back and read what I’ve written, I feel a deep satisfaction from my soul. And while I may not be successful in the world’s eyes, I know I have done something that gives me great meaning and makes me feel I’ve left my little imprint on this world, if only just my laptop.

So what do you want to be when you grow up?

And what, may I ask, are you doing about it?

Authenticity must first begin within us. Authenticity to ourselves requires unearthing, rediscovering, pursuing the talents, gifts, skills that God has given only you. Authenticity requires knowing that God made you unique and beautiful and for a purpose, and only by drawing ourselves closer to God can we truly discover those gifts.

I will praise you; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are your works; and that my soul knows right well. Psalms 139:14

The Ultimate Friend

On By femmefuelIn August 2011 (Cultivating Friendships), FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-MathewLeave a comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

Last week I described how many of my friendships have changed over the years. Some that I thought would last forever were suddenly and surprisingly no more. And some grew distant over time. Most of those friendships I reluctantly had to let go once I realized that I was the only one who seemed to still want it to continue. But there is one friendship that I have often neglected…that I take full responsibility for. The sad part is that more than any other friendship, this is the one friend who deserves nothing but my best…and I am sad to say, my friend doesn’t always get that from me.

I met my friend when I was 9 years old although I knew of him much earlier. Him. Yes, he is a He. Yes, my husband knows him as well, and they, too, are friends.  Actually, my friend is the one who was really responsible for bringing me and my husband together, although he probably doesn’t get enough credit for that.

My friend has been through it all with me. Ups. Downs. Happy times. Sad times. He’s been with me when I was single and lonely. Married and happy. Often when my hubby and I don’t see eye to eye, it is he who calms me down, who makes me realize that I’m being too stubborn…or selfish.

My friend reads me like no other. And he’s seen the ugly side of me and still manages to love me regardless.

My friend is thoughtful, considerate, generous, loving.

My friend prays for me…all the time. He intercedes to our Heavenly Father on my behalf.

I can call him any time of the day. Morning. Noon. Night or day.

My friend has been there for me, especially when my other friends couldn’t be. Even when I was too busy to make time for my friend, he patiently waited for me.

My friend is the Ultimate Friend. Loyal. Faithful. Honest. And True. Better than anyone or any friend I have ever known.

There is also one other thing my friend has done for me…often many will say they would do this but he not only says he will…he has already done it. He died for me. He died so that I could live.

He is such a good friend that I would be a horrible friend to you if I didn’t introduce him to you. His name is Jesus. And what he did for me, he also did for you.

For those of you who already know him, this is a reminder to you that he is not only your Savior, your Lord, your Provider, your Healer…but he is also your friend.

While other friends may abandon you, He will never leave you. He never tires of being there for you.

You can talk to him like you would to any friend. And he can comfort you like none other.

And here’s an old hymnal reminding us of the great friend we do have in Jesus:

What a friend we have in Jesus,
All our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer!
Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
Oh, what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful,
Who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness;
Take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy-laden,
Cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge—
Take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
Thou wilt find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear;
May we ever, Lord, be bringing
All to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright, unclouded,
There will be no need for prayer—
Rapture, praise, and endless worship
Will be our sweet portion there.

The Rose

On By femmefuelIn August 2011 (Cultivating Friendships), FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-MathewLeave a comment

Go to fullsize imageBy Bindu Adai-Mathew

When most of us look back at our youth, particularly our teens and our twenties, it is often the great loves in our life that come to mind…that first playground crush in elementary school. That first love in high school whom you spent Friday nights with at Pizza Hut after the football game. The scruffy haired college boyfriend who had a penchant for cafés and Nietzsche. And that first serious “real world” boyfriend who had a “real” job and took you to “real” restaurants, always insisting that you never ever pay even though you offered.

For me, I met my first love at 30 and married him at 31. While my youth and twenties were spotted with unrequited crushes, those are not the relationships that come to mind when I think of my past.

But I, too, had some serious loves in my life. 7 to be exact.  Yep, lucky 7.

You read about the first one last week…Becky Dunn. She moved away after 6th grade. But our story didn’t end there. We wrote to each other pretty regularly even after she moved. In fact, we wrote to each other throughout our junior high and high school years. True, our letters decreased with each passing year, but distance hadn’t changed our friendship. Any time we spoke, it was like no time had passed. Like the sign of any good friendship, we’d pick up right where we had left off. And then one day, those months turned into years. But even then, we somehow managed to “catch up” on each other’s lives. Until slowly one day, I got the distinct feeling she no longer wanted to keep it up anymore. There were subtle hints, like I’d always be the one initiating contact…and she’d be slow to respond…until one day, she didn’t return my phone call. And when I followed up a few weeks later, she had moved with no forwarding phone number or address for me to reach her. And in a blink of an eye, a 20+ year friendship was seemingly over.

And then there was Noemi Dominguez. If Becky was my childhood, Noemi was my adolescence. From 7th grade on, we became fast friends. Fellow French horn players, we also played on the school tennis team and shared a wicked sense of humor coupled with a wicked love of romance novels. She is the reason I know every important line of the original Star Wars trilogy. She is the reason I had a crush on Davy Jones and watched every episode of The Monkees. We had a secret language that often required nothing more than a look and a giggle…and after taking shorthand together in high school, we could also literally write notes “in code” to each other.  We were best friends until the day she was murdered in 1999. Another friendship over before its time.

And then there was the best friend I made my freshman year in college. Naturally very shy and introverted, she opened up to me and clung to me like life support all four years of college. When I started my first job, she’d often call me at work on the days she was off. Sometimes we’d meet up for dinner or happy hour after work. And since these were the days before cell phones were so prevalent, by the time I got home, she’d call me again… “just to talk…” I loved to talk and I had nothing better to do, so at the time I didn’t mind. Neither did I mind when I moved away for grad school, and the following year she also moved into my apartment complex and started grad school at another nearby college. It almost sounds very SWF (Single White Female), but it was innocent enough. We both came from strict Indian families and faced similar family dynamics and pressures regarding marriage, career, etc. Neither of us had ever had boyfriends or any luck with boys being interested in us. So for 8 years we probably talked almost every day. Until one day, her parents set her up with someone. Two weeks after meeting him, the phone calls decreased dramatically. One weekend she didn’t even bother returning any of my phone calls. When I later asked her about it, she said she wanted to call me back but had “forgotten my phone number…” Yeah, except that this was the same number she had been calling for 8 years. When I reminded her of that, she laughed and said, “You know what a bad memory I have…”  Apparently so…she hadn’t just forgotten my number but apparently also 8 solid years of friendship.

And then there was M.  Another college friend. We became close my senior year in college. She was also Indian, faced similar pressures regarding marriage and career, but she was what I would call the rebel. She was the bohemian hippy who lived by her own rules. She eschewed tradition and embraced her own ideals. But despite my conservatism and her anti-traditional Indian views, we somehow also became good friends. Our friendship waned briefly when I moved away for grad school, but once I was back in town, our friendship was on like Donkey Kong! Shopping, eating out all the time, movies—all the things good friends do…we were full-force right through the day I said my “I do’s” and moved away. And then suddenly my friendship with her hit a brick wall. Then she, too, avoided my phone calls. No fighting. No falling out. Just another 10+ year friendship…gone with the wind.

Not all of my friendships have ended so dramatically, of course…but most of them have changed in intensity. Some of it is natural, of course. Most of us are now married, and most of us have children. (Except maybe M.) But between work, kids, spouses, and everything in between, keeping up friendships can be challenging even if the heart is willing.

There was a time when I was bitter about my lost friendships. I had invested so much energy, so much time into them that to have them end at all, was upsetting. For a long time I couldn’t understand how my friends who once said things like, “You’re the sister I never had…” or “I’m closer to you than my own sisters…” could later treat me like some casual acquaintance they had barely known. But in that way, I’ve learned, friendships are like romantic relationships…for them to work, both people have to want them. Both people have to want to put the time in.

I think one of the reasons that the show Sex and the City always appealed so strongly to me was not the crazy, outrageous risqué topics that were discussed on the show. Nor was it the beautiful clothes and shoes. Nor was it the chic clubs and restaurants featured. For me, it was always about the friendships. The fashion, the men, and even New York City, were nothing more than accessories and backdrops to the main feature—the beauty and power of female friendships. Even though the men often never lasted, there was a beauty in knowing that at the end of the day, the four of them had each other. That was all I had ever wanted from any of my own friendships…and until my mid to late 20s, that’s all I had ever known.

But I’m no longer in my twenties, and I’ve learned the hard way that not all friendships are meant to last. Like every season in our lives, all we can do is cherish them for how they blessed us at the time. Yes, there are those die-hard friends, the ones who will truly stick to you like glue. No matter what, till death do you part. Yes, some friendships are meant to ride off into the sunset together. But there are other friendships that bloomed once so beautifully, so fragrantly, but are now nothing more than a dried up rose, a reminder of what once was.  True, we must lay them to rest and let them lie where they belong…in the Past. But that doesn’t mean we have to forget. Like a dried flower in a book, those memories can still be preserved. At any given time, we can pick them up, savoring the Sweetness that once was…the Beauty it once had….the Joy it once gave… Reminiscing. Remembering. Reliving. But never Regretting.

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Unplug Yourself

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

Many, many moons ago, I was addicted to television. Cartoons in the afternoon. Followed by Wonder Woman, Kung Fu, and Benson. The evening news was typically my final flag to turn off the television set and finally start my homework.

In the summers, my addiction to television grew even worse. I was forbidden to go outside, and due to the sweltering heat and no swimming pool in sight or friends to hang out with, I was often content to stay indoors. Unfortunately, that often entailed more television. I’d start off my mornings eating my cereal while watching the game shows: $25,000 Pyramid, Family Feud, the Price is Right. And then followed my soap operas:   Young and the Restless, All My Children, Days of Our Lives, and General Hospital. Finally in the afternoon, somewhere between the cartoons and Wonder Woman, I became nauseated on my television overload and would finally pick up a book to read. By evening, under my parents’ watchful eyes, I was finally able to get out of our house and enjoy some fresh air outside. Only to follow that up with some good ole primetime tv! (Yuck! Now I think I’m gonna throw up!)

Television. In the 80s and early 90s, that usually meant, ABC, NBC, CBS, and the Fox network.

Ahhh, the good old days. When life was truly simple.

Now we not only have television, we have Cable television. We have Premium channels. Movie channels.

Thank God that I am no longer an addict! But then yesterday, I read JMathis’s blog:

Time-killer. Brain-killer. Relationship-killer. Dream-killer. This is what I know about television.

Yet, I ingest this poison nightly.

I have all these dreams that I want to fulfill in my life—dreams which require much prayer, thought, planning, diligence and hard work. Yet, after a long day of work and going through the nightly motions of making dinner and putting my daughter to bed, I am too “exhausted” to even dream my dreams. Slowly, these dreams fade to black as the drone of the TV replaces them one-by-one and piece-by-piece, until they are no more and bear no more significance to my life.

Ouch!  As I read JMathis’s blog yesterday, I realized while I no longer had the luxury of watching television hours on end like I did as a child, I probably still watched it more than I should even now. As I read her blog, I began to feel convicted. I knew I was still guilty of watching television when I should be working on my book…or writing my blog…or spending quiet time with God.  But I wasn’t that bad…was I?

After all, I only watched it an hour or two in the evening when I was unwinding…or on the weekend when I was bored. Or when I was tired. Or when I felt stressed. Or even when there was nothing good to watch. Oh, no, I am still an addict!

But now it’s not just television. How many times have any of you logged onto Facebook—just for a minute or two, you promise yourself—just to check your status, and somehow magically two or three hours have flown by without you realizing it?! And if that isn’t enough, we also have email, Google-ing, Yahoo-ing, shopping, browsing, surfing, twittering, texting, etc. And we can choose to do it on our iPad, our Blackberry, our iPhone, or other mobile gadget. The amount of other things vying for our attention can feel overwhelming.

Time-killers. Brain-killers. Relationship-killers. Dream-killers.

All of them. Is it any surprise that all the things that are supposed to make our lives easier are actually only making them more complicated and busier?

What to do? We can’t just unplug our devices now can we…….or can’t we?

I haven’t read it yet, but I recently heard about a book written by a woman who did just that, albeit, she did have to bribe her three teenagers to get them to participate in the experiment. But in the her book, The Winter of Our Disconnect: How Three Totally Wired Teenagers (and a Mother Who Slept with Her iPhone) Pulled the Plug on Their Technology and Lived to Tell the Tale, the author recounts that while it was initially challenging to pull the plug to all of their technologies, in the end, they reconnected as a family and re-discovered many of the simpler pleasures of life like reading, playing musical instruments, and spending time together as a family.

While most of us would be hard-pressed to give up watching television or surfing or texting for several months or weeks, maybe we, too, can resolve to unplug ourselves for one day a week. Or for one evening.

Maybe after I finish my blog, I’ll quickly surf the Internet for the best deal on the book I just mentioned, and then I’ll turn off my computer, my Blackberry, and the TV and actually read a book the old fashioned way…oh, but wait…that means I’ll have to update my status on Facebook first…you know, just so my friends won’t be wondering where I am…

One step at a time, right?!  LOL!

Swimsuit Season, Anyone?

On By femmefuelIn Best of Bindu Adai-Mathew, FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

Go to fullsize imageBy Bindu Adai-Mathew

I have two words to make you completely cringe and cause the hair on the back of your neck to recoil in disgust: swimsuit season.

 Yes, those two words are powerful. As children, it evokes images of summertime spent gallivanting in cool water to ward off the scorching summer heat.

 As adults, it evokes endless hours of our stomachs twisting in knots and hands wrenching with worry as we try to figure out how to “undo” months of our bad winter behavior in a matter of weeks so we can be bathing suit ready.

 For those of you in your twenties, getting into that cute swimsuit might require cutting down on a few snacks and reducing your intake of junk food. (Sorry, I’ll try not to hate you!)

For those of us who are no longer in our twenties and especially those of us who have had kids, that means not eating. Ever again. Oh, wait! I take that back. We’re allowed celery and lettuce. Apparently, those are negative calories because the amount of calories it takes our body to digest those types of foods is greater than the number of calories that are in them. Somehow that gives us hope that we can actually start tapping into the gigantic fat reserves that have made their permanent home around our thighs and hips.

Got body issues?

Skinny. Fat. Average Jane. Supermodel Janelle. We all have issue with our bodies. You can put a group of 10 women in a room together, and their body issues will be greater than the number that are just in the room. Put them all in bathing suits in a room and their body issues will be exponentially greater.

Take me, for example. In a business suit, I feel powerful. Capable. Put me in a bathing suit, and I feel vulnerable. Exposed. The entire time I’ll be fidgeting with my swimsuit, tugging and pulling to make sure I’m completely covered and worrying about what someone else will think about my less than perfect body. And is it me, but why is okay to wear bikinis out in public when it’s not okay to wear our bras and underwear out in public? Aren’t they one and the same? Or am I the only prude who thinks so?!

For many of us, our bodies are our sore spots. But as experts tell us, our attitude towards bodies are often indicative of emotional and mental issues and scars.

 But I want to remind you that our attitude towards our bodies can also be a spiritual thermometer.

 How so? Well, even as early as Genesis, we can see a spiritual connection between God and our bodies. When God made Adam and Eve, the Bible says He made them after his own image. But Chapter 2 adds “25The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”

But by chapter 3 of Genesis, they have sinned by eating the fruit from the forbidden tree:

7Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Isn’t it in interesting that they weren’t ashamed of their bodies before they sinned but only after?

As far as we can tell, nothing had changed in Eve’s body. Eve didn’t eat one too many mangoes. Neither did she have a kid, gain a bunch of weight, and then suddenly become embarrassed about the extra cellulite. The scripture is clear—her shame had a direct correlation with her sin.

What shame are you camouflaging under your skinny jeans or swimsuit wrap?  And I’m not talking just about your sin…I’m talking about what others may have done to you…because even if you are the innocent victim of someone else’s sin, the shame of sin can still transfer on to you…it can linger on your skin, eating away like a parasite at your self-esteem.

Whether we realize it or not, our bodies have a direct spiritual connection to God. Even the Bible is clear on the matter that our bodies are more than just flesh: 

19Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6

Today I want you to take a personal inventory of your own attitudes about your body. Maybe, like many of us, you have been indulging in one too many potato chips…if that is the case, resolve to treat your body more healthily this year.  Occasionally substitute that craving for potato chips or chocolate with some fresh fruit…like apples…or some sweet, juicy mangoes (Sorry, it’s mango season here in South Florida! )

It will not be easy, but be determined to take better care of your body this year. After all, if you have visitors coming to visit your home, wouldn’t you do some spring cleaning, tidy up the clutter, and spruce up the place?  Well, remember, according to 1 Corinithians 6: 19-20,  you do have a permanent guest of honor residing in your home.  Now that verse makes swimsuit season seem trivial in comparison, doesn’t it?

And even if your body is less than ideal, resolve to find your peace with it. Several years ago, I came to the conclusion that it was futile to fight my body. I was never going to be a supermodel so why was I bothering to hate and fight it so? I might as well accept the way God made me and do my best to take care of it.

Or maybe your negative attitude towards your body is the result of something horrible that happened to you a long time ago, and you’ve decided your body is pretty much worthless and not worthy of being treated well.

Again I encourage you to pour out your hurt to God. Isaiah 61:3 promises you who are grieving that God will trade you a  “crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Whatever you have been through or whatever has been done to you, you are not worthless. That is what Satan will have you feel and believe. But it is a lie. God can and WILL trade you your hurt and shame for beauty. He can heal you, and you can once again be a shining example of what He always intended when He created us.  After all, it isn’t just your body…it’s HIS.

My prayer for you beginning with today, July 4th, is that we inspire you this month to live and celebrate your life in spiritual freedom! Freedom from self-condemnation, self-hatred towards your body. We hope to connect those dots between the body-mind-spirit  that can encourage you to live your life to its fullest. Remember your true relationship with your body and with God is a reflection of your attitude and your heart…not the reflection of your dresser mirror.

Sex and The City

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

Go to fullsize imageBy Bindu Adai-Mathew

We almost managed to do it…Almost. Sorry, ladies…some of you are about to get uncomfortable. But did anyone think what I was thinking? How can we go an entire  whole month on talking about boys without talking about the one subject that is synonymous with boys…SEX!

Well, actually that’s not entirely true…JMathis alluded to sex in Gotta Love Those Pesky Boundaries blog and AbbyA discussed it in My 10 Cents on Sex Addiction: No Shame or Guilt Included.

But if I am to believe what someone told me recently—that men think about sex 80% of the time—then we have to talk about sex. Again.

And not just men’s issues with sex. But ours.

So what do you think about sex?  If you’re like me, depending on whom is around when the topic comes up, I may internally blush, wring my hands for a few seconds, and then try to act non-chalant. But if I’m around a close girlfriend or two, I may perk up and delve into the topic most comfortably.

Growing up in a conservative, Indian family, I was raised to not even think about boys, much less sex. Couple that with being raised in a Southern Baptist church where dancing, drinking, and sex were all equally taboo and you have a recipe for a naïve prude. And in hindsight, I was naïve in many ways, and in some ways, I was probably also a prude.

Fast-forward through high school to a couple of years after college, and Sex and the City (SATC) was the show to watch. I, along with many women, enjoyed watching every aspect of the topic of boys and sex being dissected and discussed to the umpteenth degree. I thought of watching the show as a guilty pleasure, a fun escape, but as I watched, I also took it with a grain of salt…kind of like watching one of those stunt/daredevil shows with a strong “do not try this at home” disclaimer at the end.

As much fun as the show was to watch, I didn’t take it seriously. After all, no one really lived their lives like that…right?! At least not respectable girls, right?! And definitely not Christian girls, right?! (Okay, don’t choke! In case you couldn’t tell, I was being sarcastic—although many years ago, I was naïve enough to believe the first question I just posed.)

Fast-forward a few more years, and it’s the first season of The Bachelor. At the very end of the first series, it comes down to the final two women and the Bachelor. On each of his last two dates, he and his date are given a key to a private hotel suite, where they can continue to get to know each other.  As I watched this, I remember feeling shocked! I had to double-check that this was not HBO, but primetime local tv! And then as I watched as each woman accepted the offer to spend the night with the bachelor, I was truly aghast! How could either one accept, knowing that he would also be sharing a room later on with his other date? Or were they even more naïve than me to think they were the only one?

Fast-forward a few more years, and now you have shows like Jersey Shore that have taken that sexual freedom and lack of discretion up another few notches.

But whether I’m watching television or just observing the world around me, I can’t help but wonder (in true Carrie Bradshaw-style) was SATC, the Bachelor, and all these shows influencing American culture or was it just a reflection of it? And while everyone seems to think we are “evolving” in our thinking towards sex, aren’t we just really devolving into our baser animal instincts where we separate the emotional and spiritual aspects of sex from the actual physical coupling?

It isn’t much later that I get one of my answers when a co-worker confesses to me that  how much that show influenced her decisions regarding relationships and sex. It was a great show, she told me, but she just wishes she didn’t look at it as a guidebook on dating.

For all her sexual freedom, she didn’t feel so free…in fact, she admits, she ended up being enslaved to some of her relationships and felt trapped for many years.

So what should our attitude towards sex be?

For these answers, I go to the source himself. The creator of sex. God.

Are you cringing right now? People often cringe when the Bible is brought up in relation to sex. They often think of the Bible as being anti-sex. But the opposite is true. God and the Bible are very pro-sex.

Don’t believe me? In fact, there is a whole book in the Bible devoted to sex: Song of Songs! Go read it! It celebrates sex…within the context of marriage.

Ah yes. I said it. Sex belongs within the boundaries of marriage. Yes, call me old fashioned. Call me narrow-minded. Call me close-minded. But yes, I believe that’s where sex belongs. It’s also where the Bible says it belongs. And for good reason.

Disease. Unwanted pregnancy. Undue emotional baggage.

Sex comes with a price. The world will tell you that it’s fun, that it’s really no big deal, that there are no strings attached, and that everyone is doing it. But the Bible will tell you the opposite. The physical act is a spiritual bond you share with a person. And we all personally know someone who as a result of having casual sex, ended up with an STD, and/or an unwanted pregnancy.

Whatever your views on sex, I encourage you…don’t listen to the world…don’t even listen to me….open up your Bible and see what the Manufacturer’s Manual has to say about it. After all, YOU deserve the best…why settle for eating at Taco Bell every day when God would rather you experience a gourmet meal?

 Two Become One

“…The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body…Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said ‘the two will become one flesh’ …” [I Corinthians 6:13-16]

God Designed Sex for Marriage

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” [I Corinthians 7:3-5]

 “But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” [I Corinthians 7:9]

“May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?” [Proverbs 5:18-20]

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress? Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?For a man’s ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths. The evil deeds of a wicked man ensnare him; the cords of his sin hold him fast. He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly.” [Proverbs 5:15-23]

As always, God only wants what is best for us…He created our bodies, and he knows how they should work. Sex can be a momentary pleasure but the consequences can last a lifetime. Whatever your views on sex are, don’t let the world determine how you feel about sex. It’s YOUR body. You decide. I just encourage you to consult the being who created it.