~week two~day 3~
Christine Caine tells a true story of being lost in the wilderness after a jeep accident in the rain forest. She recalls her conversations with God as she ponders all of the stupid choices her group made – – venturing out unprepared, telling no one where they went, wearing flip-flops in the jungle. She contemplates all of the reasons why God should not rescue her since she got herself into this deadly mess. One of the most telling lines in her story is where she says, If our example is Jesus . . . then we won’t distinguish between the one who is lost because of circumstances beyond his control and the one who willfully and willingly put himself there.
Sometimes I feel like the brown lab I grew up with. When he was really bad after we weren’t home for a few hours, we would open the front door and he would be sitting there, but he wouldn’t look at us. He sat there in plain sight, but he wouldn’t face us. I suppose that’s shame. Sometimes I feel like I put myself in my own mess. There is just no way I am going to look Grace right in the face. I will just sit there in my anxiety or mess or whatever. With God sitting right across from me. It is really hard to look Grace in the face when you are a mess.
There is a wonderful psalm which says, Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered. It’s hard to swallow what Grace and Love does. When I am feeling unworthy, the undeserved part of grace blurs in my mind. Grace is much easier to understand when I feel like I have a few good works in my back pocket. The truth is no matter how you got into your mess, we all sometimes need to be rescued by grace. We are not any less worthy than someone else who is more dutiful, responsible and faithful than we have been. We all need to be saved.
So I’ll try to be brave. I’ll try not to avoid eye contact when God sheds some light on my mess. I’ll try to remember that undeserved applies all the time. I’ll try to remember that I’m loved, so therefore, I will be saved. Not just from circumstances beyond my control, but from my own self.
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