Tag: Christine Caine

JOURNEY THROUGH OCTOBER: CONQUERING FEAR

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha KatzLeave a comment

~week two~day 3~

Christine Caine tells a true story of being lost in the wilderness after a jeep accident in the rain forest.  She recalls her conversations with God as she ponders all of the stupid choices her group made – – venturing out unprepared, telling no one where they went, wearing flip-flops in the jungle.  She contemplates all of the reasons why God should not rescue her since she got herself into this deadly mess.  One of the most telling lines in her story is where she says, If our example is Jesus . . . then we won’t distinguish between the one who is lost because of circumstances beyond his control and the one who willfully and willingly put himself there.

Sometimes I feel like the brown lab I grew up with.  When he was really bad after we weren’t home for a few hours, we would open the front door and he would be sitting there, but he wouldn’t look at us.  He sat there in plain sight, but he wouldn’t face us.  I suppose that’s shame.  Sometimes I feel like I put myself in my own mess.  There is just no way I am going to look Grace right in the face.  I will just sit there in my anxiety or mess or whatever.  With God sitting right across from me.  It is really hard to look Grace in the face when you are a mess.

There is a wonderful psalm which says, Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered.  It’s hard to swallow what Grace and Love does.  When I am feeling unworthy, the undeserved part of grace blurs in my mind.  Grace is much easier to understand when I feel like I have a few good works in my back pocket.  The truth is no matter how you got into your mess, we all sometimes need to be rescued by grace.  We are not any less worthy than someone else who is more dutiful, responsible and faithful than we have been.  We all need to be saved.

So I’ll try to be brave.  I’ll try not to avoid eye contact when God sheds some light on my mess.  I’ll try to remember that undeserved applies all the time.  I’ll try to remember that I’m loved, so therefore, I will be saved.  Not just from circumstances beyond my control, but from my own self.

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Warrior Friends

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz1 Comment

The rain surrounding the storm Erica poured down as I pulled in a great big hug from my friend Sharon.  We did summer with barely a peep between us.  But as the school year rolled in, it was too unfamiliar to let another week pass.  Without sitting and talking about me & her & kids & school & parenting & our mothers & love & God & change & fear & forgiveness and then finally, when are we meeting next?

We sat together in rain, shine and Florida humidity every other Thursday for the whole 5th grade school year.  Our sacred Thursday meetings are supposed to be as real as the human soul can be.  When we began, we bobbed through months of testing the waters of real.  Can I cry?  Can I call you between Thursday meetings?  Can I tell you the truth about my struggle?  Can I ask you hard questions?  Can you help me decide what to do?  Do I quit or persevere?  We will continue to sit together and share real words among two real women.  Doing real life.  In a real attempt to mirror Jesus.

What I am learning as a person: Take in the beauty of a good friend’s words.  Let them pounce into your heart.  Let them strain out the doubt from your soul when you are doing good.  Let them point out the path of righteousness when you staggering.  Let her words be like honey in warm tea whether you are sipping to get better or sipping to stay well.

Verse:  The hearts of the wise make their mouths prudent, and their lips promote instruction.  Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.  Proverbs 16:23-24

Deep Thought:  I have intentionally halted at chapters of two different books unexpectedly covering fear and anxiety.  My dear friend Sharon concludes that God won’t let me side step what He wants me to hear.  My dear heart stirs and senses that God has something to say about fear and anxiety.  So, yes, I will read and grow and change.  And, while I don’t yet know exactly what He plans to say, I promise to read and grow and change.

Quote: … “Before I was formed in my mother’s womb” – – and here I paused to add, unable to resist, “whose ever womb that was – – God knew me.  He knitted together my innermost parts and fashioned all of my days before there was even one of them.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Even though I only just found out that I was adopted, God has always known, and he has always loved me.  And since that has never changed, therefore nothing has essentially changed. I may not be who I thought I was, but I still am who he says I am.  And I am more.  I am loved.  I am his.”  Undaunted by Christine Caine

Book(s)/Blog(s)/People that Shape Me: I hesitate to root for what I haven’t yet read, but I suspect that Wild in the Hollow:Chasing Desire and Finding the Broken Way Home by Amber C Haines will be exactly what it says it will be.

My Prayer to You: My prayer is that you have a few warrior girlfriends.  The kind that make time to know you.  Grow you and take full pleasure in seeing God work in your life.  I pray that you keep an open ear to Wisdom in whatever form she comes, in whatever pain or joy you are experiencing.  I pray that you are a warrior-friend to one or two or three others.  May you choose gracious words for her that heal like honeycomb and are sweet to her soul.  May you remember that, no matter what, you are who He says you are.  You are what He says you are.  And, that is Loved.  Amen.

Written By Sasha Katz