In the Morning Darkness

By AbbyA

Waking up before the alarm goes off.  Sensing awake.  Searching out the question of what day it is.  What is in store.  And, where are you Lord?  In the morning dark.  Wanting arms wrapped around me.  You are here.  Are you here?

Are we okay God?  Scanning my recent actions.  Condition of my heart.  Lord, are you disappointed in anything?  Where am I?  This is not the quiet stillness of His presence.  In the morning dark.  This is me sensing that I don’t know if you are there.  Wanting arms wrapped around me.  You are here.  Are you here?

This is not bleeding or desperation.  This is not brokenness or streaming tears.  This is not fear or anxiety.  This is me in the morning darkness wanting Your arms wrapped around me.  You are here.  Are you here?

In the darkness.  I have not been able to answer these questions of where you are or how we are.  Neither have you.  I am seeking your security.  In the darkness.  I am checking to see if we are okay before I reach out to seek you.  You have not sought me first.  It is like I have gone to the kitchen to make coffee but I cannot find the filters.  I can’t begin.  I want you to show yourself to me.  This is me in the morning darkness wanting arms wrapped around me.

I do not know how old I will be in age or spiritual maturity before I learn your purity and faithfulness.  You do not hide.  You do not have better things to do.  You do not cease to know that it is me grasping for you in the morning darkness.  You are there in the lack of stillness and stirring of my heart.  You are there even while I open doors to find you.  The maze that I turn through in the stillness of morning is to lead me to you.  There is insecurity in living without you and security in finding your peacefulness.

Lord, I pray for all of the restless hearts that wake up searching for you.  You called me friend, but sometimes I have to knock on your door.  You chose me first, but sometimes I have to invite you for coffee.  Unlike a friend who will inevitably be late or forget or go through her own tough time.  This is never you.  You always show up on time.  Never forget a date or become preoccupied with your own important matters.  You always have time for me.  Probably more than my little mind can comprehend.

For this cause everyone who is godly shall pray to You in a time when You may be found; Surely in a flood of great waters They shall not come near him.  You are my hiding place; You shall preserve me from trouble; You shall surround me with songs of deliverance.  Psalm 32:6-7.

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