Tag: Authenticity

Louder Than Words

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Bindu Adai-Mathew, September 2011 (Authenticity)1 Comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

So a few months ago, I started a new job where one of my co-workers is a very vocal atheist who also enjoys joking around and teasing everyone. Within the first two weeks, he began teasing me and another co-worker mercilessly about our Christian faith. Although I knew he wasn’t trying to hurt either one of our feelings and just making jokes at our expense, I knew he was also expressing his frustration towards a religion filled with followers who, in his eyes, sometimes could be the exact opposite of what the Bible teaches.

At first I was at a loss on how to respond, so I just smiled and shook my head when he teased me. I knew it would be pointless to argue with him, at least in the beginning, until I knew him a little better. Since he brought up the topic due to his teasing, I began asking him why he would even jokingly say some of the things he brought up to me, so I could better understand his perspective and why he was so adamantly against the Christian faith. I soon learned his “beef” was really with all “organized religion.”  He just happened to target my co-worker and me because he knew we’d be more forgiving about it, and if we weren’t, then, dangit, that just proved his point about our Christian hypocrisy!

Rather than arguing with him, I knew all I could share was why I had initially been able to take that leap of faith and why I continued to believe. I acknowledged some of his primary questions like “how can we really know if God exists,” but I also gave examples of how I see God in my daily life and how I believe He helps me overcome difficulties. As I shared my experiences, he didn’t argue but listened. He even nodded his head a few times. While I may have not persuaded him to my own perspective, he respected me more after our discussion because he realized I wasn’t just blindly following the Christian faith. I, too, had grappled with many of the same questions/issues he had, but I eventually came to a different conclusion than he did. While he didn’t agree with me, he slowly quit teasing me about my faith.

A few weeks later, he admitted to me that he did greatly respect the other co-worker whom he had also teased. They had worked over ten years together, and during that time, he had always known him to be an outstanding person. He was always the first to lend a helping hand to someone in need, always considerate, forgiving.

While neither one of us could argue with our co-worker’s atheistic beliefs, I also realized that no amount of words could speak louder to him than the actions of my co-worker and me. He was watching us, observing us, and that spoke volumes to him more than anything we could verbally articulate.

Authenticity. It’s often what you do and not just what you say.

Being Honest About the Cross

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, September 2011 (Authenticity)1 Comment

By JMathis

On Friday night, I went to a concert where I was blown away by the unbelievably talented Michelle Touchstone. Michelle is an artistic genius when it comes to songwriting, and her voice is just brimming with lush beauty, depth and richness. Musically speaking, her songs are complex and nuanced, and she also manages to leave her audience with a message that is soulful, powerful and most of all, authentic.

One of the things she mentioned that stayed with me throughout the weekend, was the difficulty in singing and sharing about The Cross. Many times in modern Christianity, we want to focus on a hip, sanitized, more abstract version of Jesus: His love, His compassion, His ability to transform lives.

While all of this is very, very real when describing Jesus, we tend to gloss over the fact that these attributes of His are only meaningful in light of the ultimate sacrifice He made on The Cross.

On The Cross:

He died an ugly, gruesome, unspeakable death so that you and I could live: live with hope, live in victory, live in peace, live in joy.

He was marred beyond recognition and beaten to a pulp so that you and I could be free of pain, guilt and anxiety.

He suffered massive internal and external bleeding so that you and I could experience physical and emotional healing from the blood that kept pouring out of His bruised and battered body.

On The Cross, He experienced the kind of unfathomable brutality that is every mother’s worst nightmare for her child.

Yet, He did this for us. For our children. He did this so that you and I would have a future that transcended beyond the ugliness and hatred of this unforgiving, ruthless world.

When was the last time you reflected upon The Cross?

When was the last time you shared with someone about The Cross?

Lest we forget, The Cross is why we follow Him. The Cross is what gives us the power to trade in our sin-soaked past for a life overflowing with love, compassion and transformation.

Being honest with yourself about your past means nailing your shame on The Cross.

Being honest with others about your past means sharing what He did with that shame on The Cross.

True authenticity is about being honest. Honest about The Cross: what it has done for you and where it is taking you.

Wasn’t His death worth the sacrifice?

Isn’t He worth sharing?

Are you willing to be honest about The Cross today?

Pop the Can of Authenticity

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, September 2011 (Authenticity)1 Comment

By AbbyA

I am thinking about a few women that have blown the top off the can that holds all of the authenticity.  Recently, I saw my friend Jen at the book store with her family.  We left off in June where she was walking the high, narrow trapeze line of learning that she had cancer.  When we left off in June, she was loved on and prayed for by our work-out group.  The in-between was radiation and a long, hot Florida summer.

When I saw Jen in the store, I asked her how she was and how her summer was.  I really didn’t know if she would give me a straight answer.  It was her choice, after all; it isn’t always the right time or the best time to spit it out and lay it down.  She told me briefly about the radiation and then said God is good.  She went on to introduce me to her sweet-faced kids and her husband and then we all headed on our way.  But, mostly I heard her say God is good.

As Bindu and JMathis would say – Really, really?!  Yes, that’s what Jen said: God is good.

Then there is SusieD.  I left off with her in June.  Although the details were not clear to me until mid-summer, she shared in an email there were melanoma cells found in a few places on her body.  She spent the summer under the knife having it all removed and then waiting patiently for open sores to heal up.  I saw SusieD for the first time about a month ago.  She smiled and said that the finding of cancer was perfect timing.  Any later and her story would not have been the same.

As Bindu and JMathis would say – Really, really?!  Yes, that’s what SusieD said, the finding of cancer was perfect timing.

Yes, then there is Millie.  Just a few weeks earlier, she found some lumps and had them removed.  She was later diagnosed with cancer.  Now Millie is well-known to be a spiritual giant – – if there is such a thing.  But, if anything gives you a license to fall apart for a while, I propose that something is cancer.

Let me tell you about how Millie handles cancer.  We all sit on the floor around her as she tells us there has been so much good that has come out of this diagnosis.  She tells us that she is overwhelmed by the outpouring of her friends, her family and her husband.  She tells us that the phone does not stop ringing, the food does not stop coming and her mailbox is full of love letters.  She tells us that she was unexpectedly approved for health insurance and that God planned for that, too.  Really, Millie, really?  She tells us that she is praying for healing but accepts whatever road God has prepared for her.  Really, Millie, really?

Yes, girls, really.  The top of the can that holds authenticity has been blown off by these women.  Let it flow out to touch each one of us.  Let it break the pressure of our own cans.  Let your own authenticity out so that you can walk a genuine journey holding the hand of your God and holding the hand of your friend.

I think about Christ on the cross and how He let it all out in public – blood, sweat, tears and brokenness before His Father and for all of time to see or read about.  I think about His mom watching it all go down.  I think about John and others who were also watching their beloved friend and brother suffer for their freedom.  I think about you and I and our own suffering seasons in our life.  While the pain is often deep, the wounds are, in part, for your brother’s freedom.  But, your brother will never taste freedom unless you let your authenticity flow.  Freely and openly, among friends.  Pop the can – – it won’t be edible if you wait too long to share it.  I love you, Jen and SusieD and Millie.

When It’s Not Just About You…

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Bindu Adai-Mathew, September 2011 (Authenticity)Leave a comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

The “Such As”…
In yesterday’s blog, AbbyA described to us those “such as” moments: The very moment you decide to wear the inside on the outside.  Such as, speak a word of encouragement to someone you don’t know that well by using your own embarrassing past to make the point.  Such as, revealing you also sometimes feel isolated, alone and different.  Such as, admitting that you rely more on chocolate than God.  Such as . . .  Think about what you are hiding because it reveals too much about the real you.  That is the such as that I am talking about.

The very moment you open your mouth to share the such as.  At the very moment, you decide to go-out-on-limb, The Map pauses the fire in your gut and flashes for you a nice, clean path from A to Z.  That is, from the school pick up line, directly to your car.  That is, pass her quickly on the way to office kitchen because you are too afraid to mention to her that you too had a recent miscarriage.  That is, run like hell from the chance to wear your heart on your sleeve . . . even if to serve a greater purpose.  –AbbyA

I had a friend a couple of years ago who had a miscarriage. It was in the early stages of her pregnancy, and she had just started showing. She hadn’t told everybody about the pregnancy, but after she lost the baby, she did open up about the miscarriage, her struggles with it, and how she overcame it. Not necessarily to everyone, but to key people whom she felt could be encouraged by her story. When she first told me about it, I listened to her in stunned silence, my heart going out to her, my mouth at a loss of what to say to comfort and encourage her. But as she continued her story from loss into victory, I realized she didn’t need my encouragement, I needed hers.  No, I hadn’t suffered from a miscarriage, but I could learn by her example. I could be strengthened by her faith, by her perseverance to get past her own loss, and her desire to press onto victory and encourage others.  By being honest, by being authentic, she took away the feelings of shame and failure that often accompany miscarriage and was able to help herself as well as others.

Think about your struggles and what you’ve overcome. At the time you’re dealing with it, it may seem that it’s all about you. But when you press onto victory, it’s not about you any more. It’s about God. It’s about giving Him and honor and praise through your personal life and victory. It’s about encouraging someone else who is now struggling like you once were.

Authenticity. In the end, it’s really not just about you.

The Real You

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, September 2011 (Authenticity)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

Authenticity is all about living in uncertainty.  JMathis  Think about it.  The very moment you decide to wear the inside on the outside.  Such as, speak a word of encouragement to someone you don’t know that well by using your own embarrassing past to make the point.  Such as, revealing you also sometimes feel isolated, alone and different.  Such as, admitting that you rely more on chocolate than God.  Such as . . .  Think about what you are hiding because it reveals too much about the real you.  That is the such as that I am talking about.

The very moment you open your mouth to share the such as.  At the very moment, you decide to go-out-on-limb, The Map pauses the fire in your gut and flashes for you a nice, clean path from A to Z.  That is, from the school pick up line, directly to your car.  That is, pass her quickly on the way to office kitchen because you are too afraid to mention to her that you too had a recent miscarriage.  That is, run like hell from the chance to wear your heart on your sleeve . . . even if to serve a greater purpose.

In the pause between running like hell and being you, The Map gives you mileage comparisons between the go-out-on-limb option and status quo.  You get construction warnings informing you of the upcoming detours if you recalculate off The Map.  You get news of the potential loss of satellite if you tread too far into the unknown.  In the pause, you only have a moment to turn off the GPS and be in the moment.  You only have a moment because once that moment passes, you have lost your ability to be authentic in that place, to that person, to yourself and to God.

JMathis, Bindu and I have seen and touched the face of authentic.  We’ve seen between this trinity of friends that – – all at the same time – – one can be unemployed, job-searching, staying up all night with a sick child, depressed, moving away, triumphant with healing of a marriage, missing her dog, finding a job, finding herself.  All at the same time.  Yes, this is the such as that I am talking about.  Yes, this is the moment I am talking about.  All at the same time.  Three girls seeing that life is made to be authentic whether we embrace living in the moment, or not.

You only have a moment to be authentic before the opportunity passes.  You only have a moment to trash The Map no matter how practical, how appealing, how promising or how smooth the grass feels when you walk the path of The Map.  If you will cross over from time lines to relationships, from handshakes to sharing handkerchiefs and from nicety to authenticity.  Something may happen.  And it looks like the body of Christ.

It looks like revealing just enough of the real you.  So that she can be just enough of the real her.  So that both of you can live out your authenticity in Him.  Nothing could be simpler.  Nothing can be more promising.  Or more uncertain.  Or more powerful.  Than being the real you.

The Uncertainty of The Map

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, September 2011 (Authenticity)2 Comments

By JMathis

Authenticity is all about living in uncertainty.

Unfortunately, uncertainty does not sit well with those of us who love The Map.

We love the elegance of The Map. Its cool, calm confidence reassures, calms and guides.

Veer left? No, the college degree is on the right, it says. Head over the hill? No, grad school is just down the slope and through the red tunnel, it says. Cross through the forest? No, the safe career path is around the bend, next to the stream, it says.

Keep listening to The Map and you’re guaranteed a path of financial security, it says.

The Map pulsates and brims with knowledge. Its warm light is comforting.

Who are we to question The Map?

And, for awhile, we don’t question The Map. It navigates on cruise control, pulling and prodding us only with the slightest of hand. It never leads us astray, never demands and is never wrong.

Until we reach its edges.

The four corners of The Map violently jump out of nowhere and thrust their hard lines into our faces. Countless paper cuts lash through our hearts, starting off as minor nicks, but soon fester into gaping wounds.

Why didn’t anyone tell us that at some point The Map comes to an end?

How did The Map stop being such a sure thing?

When did The Map stop giving us all of the answers?

Maybe when we started forgetting that Jesus is The Way, The Truth, The Life?

The only Way. The only Truth. The only Life that counts.

Undoubtedly, Jesus is the harder path. Jesus is the rockier path. Jesus is the path without The Map.

Jesus is the path we avoid when we clutch furiously to the lines of The Map.

Jesus is the path we purposefully overlook when we make a beeline towards the safety of The Map.

But, Jesus is the path you won’t find on The Map.

In fact, Jesus is about uncertainty.

Uncertainty about where you are going, uncertainty about how you will be accepted by others, and uncertainty about what direction your life should take.

Uncertainty to the world means Scary. Spooky. Dangerous.

Uncertainty with Jesus means Trust. Faith. Deliverance.

Authenticity is all about living in uncertainty.

Authenticity is about discarding The Map and Leaping Before You Look.

Are you ready to surrender?

Are you ready to let go?

Are you ready for Jesus?

The Music of My Grief

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, September 2011 (Authenticity)Leave a comment

By JMathis

I didn’t own a television when 9/11 happened.

Sure, I caught glimpses of the falling Towers on televisions broadcasting at my workplace or in the homes of friends and family.

I even remember pouring through the images of 9/11 on the internet, and inhaling every photograph I could get my hands on in newspapers and in print.

Still, my strongest recollections of 9/11 are not visual, as compared to many in our country who watched the images over and over again in horror on 24-hour television news cycles.

My memories of 9/11 are shaped instead from listening to countless hours of radio in the months following the tragedy.

What strikes me about my experience is that I can’t really remember the voices or the stories that played in the backdrop. However, I do vividly remember the music that NPR played continuously in a loop, in between news segments. I even remember that NPR chose to play this music in long stretches of time rather than repeatedly airing news features. Looking back, I’m sure it’s because words were just inadequate in capturing the grief of our nation at that time.

It is this music that will forever be emblazoned upon my heart, my mind and my memories of 9/11.

In fact, every year on the 9/11 anniversary, I go back and revisit this music.

(Click here to play this music.)

I revisit this music to reflect.

To reflect on my loss. The loss of my countrymen. The loss of my wide-eyed idealism.

To reflect on my God. My God who gives me life, hope and a future. My God who gave refuge to my then-fiancé/now-husband, as he was headed to the World Financial Center that morning for work.

To reflect on who I am. As a child of God. As a wife, mother and woman—a woman with many personal and professional gifts, interests and ambitions.

In these moments when I revisit this music and commune with God’s spirit, I realize that there can be no true authenticity in my life without constant reflection.

You cannot be real and transparent unless you look deeply in the mirrors of your God-given soul to see where you have been and where you are headed.

You cannot even begin to know yourself or your God, or be able to identify those around you who are in need, unless you take time to reflect.

Take time today to reflect on the state of your inward self, your inner man.

Is it where you want her to be?

Most importantly, is it where God wants her to be?