Category: May 2011 (Motherhood)

The Pinwheel of God’s Creation

On By femmefuelIn Best of JMathis, FemmeBytes by JMathis, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By JMathis

The beauty of a pinwheel swirling fervently in a summer wind is self-evident. The individual spokes of color spin together to create fury and majesty, in the backdrop of a young child’s squeals of delight.

Looking back, I wish I had reflected more on the holistic passion and energy of the pinwheel that constitutes the entirety of my life. Instead, my youth and naïveté have led me to dwell too long on any one given color that represents only a singular sliver and season of my days here on earth.

In high school, the green and gold of my high school colors made me feel secure in its familiarity, yet continually lost as I searched for my place in this world. Did I want to be popular? What about being an intellectual? How about a beatnik or a goth?

In college, the blue and orange of my large state school made me feel comforted by its hearty embrace, yet stifled by its uniformity. Is there anything else I have in common with these people other than a deep love for college football?

In law school, the maroon and gold of my small, Jesuit law school enabled me to nestle into the cocoon of an intellectually vibrant community, but with the paranoia that I was a big loser if I did not seek after the big bucks. Maybe the best way to advocate for the homeless is to make a lot of money, so that I can give them a hefty tax-deductible donation at the end of the year?

Now, it is the brown of the poop, the chocolate milk, the spilled coffee and the muddy sneakers that fill the expanse of my days—days simultaneously roiled in both laughter and motherly madness. How am I going to explain to the client that I spilled finger-paint all over his one and only set of original documents I took home to review?

 Life is moving far too quickly for any of us to grasp, ladies. You spend too long on any one spoke of color and you get stuck in a tunnel-vision of greys and blacks, failing to see the all-encompassing glory and magnificence of the spinning pinwheel which represents God’s overarching design and destiny for your life.

 Your life is a pinwheel of color and light, made to glorify your Creator. Spin it with all of your might (Luke 10:27), and step back to gaze at His strength and beauty which faithfully carries you from color to color, winter to spring, despair to delight, aimlessness to divine purpose.

2 Corinthians 3:18. But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.

What a Great God We Serve!

On By femmefuelIn Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeBytes by Sasha Katz, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

Colors.  It is the Blue that brings me to my knees.  When I see the expanse of the great sky He has made above our heads.  It’s the Purple that you can still see in the blackness of night that draws me to the mystery of Him.  It’s the Red of His rising son that symbolizes the power of His mercies anew every morning.

Orange, Green and Yellow are the colors of His creation.  His flowers and foliage all around us.  I forget that my Lord created each flower and plant with His creative thoughts.  They are His details, His delight.  The representation of His thoughts and conducting of His hands.  I forget that that He had me and you in mind as He created nature around us.

We forget that our flesh is prone to burn red with anger.  Green with envy.  Despite life and breath, we are prone to the blues.  He promises to be a lamp unto our feet, and we run from the pale yellow light that leads the way.  Psalm 119:105.  We bruise ourselves in purple.  It is no wonder He flooded us on account of our independence.  It is a wonder, however, that He promised with a rainbow never to wipe us out again.  He made this covenant because of us, for us, between us and Him.  Even though everything we think or imagine is bent towards evil, He loves us and chooses to sustain us anyway.  Genesis 8:21.  What a great God we serve.

Colors.  We can burn with anger or rise up in the morning anew because of His mercy.  We can bruise ourselves in purple or sit at His throne.  We can suffer in blue or be free as a bird in His sky.  Colors.  He made them for His glory and for his beloved children.   Shut your eyes and see those colors in your mind.  Rest in His promise of rainbows, of peace and of light.  Rest in the knowledge that He loves you, knows you inside and out and He chooses to sustain you anyway.  What a great God we serve.

Rainbows That Follow Torrential Rain

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By JMathis

I cannot stress enough how incredible it feels to be your child’s hero. In my daughter’s eyes, I am above reproach, always right, and a never-ending fount of wisdom and brilliant ideas. To her, I am the embodiment of Philippians 4:8.

That’s why I am not looking forward to the day when she discovers my true colors:   

Red (anger)…when am I going to show her that I am a complete phony when it comes to expressing anger, and that my weapon of choice is a flask of passive aggression?

Orange (pride)…when does she get to see that my pride and arrogance stubbornly get in the way of making sound, rational decisions?  

Yellow (deceit)…when does she step into the web of lies I have constructed for myself, as I self-righteously preach in hypocrisy: “Be your authentic self!”  

Green (jealousy)…when will she realize that my aspirations in life are often motivated by jealousy and envy, rather than inspiration and strength drawn from above?

Blue (sadness)…when does she discover that I still torture myself with sadness and remorse over missed opportunities that I just didn’t have the guts to seize?

Violet/Purple (judgment)…when does she become aware that judging a book by its cover comes oh-so-easily for me, despite my mantra of “peace, love and happiness”?

It seems unavoidable that one day my daughter will learn about my Not So Virtuous past (and my not-so-virtuous present), and how I constantly sabotage my potential by living life in the Rear View Mirror of what-ifs and regret.

Despite all of my personal failings, however, it is my hope and prayer that I teach her about rainbows. Rainbows that follow torrential rain.

Specifically, how the rainbow of Christ’s forgiveness erases the self-destructive memories that threaten to destroy my relationships and my self-worth–dispelling the hurricanes and tornadoes of anger, pride, deceit, jealousy, sadness and judgment. How the tumult of colors representing the storms of my life blend together and disappear in the white light of His redemption.

Yes, that’s what I’m going to do tonight.

Teach her about rainbows.

The Rear View Mirror

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by Bindu Adai-Mathew, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By Bindu Adai-Mathew

Yesterday AbbyA implored us to face the woman we once were. Warts. Freckles. Moles. The Good. The Bad. And the Ugly. She reminded us of the freedom we can have when we live our lives, not in the shadows of shame of denial, but in the light, the true light of forgiveness and redemption.

Today as you drive to work today, to drop your kids of to school today, to run errands…wherever you are headed today, I encourage you to live your day, to live out your life, looking forward and not fixated on what’s in the rear view mirror.

We have all felt that sharp, searing pain that shoots right through our gut when we reflect on past decisions we wish we could have changed. A different career path. Arrrgh. Buying that “investment” house in 2005 that is now underwater. Ouch! Not pursuing our passions with more passion. Sigh. The list of decisions we wish we could change can go on and on.

Unfortunately, often we get so caught up on reflecting on our mistakes that we begin to live our lives like we were driving with our gaze fixated on the rear view mirror. And as we do, we no longer can see what we have to look forward to …instead, all we can see is what once was, inevitably also missing what’s surrounding us.

But what if I told you with utmost confidence, despite all your mistakes, your wrong decisions, your wrong turns in life, you are right where you are supposed to be? What if I told you that those aren’t just words of encouragement from me, but that God promises us that same thing? The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Psalm 37:23.

I think of Joseph in the Bible. His life story seemed over. He had obviously reached a Dead End.  Falsely accused of attempting to rape his employer’s wife. Stuck all the way down in a dirty, disgusting, slimy prison pit. Sure to be forgotten by his family, by even God. But at the right time, he was elevated. Not only from prison but to second in command of Egypt.

I think of Job who, too, had reached the end of the road. He somehow lost it all. His children. His wealth. His own health. His own wife encouraged him to curse God and die. Eventually though, after all that pain and suffering, we are told God gave him double.

You, too, do not have to continue your life looking back. You do not have to torment yourself with “what ifs.” Even if you have reached an impasse in your marriage, a dead end in your career, you can still get to the place where God had destined for you. He can redirect your GPS and get you to where you were meant to be all along.

 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. Psalms 40:2

 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9

A Not So Virtuous You . . .

On By femmefuelIn Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz, May 2011 (Motherhood)4 Comments

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By AbbyA

Mommies, I have some things to say about our past.  For those of us who were not very virtuous in our younger days.  For those of us who have regrets.  For those of us who, from time to time, remember a late night.  A flashback.  A short film of an earlier you.    A rerun of sleeping with a married man.  A dark memory when you had an out but didn’t take it.  An episode of going home with a random acquaintance when you should have gone home with the friend you came with.  A play back of you toying with lust.  They were momentary connections.  Where you passed out your inner beauty – – for free.  You took a gamble on your purity.  It is a rerun of someone that is not you today.

Mommies, it’s easy to black out the past with sacrificial motherhood.  It’s easy to be who you are now as long as you don’t think too much about her.  It’s easier to work really hard at Proverbs 31 rather than face the past.  It’s easier to strive to redeem yourself rather than to look into your younger face.  Looking back is painful.  In light of who you are now, the replay stings.  It is easier to be busy about your motherhood.  Easier to be busy about pouring yourself into what is worthy.  Easier than the pain.

Mommies, redeeming yourself is futile.  Forgetting the younger, less wise, woman is not humanly possible.    She’ll pierce you in a quiet moment.  She’ll take her spot as a little dark mole on your pink, prospering heart . . . despite all that you are now.   She’ll hold you back from your gifts.  There will be something about you that senses you are still less than the more you have grown to be.  There will be something about your growth, your flowering.  Just when the bloom is about to reach its most beautiful point.  The bloom will be one ray of sunshine short of fullness.  It’s her.  You can’t black her out.

Let God take her  into His Hands.  Repent.  You may have been saved for years.  You may have been saved when you still were behaving like her.  Repent now.  Give her up.  She’s so eighties or nineties, or just plainly, yesterday.   The dark spot on your heart.  God wants to fill it with His life and His love.  He died for that mark on your heart.

When I kept silent, my bones grew old Through my groaning all day long.  For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was turned into the drought of summer.  I acknowledged my sin to You, And my iniquity I have not hidden.  I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.”  And You forgave the iniquity of my sin.”  Psalm 32:3-5.

So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten. . . You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, And praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; And my people shall never be put to shame.  Then you shall know that I am in the midst of Israel; I am the Lord your God  And there is no other.  Joel 2:25-27.

And it shall come to pass afterword That I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and daughters shall prophesy, Your old men shall dream dreams, Your young men shall see visions.  And also on My menservants and on My maidservants I will pour out My Spirit in those days.  And I will show wonders in the heavens and the earth.  Joel 2:28-30.

Mommies, can you see what your great God wants to do in your heart?  He wants to walk with you through old places.  He wants to remove your pain.  Fastforward the past so that He can perfect your bloom.  It is the aftermath of your repentance that His great reward awaits.  He died for that very mark on your heart.  There was a price for your redemption.  He paid it while you were still her.  You only have to trade her in for you.  And in His great wisdom, mommies, your new love story will be told.

Divorce and the Happily Ever After

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

By JMathis

There was a time in my 20’s, where I spent almost every weekend going to a wedding. We would get decked out and dance the night away, being sleekly dressed accessories in the myth that every bride and groom’s “happily ever after” had finally arrived, as Bindu would say. The bride and groom were Mr. and Mrs. Prince Charming, and we guests were complicit in re-telling the story of this fairy tale for generations to come.

Now, in my 30’s, I am becoming a co-conspirator in the unraveling of fairy tales. I spend hours on the phone consoling my friends, and then analyzing the “he saids, she saids” with my husband (as he inevitably hears the guy’s side, while I am now only privy to the girl’s narrative. “Ladies and gentlemen, the lines in battle have been drawn! Boys on one side, girls on the other”). After all, this isn’t some college breakup, but a full-scale war where the casualties are often children.

The children. Innocence lost in one fell swoop. They, too, were complicit in the fairy tale. Seeing and hearing the nightly fights, but never believing that the ‘D’ word would actually sever their household.

Last night,  I heard the news again about another couple. I feel almost too sick to write this post in a week where we have kept it lighthearted on our blog.

But, yet, here we are once again, and the “once upon a times” are taking on the dark quality found in the sinister fairy tales of the the Brothers Grimm…decapitated heads, wolves in sheep’s clothing, children falling to their demise. 

I need strength, Lord. I can’t hear story after story without wondering if this is the fate of all parents, even Christian ones.

What words do I say to a couple facing this, Lord? What words do I say to myself and to other parents who are watching this horror movie where our friends are playing the lead roles?

I turn to Romans 8. I tear up to find a chockful of verses that give me hope. Hope for them, hope for their children, hope for me, hope for all of my married friends.

 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose.

 31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:

   “For your sake we face death all day long;
   we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[j]

 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Thank You, Lord, for hope. Thank You, Lord, that we do know how the story ends, and that is with You, triumphant, saving us from darkness, despair and the harmful effects of the ‘D’ word. Thank You, Lord, for allowing us to surrender our fairy tales at your feet, in exchange for restoring the “happily ever after” in our lives. A true “happily ever after”, where we are showered with Your grace, majesty and the hope of eternal life.

Most of all, thank You, Lord, for Your LOVE, that saves, heals, covers, purifies and makes all things new–even our “once a upon a times”…

The Truth About “Happily Ever Afters”

On By femmefuelIn Best of Bindu Adai-Mathew, FemmeBytes by Bindu Adai-Mathew, May 2011 (Motherhood)Leave a comment

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By Bindu Adai-Mathew

Once Upon a Time…most of the stories I read as a child opened with those famous four words. As a kid, I loved fairy tales. I loved the adventurous stories, like Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, but I’ll admit somewhat sheepishly that I especially had a soft spot for the princess storylines…especially the sweet sappy Disney versions of Cinderella, The Little Mermaid, and Beauty and the Beast. Unlike JMathis, the idea of being treated like a princess was very appealing to me. Very, very appealing.

Once I was in high school, my love of fairy tales transformed into the medieval bodice-ripping romance novels of yore, and in college, my love of the princess-themed fairy tale romance further evolved into the “Romeo and Juliet” storylines of Indian/ Bollywood movies that I became obsessed with.  And most recently, while I no longer believe in fairy tales, romance novels, or Bollywood-like romances, I, along with 2 other billion viewers, woke up in the wee hours of the morning (okay, I admit, it was closer to 6am) to watch a modern-day fairy tale. Middleclass commoner Kate, er I mean, Catherine, Middleton meets and marries a real life Prince William Charming of Windsor, complete with the requisite blond hair and crown.

The carriage. The royal guards in uniform. The medieval church. The hats. All that Pomp and Circumstance.

Sigh. For a few moments, I was once again transformed into the wide-eyed eight year old who watched Princess Diana’s wedding in awe, believing that Cinderella stories really did happen.

But years later, I, along with the whole world, would later learn that Diana’s life was no different from ours. In fact, in comparison to most of ours, it was probably emotionally much worse. Despite all that fame, privilege, and royalty, she experienced pain, loneliness, eating disorders, affairs, suicide attempts, divorce, and sadly, an untimely death. Unlike the fairy tales, she got her “once upon a time,” but she never got to fully experience a “happily ever after” here on earth.

As I watched Catherine and William’s wedding, though, I was struck that while I was absolutely smitten by the grandeur of the occasion, I no longer needed to believe or even hope that they would live some type of fairy tale type of existence. And somehow, for the first time, I felt that while we (all 2 billion of us) were struck very much by this “once upon a time” experience, we all collectively seemed more interested that they truly also have a chance to experience a “happily ever after.”

As I think of my own daughter and what “life lessons” I want to pass on to her, I realize whether she’s a tomboy like JMathis or a Disney princess daydreamer like me, I want her to know that her own love story can be as unique as she is. I want her to know that she won’t turn into a spinster maid with warts on her nose when the clock strikes twelve on her 30th birthday (as I feared).  I want her to know that if she does fall for a frog, accept he’s a frog…and if she falls for a snake, accept he’s a snake and move on rather than wasting her time, hoping to change him into her version of Prince Charming (as many of my friends have learned the hard way). Because in the end, he’ll still be a snake and she’ll just end up with a bunch of snake bites. I also want her to know that happily ever afters are not always blissfully happy. There are good days, bad days, and many in between blah days. And it’s okay.

But most of all, I want her to know that unlike the fairy tales or Bollywood movies that end with a wedding, the real story is in the happily ever after.  Unlike those fairy tales, the happily ever after is not the end of the story…on the contrary, it is only the beginning.