Category: FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz

I Am Thankful For One More Song

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Falling short is a habit for humanity.  For me included.  I don’t always get it all done.  I forget sometimes.  I write lists and end up ignoring some stuff and putting off other stuff.  I have the smart thing to say to my kids, but it comes out pretty stupid.  I have big thoughts for my marriage one day that seem way too transparent the next.  I am on top of my principles and then I fumble around with my time.

I run late – – twenty minutes to be exact, a whole lot of the time.  I run late for church too.  I walk into the end of the last song of worship. Or better yet, the prayer taking place while the music is fading.  I don’t skip a beat and join in wherever I land, but late in any case.  Running late for church feels like running late for God.

This past week, as service was coming to a close, there came one more song.  And, I thought to myself, despite everything, God still plays one more song for us.  We walk in late to our appointments with Him.  We pick stupid times to talk to Him and end up drifting off in the middle of a conversation.  We forget to read His book.  We smear His name a multitude of times in our life.  We fall off the really good life He planned for us.  Even with our best intentions in place, we fall short.

God’s spirit, somehow, because of who He is, takes all of us into account, and comes out playing one more song.  I imagine the size of His heart and it makes sense to me.  I imagine the size of His heart and it feels powerfully possible to me, that no matter what, He always has a song for us.

FF Oct 14

What’s on your mind at 6am on Saturday ?

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz4 Comments

It is not that often that I wake up before 6am on Saturday morning.  The first few hours of Saturday morning are usually my sanctuary.  Today, there is just a whole lot on my mind.

On the spiritual side, I am thinking about my friend SZ who has that tint in her eye, that hue on her heart, that life is burdening her right now.  I’m thinking about CK and K and their good fight against depression.  I am telling God about the very big number of prayer requests that have bubbled up from my dear sisters this week.  I am also thinking about my friend MB and how she reminded me last night how much we need each other.  In the midst of prayers, battles and claiming of victory, she wisely says . . .  Why don’t we all just hang out at the pool and have some fun this weekend?  (That happens in South Florida in October.)

The only thing you and I need today is Jesus.  He is really the only thing that we need everyday.  But, it is refreshing to breathe that in.  Refreshing to know that wherever your mind is, He is all you need.  He is all you need to think, meditate and pray through whatever is on your mind today.

Drink your coffee or tea, clear your mind and do exactly what God calls you to do this weekend.  That’s my plan.  What is on your mind at 6am on Saturday?

FF Oct 11

I Call Him Dad

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz1 Comment

I woke up this morning and my heart cried out Dad.  I don’t always wake up that way.  Sometimes, I yell on the inside, God Where Are You?  I feel like I am looking around the room in the dark until I calm my heart and find Him.  Other times, I march to the bathroom with no lights on saying I can do nothing without You.  That usually takes place when my exhaustion is at a high.  I don’t know where to go except to Him.  I can be frantic, I can be enthusiastically dependent, but I like it the best when I wake up calling him Dad.

No matter the direction our soul takes us, there is no other place to go except to Him.  He puts in us our unique identity, giving us the opportunity to be who He made us to be.  When we are in tune with Him, we do what we do because we believe.  I write because I think it is my “hands and feet” in the body.  I breathe because He has given me that privilege.  I am a mom because He showed me that it is one of the ways I can deny myself, pick up the cross and follow Him.  I am what I am because He asked me to be.  And, what I am not — the things that are the real works in progress — I seek Him for.

So, why do I believe?  Why do you believe?  I think the answer is His heart and His actions.  He reaches into to the depths of your soul and tells you that you are good.  He says you are Mine.  You have no need to be alone.  You are with Me.  There is no fear in Me.  I will walk with you.  I will hear you.  I will know you.  I will come close.  I will reign in you.  And, I will not charge a fee for my great and unending love.  You just believe.  And, little by little, you come to know Him as your dad.

Each of us knows a little about the figure of dad.  Some of you will say that your bloodline makes you a daughter.  Some of you were adopted and that has made you a child.  Some of you would say that pain is synonymous with dad.  Some of you would say that your dad is your hero.  Or your protector.  For some, your dad still causes you grief.  Some of you rejoice over the great gift you have received in knowing and having a father.

I love that some of us get a glimpse of God in the eyes of our fathers.  I love that dads can fix things.  Give advice.  Walk through the fire with you.  Whether it’s job changes or marriage.  I love that my dad saw me while I was pregnant and complemented me on the good work going on in my body.  I love pics of dads with their grandbabies or toddlers on their shoulders.  I like the idea that dads walk down the aisle with us.  I like the way God made dads.  And, I like that the ruler and maker of the universe is my dad.  And yours too.

FF Oct 3

Get Inspired

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Do you ever get inspired by people?  I do.  I gather these little gifts of inspiration that are passed to me all of the time.  I hold them in my heart.  The inspiration feels like it was made for me and travels into my heart like it has a key to the chest holding my dearest treasures.

I get inspired by God stories.  I get inspired by girlie stories.  I get inspired by books that I read.  I get inspired by movies about real people.  I love inspiration because it is something I can pass on.  When I am inspired, my mind starts rolling through its rolodex of whom I can share the treasure with.  My deepest desire is to pass on the right kind of inspiration at the right time.

James, the half brother of Jesus, is an inspiring gentleman. This morning I was thinking about James’ ability to intuitively gather all of the bias, motivations and intentions of those around him and, through the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, deliver a resolution that loops up the group in uniformity in Christ.  (i.e., the Jerusalem Council).  Wow.  I’m inspired.

Have you ever see the movie Miss Potter?  The life of Beatrix Potter gives me the idea that I can choose to do anything with the inspiration that resides inside of me.  I love Beatrix’ imagination and determination to be who she was made to be.  Or, have you read The Horse and His Boy by C.S. Lewis?  I love the idea that God reveals to each of us the unknown in our own stories.  The knowledge of the invisible work He has done is for our own marvel.  “No one is told any story but their own.”

As for girlie stories, have you ever gotten a call in the night from your best friend where she shares in an intimate way how God moved through her in a powerful way against all odds?  This kind of inspiration draws me to be on my knees in prayer for my friends.  The knowledge of her experience builds my faith in a strong way.  I desire to see His work in her life and I want to be a part of her victories.

As for God stories, you are one and I am one and your neighbor is one.  We are all walking God stories, either already told or waiting to be written.  I can’t help to think that He made us this way so that we can take each other from glory to glory.  I hate to think that we all are guilty of hiding or sometimes smoldering our light.  Don’t do that.  Keep your heart open to what is meant to inspire you.  When the moment is right, write inspiration into the heart of someone else.

14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.  Matthew 5:14-16.

18 But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.  2 Corinthians 3:18.

Cracks

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I have a crack in my heart because forgiveness just made new sense to me.  I don’t mean to say that my heart is broken.  The hardness in our hearts, that we all have to one degree or another, just got a crack. The crack is in one of pillars that holds up the hardness.

It’s not easy to scan your heart for hardness.  We tend to be numb to our hard spots.  Especially when the love of Jesus resides in us.  In our efforts to be like Him, we move and we grow, sometimes right around the hard spots.  Because God is so good, He loves us as we mature and is pleased by the hope that expands in our hearts.  But somewhere in the growth of God in us, we run out of space.  The hard spots finally show themselves.  They have to go so that we can grow.

I’ve been thinking about this concept of forgiveness.  I’ve been thinking about what it means.  The thing that keeps coming to mind is treating the person you have forgiven as if the offense or pain never took place.  I’ve reached a quagmire at this point.  In my heart, I think about the sheer freedom of forgiveness and the idea of treating someone you love like the #$%#^#@& never happened.  I literally feel the wings take off in my heart when I think about what that would feel like in real life.

Oh, but real life.  #$%#^#@& did happen.  And, for some of us, #$%#^#@&  happened often or for a long time or maybe even right now.  My thoughts consist of 1) how do I make the habit of forgetting the past, 2) how do I transcend to the point that I can trust God whether or not I trust the other person, and 3) how do I, in the right pace, build my trust in the other person?  I have a few more what ifs swimming in mind, but I don’t want to give you anymore ideas to freak you out in your own relationships.  I am going to take a leap of faith and believe that some of you do a really good job with trust and forgiveness.  From friend to friend, ride this one out with me.

For me, part of my ride stopped with the good kind of crack in my heart.  Philemon is a little tiny book of the bible.  I am not even sure if I could have told you Philemon was a book in the bible until God put the name in my head about a month ago.  The whole thing is probably less than 500 words, but the Lord just keeps showing me bits and pieces of it each time He leads me back to it.

I think this is God’s idea of forgiveness: If then you count me as a partner, receive him as you would me.  But if he has wronged you or owes you anything put that on my account.  Philemon 1:17. It’s Paul talking, but the Holy Spirit delivers it to me this way – – Sasha, if you count me as your partner, receive the him as you would Me.  But if he has wronged you and owes you, put that on My account.  I then think about the Savior of the world, who gladly took my sin, who knows that my heart doesn’t have the power or strength to forget the wrong against me or what is owed to me.  He just offers me to put it on His account.  That is power of a living God whose love travels down to the deepest parts of our souls and back to the heavens.

I am all about asking for favors lately.  Favors to friends for other friends.  Favors from you so we can learn from one another.  Today’s favor is that you ask God to find some hard spots in your life, in your heart of hearts.  Ask Him to make some cracks.

What are you holding on to?

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz5 Comments

Think about the deepest place you have been with the Lord recently.  If you have a troubled heart, you are probably crying out to Him.  If you have a conflicted heart, and you don’t know what to do, you are probably seeking His wisdom. If you missed the mark and know it, you are looking for redemption. 

At the heart of our conversations with God, we get to a place where we know He is real.  The person of God comes close and . . . gives you rest from your tears . . . gives you answers that you did not expect . . . gives you a path for redemption.  I am talking about that place, when you know deep in your soul, that He has taken you somewhere close to His holiness.  And, for that walk of your life, He changed everything.

This past spring, God gave me the fantastic idea to take off from work Fridays over the summer and spend the time with Him.  That request shook my feeble heart.  At the same time He offered me the invitation to be with Him, He gave me a new friend.  Since she was a new friend, we could not stop talking about who we are and how we got there.  Sort of like speeding up the friendship so we can get real, fast.  At the same time God gave me my Friday invitation, He also gave me Madison’s mama on a week long camping trip.

One evening, we sat in the dim light of the cafeteria, and she told me the story of how God recently showed up big beyond her wildest imagination.  Part of her story had to do with specific sums of money showing up in the exact amount of her dire needs.  As I am listening to the ins and outs of her God story, I start to cry.  Pretty loud crying in a pretty quiet place.  I feel the Lord impressing upon my heart – – He gave me this extraordinary story of trust, so that I can do the take off Friday thing.

After sharing God’s invitation with my accountability partner, LeAnn’s mama, she told me to trust God and do it.  So, what did I do?  I didn’t take off one single Friday this summer.  We had a couple of vacations that brought me out of the office on Friday, but every time I had the chance to trust God with my time and money making hours, I didn’t. I just didn’t.

My excuses included, 1) what would my employees think about my work ethic, 2) will people think I am lazy or absent from my responsibilities, 3) do I really feel comfortable claiming that type of time for myself and 4) what will really happen if I obey, it probably doesn’t make a difference anyway.  Rather than come up with a bunch of cuss words to describe my excuses, I’ll just call them what they are  – – sin. 

Now, a few weeks after summer’s end, I find myself seeking God for that deep, deep place.  I hear Him challenging me to not just get to the deep places of His holiness, back off and start again later.  But go to the place of depth and seek Him to push beyond.  I see that place in my mind and heart like a carrot waving in front of a rabbit.  The drawing feeling of something you are about to enter and you are just about to turn the key.  Like the first time the girl enters the Secret Garden.  The Lord is just waiting for me to enter into the garden of His depth.  I think that my summer was supposed to be about that.

So, all of this about me, to say to you, that I am sure that there is something you are holding on to.  I am sure of that because we are not in heaven.  You have a lot of excuses like I do. Some come across as very justified, but they are not.  I know for a fact that you are braver than me and can let go of the thing, go do the thing, step out into the thing . . . before the thing expires.  You don’t need to wait anymore to do the thing you are supposed to do.  Please do it.  And, after you do, tell me all about it.  I’ll be encouraged to the thing He calls me to do.  At the very next redemptive opportunity. 

FF be brave

 

What do you want?

On By sashakatzIn FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz1 Comment

When I look at the moon and the stars twinkling above, the tiny lights remind me that He is near.  There is no space between us.  When I look at the sun’s rays beaming through clouds in the morning, the streams of light speak of His power.  His hands are able to move all things in the direction of His will.  When I see still water reflecting the skies, I think of His peace.  He is never impatient and always on time.  Sometimes when I breathe, I see that He is right there giving me air.  He is our life line.

I don’t think that there is anything we want more than to be in His presence.  To be in His vicinity.  To be in close quarters with a God who never gives up.  Who is always working on our behalf.  Who, out of His own love, brings us deeper into a love affair.  A love affair with a God who is a Savior.  Who holds Eternity.  And, who, at the same time, holds our hands.  He is very, very big, but His love travels down to the smallest parts of our person.

He sees in our hearts the potential of what we can be.  Each and every day.  In each and every moment.  He doesn’t act in light of our humanness, but in light of His godliness.  He doesn’t act in light of left turns or rebellions.  He acts in light of who we are capable of being through His love.  He doesn’t act in light of our weaknesses, but in light of who He knows we can be when we are standing with Him.  He doesn’t act in light of us, but in light of Him. 

If you are able, slow down to the stillest, quietest place you can walk your mind to.  In that silent place, where color radiates in iridescent white.  Where a walk beside pure waters feels like a good journeys end, but does not end.  Where time has become a feeling a timelessness.  Slow down to that place and walk with Him.  And, once you have walked for awhile, ask Him what He wants for you. 

FF2 Aug 29