Category: FemmeFuel by Sasha Katz

JOURNEY THROUGH OCTOBER: CONQUERING FEAR

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~week two~day 2~

Parenthood is a very romantic thought when you’re young.  Being a mama or daddy, for most, sounds like a call to love.  You find the one you love.  You eventually bring little people into the world because of your love.  It all makes a lot of sense in light of love.

But as the weeks and months and years pass, you come to find that parenting is as much about bravery as it is about love.  No one tells you in advance about the fear you will put aside when you ride in the ambulance to get your peanut’s finger sewed back on.  No one gives you a shower card telling you to be brave and wise when the thermometer hits 103 or 104 during the night.  And, the lonely year your sweet offspring spent looking for friends to hang with on the playground – – you didn’t see that coming, but your love made you brave.

I must not (will not) leave out the bravery of childbirth.  Frankly, no one tells you about the reality of childbirth before you experience it.  I think it’s mainly because they know there are no words to describe the persistent traumatizing pain.  But I also think it’s because they don’t want to tattoo fear into your joyful anticipation.  Childbirth takes bravery.

Fear and retreat sound like good options sometimes.  But the love in you tells you that you can be brave so that your kids will also be brave.  You do things against your grain like letting them fall sometimes.  You don’t always swoop them up when their heart is hurt, but let them grow under your wings.  Parenting takes putting aside fear and putting on bravery.  It all makes a whole lot of sense in light of love.

JOURNEY THROUGH OCTOBER: CONQUERING FEAR in DR

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~week one~day 5~

Last summer, our whole family visited my brother in Dominican Republic.  Going somewhere new is brave.  Traveling with your whole family is brave (but we love it!).  Adventure and nature make you brave.  I have some great stories of bravery from our summer trip.

My favorite story of bravery was my sister in law up on the mountains zip-lining.  I had no idea she hated heights.  She didn’t look scared at all.  She geared up to go with the GoPro cam strapped to her helmet.  I would have never known she was scared until I heard her whispering her bravery mantra to herself between taking deeps breaths.  “I can do this.  Yes, I can do this.”  And then she jumped off the ledge.  Flying across the line.  13 times.  Fear was behind her.

Another great story of bravery was my 81 year old grandma walking the ramp to the wood ledge over the deep spring.  About 10-12 feet above the water, she listened to us cheer her on and jumped!  The cool water meet her and she came up for air smiling ear to ear.  No doubt she jumped, in part, to keep alive the adventure my late grandpa was well known for.

We saw other kinds of bravery.  In the slums of Santa Domingo, we visited a family whose kids were sponsored by Compassion International.  About eight people and a few pets lived in a tiny metal semi-permanent structure built over the city’s sewer system.  I think of the mom as brave.  She was brave because she was navigating her faith around her husband who reminded me of the old Temptations song – – Papa Was A Rollin Stone.  She faithfully brought her kids to the Compassion school.  She let strangers in to see her circumstances if only for an opportunity to share her story.  She let us pray for her mainly because when the needs are too great to meet, you have no option except to bring it to God.

I think we’re made to be brave.  I think fear is meant to be conquered.  I think we have it in us to tell ourselves to be brave.  To jump off ledges into air or water.  Whether we are 8 or 80.

JOURNEY THROUGH OCTOBER: CONQUERING FEAR

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~week one~day four~

Overcoming the Fear of Pain and Joy

We fear the gamut of life’s difficult experiences. We fear deep love and of being alone.  We fear personal change but don’t want to stay the same forever.  We fear raising children, but most of us take the risk anyway.  We fear having an empty life and also being too busy for the little things.  We fear.

I like to be alone and find much of my peace in solace.  But if I look deeply at myself, I fear facing the trials and responsibilities of this world alone.  Alone is probably my biggest fear.  I acknowledge this, while at the same time, I know the promise that He never leaves or forsakes us.  We fear the spectrum of the human experience in a rather ironic way.

As my dad faced the end of his days, his favorite verse became He will never leave me or forsake me.  Deuteronomy 31:6.  I don’t know the depth of his fear of death.  But I saw pure strength and wisdom arise out of his conquest of fear.  The full verse says Be Strong and Courageous for the Lord your God goes with you.  He will never leave you nor forsake you.  When someone is with you for always, you can be strong and courageous.

Fear runs in and through what we see as pain and trials.  But it also runs in and through what we envision as our most precious joys.  Overcoming fear brings us both out of trials and into joy. Simple truths like He will never leave us or forsake us usher us right through fear.

Journey Through October: Conquering Fear

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~week one~day three~

The Reason to Keep Breathing

There are reasons to read on though.  His kindness leads us to repentance.  Romans 2:4.  There is no greater love than He who lays down his life for His friends. John 15:13.  He didn’t take you this far to leave you.  Philippians 1:6.

There are also reasons to keep breathing when you are suffering.  None of us fully knows the kindness of God until our need supersedes our abilities.  Somehow when the impossible flows into our reality, we finally recognize that our human efforts can only take us so far.  We can’t change people.  We can’t alter circumstances with our influence or smarts.  We can’t carve out a way when there is no way.  We can’t work all things together for good on our own.

We can, however, choose to keep breathing.  As we breathe, He shows us that there is no distance He will not go to prove His love.  There is no width He won’t go to put our pieces back in order.  There is no depth He won’t go to show us how very much He loves us.  He is interceding for us; placing in us His strength, so that we can in fact breathe through our pain.

It is worth it to keep on breathing.  He did not take you this far to leave you.  He has plans to give you a hope and a future.

I remember looking into my dad’s eyes as He crossed over to heaven.  As I said goodbye with my eyes staring into his eyes, I distinctly remember knowing that His love was greater than the heartbreak of goodbye.  His wisdom was higher than my thoughts of keeping my dad here.  At that time, I did not know the true depth that would result from continuing to breathe.  I would not know for quite some time the value of breathing as we suffer.  But it is for the same reason I picked up again those two books on Fear.  He has a message for us at all times.  But especially when we suffer.

Journey Through October: Conquering Fear

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~week one~day two~

The Reason I Didn’t Read

I flinch at the thought of pain. It hurts. A season of pain usually means someone I love will be suffering. Maybe I will be stretched beyond my human capacity. There will be loss. I will have to dig deep into Him to locate answers, find direction. I will need to seek Him for air to breathe. For peace in the night.

I will have to apply the wisdom of the past to know He will deliver. I will have to Walk by Faith and Not Sight. I will have to believe that my greatest hopes for the circumstances will be worked out both in His perfection and creativity. I will have to take a step of faith to know His outcome is better than anything I may conjure up as good in my own heart or mind.

I will do all of these things while my heart is hurting. While I don’t understand. While I dream about better or different days. In between redoing the past and how I could have made things different. Had I been given the chance to replay. Surely things would have turned out better. Or, at least, less painful.

The past already taught me that once pain has come into my soul, it will take some time for the dirt to become fertile again. The barrenness will have to be carved out. Removing what is prohibiting or holding me back from growth. It takes a while for flowers to bloom again. Turning those pages felt like an invitation to relive all of it. All my pain. This is the reason why I didn’t read.

Journey Through October: Conquering Fear

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Join me as I journey through October facing fear. I will share with you many short posts recalling my own battles. Sharing bravery. Remembering scripture. Treasuring wisdom.

Dreams are reached through facing fear and persevering through pain.  Pain is by no means desirable. But with God. The very, very dark and desperate becomes bright, full of hope and inevitably beautiful.

~week one~day one~

It was not clear to me when I slammed the first book shut. I had just turned the page and landed on chapter 6 – – From Anxious to Peace: Conquering Fear. Forget Chapter 6, I said to myself. I don’t want to know what I am lacking in the way of peace. I don’t want to open up this topic so God can conveniently use it to refine me, prune me. Nope. Been there, done that. A few hundred times.

I cleverly excused myself to the other book I was reading. The second book needed reading for my Monday bible study anyway. I am a smart girl and I have my priorities straight. I don’t like pain. I will keep the first book shut For A Long Time.

The first book remained closed on my shelf. I continued to read the second book. Some time passed. I reached Part 3 of the second book. The title is God Knows My Fears. Slam. After all, I was a few chapters ahead of my bible study’s reading anyway. No need to get any further ahead.  For now.

It was not yet clear to me why I was slamming books shut on Conquering Fear.  But clarity was on its way.  Truth was reaching for me.  Wisdom was calling.  My answers were on the very next page . . .

My Friend Matthew

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Matthew is a friend that pulls me close.  He helps me see the grand imperfection in God’s beloved followers throughout time.  Matthew pulls me into the deep irony and connection taking place between unlikely pairs impacting the course of history.  Judah and Tamar.  Salmon and Rahab.  Ruth and Boaz.  Bathsheba and Uriah, and then David.  Joseph and Mary.  All of this intended imperfection points us to our perfect Savior Jesus.

What I am learning as a person:  I am learning that God uses our humanness to work out His godliness.    As we see the time and care He has taken to call us and know us, we fall deeper in love with Him.  His friendship brings out the miracles in us.

Verse:  Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.  Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit.  Psalm 32:1-2.

Deep Thought: Think about the reason we know that a man or woman can be after God’s own heart.  There once was a woman named Ruth who had an idea to travel to an unknown land.  She had the thought to cling to a God who she understood to be connected to a people and a place.  In this new place, she found herself in need of a way to make ends meet, so she started working.  While she was faithfully working, she didn’t expect to cross paths with Boaz.  After some time and a chance to fall in love, she had the idea to propose to him in the darkness of early morning light.  And, as the story is often told, she eventually becomes the great, great grandmother of King David, a man after God’s own heart.  Every single day, God gives us thoughts and ideas.  Every single day, we have the chance to intentionally move with Him, cling to Him, exercise faithfulness, fall in love and become a man or woman after God’s own heart.    

Quote: Embrace the mysterious, invisible work of Christ even when it seems like nothing is happening.  You are an image bearer and you have a job to do –  whether you see the results or whether you don’t.  A Million Little Ways By Emily P. Freeman

Book(s)/Blog(s)/People that Shape Me: The Book of Matthew, the first book of the New Testament, is shaping me again, after many years.  It is the truth told after 400 years of biblical silence.  Most likely by Matthew, a disciple of Jesus.  He wrote to the Jewish people with the intention for them to catch that Jesus was in fact Messiah.  He writes to me refreshing my belief in healing. Matthew reminds me that my life can be marked by His ability to do miracles in and around me.  And, he softens my soul as I remember how very imperfect I will need to be for Him to shine brightly in my life.

My Prayer to You: My prayers to you and for you are unending.  I ache for us to have more of Him.  I desire nothing more than for us to be used in our imperfection to bless others and to glorify Him.  He does not fight nor shout; He does not raise His voice. He does not crush the weak, or quench the smallest hope. But His name is the hope of all the world.