Category: FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz

The First of Many . . . Devotions

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz, October 2011 (Devotions)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

I have never surfed before.  But just once, my first boyfriend Gordon McKennon lifted me up belly side down onto his surf board.  I rode the wave leaning on my elbows into shore …. and I felt like I was flying on the water.

It was one of those early independence days.  I was probably about 13.  Dropped off at the beach by mama with the same three other girls and four boys I did everything with.  There were perfect blue skies, shiny reflective waters, warm sand.  Very big smiles.  Constant laughter.  Between talks about the depth of friendship and how it would never end.  Thirteen.

I take a snap shot of thirteen in my mind.  I think that is what God is asking of me.  Take a snap shot of riding a wave into shore where everything around you is perfect.  But everything around me is really not perfect.  There are days when insecurities rise up in me.  Days when I am speaking, teaching and directing and no one appears to be listening.  There are days when I haven’t had a good night sleep . . . for days.  Dull and dreary days.  Days that I fall short.  When I can’t reach.  When there is no ladder around to lift me up.  When stuff is upside down.  And I figure it’s not too hard for onlookers to tell.  Days like this . . . when riding a wave into shore is more likely a teary, wet question to God about how I am supposed to ride a wave under circumstances such as these?

God showed me poor Jeremiah who preached to the Israelites for forty years to no avail.  No one ever listened or took his advice.  No one believed that God would use Babylon to judge Israel’s sin.  Because of his message, Jeremiah spent days sinking in mud in dungeons.  His life was regularly threatened.  Even so, God kept pressing him on to speak.  Pressing him on until there was a day when, I think, his entire life’s ministry was affirmed.

Now Jeremiah remained in . . . prison until the day that Jerusalem was taken . . . And the captain of the [Babylonian] guard took Jeremiah and said to him: The Lord your God has pronounced this doom on this place.   Now the Lord has brought it, and has done just as He said . . . And now look, I free you this day from the chains that were on your hand . . . See, all the land is before you; wherever it seems good and convenient for you to go, go there.  Jeremiah  38: 28; 40:2-4.

Jeremiah’s prophecy came to pass and, on that same day, he was offered freedom.  No doubt Jeremiah experienced freedom in His relationship with the Living God, but his days were filled with bouts of insecurity, wisdom rejected by deaf ears, exhaustion and feelings of failure.  We get those difficult days, but we also get other picture perfect days.  Like Jeremiah’s day.  The day the person – – you thought was your enemy – – approaches you, tells you that your ministry has been in truth, takes off your chains and sets you free.  Picture perfect days.

Take a picture of your day.  Take a snap shot of riding a wave into shore where everything around you is perfect.  Despite everything, ride your wave.  See the perfection around you that only He can provide.  Ride your wave and know that your life shall be as a prize to you, because you have put your trust in Him.  Jeremiah 39:18.

Questions: Can you remember a picture perfect day in your life?  Have you ever felt like you were flying?  Have you ever felt like you were sinking in mud?  Do you believe that He will be with you always, even to the end – – until you ride into His shore where everything is perfect?  Challenge yourself to embrace both difficult and picture perfect days.

Verses: Jeremiah  38: 28; 40:2-4; Jeremiah 39:18; Matthew 28:20; James 1:2-4

Goodbye, Friend

On By femmefuelIn August 2011 (Cultivating Friendships), FemmeFeatures by Sasha KatzLeave a comment

By AbbyA

Truthfully girls, I hate goodbyes.  I don’t just hate them.  I avoid them.  I pretend they are not there.  I ignore the person who is leaving before they even leave so I can forget that I have to say goodbye.  I hate them.  And I hate them some more.

I want to have one brief goodbye.  I don’t want to go to any dumb go-away party so I can pretend that it’s just like old times and the person really isn’t leaving.  I don’t want to say goodbye two or three times.  Once with family, once with the girls, once you and me.  Just leave, will you!

I want to have about 15 or 20 minutes to spill my guts, tell you I love you, hug you and kiss you, shed salty tears down my cheeks and on yours.  I want you to remember how much I love you and get the heck on your way.  Don’t linger more than a minute or two.  Smile back at me and get in your car and leave!

So, I am not like Peter.  I am not going to forbid you to leave.  Matthew 16:22.  Because, yes, I get it.  God has a plan for you.  An (initially) rather lame plan that makes you far from me.  But I do get it so I will let you go.

I am not like James and John.  I won’t demand that you take me with you or put me in your spare bedroom where you are going.  Mark 10:35-40.  I only want an invitation to stay with you a few times a year and to hear your voice regularly.

I hate goodbyes because I love you so much.  I gave you sacred parts of me while you were here.  And as I watch you prepare to go and then go, I love you too much to take back the parts of myself that I have already given you.  So, I hold onto you like a hook on a fishing line until you leave state lines.  Then, instead of taking the bait and swimming off.  I let you pull off of a piece of my flesh as you go.  I want you to keep a good, juicy chunk of my heart so you don’t feel lonely on your journey.

That is why I hate goodbyes.  They leave me broken for a while, but I just love you so much.  And I can’t help it.  So, please, leave if you have to.  Don’t ask me why I won’t talk to you.  If you invite me to your stupid go-away party, I’ll come and either act fake and refuse to face the facts or won’t talk to you at all.  And, don’t expect me to plan the party either, because I won’t.  So, there you have it.  Goodbye.

Do You Have a Friend?

On By femmefuelIn August 2011 (Cultivating Friendships), FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz2 Comments
Best Friend Moms and Best Friend Daughters
Best Friend Moms and Best Friend Daughters

By AbbyA

Do you have a friend? One that checks up on you because she has a hunch you’re not yourself today? How about a friend that thinks of you when she is soul-searching? Maybe you have a friend that treats your family to a weekend at the beach when you don’t have a dime for a summer vacation. What about the old friend who sees your kids for the first time and accounts their good looks to you? What about the friend who knows whether there is anything hiding behind your smile? What about the friend who doesn’t call much but always remembers your birthday?

Friends.  Two are better than one.  Because they have a good reward for their labor.  For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.  But woe to him who is alone when he falls.  For he has no one to help him up.  Ecclesiastes 4:9.  As younger women, it is more of the thrill that keeps us close.  We take on the night together with red wine in hand.  We throw up our grad caps together.  We shop for bridesmaid dresses, lipstick and make wedding plans over lunch.  We laugh over pregnant bellies and chipper about when we conceived.

Friends.  Something happens just about the time real life starts taking its course.  There are so many events that make life real.  Most of us are lucky enough to avoid them until several years into the twenties.  Things like infertility happen.  Things like adultery and death.  Things like loneliness or depression.  Things like sickness or searching.  Things like . . .

At these times, when we go through these things, there is a face staring back at you while you . . . Tell your story.  Shed your tears.  You are leaning on a friend.  She danced with you at eighteen when you were both covered in fairy glitter.  But now she is leaving her husband.  You are leaning on a friend.  You think you lost touch, but she is the first one to send you flowers when your dad passes away.  You are leaning on a friend.  You thought her marriage was impeccable, but she is humble enough to tell you about how she learned of her husband’s infidelity.  You are leaning on a friend.

Friends stick closer than a brother.  Proverbs 18:24.  My kids tell on each other – – sometimes for everything.  When my boy whispers something under his breath, my daughter parrot squawks it out for all to hear.  Friends seal it shut.  My best friend has taken my worst, most regrettable mistakes and shoved them under the thick carpet of her vowed secrecy.  When my brother was stabbed, my old high school friend had her husband come home from work to take care of my baby boy so I could go to the hospital.  Even if we fight like girls, grab by the pony tail, ring it like a church bell . . . we grab those same shoulders, smack a kiss on a teary cheek and promise to stay for the long, marathon run of this sometimes shocking, scary, but never-alone life.  Yes, friends stick closer than a brother.

The sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.  Proverbs 27:9.  Who are your friends?  Are they reliable? Tried and True?  Do they hold your butt accountable when you seem to have lost your way?  Do they mirror the wisdom offered to you by God’s word?  Do they sharpen you with equal amounts of conviction and grace?

A friend loves at all times. Proverbs 17a.  Are you safe with your friend like you are safe in the presence of your Father?  Where do you go to find this kind of friend?  Friends.  This is where FemmeFuel is going to journey with you during the month of August.  Cultivating Friendships.  How to be a Friend.  How to have a Friend.  What does God’s Word say about Friends?  Ever been burned by a Friend?  Do you have any friends?  Do you need a Friend?

Life would be rather dry without Friends. Our gardens might be tidy, but certainly, nothing would be in bloom.  Imagine having a dried out rose in your keepsake drawer, but having no sweet memory attached to it. Imagine cleaning up after a dinner party without recalling the good laughs from earlier. Imagine truth without the buffer of love. Or repentance without grace.  Friends mean this much.  They are like the warm cover over you while you rest.  It is no wonder that the greatest commandment is to love one another and that the greatest love is to lay down your life for your friend. John 15:12-13. It is a great honor to have and to be a Friend.

Have You Taken God’s Job Lately?

On By femmefuelIn Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By AbbyA

Flashback to 1999.  I am a twenty-two year old first year law student.  If you know anything about becoming a noteworthy law student, you will be a member of a “law review.”  Yes, you can be smart enough to be invited to be a member or you can go through the painstaking task of writing an exceptional article that just might be good enough to get you “written” into the law review.  The latter is me.  Yes, the latter is me, because “good enough” and “perfect” are my middle names.

Flashback to 1988ish, 1993ish, or 1997ish.  It all looks about the same.  Living under the burden of achievement and perfectionism.  One can be fairly successful at achievement and perfectionism until failure hits you smack dab in the face.  And, then it’s time to look into the mirror.

Failure.  My hard work, dedication and brains failed me brutally that first semester of law school.  I didn’t shine, I wasn’t smart.  I was defeated, broken and tired.  My parents raised us to believe that we could do anything, be anything.  That we were equal to others no matter wealth, race, gender, education or religion.  At that time, I saw no equality; I judged myself of lesser value than my classmates.  And, without His permission, in the depths of these crashing waters, I determined that I must have failed Him as well.  I wasn’t sure where I would stand now that I was less than perfect.

In the late fall of 1998, I looked at myself in the mirror of my mom’s bathroom.  I had about 18 inches of notes, case law and articles in my arms – – ready to be reviewed for my write-on to the public interest law review.  I am not sure exactly how it happened.  The Spirit said something to me without words.  He gave me His permission.  My mom had a pretty big wicker garbage can right below me.  I dropped every last paper into the garbage can in one, single shot.  I walked out on perfectionism.  And, the law review too.

Law school was my defining moment.  Not academically, but spiritually.  God put me under circumstances that I could not bear; under pressure that I could not rise out of without Him.  This thread of perfectionism had grown longer and stronger in me over the years.  And while planning, organizing, working hard and achieving are all good qualities; they are minor and inconsequential in comparison to the good work God does in you.  For one, your greatest achievement is God saving you.  Once that rang clear in me, once I breathed in that my very, greatest work was something He did, I then started the journey in getting lost in Him.  Of sinking into His arms.  Of seeing His intervention in my life to make all things happen according to His plan.

A few months ago, I grabbed a book on sale called “The Relief of Imperfection,” by Joan C. Webb.  In some ways, it has taken me back to the garbage can in my mom’s bathroom.  I have the thrilling feeling of that moment tucked away in my spiritual memory.  And the years following, even until now, I have great love for my Savior who has shown up so faithfully for my good.  I recognize, to this day, that He can do all these things without my help.  I don’t need to be Him, I only need to be me.

This is from my heart.  If you are like me, you have a tendency to take God’s standard of excellence, and ring yourself out dry with perfectionism.  God can’t do much with you when you are a dried out rag.  It is your relationship with God that matters.  God “has no unrealistic expectations of you and me.  He just expects us to be the person He designed us to be.”  Joan C. Webb, The Relief of Imperfection.

I will leave you with my “forget” list.  I hope that you will add your own “forgets” to it and get on with your highly anticipated, highly imperfect life of you running the good race with Him as your partner.

Here is my forget list:

  • Forget the appearance of your imperfect marriage, family or kids.  That also means to accept where God has you.  Don’t drool over another’s life or isolate yourself because you think you are different.  You are part of God’s family.  That is enough.
  • Forget where you live and what that says about you.  That also means forget about your beat up car or your Mercedes-Benz – – whichever it is for you.  You have a home (and a ride) in heaven.  That is more than enough.
  • Forget who you want to be.  “. . . As God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk.” 1 Corinthians 7:2.  “For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality.”  Deuteronomy 10:17.  There are no favorites; yet you are His favorite.  That is better than good and far exceeds enough.

Is it the Battle of All Men?

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)Leave a comment

By AbbyA

JMathis wrote yesterday – It is very easy for us to laugh and roll our eyes in disbelief at the Tigers, Schwarzeneggers and Weiners of this world. It’s even easier for us to judge and wag our collective, holier-than-thou fingers at the Bishop Longs, Jim Bakkers, Ted Haggards and Catholic priests of the Christian world.  Who are these guys?  We’ve got a mega athlete, a high profile actor turned governor, a politician and a handful of Christian leaders.  They are all men with access to wealth, locally or nationally famous and hold the power card to influence their followers.  I am thinking Spiderman – With great power, comes great responsibility.  But, I am also thinking Jesus – From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.  Luke 12:48

What’s going on here?  From the same guys we are supposed to root for on the golf course, vote for on the ballot and gain wisdom from . . . From the same guys our kids see plastered on tv ads, behind podiums and under the cross . . . From the same guys, we see their moral compass spin out of whack.  We see their moral boundaries blur.  When did their own, presumably firm, decision-making process start to fall apart?

It certainly didn’t start the day Arnold slept with the maid.  It certainly didn’t start the day Tiger found himself juggling his wife and multiple lovers.  And it certainly didn’t start the day Weiner tweeted his package.  And, the spilled milk didn’t stop the day they all bawled through their public apologies on national television.  With so many casualties along the path of these men, it is probably hard for even them to count backwards to the day they allowed the pendulum to begin its swing off-center.   When exactly did they stop believing they were subject to the laws of morality?  Or that they could escape the natural law of actions and consequences?  Was it a built-in, individual weakness that came to the surface under too much stress and too much attention?  Or is it the battle of all men?

Yes, I think it is the battle of all men.  I think it is the desire of most men to gain wealth, notoriety and influence.  No matter the portion of the serving of any of the three, responsibility is required.  While I don’t think men function in the way of seeking balance as we ladies do.  I do think they tick in the way of decision.  I think one of the keys to prayer for our men suggested by JMathis is covering with prayer the decisions of the men in our lives.  It is the initial, small decisions that lead to eventual, large moral blunders.  Let’s pray together that men in our lives would be empowered to make Godly decisions.  That their decision-making would not be swayed by wealth or notoriety.  Let’s pray that they would harness their influence for good.  And let’s pray that, if ever a decision falls off course, that they would have the wisdom to . . . ask for the old paths, where the good way is, And walk in it.  Then you will find rest for your souls.  Jeremiah 6:16.

My 10 Cents on Sex Addiction: No Shame or Guilt Included

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz, June 2011 (Men and Boys)3 Comments

By AbbyA

She logged onto her fiance’s computer to check her email.  Instead, on the screen, was a recently downloaded movie.    She watched a few minutes of the sexually violent film that her fiance kept in his online library.  It was not the only one.  One film after another, she was sickened by the hardcore sexual violence.

Right now, I can feel my blood moving through my body as I recall her telling me about what she found.  I remember how she fell into her bed for days.  The sleep and dark and her mom seemed to be her only condolences.  She eventually reached out to a social worker who talked her through her near suicidal emotions.  After a couple of days, she started to talk again.  She had dinner with him.  I think it was his birthday.  She looked beautiful and had the plan to win over the pornography with their love and all she had to offer him.  Dinner didn’t go well.  He just didn’t see the big deal.  After all, his own mother shared that she and his dad enjoyed “soft” porn in their marriage.  She suggested that it could be helpful in a relationship.  A few weeks later, after a few more dinners and a couple of counseling sessions, she decided to marry him – – premised, in part, on a promise that he would not indulge in online pornography anymore.

She was pregnant for the second time now.  She didn’t know where he was much of the time.  He claimed he was depressed over his father’s death and stressed out at work.  He left in the morning, but not for work.  He spent his days downtown.  And, while she never knew for sure, her intuition told her he was watching porn films at theaters, going to strip clubs or spending time with escorts.  Right now, I can feel my blood moving through my body as I recall myself telling her that it wasn’t true.  That she was extremely pregnant, very emotional and that, the man I knew as her husband, would keep his word.

Now the mother of two, busy about her kids, her husband’s career, family/friends, she passes his computer at home.  She sees a few printed pictures of women’s faces.  She sees that these are his choices on a site for men with means.  She guesses his user name and password.  She logs on that site and sees he has been searching for and meeting with high-class hookers.  Right now, my blood curdles and my body cringes at his false promises and his sexual addiction. 

Right now, my heart breaks daily for her.  She is a single mother of two.  Trying to adjust.  Trying to recover.  Trying to find a safe place to exchange her emptiness for fullness.  Trying to believe that her children will not be harmed by the harm the three of them have undergone.  Trying to pick up the pieces of what went wrong.  Trying to make sense of what makes no sense.  Trying to see a hopeful future.

Right now, our world is spending

  • 20 billion on adult videos
  • 11 billion on escort services
  • 7.5 billion on magazines
  • 11 billion on phone sex, sex clubs and novelties
  • 2.5 billion on cable and pay per views
  • 4 billion on internet and cd-rom

“How shall I pardon you for this? Your children have forsaken Me and sworn by those that are not gods.  When I had fed them to the full, Then they committed adultery and assembled themselves by troops in the harlots’ houses.  They were like well-fed lusty stallions; Everyone neighed after his neighbor’s wife.  Shall I not punish them for these things?” says the Lord.  “And shall I not avenge Myself on such a nation as this?” Jeremiah 5:7-9.

Right now, I wonder how much goodness we withhold from ourselves.  Our sin turns away the good things that God has for us.  Jeremiah 5:25.  I think about this month’s subject matter – – Boys, Fathers, Husbands, Boyfriends and Everything in Between , you have so much responsibility to love the women in your lives.  Your sisters, daughters, wives, girlfriends and everything in between are more valuable than your need to fill the hole within.  Ephesians 5 is not unattainable.

I think about pornography and the sex industry.  I am not going to let any of us off the hook on this one.  Toying with pornography to please your spouse is not exempt from God’s standard.  The consequences of leaving your adolescent or teenager alone in his or her room with internet access falls on your head.  Feeling so alone that you entertain phone sex, chat rooms and meetings with strangers is not acceptable.  God gives us the power of free-will.  We can honor God with our bodies or we can serve the other gods in our lives.  1 Corinthians 6:19-20.

Right now, I think about FemmeFuel’s readership.  I think about how it is impossible that there is not at least one that is suffering from her significant other’s sexual addition, her teenager’s or even her own.  Right now, get out of the darkness, perhaps your sadness.  Don’t make excuses or water down what is revealed when the light shines down on your secret places, that of your significant other or your child.  Get into the light and shed the shame and addiction.

No temptation has overtaken you except that is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.  1 Corinthians 13.

FemmeFuel writers are here to share your burdens and walk victorious with you.  No shame or guilt included.

Comment to request additional resources.

A Not So Virtuous You . . .

On By femmefuelIn Best of Sasha Katz, FemmeFeatures by Sasha Katz, May 2011 (Motherhood)4 Comments

image

By AbbyA

Mommies, I have some things to say about our past.  For those of us who were not very virtuous in our younger days.  For those of us who have regrets.  For those of us who, from time to time, remember a late night.  A flashback.  A short film of an earlier you.    A rerun of sleeping with a married man.  A dark memory when you had an out but didn’t take it.  An episode of going home with a random acquaintance when you should have gone home with the friend you came with.  A play back of you toying with lust.  They were momentary connections.  Where you passed out your inner beauty – – for free.  You took a gamble on your purity.  It is a rerun of someone that is not you today.

Mommies, it’s easy to black out the past with sacrificial motherhood.  It’s easy to be who you are now as long as you don’t think too much about her.  It’s easier to work really hard at Proverbs 31 rather than face the past.  It’s easier to strive to redeem yourself rather than to look into your younger face.  Looking back is painful.  In light of who you are now, the replay stings.  It is easier to be busy about your motherhood.  Easier to be busy about pouring yourself into what is worthy.  Easier than the pain.

Mommies, redeeming yourself is futile.  Forgetting the younger, less wise, woman is not humanly possible.    She’ll pierce you in a quiet moment.  She’ll take her spot as a little dark mole on your pink, prospering heart . . . despite all that you are now.   She’ll hold you back from your gifts.  There will be something about you that senses you are still less than the more you have grown to be.  There will be something about your growth, your flowering.  Just when the bloom is about to reach its most beautiful point.  The bloom will be one ray of sunshine short of fullness.  It’s her.  You can’t black her out.

Let God take her  into His Hands.  Repent.  You may have been saved for years.  You may have been saved when you still were behaving like her.  Repent now.  Give her up.  She’s so eighties or nineties, or just plainly, yesterday.   The dark spot on your heart.  God wants to fill it with His life and His love.  He died for that mark on your heart.

When I kept silent, my bones grew old Through my groaning all day long.  For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was turned into the drought of summer.  I acknowledged my sin to You, And my iniquity I have not hidden.  I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.”  And You forgave the iniquity of my sin.”  Psalm 32:3-5.

So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten. . . You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, And praise the name of the Lord your God, Who has dealt wondrously with you; And my people shall never be put to shame.  Then you shall know that I am in the midst of Israel; I am the Lord your God  And there is no other.  Joel 2:25-27.

And it shall come to pass afterword That I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and daughters shall prophesy, Your old men shall dream dreams, Your young men shall see visions.  And also on My menservants and on My maidservants I will pour out My Spirit in those days.  And I will show wonders in the heavens and the earth.  Joel 2:28-30.

Mommies, can you see what your great God wants to do in your heart?  He wants to walk with you through old places.  He wants to remove your pain.  Fastforward the past so that He can perfect your bloom.  It is the aftermath of your repentance that His great reward awaits.  He died for that very mark on your heart.  There was a price for your redemption.  He paid it while you were still her.  You only have to trade her in for you.  And in His great wisdom, mommies, your new love story will be told.