Category: FemmeFuel by JMathis

The One That Got Away

On By femmefuelIn August 2011 (Cultivating Friendships), FemmeFeatures by JMathisLeave a comment

By JMathis

I worshiped you from the day I met you.

We were only eleven, but you managed to win me over with your peals of infectious laughter, and your ability to ignite a room with your warmth and passion.

Everyone adored you and wanted a piece of you, but I will never forget how you made a special, little place in your heart just for me.

You possess a certain magnetism and zeal for life that elevate those around you to a bigger, better and brighter place. A place that is wide, vast and bottomless with love, friendship and immense beauty.

Did you know that the school cafeteria was a magical place whenever I was with you?

While we haven’t been close since graduating high school (different schools, different states, different paths in life), I love that you still hold a special, little place in your heart just for me.

I want you to know that my birthday is just not complete until I receive a call or a text from you.

I know that seems either trivial or insufficient to some people, but for me, it lights up the rest of my year.

For at a young age, you had already given me the greatest gift a friend could ever give another: the gift of inspiration.

You inspired me to strive, you inspired me to reach, you inspired me to share, you inspired me to give freely of myself.

You inspired me to set aside negativity in favor of joy. Sheer, unadulterated joy.

Twenty-five years later, you still inspire me to achieve bigger, better and brighter. Why? Because twenty-five years later, you are still you: spreading love, laughter and joy to all who cross your path. While I may not be the one directly in your path these days, it warms my heart that your new friends are soaking in the rays of your sunshine—it’s their turn now to learn from you.

After all, it was you who taught me one of life’s greatest lessons: friendship is to be given away liberally and abundantly, irrespective of who you are, what you own, and how much time you have to invest in someone’s life.

You taught me that friendship is to be multiplied and spread widely—not something to be horded or parceled out stingily to the highest or flashiest bidder.

I know that you are not a Christ-follower, but you possess all of the qualities that all Christians should and must possess.

For that, you inspire me to be a better Christian.

To this day, you inspire me to be the friend that I hope to be to others.

You are the one that got away, but yet, you are the one who is forever closest to my heart.

Thank you for shining your light on me for that brief period of time.

It shines on through me even unto this day, as a personal reminder to keep paying it forward.

I love you, girlie. Always will.

I Samuel 18:1-3. And it came to pass, when David had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. And Saul took him that day, and would let him go no more home to his father’s house. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.

2 Samuel 1:25-26. How the mighty have fallen in battle! Jonathan lies slain on your heights. I grieve for you, Jonathan, my brother; you were very dear to me. Your love for me was wonderful, more wonderful than that of women.

No Longer a “Missing Person”

On By femmefuelIn Best of JMathis, FemmeBytes by JMathis, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By JMathis

I have a client who is a very successful architectural engineer. When she was just a baby, she and her twin sister were brutally raped by their father, to the point where their reproductive systems were savagely torn and mutilated beyond recognition.

True story.

Satan tried to steal parts of her body, hoping to gain access to the rest of her—her mind, her spirit. He had hoped that by breaking her body, he would eradicate all hopes that she would ever have of bearing children. With that, he would then have the opportunity to destroy her well-being and crush her spirit.

God had other plans for her missing parts.

God lovingly scooped her up, nurtured her and placed her into His cocoon, where she stayed until her healing was complete. He kept her within His embrace until her missing parts were restored.

Today, she has a loving husband who adores her beyond comprehension, two beautiful, adopted children who are bright, precocious and passionate about the Lord, along with a profitable business where she is highly respected by her clients and peers.

God has plans for your missing parts, too.

Just because you have missing parts, does not mean that you should place your identity as one among the “missing”:

I was molested.

I am an alcoholic.

I am anorexic.

I am infertile.

I am fat.

I am unemployed.

I am a failure.  

Isn’t it time to move out of the land of the “missing” and find your identity in the life-sustaining promises of Jesus? How long are you willing to be a missing person?

Revelation 21:5. “…Behold, I make all things new…”

2 Corinthians 5: 17. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

If you have read these scriptures, or if you have ever heard the song Amazing Grace, you know that you have been found, my friend, and made new.

You’re not missing parts; you’re not a missing person.

Christ died so that you would be found.

You have been found.

So, rejoice.

You are missing no more.

“…He hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; He hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.” Luke 4:18

Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind but now I see.

Over Before it Began?

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By JMathis

I learned over the weekend that another set of my friends is getting divorced. My third set of friends this year, and we’re only into July.

Well, this year is turning into quite a doozy, isn’t it?

The very weird and perplexing part about this particular relationship is that Brian feels completely blindsided by Dara’s actions. In Brian’s mind, Dara suddenly, without any warning whatsoever, made the big announcement that from this day forward, we’re over.

I talked to Dara about it, and in a way, Brian is not that far from the truth. Dara doesn’t want to try counseling and she doesn’t want to work it out. She just claims that the relationship is beyond repair and not worth fixing.

She’s just so final and resolute about it all, and honestly, I’m not really sure what to make of Dara’s stoic inflexibility about her decision.

She keeps giving me these very Hollywood answers: the relationship has run its course; we’re both moving in two different directions; we just grew apart, J.

From what I understand, we’re not dealing with issues of abuse, infidelity, neglect or constant fighting.

We’re just dealing with over.

Brian, on the other hand, feels like he was never even given a chance to make things right, and that Dara should have opened up much earlier, as to what she had been feeling over the years.

She never revealed to him that their relationship was in trouble. She never gave him a clue as to what was being bottled up inside of her for so long.

From what I can observe from my conversations with Dara, she evidently had all sorts of expectations for Brian—some sort of mental checklist of everything he should have been—and when these expectations didn’t come to fruition, she just decided to just walk away.

I know Brian and Dara are probably an extreme example, but sometimes, I do think God feels blindsided by us in the same way that Brian feels.

We have all of these expectations for God (give me, give me, give me), and yet, like Bindu said, we don’t even bother to really trust Him, get to know Him, or love Him with ALL of our strength.

We don’t spend time with Him everyday, we don’t seek Him out for His presence, and we don’t pick His brain about the little decisions or the big ones.

We expect Him to drive our mind-body-spirit connection, but yet we refuse to give Him the keys.

Instead, we just want, want, want. When we don’t receive, we don’t understand. When we don’t understand, we get frustrated. With frustration, comes blame, and a lifetime of resentful feelings that somehow God just didn’t come through for us.

And then, one day, we declare that it’s over with God. No heads-up, no warning, no explanation. Not even a Dear God letter.

We just walk away. Like Dara.

No one in a relationship needs to be treated with such a lack of respect. Especially God.

Before walking away, or before you start pointing the finger at God asking Him about all of the Why’s and the Why Nots of your life, ask yourself if you ever even made the effort to make your relationship with God truly work.

Did you ever really give it a fair shot? Did you ever really talk to Him beyond a few minutes each day? Did you ever spend time to read the book He wrote just for you? Did you ever love, cherish and trust Him with every fiber of your being? Even when your world is falling apart?

Or, do you just childishly declare that it’s over?

Over before it even had a chance to begin?

Jesus Girl v. The ‘Rest of Me’ Girl

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By JMathis

I want to smell, see, touch, taste and hear the Holy Spirit in the everyday. I want to experience Christ authentically, richly and truly, and move beyond any and all of my childhood notions of “canned spirituality”.

I no longer want to compartmentalize my life into Jesus Girl v. The ‘Rest of Me’ Girl.

Instead, I want the dreams in my heart to be intertwined and inseparable from God’s vision and blueprint for my life.

As I smell cafecitos and fresh pastelitos waft through the hearth of my local Cuban bakery, I want that aroma to remind me that the scent of my life needs to change. That the aura and demeanor I project everyday is no longer something that is bitter, jaded and frustrated, but instead, a fragrance that is soothing, holy and pleasing to the Lord.

As I see how far the sand runs along to the left and right of me at the beach, and how the ocean knows no boundary or end, I want the expanse of the shoreline to reveal the endlessness and vastness of God’s love for me. I want to see how there is no limit to His mercy and forgiveness, despite my daily, minute-by-minute screw-ups and pettiness.

As I touch my daughter’s cheek as she sleeps, I want to imagine God touching my cheek as I sleep, as He prays blessings and speaks words of purpose and healing over my life. I want to take delight in my Father in the same way He delights in me—as His child worthy of love, redemption and forgiveness.

As I taste fresh, juicy strawberries, blueberries and raspberries, exploding on my tongue with the flavors and boldness of summer, I want to be thankful that God has created so much in nature to help heal and restore the damage I have done to my physical body over the years. I want to be the walking, tangible embodiment of the sweet-tasting fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

As I hear the hustle and bustle of the city, I want to listen for the stillness of the Holy Spirit, guiding me through the storms and insanity of my day. When the client is yelling, the car horns are angrily honking, and the baby’s cries are deafening, I just want to seek solitude in the voice of the Spirit, as He leads me back to a place of safety and peace.

I want my senses to be awakened with mad, passionate love for my Savior. I am ready to stop seeing Him as a faceless Sunday morning deity that has no relevance in my day-to-day.

I know there is probably a long, grueling road ahead of me in making this decision, with mountains of personal doubt, setbacks, failures and “I Told You So’s,” but I’m ready to say goodbye to The ‘Rest of Me’ Girl.

Are you?

Stripping Down to Nothing

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by JMathis, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By JMathis

“Forget who you want to be.” –AbbyA

I must admit that I am having great difficulty with internalizing these words.

From as far back as I can remember, I have been fueled by crazy, maddening ambitions for myself. Ambitions about career, fame and ministry have always been at the forefront of my mind, and unfortunately, my brain just won’t allow me to forget who I want to be.

I suppose I could euphemistically spin and characterize myself in a positive light–that God has blessed me to be a driven and forward-thinking individual. Indeed He has, but as far as I can tell, this would still be a disingenuous lie. After all, my desires for the future often have very little to do with God and His plans.

In fact, the hard questions that I have been asking lately involve whether the desires of my heart are even truly aligned with the will of God and His very best for my life. How do I really know that I am not using my God-given talents just to push another one of my personal agendas?

While I love the Lord deeply, the more I engage in self-analysis, the more I realize that most of my pursuits have everything to do with my quest for personal greatness—even those very pursuits that I am supposedly doing in God’s name—pursuits such as church-building, helping the homeless, writing this blog.

This desire for personal greatness, this deep-seated need to be recognized and applauded, stem from my sins addressed in I John 2:16: For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world.

This verse makes me remorseful and sad. Sad that I have consistently taken credit for God’s work in me. Sad that I have attributed to myself all of the successes, gifts and abilities that He has given and revealed to me over the years. Sad that I haven’t truly given back to my Creator.

Sad that there is still so much left of me.

In this 31-Day Mind-Body-Spirit Challenge, I am looking to strip away the things that are not of my Father. To strip away my desire for the accolades and successes of this world. To strip away my need for material things and worldly adventures. To strip away my compulsion to be better, to be more, to be GREAT.

To strip myself of me.

How do I go about doing that in just 31 days? This very pride that took a lifetime to build? How do you just strip all that away in just one month?

As in strip-poker, where you have to begin somewhere (a toe-ring, a hair clip, a watch), here is a start. A start towards a real future. Will you start this journey with me?

1)      Practice repentance: “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” 2 Corinthians 7:10

2)      Practice contentment: “…be content with what you have: for He has said, I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5. “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13

3)      Practice patience: “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

4)      Practice humility: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Philippians 2:3-4

Practice, practice, practice.

Practice repentance, contentment, patience and humility. Over and over until you are stripped.

Strip away everything that pertains to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life.

Make it a daily exercise to strip yourself of you.

Practice forgetting who you want to be.

It is then you will find Him, so that you can finally hear what He wants you to be.

24 Hacks for Getting Out of Your Funk (with apologies to Michael Hyatt and Bon Jovi)

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By JMathis

I have always wanted a life coach, but never really wanted to fork over the dough to invest in one. I think God may have heard my prayer, because somehow I stumbled upon Michael Hyatt’s blog, and immediately I found the mentor I have always yearned for in my life.

(Yes, it is a wee bit pathetic that my “mentoring lessons” are imparted to me through blog posts he writes to hundreds of thousands of people each day. But, he really is quite the motivator, so cut me some slack, people. I need to start somewhere.)

One particular blog post of his dealt with getting out of your “funk”. Yeah, you know…THE FUNK.

The Funk is that seemingly intractable rut we get into from time to time in our lives—ruts at work, ruts in our marriages, ruts in our spiritual lives—ruts that cause us to lose our motivation, focus and drive, so that it feels like we’re expending all this energy, but not making any headway whatsoever. A lot like jogging in place.

Here are Michael’s “24 Hacks for Getting out of Your Funk” and with my apologies to Michael, there is bonus commentary from yours truly: moi.

  1. Write a list of 10 things you are thankful for. Be specific.

I am thankful for: rainy days, SPANX, hot chocolate, my fellow Writer Femmes who inspire me daily, cookbooks, the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ, chick flicks, my crazy dog, the beach and Bon Jovi. Yes, Bon Jovi.

  1. Put on some upbeat, happy music. I like Keith Urban.

Hmmm…how can you keep frowning when you hear some of this??

“Shot through the heart,
And you’re to blame
Darling, you give love
 A ba-a-a-a-a-a-d name!!!“

  1. Go for a walk—or a run.

Or, how about dancing to some Bon Jovi? With an air guitar and feathered bangs?? Okay, have I overdone the Bon Jovi bit? “Bueller?……. Bueller?…….Bueller?”

  1. Plan a vacation or, better yet, go on one!

This Saturday, think STAY-cation: Mimosas for breakfast, bike rides to nowhere, a dip in the pool, a two-hour nap, a luxurious bubble bath…and, drumroll, please…

  1. Schedule an appointment with a counselor.

Does Dr. Phil count?

  1. Talk to a good friend who knows how to listen.

Preferably over an ice cream sundae.

  1. Have a good cry. It’s okay. It will cleanse your emotional system.

Note to self: buy the good Kleenex. With Aloe. Must.not.get.snot.everywhere.   

  1. Take control of that little voice in your head. “Change channels.”

Why is my channel always stuck on Nick, Jr.?

  1. Turn off the TV and the radio.

Hello? I’m already there! Didn’t anyone read my blog post on Monday?

  1. Read the Psalms.

My favorite Psalm? Psalms 139. It makes me weep when I think about how much God truly loves me. P.S. Don’t forget the Kleenex from #7.

  1. Do volunteer work with a local charity.

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1: 27

  1. Organize your desk and/or your office.

Magic Words: TRASH CAN

  1. Take one “baby step action” for each of your top three projects.

Done. Writing this blog post counts for all three. Your turn.

  1. Take the afternoon off and take a nap.

YAWN…

Now, rinse and repeat.

  1. Get a massage or sit in a hot jacuzzi or tub.

Did I mention how much I LOVE this list?

  1. Change positions. If you are sitting, stand. If you are standing, sit.

Or, if you’re a couch potato, think about making a potato, not being one. Fully loaded with all of the requisite, indulgent toppings, please.

  1. Pray. Pour out your heart to God.

Don’t forget the Kleenex from #7.

  1. Smile. Your emotions will usually follow your body’s lead.

I really like this one. Just make sure there isn’t food between your teeth.

  1. Do that one thing you fear the most.

Admit out loud that I love Bon Jovi??

  1. Write a love note to your spouse and mail it.

Does a Poke on Facebook count? How about a Love Tweet? Just kidding, honey!! Does anyone have a stamp??

  1. Excuse yourself from negative conversations.

“OMG Becky, look at her butt. It is SO big…”

  1. Resist the temptation to complain—about anything!

Geez, Michael Hyatt, how long IS this list?? How many more witty things can I possibly come up with to write?  

  1. Forget the past. Ignore the future. Be fully present NOW.

Love, laugh and let go in the arms of the great I AM. He IS your NOW.

  1. Stop worrying about things you have no control over.

Have I said too much about Bon Jovi in this post? What if everyone thinks I’m obsessed? I’m really not THAT big of a fan. Or, am I?? JON, I LOVE YOU!!!

Worshipping at the Altar of Television

On By femmefuelIn Best of JMathis, FemmeFeatures by JMathis, Mind Body Spirit ConnectionLeave a comment

By JMathis

femmefuelThe television. Time-killer. Brain-killer. Relationship-killer. Dream-killer. This is what I know about television.

Yet, I ingest this poison nightly.

I have all these dreams that I want to fulfill in my life—dreams which require much prayer, thought, planning, diligence and hard work. Yet, after a long day of work and going through the nightly motions of making dinner and putting my daughter to bed, I am too “exhausted” to even dream my dreams. Slowly, these dreams fade to black as the drone of the TV replaces them one-by-one and piece-by-piece, until they are no more and bear no more significance to my life.

How many times has this scene played out in your home?

Nightly?

More than you care to admit?

My husband and I are guilty-as-charged, as there are nights when we huddle in front of the television without saying a word to one another. So depleted and choked by the worries of the day, we forget to even speak to each other, as we give into the comforting glow of the television set—the television set that appears to give so much, and demand so little in return.

Time-killer. Brain-killer. Relationship-killer. Dream-killer.

Sometimes I worry that all this television watching will play out like scenes from one of my favorite movies, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Without giving the premise of the movie away, the film takes us through the relationship of a couple—once vibrant in their love for each other, they soon become estranged as their differences become magnified in the boredom of their day-to-day relationship. Here are scene notes from what a typical day was like in their relationship:

Joel and Clementine sit and eat dinner in front of the TV.

It’s hard to make out what they’re watching. They sit on opposite ends of the couch. They look bored. The scene quickly degenerates. The room fades.

Joel looks over at the faded Clementine across the couch. She stares straight ahead at the TV.

Joel watches TV. Clementine walks by in her underwear, looks at the TV. She slips into a skirt.

The scene starts to fade. Clementine puts on her shoes and heads out the door.

Time-killer. Brain-killer. Relationship-killer. Dream-killer.

Sometimes I find tremendous irony in watching the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN), where Oprah is telling me in earnest to be in hot pursuit of my dreams, while I just, well…sit there. And, then sit there some more. It is abundantly clear to everyone else but me, that I am in hot pursuit of absolutely nothing when I watch Oprah “challenging” and “prodding” me to “live my best life”.

Even though I might convince myself that her words are somehow inspiring and propelling me to live life to its fullest, why then can’t I get off of the couch? Who am I kidding? Is this a sign of a highly-successful person?

Since when is it acceptable to watch other people (like Oprah) live out their dreams on television, while you lean back and forget about your own hopes and plans for the future? The notion seems so ludicrous if you were explaining it to a young child, and yet we adults have no problem succumbing to it night after weary night.

Time-killer. Brain-killer. Relationship-killer. Dream-killer.

Now, I am not going to act like some rabid, self-righteous, hypocritical zealot claiming that television is evil. However, as I glaringly point the finger towards myself, I am going to challenge you today to examine your mind’s consumption of what is offered by the boob tube.

Apart from the spiritual and physical ramifications of wasting your life in front of the television, have you ever examined its role in how it interrupts your thoughts, your day-to-day to do list, your plans to start and grow a business or a ministry, or even your ability to relate to others—particularly your significant other?

Are the seconds, minutes, hours and weekends somehow dissipating as you find yourself worshipping at the altar of your television?

After all, your new job will not fall into your lap while you lie on the couch.

Your soulmate will not find you while you lie on the couch.

You will not get your body back while you lie on the couch.

Your marital problems will not magically disappear while you lie on the couch.

More importantly, you will not find out God’s purpose for your life while you lie on the couch…and watch TV.

Did God put you on this earth simply just to lie in front of a TV all night? Isn’t there more to our lives than watching Rachel Berry fulfill her dreams of Broadway on Glee? Than seeing which housewife mauled another housewife on The Real Housewives of God-Knows-What-City?

Rather than feel guilty, let’s chip away at this altar one-by-one and piece-by-piece, until it is no more and bears no more significance to our lives.

In this 31 Day Mind-Body-Spirit Challenge, will you fast with me some parts of our daily television viewing?

Maybe we can take time to call a friend instead?

Read the book or the magazine that has been collecting dust on the shelf?

Do simple stretching exercises?

Spend time in the Word?

Surround ourselves in the stillness of God’s presence?

“For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” 2 Corinthians 3: 17.

Take time today to really free yourself from this Time-killer. This Brain-killer. This Relationship-killer. This Dream-killer.

I’ll do it with you.

Let’s turn Oprah off and go live our best lives yet.