Category: FemmeFuel by JMathis

Let Them See Your Limp

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, September 2011 (Authenticity)Leave a comment

By JMathis

Let them see your limp.

Yes, the limp. Just like the one He gave Jacob.

The limp which signifies that you have made it through your breaking point.

Made it through? Made it through? How can I ever make it through, when it still feels like I am irreparably broken?

Broken by unemployment.

Broken by infertility.

Broken by past relationships.

Broken by cancer.

But you know better than I do that those things can’t break you.

They just make you believe that you are broken.

Once you believe they can break you, your limp is your defeat.

Ahhh, but only God can do the breaking.

When He does the breaking, your limp is your victory.

The limp means you came face-to-face with your struggles and won.

What we fail to realize is that when He does the breaking, it comes with a blessing.

The blessing of a new identity. A new character. A new purpose. A new way of living.

Let them see your limp.

When they see your limp, they know that you have experienced tragedy.

When they see your limp, they know that you have fought.

Fought your demons. Fought yourself. Fought God.

When they see your limp, they see all of the darkness of your past.

But they also see the resplendence of your future.

When they see your limp, they see Him.

His mercy. His healing. His salvation. His deliverance. His beauty.

Let them see your limp.

Just a Walk

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, September 2011 (Authenticity)2 Comments

By JMathis

Enoch lived in a fallen world, too.

In fact, his world was so corrupt that God was hell-bent on destroying it. Genesis 6:7

It wasn’t an iPhone® culture like ours, but it had all of the same lewdness, deceitfulness and greed that plagues our world even until today.

He lived in pretty dark times, and yet, Enoch managed to walk with God.

Everyday. Even while being a dad. Genesis 5:22

Maybe the pressures of that world were too great. Maybe being a parent wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. Or, maybe Enoch just always knew he was in need of a Savior.

Whatever it was, he made it a point to know God intimately. Especially in a time when people could care less about God and what He thought.

That’s what makes Enoch the real deal. A true authentic.

He walked so closely with God that he marched directly into heaven. Didn’t even pass ‘GO’…just walked right on through to the other side. Genesis 5:24

I wish I were the real deal. A true authentic.

For the most part, though, I’m just a Sunday morning Christian who can’t really imagine being that close with God and knowing Him in that way.

Life just seems too fast-paced. I can barely keep up with my thoughts. It’s a miracle that I can even keep myself together.

That’s what it’s like in our God-less culture.

It’s about scraping through the day-to-day and barely keeping it together. Everyday seeming more dissatisfying than the last.

Who has time for God? Who has time nowadays to be the real deal? A true authentic?

With such little time that we devote daily to our Creator, are we all just paying lip service to the fact that we’re Christians?

Is God just our get-out-of-jail card? Our just-in-case for the after-life? Our meal ticket out of here?

What a charade. What games we play with God.

Maybe we all missed the boat on this one. Maybe we all got it backwards.

Maybe life is more than just scraping through the day-to-day and barely keeping it together.

Maybe it’s about being the real deal. A true authentic. In a time and age that doesn’t value those qualities in you.

It’s overwhelming. I know. But maybe it’s about starting with baby-steps.

God doesn’t need us to be marathon runners on Day 1. He doesn’t need us to win the Olympic gold in sprinting by Day 2. He doesn’t need us to be an Abraham or a Paul by Day 3.

He just wants us to walk with Him. Everyday. Little by little. Baby-step by baby-step.

No pressure. No strings attached. Just a walk.

Aren’t you ready to be the real deal? To be a true authentic?

Aren’t you sick of the tugging, the pulling, the pushing and the shoving of this world?

I know I am.

So, let’s do this. Together. No over-thinking it. No over-spiritualizing it. No announcing it on Facebook.

Just a walk.

Everyday.

Little by little.

Baby-step by baby-step.

He just wants us to walk with Him.

Being Honest About the Cross

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, September 2011 (Authenticity)1 Comment

By JMathis

On Friday night, I went to a concert where I was blown away by the unbelievably talented Michelle Touchstone. Michelle is an artistic genius when it comes to songwriting, and her voice is just brimming with lush beauty, depth and richness. Musically speaking, her songs are complex and nuanced, and she also manages to leave her audience with a message that is soulful, powerful and most of all, authentic.

One of the things she mentioned that stayed with me throughout the weekend, was the difficulty in singing and sharing about The Cross. Many times in modern Christianity, we want to focus on a hip, sanitized, more abstract version of Jesus: His love, His compassion, His ability to transform lives.

While all of this is very, very real when describing Jesus, we tend to gloss over the fact that these attributes of His are only meaningful in light of the ultimate sacrifice He made on The Cross.

On The Cross:

He died an ugly, gruesome, unspeakable death so that you and I could live: live with hope, live in victory, live in peace, live in joy.

He was marred beyond recognition and beaten to a pulp so that you and I could be free of pain, guilt and anxiety.

He suffered massive internal and external bleeding so that you and I could experience physical and emotional healing from the blood that kept pouring out of His bruised and battered body.

On The Cross, He experienced the kind of unfathomable brutality that is every mother’s worst nightmare for her child.

Yet, He did this for us. For our children. He did this so that you and I would have a future that transcended beyond the ugliness and hatred of this unforgiving, ruthless world.

When was the last time you reflected upon The Cross?

When was the last time you shared with someone about The Cross?

Lest we forget, The Cross is why we follow Him. The Cross is what gives us the power to trade in our sin-soaked past for a life overflowing with love, compassion and transformation.

Being honest with yourself about your past means nailing your shame on The Cross.

Being honest with others about your past means sharing what He did with that shame on The Cross.

True authenticity is about being honest. Honest about The Cross: what it has done for you and where it is taking you.

Wasn’t His death worth the sacrifice?

Isn’t He worth sharing?

Are you willing to be honest about The Cross today?

The Uncertainty of The Map

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, September 2011 (Authenticity)2 Comments

By JMathis

Authenticity is all about living in uncertainty.

Unfortunately, uncertainty does not sit well with those of us who love The Map.

We love the elegance of The Map. Its cool, calm confidence reassures, calms and guides.

Veer left? No, the college degree is on the right, it says. Head over the hill? No, grad school is just down the slope and through the red tunnel, it says. Cross through the forest? No, the safe career path is around the bend, next to the stream, it says.

Keep listening to The Map and you’re guaranteed a path of financial security, it says.

The Map pulsates and brims with knowledge. Its warm light is comforting.

Who are we to question The Map?

And, for awhile, we don’t question The Map. It navigates on cruise control, pulling and prodding us only with the slightest of hand. It never leads us astray, never demands and is never wrong.

Until we reach its edges.

The four corners of The Map violently jump out of nowhere and thrust their hard lines into our faces. Countless paper cuts lash through our hearts, starting off as minor nicks, but soon fester into gaping wounds.

Why didn’t anyone tell us that at some point The Map comes to an end?

How did The Map stop being such a sure thing?

When did The Map stop giving us all of the answers?

Maybe when we started forgetting that Jesus is The Way, The Truth, The Life?

The only Way. The only Truth. The only Life that counts.

Undoubtedly, Jesus is the harder path. Jesus is the rockier path. Jesus is the path without The Map.

Jesus is the path we avoid when we clutch furiously to the lines of The Map.

Jesus is the path we purposefully overlook when we make a beeline towards the safety of The Map.

But, Jesus is the path you won’t find on The Map.

In fact, Jesus is about uncertainty.

Uncertainty about where you are going, uncertainty about how you will be accepted by others, and uncertainty about what direction your life should take.

Uncertainty to the world means Scary. Spooky. Dangerous.

Uncertainty with Jesus means Trust. Faith. Deliverance.

Authenticity is all about living in uncertainty.

Authenticity is about discarding The Map and Leaping Before You Look.

Are you ready to surrender?

Are you ready to let go?

Are you ready for Jesus?

The Music of My Grief

On By femmefuelIn FemmeBytes by JMathis, September 2011 (Authenticity)Leave a comment

By JMathis

I didn’t own a television when 9/11 happened.

Sure, I caught glimpses of the falling Towers on televisions broadcasting at my workplace or in the homes of friends and family.

I even remember pouring through the images of 9/11 on the internet, and inhaling every photograph I could get my hands on in newspapers and in print.

Still, my strongest recollections of 9/11 are not visual, as compared to many in our country who watched the images over and over again in horror on 24-hour television news cycles.

My memories of 9/11 are shaped instead from listening to countless hours of radio in the months following the tragedy.

What strikes me about my experience is that I can’t really remember the voices or the stories that played in the backdrop. However, I do vividly remember the music that NPR played continuously in a loop, in between news segments. I even remember that NPR chose to play this music in long stretches of time rather than repeatedly airing news features. Looking back, I’m sure it’s because words were just inadequate in capturing the grief of our nation at that time.

It is this music that will forever be emblazoned upon my heart, my mind and my memories of 9/11.

In fact, every year on the 9/11 anniversary, I go back and revisit this music.

(Click here to play this music.)

I revisit this music to reflect.

To reflect on my loss. The loss of my countrymen. The loss of my wide-eyed idealism.

To reflect on my God. My God who gives me life, hope and a future. My God who gave refuge to my then-fiancé/now-husband, as he was headed to the World Financial Center that morning for work.

To reflect on who I am. As a child of God. As a wife, mother and woman—a woman with many personal and professional gifts, interests and ambitions.

In these moments when I revisit this music and commune with God’s spirit, I realize that there can be no true authenticity in my life without constant reflection.

You cannot be real and transparent unless you look deeply in the mirrors of your God-given soul to see where you have been and where you are headed.

You cannot even begin to know yourself or your God, or be able to identify those around you who are in need, unless you take time to reflect.

Take time today to reflect on the state of your inward self, your inner man.

Is it where you want her to be?

Most importantly, is it where God wants her to be?

The Big Reveal

On By femmefuelIn FemmeFeatures by JMathis, September 2011 (Authenticity)Leave a comment

By JMathis

Today is a day of reveling.

Reveling in the art of relaxation.

Reveling in acts of celebration, friendship and laughter.

Reveling in putting the letter ‘b” in the word “labor” to very good uses: Barbeques, Beer, Beach Balls, Bubble Baths.

Reveling in your officially sanctioned day of rest. Why, thank you, Federal Government. Glad you noticed how hard I was working.

Today is not a day for revealing.

Nope, not today. Today is your day off.

Today is not a day for revealing that you are deceitful.

Today is not a day for revealing that you are inauthentic.

Today is not a day for revealing that you are a big, fat phony.

Okay, maybe today is not the day, but unfortunately, I’m looking at your upcoming schedule, and you seem pretty booked for the rest of the year. Can you clue me in on when you will actually have time to launch your Big Reveal?

You know, the Big Reveal.

The day you tell God that you’re a two-faced hypocrite?

Yes, I’m talking to you. Mainly to me, but also to you. Don’t look so shocked.

Do you think He doesn’t know the real reason why you raise your hands to worship in church? Is it because that’s what everyone else is doing? Or, is it because you’re so self-righteous, that you need to show everyone else what a model churchgoer should look like?

Do you think He doesn’t hear you harping on and on to others about the importance of reading the Bible and praying everyday, when you haven’t even picked up a Bible in months? When you haven’t had a real conversation with Him in years?

Do you think He doesn’t see right through your Church Lady act, where you show up every Sunday at 10am on the dot, with your perfect GQ husband, your 2.5 kids who quote scriptures in Hebrew and Greek, and your glittery red pen that you use to sign up to volunteer for Youth Group Wednesdays, Prayer Team Thursdays, Feeding the Homeless Fridays and Women’s Potluck Saturdays?

You do know that He doesn’t care about all of this stuff, right?

You do know that He only wants you, right?

Alone.

By yourself. Without interruptions. Without distractions. Without anyone else or anything.

Not you, as your big, bad self, but you, as a child of God, lying prostrate on the floor, crying out in the stillness of the night.

Crying out for forgiveness. Crying out for His touch. Crying out until you hear answers.

Crying out to be rid of your bleeding, busted, messed-up life.

When will you make time to show Him your Big Reveal? When will you make time to come before Him broken, contrite, repentant and ready for Him to fill you? When will you make time to come before Him stripped of your airs, your pride and your holier-than-thou pretentiousness?

When will you stop reveling behind the arrogance of your big, bad self?

When will you start revealing to Him that you are lost? That you are desperate? That you are hurting? That you are struggling? That you are hanging on by a thread and barely making it?

When will you start revealing that you are nothing without His grace, mercy and salvation?

When do you stop wearing your mask in front of others?

When do you stop wearing your mask in front of Him?

Today is the day.

Today is the day.

Today is your day.

Swallowed Up By The Great I Am

On By femmefuelIn August 2011 (Cultivating Friendships), FemmeBytes by JMathisLeave a comment

By JMathis

I am not someone you would characterize as a dog aficionado or an animal lover. You won’t ever find me working for PETA or volunteering at the local animal shelter. In fact, more often than not, I am pretty terrified of the average, household pet.

For some reason, though, Ilia managed to steal a bit of my heart when we first met nine years ago.

My husband traveled so much in the first five years of our marriage, that it was just me and Ilia most nights. She was my Scooby Doo and I was her Shaggy—both of us running wildly in fright over shadows caused by tree branches, the wind beating against the windows, and spiders scurrying into the darkness.

Partners in crime to the end. Get Smart-style.

She had these long, floppy ears, which were awkwardly saddled onto her scrawny frame. Yet, she carried a noble, kind gaze that just melted men of steel into puddles.

While she was never very bright, she sure knew how to get tangled up in my heartstrings.

She was a glimmering ray of light and love in my life, and this past winter, my beautiful Ilia succumbed to cancer and moved out of my grasp.

I try not to think too much about her these days. Life catches up and takes over the tick-tock of my daily timepiece. Mainly, it’s because I get a little too teary-eyed remembering how devoted she was to me.

I did think long and hard about her this morning, though. Donald Miller wrote a post this week that had the most heartwarming sentiment for dog owners: that when your dog passes on, she gets swallowed back up into God’s imagination.

I choked up at the beauty of that thought.

To be perfectly honest, I can’t even say that I understand the statement completely, as I have no idea what happens to dogs after they die.

Still, the concept that God created my dog, gave her breath, and allowed me to experience the joy of loving her, before bringing her back full circle into the creative expanse of His mind, is simply just overwhelming to me.

That He would reach far into the recesses of His imagination and give me the pleasure of knowing this wholly inadequate ‘type and shadow’ of friendship—through my dog—is just beyond my comprehension. How did He even conceive of the idea of giving me this earthly hint, this mere taste of the rich, vast fullness of His never-ending love and undying loyalty towards me?

Oh, what I would do to become swallowed back up into His imagination.

To become swallowed back up into eternal communion, fellowship and friendship with Him.

To become swallowed back up by The Great I Am, who died just for me and who calls me friend.

What a friend we indeed have in Jesus:

“He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth.” Isaiah 25:8