By Bindu Adai Mathew

When I was young, I was taught to pray to God, especially when I needed His help with anything. Back then I felt blessed when my prayers were answered. And for the times they weren’t, I was disappointed, but I never recall being hurt or angry with God when things didn’t happen the way I prayed. I always knew he was all-powerful, and I always believed He was all loving. But honestly, luckily for me, my problems never felt overwhelming to the point where I was bitter and angry at God. Or maybe back then, I just had that child-like faith.

Even when 911 happened, I didn’t question God’s sovereignty or His goodness. Even when one of my best friends from high school was murdered by a serial killer in 1999, I didn’t question God’s sovereignty. I was shaken, scared, and I questioned why God allowed it, especially since He had protected me from being there. I still recall the week before she died, we had initially made plans to have dinner and maybe even have a sleepover so we could talk into the wee hours of the night like we did when we were in junior high and high school before I headed back to grad school. But just the day before, she cancelled, and the very night I should have been with her, she was murdered. So while I was upset, shaken, and had lots of questions for God, I still didn’t question His essential goodness.

As I’ve gotten older, in many ways I believe my faith is deeper. I know that He is truly Omnipresent, Omniscient, and Omnipotent. Yet with that knowledge, there is also a deeper testing of my faith, especially as life’s challenges beat on our souls and hearts like pounding waves in the midst of a storm. In the desert, in the waiting, I often find myself looking up and not just asking, “Why?”  But now my “whys” aren’t just a question. They’re sometimes an accusation.

We know that every blessing comes from God, and when you see movies like “Miracles from Heaven,” our faith is renewed because that is the kind of God we serve:  a God of mercy, justice, and love. It is with movies and testimonies like that when we know that all things truly do work together for good. But yet, each of us know of plenty of other prayers that haven’t been answered in the way we had hoped.  A beloved family member or friend still died of cancer. The couple struggling to conceive continues to remain childless. A marriage that was prayed over never got restored and still resulted in divorce. A wayward child or family member is still lost.

So when we seek God. When we pray. When we stand in that gap and believe that God is good and that He can and is willing, and things still don’t work out, what then? When we experience things in our lives that are contrary to His will, what do we believe then? Is God still good? We KNOW the answer is yes. But we may not always feel that way.

I believe it is when we believe and continue to trust God even when the situation looks hopeless that we then truly grow and we truly experience the miracle we were seeking. It is when our eyes can look past the natural and our hearts are resolved to trust that we see the supernatural. We see glimpses of God in His glory. It is when we focus on God and not just what we want or prayed and refuse to give up our faith that not only does God shine… but we shine. And it is when our faith is not based on what He does or doesn’t do but what He did on the cross and who He is that we then truly experience that life-transforming answer we were seeking.

So during this month, I pray that those April showers fertile your heart… may they wash away your guilt, your anger, your bitterness. May that child-like faith, along with love and joy, bloom into beautiful flowers in your soul that not only last through the month of May but throughout the year.