worship – FemmeFuel

I recently wrote that I am ending my struggle with the traditional definition of rest. As with most newly discovered revelations, it takes some time to swim through the bottleneck to the peaceful space of understanding.

Just to recap the last few months, God offered me a big plate and I gladly took it. Three months of serving, giving and sharing. It was a bit of a whirlwind, but I knew each event, time to share and work-behind-the-scenes had a beginning and an end. My heart was beating for the women who did the work with me; the women and girls we were ultimately serving; and for the battle ground for good we were claiming.

The God-strength in me for that itty-bitty season looked like/felt like the tenacity of many horses running together. And, that is sort of what is was; a whole lot of sisters running a really good race together. Sometimes we are lucky enough to see the hopeful dreams in our heart work out in every day, small living.

Undoubtedly, the vibrations of our sister feet on the pavement woke up the darkside. I could see how my spirit could have been slowed up or cancelled by discouragement and disappointment. The world is good at that. But sisters prayed, passed on bricks of encouragement and God showed up.

On the physical side of things, I hurt my back at bible study in the middle of all this. Really? I got a crazy flu and bronchitis. Huh? The combo of the back injury and the respitory infection made it feel just awesome to breathe. Nice trick darkside. Funny enough, nothing got in the way of the good work. When we are weak and down, somehow He knows to dig deep in our souls and make magic out of a beat up body.

Just a few weeks ago, my plate was complete. The round, shiny plate that was once full was emptied by the completion of some good works with good friends. This is where I am. This is the bottleneck. What does a big heart do with a big, empty plate? My soul yells, fill it! Lord, what will I do for this next season? Wisdom tells me to wait.

Wisdom tells me to take some time to seek and listen. Wisdom tells me that, in the same way my good work season was rest for my soul, my next season will look very different, but also is rest for my soul. Our friend Matthew tells us to take His yoke and learn from Him because He is gentle and humble in heart. In this way, we find rest for our souls. In a season of busy and in a season of quiet, I may find rest for my soul.

Really, finding your way of rest, is worship. He desires to bring you rest for your soul. And, because you are made in His image, with a big, red beating heart that pumps best when you cling to Him, He has a very specific and unique design to bring you rest.

Your rest may look wild or adventurous. It may be quiet and still. It may ebb with activity or sway in a hammock with the gentle wind. As He leads, you will find rest for your soul. As you live in His rest, you are worshipping Him. Keep moving and breathing in Him. Keep resting and worshipping. Keep swimming through the bottleneck to the open space He calls rest.

Falling short is a habit for humanity. For me included. I don’t always get it all done. I forget sometimes. I write lists and end up ignoring some stuff and putting off other stuff. I have the smart thing to say to my kids, but it comes out pretty stupid. I have big thoughts for my marriage one day that seem way too transparent the next. I am on top of my principles and then I fumble around with my time.

I run late – – twenty minutes to be exact, a whole lot of the time. I run late for church too. I walk into the end of the last song of worship. Or better yet, the prayer taking place while the music is fading. I don’t skip a beat and join in wherever I land, but late in any case. Running late for church feels like running late for God.

This past week, as service was coming to a close, there came one more song. And, I thought to myself, despite everything, God still plays one more song for us. We walk in late to our appointments with Him. We pick stupid times to talk to Him and end up drifting off in the middle of a conversation. We forget to read His book. We smear His name a multitude of times in our life. We fall off the really good life He planned for us. Even with our best intentions in place, we fall short.

God’s spirit, somehow, because of who He is, takes all of us into account, and comes out playing one more song. I imagine the size of His heart and it makes sense to me. I imagine the size of His heart and it feels powerfully possible to me, that no matter what, He always has a song for us.