~week three~day 1~
I’ll tell you what is brave. Deciding to join 31 Days of writing in October. Ha! Like I often do, I feel strongly and ride off into the sunset with all the things that matter to me. Except that sometimes riding off into the sunset actually means hanging from my horse upside-down by one stirrup with my hair dragging in the dust. Which does NOT qualify as brave. Or anything else but painful for that matter.
Sometimes my endeavors come crashing down on me. Working full time, being a mom full time, shooting for spending more good times with my husband, committed to being a good friend, being someone who cares about my community and global issues. Plus all the things that I think about and plan to do, but haven’t yet. Crash.
Toward the end of last week, too much stuff was on the forefront of my brain and heart. I was like that video of the girl with the nail in her forehead but doesn’t know it and just continues describing the pressure that’s mounting. It’s really only a good case of anxiety that can grab my attention to slow down long enough to hear reason. Believe me, the reason does not come from my own soul. It took me 24 hours of anxiety to hear God say – – Ask for help. You’re burnt out. Wrung out. Spun out.
I will humor you as to how badly I needed help but didn’t know it. The song Shoulders was turning like a broken record in my mind. But I couldn’t remember the line that says My _____ is From You. I laid in bed putting all kinds of words in the blank. I tried Health, Wealth and whatever else. Of course, none of that makes sense. Finally, literally, after my anxiety filled pondering went on from 5am to 8am on Saturday morning . . . the word is Help. My Help is From You. Duh. I need help to do all that You have given me. I need His help and I need to ask for it. Peace.